$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$**""""""**$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$"" "*$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$P" "$$$$$$$ $$$$$$" *$$$$$ $$$$P ...eee... "$$$$ $$$P zd$$P"" "*$$$e. '$$$ $$$ z$$$$P" "$$$$b. 3$$ $$F e$$$$$P ^$$$$$$. $$ $$Fz$$$$$$$ 3$$$$$$b $$ $$F*$$$$$$$ J$$$$$$P $$ $$L ^*$$$$$L .$$$$$$" $$ $$$ *$$$$b .$$$$P" J$$ $$$b ^*$$$b. .e$$$*" 4$$$ $$$$b """***""" z$$$$ $$$$$$. d$$$$$ $$$$$$$b. z$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$c. .d$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ee.....zed$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ "YOU'RE WATCHING ... CBS ... WELCOME HOME." ================================================================= : AWI LINE OF FIRE, Last Week [Escobar] ... and Gardner making the rounds at ringside before heading to the lockers ... let it not be said that the War Machine's fans aren't vocal ... [Marone] Yeah, they're practically draggin' him over the railing to get high-fives ... actually, they ARE dragging him over the rail ... [Escobar] What? Wait a minute -- that's NOT the fans -- {The camera cuts quickly to ringside opposite the announcers, where the War Machine has indeed been pulled into the crowd, by a large, somewhat disheveled-looking man in well-worn street clothes ... as the other fans in the section back away, the man pummels Gardner with a series of forearms and elbow drops, forcing towards the back of the arena walkway, as the camera follows, then locks an STF on the giant as the camera zooms in, allowing a better look at the face ...} [Escobar] JACK FURY!! I don't believe this -- Jack Fury is here, but what in the WORLD is he doing?? [Swayze] He's giving Gardner a chiropractic treatment ... what's it LOOK like he's doing, too-trustin' Justin? He's puttin' the hurt on the Iron Man of the AWI, and turnin' him to zinc oxide! [Escobar] This is disgraceful -- more than that, it makes no sense! Jack Fury was one of the true superstars of the AWI -- what is he thinking!? ================================================================= {The camera pixel-dissolves to a view of "the War Machine" Greg Gardner's face; he has a very grim expression.} [Greg Gardner] Jack Fury ... two words I haven't heard in a *long* time. Long enough that I could just about convince myself that Jackhammer of yours was a bad dream, a misremembered moment of no consequence. We've done this dance before, you and I, Jack -- from Kerry Masters' little game in absentia at Ultimatum II, to that first head-to-head at Union One, to the total chaos of Knock Around the Clock ... even when I'd think we were on the same side, you and I somehow keep ending up staring down across the squared circle. You've always been a little on the edge, Jack, and that may have served you well in the ring. It might even have gotten you a few extra cheers from the crowds, giving them a taste of something wild, something different. But I could feel it in the ring with you, Jack -- that whatever edge you were skirting was crumbling, that your own fire was going to burn you. And I think it's plain to see that's just what happened. If you really want a piece of the Machine, Jack, you don't need to waste your time hiding out in the crowd. You can step into that ring one more time, and we'll start the dance again. But you be *real* sure it's what you want ... because this time, it's not sportsmanship. This time, it's not respect. This time, it's going to be WAR ... ================================================================= {The view fades into a CGI image of a gun barrel interior (a la Bond movies), the POV rapidly backing out along it's length to bring the gun itself into view. As Golden Earring's "Twilight Zone" cues up. The gun turns to the left in profile.} [Music] It's 2am (it's 2 am)/Fear is gone (fear is gone) I'm somewhere where/The Gun's still warm Thinking my connection/Is tired of taking chances {The chamber of the animated revolver opens, as a sequence of video images of wrestling action move up the right side of the screen, encased in a "film loop". Every other image is "sucked" into one of the revolver chambers as it passes the center.} Yeah, there's a storm on the loose/Sun reigns on my head Wrapped up inside themselves/Circuits are dead Cannot decode/My whole life spins into a frenzy Now I'm steppin' into the Twilight Zone This is a madhouse/Feels like being home My feet they can't move/Under moon and star Where am I to go Now that I've gone too far {The chamber of the gun closes and spins, as the gun rotates around the long way to eventually face the viewer.