Fins, Femmes, and Gems

Story by: Robert Tapert, Adam Armus, and Nora Kay Foster
Written by: Adam Armus and Nora Kay Foster
Edited by: Robert Field
Directed by: Josh Becker

Lucy Lawless (Xena)
Renee O'Conner (Gabrielle)

Guest Stars
Ted Raimi (Joxer/Attis the Apeman)
Alexandra Tydings (Aphrodite)

Cast
Lawrence Makoare (Maecenus)
Renee Schuda (Young Xena)
Callum Gallagner (Young Lyceus)
Jason Tahu (Thug #1)

Aphrodite steals the "Mystic Diamond" that keeps the North Star lit, then casts spells on Xena, Gabrielle, and Joxer to keep them from retrieving it. Sphrodite spell makes Joxer Attis the Apeman, makes Gabrielle vain, and preoccupies Xena with fishing.

Joxer Quotes

Joxer: "I Attis--King of Trout--and ruler of its peoples.  I set you free.  Uh--huh?  Ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You tell good joke trout brother, but now--I must have tribute.  Go swim! Be free! Go! Go!"
Xena: "Now, you listen to me, monkey man! You ever do that again and you'll find my fist down your throat!"

Gabrielle as She Monkey in Joxer's mind:
"You Mighty Man Monkey!"
Joxer/Attis: "Hmm."

"It's soft,--like baby monkey."

"Ah! Ah! Great white monkey, Xena, come for Princess Gaea! Animals! Animals of the jungle! Listen to me! Billy goats! Form ramming poisitions! Elephants! Suck Water from great river--form moat! Great Eagle!  Come down and collect me so that I may swoop down upon her!---Come down and collect me so that I may swoop down upon her! Ooh! Damn you! You ungrateful animals! Ooh! Come on! Ah! Ah-ahhhhh! Where'd she go? Ahhhhhh! Attis glad that over.  Ohhh!"

Xena: "Joxer?!"
Joxer/Attis: "Uh! Uh!"
Xena: "I mean, Attis, come here!"
Joxer/Attis: "He! He! He! Uh!"
Xena: "You want the princess, right?"
Joxer/Attis: "Attis want!"
Xena: "You need the princess, right?"
Joxer/Attis: "Attis need! Ah Ah-ah!

Disclaimer: Joxer's dignity was slightly harmed during the production of this motion picture.  However, Gabrielle's pink nightie was restored to it's original condition.

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Joxer's Jamboree