Dear Baby Ribbon:

Do fakies have a place in ponyland?  Are they mutated offspring of the regular ponies or something else altogether?

Silverdawn

Dear Silverdawn,

It is fortunate that this topic came up, even if it is not pleasant to discuss.  Fakies are actually kind of sad, and they deserve our pity.  They try so hard, but they just do not possess the qualities of Pony Magic that real My Little Ponies have.

I attempted to consult Princess Tiffany, professor of Ethnic and Genetic Diversity at DVUP (Dream Valley University at Ponyland), but she was out of town trying to obtain a grant to further study AIDS in Ponyland (not really, but you have to make an attempt to link whatever you're studying to AIDS or cancer in order to get a decent grant).  I was subsequently left to do my own research in the DVUP Library.  After many hours of diligent sleepi--er study, three dominant theories began to emerge from the pack.  Following are the theories and my Personal Assessments of each one:

The Denial Theory:  There are no fakies.  They are myths created by our political enemies to confuse the uninformed and to sully our image.  So those $1.99 donkey nightmares you see at Kmart are just a bad dream.  Go back to sleep.

Baby Ribbon's Assessment: Ha!  Ponyfeathers!  There are fakies out there, like it or not! They infiltrate our ranks throughout Ebay and Yahoo, they create false flashes of hope at Goodwills and Trade Days across the globe, and they are very, very real.  Let's not ignore the problem.  Let's address it. 
 

The Politically Incorrect Theory:  Fakies are just poor little ponies, not Little Ponies, just ponies, who through no fault of their own were born second class citizens, substandard and excluded from the realm of My Little Pony.  The caste system is far from dead around here.

Baby Ribbon's Assessment: Well, you know me; I barely have any tolerance for the inhabitants of Friendship Gardens (whom I consider to be inflicted with a very mild form of fakie), so second class, or even third or fourth class, is fine with me.
 

The Paranoid Conspiracy Junkie Theory:  Seeing the success of the My Little Pony culture here on Earth, malignant three-headed brain-sucking aliens from the outer rim of the galaxy mutated members of their own kind into ponyoid form in order to infiltrate society.  Having less than accurate data files, however, the resulting mutated pony-like organisms were easily distinguished from real Little Ponies.

Baby Ribbon's Assessment: Yeah! I like that theory.  It explains a lot, like how any toy manufacturer could possibly think young girls would ever enjoy something that ugly.  It had to have been an alien mind.
 

So, there you go, Silverdawn, pick your theory.  I've got mine!  And next time you see a fakie, send it back where it belongs!