} You will come to know/when the bullet hits the bone ... You will come to know ... when the bullet hits the bone ... {A loud drumbeat corresponds with the firing of the gun; as the bullet rapidly "strikes" the screen, it causes a bright flash and the logo: ================================================================= _ __________=___ A W I ___=__________ _ \\@([____]_____() | | |\ | [~ ()_____[____])@// _/\|-[____] |_ | | \| [_ [____]-|/\_ / /(( ) OF ( ))/ \ /____|'----' [~ | |} [~ '----'|____\ \____/ [ | |\ [_ \____/ ================================================================= : Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, CT {... and the camera zooms in over another packed AWI-ready crowd, cheering wildly and mugging for the camera ... it pauses briefly over a number of signs in the crowd: "Oracle Rocks, So Says The Bobman", "INTENSITY! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!", "Hire Me Lyle," and "School's Back In Session for Robbie" ... the camera eventually makes its way to ringside, to the announcer's table and its occupants: a clean-cut Hispanic man in his late twenties wearing an AWI-logoed business suit, and a somewhat unfocussed- looking gent with wild, long black hair, wearing a denim jacket and a shirt that reads "Have You Seen This Man?" under an arrow ... the screen captions beneath them:} : Justin Escobar Mike Marone [Escobar] And welcome again, ladies and gentlemen, to another exciting addition of AWI Line of Fire! I'm Justin Escobar, and with me is my broadcasting partner, "Madman" Mike Marone -- [Marone] Hi, mom! Thanks for watching! [Escobar] Uh, Mike, didn't you say something before about being a foster kid? [Marone] Oh, it's not MY mom -- I just figured there's a mom out there somewhere watching, and somebody should say hi, is all ... [Escobar] I ... suppose that's very sweet of you ... but as we've seen just now, one man who is anything BUT sweet right now is the "War Machine" Greg Gardner! [Marone] Yeah, having somebody try to turn your legs into party favors has that effect on you. And those'd be really ... really BIG party favors, too ... [Escobar] Indeed ... Fury's unwarranted and unprecedented attack on the Iron Man of the AWI is still something of a mystery, however ... but tonight, we'll have Chad Duncan in the AWI Sniper's Nest get to the bottom of the matter. [Marone] I mean, REALLY big -- he's like seven feet, you know. [Escobar] Uh, right, Mike ... but we're moving from two former North American champs to yet ANOTHER North American champ, this one considerably happier ... it's time for some Straite Talk! ================================================================ {Fade in: outdoor urban scene. The buildings are mostly of the older-but-well-kept-up variety ... lots of trees, an outdoor cafe, and *lots* of people. The camera floats around until lighting on your host, Jerry Straite. Dressed in t-shirt, jeans, and sunglasses, he's got a plastic cup in one hand (the label carefully obscured). He's sitting at a streetside table.} [JS] Hey, all ... I'm home again ... hanging in the Exchange District, in Winnipeg. Enjoying the beautiful weather, enjoying being with friends, enjoying the Fringe Festival, and just enjoying life ... Life is good. A big part of that, not surprising, is that I've got myself a new belt. North American Champion, is what I is. Winning that belt ... more importantly, winning that belt here in Canada! ... just puts a smile on my face and a spring in my step, don't'cha know. Now, as much as I'd *like* to take credit for running the Tiger and the Crow out of town, I figure it might have something a little more to do with being stalked by a really big, really mean friend of mine. So we won't worry about them. And as for last week's match against Doug-the-walking-mouth, now, I *would* have liked to have driven his head into the ground a few more times, but I guess I'll take what I can get ... the clear moral victory, and yet another notch in the win column. Let's get this clear {leans forward}, Dougie, Weasle, you ain't worth the attention. You screw up, I'll kick your ass, and that'll be the end of it. I got big fish to fry, and you two are barely minnows. {leans back} Now... there's one thing I've been doing my best to ignore since I managed to wander back into the AWI. Unfortunately, he's big, ugly, stupid, and hard to ignore. Nick Vorpal's been in my face for ... quite a while now. Even when he was gone, he was still there ... haunting me. I like to take care of my loose ends. Lord only knows how many I've left behind in times past, so I've taken to cleaning them up now. Nick ... you're one big old loose end. I beat you a few times, but I never *really* finished you. {chuckle} Guys I finish don't come back. And you ... you kept coming back. And hanging