A Decade of Truly Bad Poetry The Grade School Years Yet to be Found 1992 Did you see it? I have seen it: The valley. The sun shining down From the deep blue sky On the valley. The buttercups glisten, Hiding the grass In the valley. When the right time comes, The path is revealed In the valley. The sun reveals it, Reflecting the light Through the valley. A path through the trees- A light at the end- Past the valley. Into a land Filled with sun Out of the valley. In a dream I thought I saw it: The valley. Moonbeams 1993 I wake up for no reason, Look into the light. The moon shines upon me Much brighter than bright. A ribbon of moonlight Falls on my bed, Pulling me toward it. It seems like I'm dead. I rise to the window Though I know not why. The yard's bathed in moonlight Fallen from the sky. The arbor and roses Are still in the night- Silvery statues, Summer's delight. The window is open; It wasn't before. I climb onto the roof Though I know not what for. The moonbeam's a stairway Out into the sky. My feet step upon it Though I know not why. The ground far below me Is strange and unreal: Some parts are shimmery, Others cold steel. In one single moment The whole world is seen. Then I'm at my window, Once more at the screen. The Thaw 1993 The clouds are dark. The winds now blow. The ground is stark From latest snow. The world is cold, The silence sharp. One bird is bold; Quite soon it stops. Then suddenly, From in the air, Some changes be. I start to care. The clouds now part. Is that the sun? It warms my heart. The world's begun Again And yet it seems to be That every squirrel in the tree Is staring down upon just me. I wonder what they chance to see? Do they see now The winter's cause, Why every bough Is at once lost Deep in the snow? They sit and wait, And then, and lo, They see the hate Lies in my heart: The deepest cold, The sharpest dart, The strongest hold. But now that hate Has ceased to be Though it is late No part of me At last Oh yes, the spring is here: The spring that comes but once a year It hadn't come for just a mere Eternity. I shed a tear, For now I'm free! No guilt lies hard Inside of me That makes me guard Inside the gale My heart of stone. That heart now fails, And I am home. First Snow 1994 Silently down Comes the magic Fairies dancing All in white Millions of them Dancing, turning, Tumbling, swirling Then They all settle down Tired The ground is One big bed to them And so it is soon Covered And all you can see are The dresses left When the magic steals the fairies away. Spring's Coming 1994 In the winter, in the cold Skies were gray and grasses brown Full of secrets left untold, Hidden treasures best unfound. Now the spring approaches near; Now the world is blue and green- Nothing left that I should fear Little good is left unseen. Warmth and sunlight warm the ground Coaxing flowers up and out. Roses, daffodils so proud Rise and rid me of all doubt. Spring and summer fill my thoughts; Sunshine, beauty fill my dreams. The wonder that my mind has sought Is here for real, it seems. Listen 1994 Please listen to me When I speak without Sound, when I beg To be understood, When my voice Doesn't work and I only implore you With my eyes. I only want to be heard. Lost 1994 Sometimes, alone I sit and stare Out through the window, For I see strangely there Shapes in the fog Never quite seen Fading in And out Like they've never been Are they real Or not? Can I be quite sure? But somehow I've got To find out more. For the fog is calling But what does it want? For me to come And have reality taunt Me? Am I to become A shape in the mist? To wander forever To never be kissed By the morning sunlight? Will people just see me, On waking believe, And then just ignore me? A shape in the mist Without thought or substance A figure of smoke Longing to be free. The High School Years (in which I seemed fond of redundancy and morbidity) Soul-Searching 1995 Look deeply, ever deeply Inside yourself To find yourself Surprise yourself With what yourself You know it. You have known it That in the end There is no end And at the end You'll meet your end In dreaming, deeply dreaming Inside your mind Deny your mind Break from your mind And you won't mind You're lonely, lone and lonely Your friends are gone The world is gone All limits gone And you are gone Look deeply, ever deeply Penance 1995 Autumn wind is whistling, whistling Autumn leaves are twisting, twisting Clouds are rushing westward, westward Prematurely night Now the wind is moaning, moaning Woe to those out roaming, roaming I'll try heading