Chapter 7: The death of Major Crispy

After I changed into my fire proof Major uniform, I then grabbed the keys from the dead guards, and left the torture chamber to free the others. I quickly found the correct key and let the President and Swamee out of the dungeon.

We all ran as quickly as we could to catch Crispy, but by the time we got upstairs and outside Crispy had already taken my helicopter and was in the air, I reached into my suitcase and pulled out a machine gun and fired at the chopper. Then I remembered it was my chopper so I quit shooting.

"Why did you let him get away?" asked General Swamee.

"I paid good money for that chopper, I'm not going to fill it full of holes," I replied.

"So how are we supposed to know where Crispy is going?" asked Swamee.

"Maybe if we search the White House we can find some clues as to where he is going. But what really concerns me is the fact that Crispy is only a Major but he's acting like he's the one who is leading the Vietnamese," I inspected.

"That is odd. Maybe he's like a puppet for someone who has the real power. Maybe someone who doesn't want to be identified," added Swamee.

"That's it! He's not the puppet of someone he's the puppet of someone's!"

"What?"

"Remember, in the Chemical War that four scientists were running Vietnam and Colombia. Before I escaped from the P.O.W. camp I encountered three doctors. What if my dad only killed one scientist and the others are still alive running everything through Major Crispy, And the three doctors I met are in reality the three scientists."

"Wow! I feel like I'm in the middle of a Scooby-Doc mystery," cried the President.

"Well now that we settled all that let's search the White House for any clues to see where Crispy is going," I said. And we did so until only one room remained unsearched.

"This is the Oval Office," declared the President.

"Good, now everyone spread out and keep your eyes open" I said.

I looked in the desk, General Swamee started untying some guy in the corner.

The President looked under the rug and said, "Bingo!"

I ran over to the President and asked, "What did you find?"

"A bingo card, I love Bingo!"

I was about to give him a good whack on the head, but I decided to wait and later take him to the torture chamber. I then recalled that Swamee was untying someone. When I turned around the two men were having a conversation. I pulled the General aside and asked, "Who is this guy?"

The General pulled me back to the big black man with a mohawk, and said, "Major, this is Colonel Sandurz, I found him in the corner over here."

"Colonel Sandurz, Special OPS!" he exclaimed introducing himself, "Thank you for helping me out of the corner."

"The corner? ... Oh, Mr. President?" I requested.

"Yes," he replied.

"You said that this room is the Oval Office. But this room is not shaped like an oval, it's shaped like a square," I reasoned.

"By George!" yelled Swamee, "if it wasn't for you we still would have thought we were in the Oval Office"

"Oh, brother. Lets keep looking!" I suggested getting a little tense (maybe I should've left them in the dungeon after all.) The President started looking in a file cabinet, pulled out a file, and threw it away. I remembered how stupid the President was and picked up the file. It read:

Top Secret Plans To Take Over The World

By Major Bonder

I took out a pen and scribbled out "Bonder" and rewrote "Crispy" in its place. It now reads:

Top Secret Plans To Take Over The World

By Major Bonder Crispy

For my conquest of the world to be complete-
I have planned to transmit hypnotic
suggestions to everyone so
that they win submit to me as their ultimate ruler,
I will do this with the help of three
of the four scientist from the chemical war,
We will broadcast from Homebase

He can't do that' Homebase is my home. This mean's war. What am I saying? This is war. Didn't I already say that? Oh yeah, I remember it was in Chapter 2 after my friend the Nontendo died.

"Come on guys," I said remembering that if it wasn't for Crispy sending us on a death mission the Nontendo might still be alive today, "Let's get him. Now,where's a chopper?"

Suddenly, the President leaned against the candle on the fire place and the back of the wall opened up revealing a secret passage way. (Maybe the President was right when he mentioned "Scooby Doo" mystery.)

"Where's that secret passage lead to?" asked General Swamee.

"I think it is my escape route," replied the President.

"Does it lead to a chopper?" asked Sandurz.

