Dark Lords vs the Lord of Nightmares

The Chaos Zone Battle Arena is back! Your usual host, Aerie, has been a bit busy lately and has graciously allowed me to take over this fight. Since her usual co-commentator, Hellmaster Phibrizzo, is participating in today's match, I've invited his fellow Mazoku and onetime minion Xellos Metallium to the Broadcast Booth.

Xellos: Yare yare. Sore wa himitsu desu. Ya!

Tom: -.-; What are you doing?

Xellos: I'm warming up. Annoying people is a skill like any other and you must practice constantly to maintain your edge! ^-^

Tom: ...Whatever. In the red corner we have the all-powerful creator of the universe herself, the Lord of Nightmares.

L-sama enters to It's the End of the World as we Know it, by REM. She is surrounded by a crackling nimbus of energy. The arena is quiet as the assembled viewers hide under their seats.

 Xellos: In the blue corner, the five generals of Shabranigdo, the Dark Lords.

The Dark Lords enter to Instruments of Destruction by N.R.G. Kanzel and Mazenda are hanging a 'Go Go Gaav' banner from the edge of the arena. The other minions cheer and wave.

Gaav: *Schwarzenager voice* I said I'd be back!

Phibrizzo: Geez, being merged with a human really messed you up, didn't it?

Deep Sea Dolphin :*singing* Fish heads! Fish heads! Roly-poly fish heads! *tries to eat her hand puppet*

Zelas: These are my fellow Dark Lords?

Dynast: This is why I don't leave the north pole much.

L-sama: Prepare to face me in the ultimate challenge, prepare for... strip poker!

The entire arena sweatdrops.

Gaav: What the...

Dynast: Well, she is the embodiment of chaos.

Phibrizzo: At least it means we have a chance.

Zelas: It also means it's time for you to go to bed.

Phibrizzo: But... but I'm older than you.

Gaav: Zelas is right, this is no place for a child.

Phibrizzo: But I'm OLDER than you!

L-sama: I want to see you washed and in bed when I get home. Now go!

Phibrizzo:  Oh all right. *scuffs his feet and vanishes*

L-sama summons a card table, chairs, two decks of cards and one of those nifty dealer's visors for herself. The Lord of Nightmares deals and the Dark Lords examine their hands, except for Deep Sea Dolphin who attempts to feed her cards to her hand puppet. Naturally, the Lord of Nightmares wins. The Dark Lords who are actually paying attention to the game remove minor articles of clothing, except for Gaav, who removes his trenchcoat.

Tom: o.O Erk!

Pandemonium ensues as half the audience facefaults and the other half bolts for the exits. The Dark Lords, being hardened by millennia of evil and horror, merely turn green.

Zelas: Was that really necessary?

L-sama: No, but this is. *snaps her fingers and Gaav disintegrates*

Soon, Dynast is forced to quit and teleports out. Zelas has actually won a few hands and is only down some jewelry. The game continues, Zelas putting out enough smoke for a small factory. Deep Sea Dolphin is building a house of cards from the second deck, completely ignoring the game.

Xellos: Now this is entertainment. It's the final hand. The tension in the air is thicker than Gourry. Zelas and L-sama are down to their underwear the arena is down to a quarter capacity, the remaining male members of the audience (including the author) having passed out from blood-loss due to nosebleeds.

Zelas: Two pair, tens and kings.

L-sama: Three eights.

Deep Sea Dolphin: Full house.

Zelas: o.O;

L-sama: What?!

Deep Sea Dolphin: Full house, I win.

Zelas: She has got to be faking that insanity.

Deep Sea Dolphin: *singing* Have you seen the muffin man? Have you seen him? He's after me I tell you!

L-sama: I do not believe this.

Winner: Deep Sea Dolphin