homeward, homeward From this wicked plight Hear the thunder crashing, crashing See the lightning flashing, flashing Thunder rages onward, onward Toward the cold midnight Suddenly it's quiet, quiet There is no more riot, riot Silence rushes inward, inward Nothing yet is right Clouds are parting slowly, slowly Somehow life seems lowly, lowly What's that flowing downward, downward? Steely cold moonlight Ribbon moonlight streaming, streaming I hear myself screaming, screaming Moonknife pressing heartward, heartward I feel its cold might Now it's me that's streaming, streaming But no longer screaming, screaming Streaming ever moonward, moonward All will lost to light Feel the cold pain gripping, gripping And my thoughts are ripping, ripping Somehow seeing groundward, groundward All I've left is sight And I go on turning, turning Yes, the moon goes turning, turning Sometimes searching skyward, skyward But all is lost in night Fortitude 1996 The leaf, steadfast and true to the tree Holds on with all its might It won't give in to thunderstorms or hurricanes The wind can't force it from its place The sun can't burn it The cold can't freeze it It only knows it must fight. The storms come, and the snows Yet the leaf, writhing in the struggle, Remains. It does not know how to give up. Finally, The winds stop, The sky fades into a clear twilight, The clouds disperse, And all is still. The leaf falls. Dark Hopes 1996 Look behind you not ahead, for Death is all will meet you there. Close your eyes and lie back dreaming. Death can't hurt if you don't care. Wait in silence for the ending; All avoidance comes to naught. Death won't halt for all your pleading. Yield to all death's lessons taught. Reminder (sonnet fragment) 1996 The pride that drives the great to leave their mark, It has no object when the marks are lost. The brightest light must at the end grow dark, The ancient towers overgrown with moss. In time the greatest marvels of the world Will crumble and decay, as dead leaves curl'd. Temptation Early 1996 This is the twilight of the soul, Lying on the brink of madness, Awaiting the advance of cold. The sun is setting on its dreams. This is the dawning of the night, Starless, moonless, cold and bleak. A void of blackness lacking light; There's no one left to hear the screams. This is the midnight of the mind, Which yearns in vain for days gone by. Without the light the eye is blind, And cannot see for seeing all. This is the triumph of the end, That comes, as always, at the last, Lone witness to that which will tend The dark consumption, souls that fall. Flame Extinguished 1996 The soul is dark; It knows no light beneath the shallow pool of time. The night is dark, Yet knows the light of moon and stars' eternal shine. The soul it flickers Once in brief too quickly for the stars to see. It seeks the stars And asks their help and guidance so to shine once more. It's learnt the joy Of shining out and leaping from the stagnant pool. The stars know not The way to pierce the gloomy depths of time's black pool, So do not see Or hear the pleas drawn from parched lips of dying souls. Plea 1997 I heard my sister crying in the night: Unanswered, empty sobs that begged deaf ears. Bring me sunlight; I stand in darkness. I heard my brother's shout darken twilight. So late in life, he cried across the years: Bring me sunlight; I stand in darkness. That cry that echoes with its tortured might Proclaims mankind's most basic, deepest fears: Bring me some sunlight; I stand in darkness. Millions of children cry for greater sight. They can't find hope 'til their blind vision clears. Bring them sunlight; They stand in darkness. The Sonnets I-VI (which I will not bother to include unless you really want them) 1997 "Mightier Than the Sword?" "Despair" "The Answer" "Melodramatic Crap" "My Love of Conversations Such As I Have with Larry and Boni" "Deliver Me" The Unplumbed Depths 1997 Truths echo in my heart Unreachable, Untouchable. They surface in the still pool of my mind, Then sink slowly back into cloudy water Out of sight, Unseen. What do I know? What knowledge lies silent? The harder I try, The more I forget Sonnet VII (again excised because, well, sonnets hurt) 1997 "In Honor of Stefan" Hourglass 1997 Time regresses- Sand falling upward . . . At twilight the dawn returns. The pale, cold sky is dead. My child's eyes mistook A made-up corpse for a savior. At darkest midnight, The noon-bright sun leers down The charred ashes of my innocence Grate in my eyes, Obscuring my sight, Drying up my tears. As night wanes dusk arrives. Lurid funeral bouquets Bloom on the horizon. The evening dew smells like death- Sweet . . . cloying. Forget the corpse, ashes, flowers- The dawn breaks . . . Night has come. Ode to Wayne (my Hon. Physics teacher) 1998 More erudite a man cannot be found Than Wayne who loves on physics to expound. He might not know our escapades in class- Has never sent a one to Mr. Cas.