"I don't know, lets find out," said the President as he quickly dashed inside. We followed him to keep him out of trouble. The secret passage led to a secret staircase. The secret staircase led to the secret roof. On the secret roof was a secret helicopter.

"Let's take that helicopter and go to Vietnam I said.

"Bbbut I'm afraid of heights," Sandurz stammered,

"What's wrong, Colonel Sandurz, chicken?!" Swamee asked. (Oh, come on, like you didn't see that one coming.)

"Who do think you are, calling me chicken, fool," he said getting in Swamee's face.

"The General."

"Oh yeah," Sandurz bit his tongue and turned to me, "I've never gotten along with Generals."

I smiled, "I've never gotten along with Majors, now I am one. Hey, maybe you'll be a General someday." He just smiled.

"By the way," I inquired, "You wouldn't happen to be related to a B.A. Baracus, are you?"

"Hey, he's my Great-great-great-great Grandad. I'm D.A. Sandurz"

"District Attorney?" asked Swamee.

"No Daracus," Sandurz replied.

We had to knock out Sandurz so we could get him on the chopper. We did so by hiding a bottle of NyQuill in a sandwich and gave it to him to eat. He then got really sleepy and fell on the President. Swamee and I picked him up off the President and put him in the secret helicopter. We then got in the secret helicopter ourselves, then I opened the secret glove compartment, and found the secret keys. I then used the secret keys to start the secret ignition, you know something? There's way too many secrets in this story, We secretly landed at Homebase. I opened my suitcase and gave a machine gun to Swamee, and one to the President, I armed myself with a better weapon .... a flame-thrower.

"Stay here with Sandurz until he wakes up," I told the President.

Swamee and I secretly got inside Homebase. Colombians and Vietnamese were everywhere. We made our way to the Major's office. We then busted our way in through the door. Crispy had just turned on his hypnotic machine. Swamee took care of that problem. He loaded the machine full of lead. The machine died.

"You may have stopped me from hypnotizing the world, but I still have one man under my power who can defeat you!" cried Crispy. He then opened his closet door and there stood Ben Drost, "Kill the Major." Crispy ordered pointing at me, then he turned to jump out the window, but Swamee tackled him. While Swamee and Crispy got into their fist fight, Ben came after me with a knife, I did the only thing I could think of. I picked up a chair and smacked it over Ben's head. The sudden blow to his head released him from Crispy's spell.

"Where am I?" asked Ben.

"You're in 'Nam," I replied. Suddenly, Crispy knocked out Swamee. He then sounded the alarm. "Quick ... " I said, " .... lock the door."

Ben locked, bolted, and then blocked the door. Crispy started to head to the window to escape again, but this time I blocked his way and let him have it with the flame-thrower, Crispy still didn't die. He was on fire but he was still going. Then he turned to attack me.

Crispy's got more go than the Energizing Bunny. Just then Ben threw his knife into Crispy's chest which sent him into his hypnotic machine. Electricity started jolting through Crispy's body.

"Beep. Beep. Beep!" yelled Crispy.

"What was that?" Swamee asked getting up off the floor.

"That, General, was potty mouth, So I had to censor it," I said showing him my mini-censoring machine that I had gotten out of the suitcase. The enemy was now trying to get in through the door.

Ben who was looking at Crispy and the machine said, "Major, I think this machine is about to blow!"

"Man," I replied, "this day keeps going from bad to worse. Everybody out the window! Now!"

We just jumped out when all the enemy soldiers charged into the room. They were just in time to join their leader in a very small explosion. The explosion only took out the Major's office and all the soldiers that had taken over Homebase.

Thanks to the enemy soldiers the entire base, except for the office that blew sky-high, was now in top working order.

"Well," said Ben, "I think we've finally seen the last of Major Crispy.

Chapter 8: The Rescue Mission

About that time President Knutz and Colonel Sandurz arrived asking what happened.

"We did it We stopped Major Crispy from taking over the world," I said. Then President wanted to go home, but he couldn't fly a helicopter. So Ben said he would take the President home on his way hack to Colombia.

