Rezo vs Wagnard
Aerie: It's the battle of the evil priests with bad hair and red robes with really big shoulder pads who try to summon gods of destruction!
Phibrizzo: So do you think Rezo's blindness will be a handicap?
Aerie: Pshaw. It's never hindered him from drawing perfectly symmetrical magic circles, hitting moving targets, or making sure his clothes aren't the wrong color.
Phibrizzo: How odd. So do you think the world will survive this fight?
Aerie: *shrugs shoulders indifferently* We'll find out. In the red corner is Wagnard, undoubtedly the lamest villain in Record of Lodoss War.
As Wagnard triumphantly strides into the arena, a few crickets chirp. After a nasty glare from Wagnard, a few of his acolytes give sparse courtesy applause.
Phibrizzo: And in the blue corner is Rezo the Red Priest!
As Rezo enters the arena, Amelia restrains an extremely irate chimera. Eris jumps up and down, clapping and cheering him on. The rest of the male cast watches her jump up and down, at least until Lina fireballs them. Copy Rezo sticks his tongue out and holds his hand up to his forehead, thumb and forefinger forming the letter 'L.'
Rezo: Why do I get the blue corner? I'm the RED priest. It clashes! And what's the big idea using pink for my color?
Wagnard: Wait just a bloody minute. I thought the old sod was blind since birth. How in Kardis's name would he know if he's color-coordinated or not?
Aerie: JUST SHUT UP AND FIGHT ALREADY!
Wagnard: Sheesh, and I though Kardis was pushy.
Rezo: Hmph. *turns to Wagnard, staff jangling* Alright you, prepare to die.
Eris: Get him, Rezo-sama!
Wagnard: *wolf whistle* Whatta hottie!
Rezo: *whacks Wagnard on the head with his staff* That skank happens to be MY follower.
Wagnard: Ooooh. It's not fair! I can't get any hot chicks to be my followers.
Rezo: At least you survived all the way to the end of your series.
Wagnard: Oh, a lot of good it did me. I still don't get any respect. Everyone thinks Ashram is sooooo damn cool. No one pays attention to me. I was the main villain. Me! ME! I...I have feelings too, you know! *starts sobbing like a schoolgirl with a skinned knee*
Rezo: *sweatdrops* Oh stop your blubbering, you little pansy.
Wagnard: I'm not a pansy! I'm a priest of a very evil, powerful, and nasty-tempered goddess! I'll kick your arse! I'll show you! I'll show them all! Bwaaa haa ha!
Rezo: . . . . .
Wagnard: Oh little Neese, would you be a good girl and come over here? I've got cookies...
Neese: Oooh cookies! *innocently skips down to the arena*
Wagnard: Ha! Dumb bitch. I will now summon Kardis, the almighty goddess of destruction! Haaaaaaaa haaaa haaaaah! Heeeeeee heeee heee! Hoooooo hoooo hooo!
Rezo: Oh, yeah, well I'm twice the evil priest that you'll ever be! I'll just summon the great Ruby-Eyed Shabranigdo! So there! *¦P*
Phibrizzo: It's about time this fight started to get interesting.
Aerie: Yargh. I can see where this is going.
Rezo and Wagnard pull various magical artifacts out of hammerspace and begin the rituals of summoning their respective archdemons, pausing occasionally to make rude gestures to each other.
Karla: The wheel of fate is turning. Nothing can stop it now.
Chibi Shooting Star: *flies aimlessly about with a pair of green boxer shorts on its head*
Ashram: *chases chibi Shooting Star trying to get his underwear back*
As the ritual for summoning Kardis takes a lengthy two episodes, with much nonsensical chanting, screaming, and hysterical cackling involved, Rezo is the first one to finish.
Rezo: Ahh haaa haa! I can see! *suddenly remembers something very important* Oh crap. *screams as the dark lord is reborn within his own body*
Wagnard: *cringes* Eww, what a way to go. He resurrected the bugger inside his own head! What a freakin' moron! Haa ha!
Shabranigdo: I, THE GREAT RUBY-EYED SHABRANIGDO AM REBORN. . . . . Where the hell am I?
Phibrizzo: Hi daddy!
Wagnard: *swaggers over to Eris* So, you're on the rebound?
Aerie: Yare yare. Well, it looks like Wagnard wins by default, due to the fact that Rezo was a dumbass.
Fin.