- But that is not without a good excuse; His hearing suffers from a long misuse. His discourses of length and great detail Would make the greatest intellectual quail. From aviation on to baseball tips No common knowledge e'er could pass his lips. An eighty-minute lecture turns to lean Toward engines of reciprocating steam: Important pressure problems are forgot In crucial-sounding knowledge that is not. Advice he grants whenever one might ask, And none need fear he is not up to task: "No matter whence you came to strike the deer, The deer is no less dead-that much is clear." A greater man was never born on Earth; No others have his singular, strange worth. Mount Scott 1996 The rock beneath me holds my weight As all around the fields fall down, And 'cross the plains the sun creates Atop the Earth a fiery crown. Below me far the bison graze, The sunlight dappling dark their coats: A view in sunset's golden haze Like, on the lake, the tiny boats. The breeze that tumbles down the mount Through whispering grass that sways and bends Can but enhance this sensual fount Of sun-warmed land that never ends. In time the sun will set, I know- This beauty is a fragile thing- But, as the north-land's pure, white snow, Night will its own cold splendor bring. Untitled II 1998 Violence The invader Always comes unannounced Driving before it anguish . . . but Crying. Illusions 1998 Writers are liars, or so I've been told, So why should I hesitate at being bold? No one will care if I write what I think; They'll say that I've made it all up. Life is a bitter thing, heartless and cold, And dreams last no longer than autumn's bright gold. Hopes do not wither and die; they just shrink On such meager fare do we sup. Know in the end there's no hand we can hold, And Death from our bedside cannot be cajoled. Life is a ship from its birth built to sink And tear all our dream-chains apart link by link. It shows us our hopes every time that we blink, Then tells us we've made them all up. Some more assigned poems, haiku and tanka and shit like that I won't include: "Untitled III-IX" "Love in the Hundred Acre Wood" Judge and Jury 1998 "I am not alone." Empty rooms stare back with cold faces And offer no argument. The voices have fled, And only silence reverberates here. Echo is dead. In these empty rooms Words have no meaning. They are swallowed in the close air Stale with old jealousy and wounded pride. Blank walls Stand in mute testimony Condemning. Untitled X 1996 Drive me down Close my eyes Silence me Mercy! Rip my pounding heart out I don't need it Close my eyes The light! The pain! Give me darkness Let me lie The College Years True Love 1999 I feel as one still-birthed at beast Or not yet born at all. My sleeping heart demands redress! This soul's past due to waken, yet A child's eyes are all can set She on this spinning ball. Just One might know the reason why My mind is captive bound, Unwieldy age and size to try. Ephemeral bars that press my breath So close it dies within my breast- My fury yet will sound! Oh when this sleeping Eve awakes And finds this cold and stagnant space Through which no lover's ever paced, She'll burn it to the ground! November 1998 Walking In tomblike silence. A gray gauze on every branch, Anticipating winter. Whispering, the leaves Send sleepy thoughts on the wind As it too stills and curls up to sleep. Soft pillow talk of nature- Shards holding back the dark- How cold your comfort leaves me! The Holocaust-To my Sister 1999 You cry for them, Looking at their shoes- The mute testimony of Stolen lives the Nazis made sure Never happened. You ask me why, As if I could explain to you the Darkest impulses of Humanity. How could anyone let this happen? How could God let this happen? And I say to you, "I don't know." And turn my back. But I have asked these questions of Myself too many times, And I want to shake you until You stop asking me questions God himself has Never bothered to answer. I want you to tell me- You with your Sunday School faith And self-imposed ignorant bliss- What you expected to happen Sonnet VIII "Dream" Elements 1999 Fire and water Racing flame and rushing sea Endless warring nature Burning