"You can take the secret chopper," I told Ben, "Well until we meet again good-bye."

"Yeah," Ben replied as he and the President loaded up on the chopper, "See ya. Oh, and by the way thanks for hitting me on the head with a chair."

"Your welcome."

Swamee, Sandurz, and I then found my chopper that had earlier been stolen by Crispy. The keys were still inside. We then took the chopper to the P.O.W. camp that I had been to in Chapters 4 and 5. Hopefully my troops were still alive. We decided to blow a hole in a corridor, sneak in, and get the men out.

Swamee was flying, Sandurz was going to fire the missile, and I was going to sneak inside the base to rescue the men. The trees below us seemed to flow like water It would he a while before we reached the camp, so I decided to talk with Sandurz.

"So, Sandurz. I thought you were afraid of heights." Which was not the best way to start off the conversation.

"Oh yeah. I forgot."

"Dang. Sorry."

"No problem. Heh ... maybe I'm cured."

I didn't want to make the conversation any more awkward, so I decided not to

talk to him until after we got on the ground.

Swamee started yelling, "Sandurz, get ready to put a hole in a corridor, Well be closing in on the camp in a little bit."

Then we saw it. It was a nightmare come to life. The simple P.O.W. camp with a small laboratory was now a superbase. It was huge.

"Maybe we should come back tomorrow?" said Sandurz.

"No way. Now shoot a hole in that corridor," I said.

Sandurz made a slight error and missed the base completely. Sandurz tried again. This time he missed the corridor and put a hole in the room next to it, Swamee brought the chopper down to investigate. We saw that Sandurz had blown a hole in the prison. Swamee landed and I got out my gun. I ran inside the prison and shot the chains off my troops. They were happy to see me, I led them to the chopper and we all got inside, The chopper took off. We were hovering above the base when one of the men tapped me on the shoulder.

"Sir," the troop said, "We have to destroy this base. The scientists from the Chemical War are inside. Them and all their weapons. This is their masterbase. If we don't stop them now we will never win."

I was right, this is a long day.

Chapter 9: The War Comes To An End

Sandurz panicked. It was the news and the altitude. He started shooting missiles every where. I knocked him out with my suitcase, "Well that does it," proclaimed Swamee, "We are out of missiles, and as big as that base is Sandurz missed with every single one of those missiles."

"Swamee, I still have plan," I said sitting down at the radar. "On the base there seems to be a high concentration of explosives. That would indicate that somewhere down there might be a self-destruct button. If you take us down ... I'll go in and find it."

"That's one big risk, Major," Swamee replied.

"And that's one big risk that I'm willing to take. Take us down. Then get out of here and get these guys home."

Swamee took the chopper down to the prison with the hole in it as I grabbed my flame-thrower my handgun, and suitcase. As the chopper landed Swamee looked at me, His eyes said all he wanted to say. But not even his eyes could stop me from saving the world.

"Good luck," he said, then as I jumped out of the chopper he yelled, "Push that self-destruct button extra hard for me!"

Then I watched them go up and then back towards Homebase. I turned around to look at the base. As amazing as it sounds that only one out of all those missiles had hit this base. Even more amazing is that it still hadn't sounded the alarm. That's when it happened, I stepped on a twig and it snapped. Sirens blazed everywhere. It was starting to get dark so dozens of search lights were switched on. I made a dash for the prison. Bullets whistled by me at every turn, I made it inside just in time. I pulled some C4 out of my suitcase and stuck it on the prison door and took cover. Boom!!

I carried my suitcase and my flame-thrower into a long corridor. This was crazy! There's no way I can find the self-destruct button. Then I saw a big box with a lit up map on it, I ran over to it and studied it intently. I found the red arrow that was labeled "You Are Here" and then I checked the chart at the top to find the self-destruct button, I then found it on the map, I was on my way.

