Chapter 6 - surrounded by frickin' idiots

McDohl crawled out from under a mountain of papers. "I'm not even supposed to be here!" he whined despondently.

Apple glared down at him from her seat on his desk. "Oh, quit your despondent whining. You're president for life, and the plebeians adore you. Deal with it!"

". . . . . . . . . . ." McDohl glowered sulkily.

The doors of his office swung open. Grenseal stepped in and delivered a brisk salute. "The generals have been assembled and are awaiting your presence."

Something was missing. "Hey," said McDohl, "Where's the other guy, Alen?"

Apple coughed into her fist. "Ahem. Let's just say that his services were required elsewhere."

" . . . And what's this about having a meeting with my generals today?"

"Let's not keep them waiting!" said Apple as she skipped out of McDohl's office.

McDohl was starting to feel like a rat trapped in a coffee can. He checked that Apple was out of sight, and went over to the window and leaned on the sill. The sun warmed his face for the first time in what seemed like ages. His gaze drifted wistfully across Gregminster's horizon and then down to the dappled waters of the moat below him.

Does it have to be like this? I ran away from it all once.

McDohl leaned far out his window, and promptly recoiled when he found himself caught in the admonishing glare of a giant kraken.

"MCDOHL!!! I know you're not thinking about running away again, right?!" Apple's voice boomed from the hall.

"Of course not. The mere idea of speculating about the possibility hasn't even begun to cross my mind. Eh heh heh." McDohl tore himself away from his window and shuffled out of his office to join Apple.

. . . . .

President McDohl sat in the same throne used by generations of Scarlet Moon emperors. It was quite comfy, in spite of the enormous butt-groove left by Emperor Barbarosa. Apple stood at his left arm, and next to her was a sleepy-looking boy about her own age.

Standing before him were the six great generals of the Toran Republic; Sonya Shulen, the beautiful yet sullen commander of the naval forces, Kwanda Rosman, more commonly known as 'Old Ironsides', Kasim Hazel, whose mastery of swordsmanship was unrivaled, Kai, the aged martial arts master, Valeria, who looked a bit edgy, and Kasumi, who looked very, very happy to see McDohl again.

"WHO TOUCHED MY ASS?!?!" Sonya shrieked suddenly, eyes bugging.

"Bad Soul Eater!" McDohl wrenched his arm away from Sonya.

"Why you little . . . .!" Sonya hissed. She had to be restrained by Kwanda and Kasim.

"I . . . I'm sorry! I didn't mean too, really!" McDohl yelped, ducking behind his throne.

"Behave yourself, would you please?! Just be a good little president and sit down!!" Apple yelled. She smacked McDohl upside his head in the manner of one who was quite accustomed to doing so.

"Ow!"

The generals who noticed began whispering among themselves.

"Whoa!" said Kwanda.

"She's got him totally whipped!" said Kasim.

"Whut?" said Kai.

"Is anyone else experiencing major deja vu?" said Sonya. "I can't put my finger on it, but she . . . . reminds me of someone."

"My hands ache with bloodlust," said Valeria.

" . . . . . . .That's nice, Valeria," said Kwanda.

"She acts like she owns the place," said Kasim.

"Whut? I can't hear you kids when you whisper like this, my hearing ain't what it used to be," said Kai.

"That's it! Windy! That's who she reminds me of!" said Sonya.

"What?!" Kasumi cried. "There's no way McDohl would ever go for someone like her! She's just an advisor!"

"I'm telling you, it's exactly the same! She's one of those 'evil mastermind' types," Sonya proclaimed.

"Whut?" said Kai.

"No way! Just look at her, she's just a sweet little girl. Besides, if she were really an evil mastermind, don't you think she'd be wearing black?" said Kwanda.

"Windy never wore black," said Kasumi.

"Well, she wore blue. That's close enough. The woman never had an iota of fashion sense. But she definitely never wore yellow. Everyone knows that evil people just do not wear yellow," said Kasim.

"True, true," said Sonya.

"Whut?" said Kai.

Apple whistled loudly. "Now then," she said in her best formal speaking voice, "If I may have your attention, I would like to present the Toran Republic's newest strategist, Klaus Windamier, formerly of the Alliance army of Jowston and even more formerly of Highland."

Klaus stepped forward and bowed graciously. "It's a great honor to meet all of you."

"As I'm sure you're aware, tension is high between Jowston and Harmonia. They both want possession of the ex-kingdom of Highland. Neither of them has made a move yet, but nevertheless I believe that this situation poses a threat to our national security."

"How so? It sounds to me that this has nothing to do with us! Harmonia hasn't been involved in a war since . . . ." said McDohl.

"Since Highland seceded," said Klaus. "Historically, Highland has always functioned as a buffer state, and allowed Harmonia to remain aloof from any conflicts."

"Jowston's government isn't centralized enough to be effective. They're in no state to wage another war just yet, and Harmonia knows it. When Harmonia attacks, they will most certainly be crushed like little bugs," said Apple. "They'll come whining to us for help, and. . ." she turned to McDohl, "I know you'll cave in to their demands, so don't think that you can get out of this."

"But. . ."

"Zip it."

"I believe we can avoid such a situation by acting preemptively," said Klaus. "I've devised a plan that guarantees . . . . ."

"Yes?"

". . . . . ."

Apple's eyebrow twitched. "What?!"

"Zzzzzzzzz . . ."

After a bit of vigorous throttling and slapping courtesy of Apple, Klaus regained enough wakefulness to mumble, "But daddy, I don't want to eat my broccoli . . ."

"Klaus, dammit, WAKE UP!!"

"Oh good morning, Apple."

"What about the plan?!"

". . . . What plan?"

Sweatdrops blossomed.

Apple released her grip on Klaus's trachea. She stood silently for a few moments, but looked quite volatile. "I say screw Jowston and screw Harmonia. Let's just grab Highland for ourselves while they're busy having a staring contest. They'll never expect it."

Klaus voiced the question on everyone's mind. "Are you mad?"

"How hard could it be? It's just the capitol and two towns."

"That's not the issue. If we invade Highland we'll make an enemy of both Jowston and Harmonia."

"There won't be an alliance."

"How do you know?"

"No one likes Harmonians. They're a bunch of woopsies who wear silly hats."