inspiration Inescapable subjugation Fierce surrender What is this in my nature That rends flesh and will? There can be no compromise I am torn to pieces From the inside out Incineration Deluge Neither will give way I am burnt to cinder I am drowning Burned or drowned I would welcome either Any end Rather than this eternal internal assault My warring nature My endless triumphing loss Witness 2000 Clouded, restless eyes like the sea before a storm: Witness to the age, as it ceaselessly transforms. The sands of time are shifted by the turning of the tides. Nothing marks their passage but those troubled, dreaming eyes. What ahs passed is lost to touch- Memory alone revives the dead. What's to come: a mystery Shadows flickering 'cross the waves. What mortal mind conceives of time and counts each grain, forgotten? What mortal hand extends to those whose souls were God-begotten? They've long been foundering! Who can know the grief of deaths eternal? Who can bear the burden and acknowledge the irretrievable? What is lost cannot be found- Not by mortal mind or hand. What's to come must be our balm; The lost may someday live again. Weighted down by grief, and the knowledge of what's gone, Still those eyes are fixed-pained blue eyes set still as stone- Gazing past the wreckage of a past beyond salvation Gazing at the unseen future promising redemption. The Mind 2001 The sea, sun-blistered, mirror bright Pressed placid under heavy sky. Above, the brilliant world of light: A subtle and deceiving lie. Wind-whipped white sails on steady course, Well-traveled highways on the blue, Mapped harbors, many-centuried ports, Sight making three dimensions two. Not mirror, no, but tinted glass Dividing bright-lit world from dim. Beneath the waves all unseen pass Strange creatures marked by scale and fin. Among the crags and fissures dwell Bright beauties undefined by air. Somewhere there the leviathan sleeps In some fantastic, depthless lair. Untitled 2001 The crime of pride-the crime of creed The sin for which our children pay. His memory long-His vengeance harsh- Renews each labored, dirty day. Free will His image granted us, But not free will to challenge Him. He wiped the whole earth barren once: His punishment for our sins. In the crypt I call my heart I vibrate with God's suffering. He sees the sparrow's fall, and still- With love and tears-his chastening. Perhaps to let our free will reign, Perhaps to make us live as men, We stumble and cry for mercy's grace; He watches and weeps-and stays his hand. A Small Death 2001 It was over in less than a second. The brakes screamed loud in protest. The dog let go on last, frightened yip- A puppy again in the second before death. The neighbors gathered like Paparazzi at a state funeral, And suddenly I couldn't wait to return to the dog The dignity of the ground, Like the privacy of the womb. Noblis Obliviscar on the events of September 11 2001 Pallor of disbelief- A man and woman leap From fiery to kinder death Warm hands clasped Flush of blooded anger Craving blood- Whispers echo too loudly 30,000 feet below. A loving husband calls Not for help, Already dead, But in warning. Cooling wind of resolution- Crushed against gritty brick One heart hammers against another spine, Eyes closed against smoky death. No wounded passed by. No wounded came. Let those who can, forget. The rest of us will not sleep Until all the world joins us in seeing Only the eyes of our dead On the backs of their eyelids. Alaskan Winter 2001 No dawn comes to break the brittle night. For an hour or so, at noon There is a softening to the southern sky, And I wonder if there- Where you wait- The burning of the stars is of Less consequence. Poetry 2002 We have lost the cadence of the old speech. Our bodies, swaying to the clacklack-clacklack of the subway car, Miss the measure of the minuet Face, feet forgetting the old forms, Heartbeats out of sync. How can we keep in step when even Time has slipped its tempo? Should I wonder that my thoughts won't come Rhymed and bound, Whole and sound, Dulcet to the tongue? Elements II 2003 The sodden flames and burning waves Caress me. I am both torch and fountain, Inspiration and Restoration Never the same twice, But always a vision. I will dance my spell yet. My Heart 2003 I am wandering down the cold, dark corridors Bare stone beneath my feet I remember when warm firelight washed the flagstones I remember a time when it wasn't cold. If only I could remember what it felt like to be warm, And not to be alone. It's knowing what I've lost that torments me.