I ran passed the women's clothing department and took a right at the toys. Then I took the elevator up to the third floor. When the doors opened there stood the three scientists. I stepped out of the elevator to face them. They were blocking my way to the self-destruct button. This time they were wearing their name tags.

Their names were Dr, Zoomie, Dr. Gloomie, and Dr. Doomie.

"Who are you?" Zoomie asked.

Oh yeah, that's right, I forgot to put on my name tag. I quickly reached inside my army surplus suitcase. It was now empty except for my name tag. I quickly grabbed it and put it on. "Happy now?" I asked. "Now move away from that self-destruct button!"

"Never!" they yelled.

"Remember, I'm the one with the weapons," I reminded them.

"Oh yeah. We forgot about that," they said. One of them then ran out of the room. I shot at him, but I missed. I then pointed the flame-thrower at the other two and let them have it. They ran away in flames. For intelligent people they sure are stupid. Everyone knows that when you're on fire you don't run. You are supposed to stop, drop, and roll. And people say this story is not educational.

I walked over to the self-destruct button. It was on the wall behind a glass door. On the door were some words written in Vietnamese. It read, "Don't push this button." I opened the door and pushed the button. A couple of robot hands came out of the wall and grabbed my arms and lifted me off the ground so I couldn't move to escape. An electric voice then screamed, "The sign says don't push the button."

"Why?" I asked. Since the base didn't blow up I figured that there might be another reason not to push the button.

"Because if you push it twice the base will explode," it said.

"But I want to blow up the base," I said.

"Oh, sorry," it said. It then set me down and said, "Go ahead."

"Thanks," I said.

"You're welcome," it said. I like this computer, it's user friendly. I then walked over and pushed the button again. This time the voice said, "Thank you for pushing the self-destruct button. Please be careful as you drive home, and remember, have a nice day."

I started for the elevator, but when I pushed the buttons the doors didn't open. This war is really getting on my nerves. I decided to go the other direction in hope that I would find the way the scientists escaped.

Suddenly, as I ran down the hallway I heard the intercom say, "One minute and

counting."

Then I saw a room at the end of the hallway. When I reached the room I found a hang-glider and the room had an opening to the outside. The opening was just big enough for a hang-glider to get out and by the time I strapped myself in the voice on the intercom started counting, "5, 4, 3 ...... "

I ran with all I the strength and speed I had and ... BOOM!

The hang-glider pulled me up into the air, and into the sky. I flew through the sky with the greatest of ease. I flew all the way back to Homebase. That's when the flaps on hang-glider ripped and let me fall. Fortunately, the platoon caught me. Swamee then filled the chopper up with gas and loaded everyone up to go to Washington D.C. to accept an award from the President.

When we got there Knutz pinned a medal on each of us and said, "Good job! Now go back to work!"

No t.v. cameras, no furlough, and we only get a medal for risking our lives, I looked at the troops and said, "Come on, Let's go home," I didn't feel like knocking out Sandurz again so I gave him a security blanket. It would have worked too if a grenade hadn't been hiding inside the blanket, when we lifted off the ground Sandurz got nervous and shook the blanket.

I saw the grenade fall out of the blanket and out of the chopper I also saw that the pin was caught in the blanket. Uh oh! I looked out of the chopper and down at the ground just in time to see the President turn around and wave, Then the grenade hit him.

Ka-boom!

"Ooops," Sandurz groaned.

"Ooops nothin', "I said with a smile, "You're now one of my favorite people."

"He deserved it too," a few of the troops agreed, "and besides we all saw it was an accident."

President Knutz or should I say President French Fry was cooking rather nicely now.

I decided we should inform General Swamee who was flying of the situation.

"General, Colonel Sandurz dropped a grenade on the President, it was an acci....."

"Stop tattling," Swamee said.

"OH-kay ... " I replied, Either way you look at it we're still the winners. The weird part is that the two scientists I burned got away. For now, however, their plans for world conquest are over, but they will probably try again and we will be waiting.

The End

Drat now the President and I will never visit the Torture Chamber........