out with Mikhail and the Reverend's band o' thugs, no less. And then you go and try to give Tiger and Crow a hand. Nice to see the months haven't sharpened your judgement any. So, Nicky, I'm getting a little tired of you. The two of us are going to have a long talk, real soon. {stands up} And only one of us is going to walk away from it. Later, all. ================================================================= [Escobar] And some strong words from Jerry Straite, as he looks to lock up with the razor-edge of the AWI, Nick Vorpal, in the very near future ... [Marone] And one inch. Seven feet, one inch. [Escobar] Mike, I think the fans have the picture. [Marone] Well, yeah, but I forgot the inch. You can't forget important things like that. [Escobar] I'll leave it at that ... folks, tonight's lineup is bona-fide en fuego! First, the AWI reaffirms the "International" in Allied Wrestling International, as Japanese sensation Colt Kawaii wrestles what may be her first AND LAST AWI match! Not only that, but we've got the mysterious Oracle versus the malevolent Right On Reverend, Jeremiah James ... and "the Wrestling Expert" Ed Carr faces an old face, in the form of "Way Cool Jr." Corey Bonham! PLUS, in our main event, the World Tag Team champions, Intensive Care, will try to put Power & Fury, better known as Intensity, down for a stay in the emergency ward! [Marone] WOW! We've got all THAT? [Escobar] We certainly do! [Marone] How do you keep track of all of it? My head gets dizzy after the first match ... [Escobar] Well, I do have these handy index cards, Mike. [Marone] No wonder the camera guy looked at me funny. They're not souvenirs for the fans, huh? [Escobar] Folks, while Mike here collects his thoughts ... and perhaps his notecards ... we're headed for a word from our sponsors! +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ WHEN WE RETURN: Madeline Freechild, and Perfection sounds off! COMMERCIAL BREAK: It's Shrimp Feast time at Red Lobster! ... Is it real, or is it Memorex? ... The legend lives on: MASK OF ZORRO ... +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ >> RINGSIDE--ANNOUNCER'S TABLE << [Escobar] Welcome back, folks -- we're just about to go to the ring for our first -- oh, no ... {"Roadhouse Blues" plays over the PA as Chad Swayze bounces down the aisle, obvlivious to the fact that the fans are booing him ... he stops near the corner of the aisle, where a trio of teenaged girls in private-school uniforms excitedly wave signs that read "Robbie & Corey are Way Cool" and proclaiming themselves the "Team Stevens Cheerleading Corps" ... after hamming it up with them for a bit, he reaches the announcer's table and slides into an empty chair next to Mike.} [Swayze] Justino, bayyy-bee -- I'm hurt! I'm shocked! How could you think of starting off the festivities without the main emcee for the main attraction, Robbie Hood and his band of Mellow Men? [Escobar] Do you want all the reasons, or just the first page? [Swayze] Don't sweat it, Justino -- no harm, no foul! The Chadinator is in full effect now, and the show must go on! [Marone] I thought the show HAD been going on. We've been on five minutes now. {"Big Bad Lady" by The Lady of Rage blasts out over the speakers, to a somewhat mixed crowd reaction.} [Escobar]: In any case, we're headed immediately to the ring, as the sometimes controversial but always competitive, always colorful Madeline Freechild makes her way to ... wait a minute ... >>AISLE ENTRANCE<< {The figure that emerges from the curtains wears a full bodysuit in candy-red leather, complete with a semi-rigid mask that covers all but her hair ... down the legs of the outfit are written the words "Child's Play" in a cursive script.} [Escobar]: This ... this is certainly a new look for Madeline -- [Swayze]: New? What's new about it? This is the same outfit she wore to destroy Dacia Blackthorne back at International Incident! [Escobar]: We have NO evidence that the Woman In Red that showed up at International Incident was in fact Madeline-- [Swayze]: Use your EYES, Justino! Here she is, live and in oh-so living color! And /speaking/ of color, let me just say, red is DEFINITELY hers! [Escobar]: Well, whatever her motives, Madeline is now set to lock up with the Blue Bomber here ... {Freechild starts off the match by leaping at the Bomber to down her with a clothesline ... she then locks the Bomber up in a 1/2 nelson, segueing immediately to a half-nelson suplex, then pauses any semblance of a scientific attack with a series of harsh stomps ...} [Escobar]: Madeline catches the Bomber napping as the bell rings -- locks her up, and TEXTBOOK half-nelson suplex ... she ... this isn't really called for now -- she's just ABUSING the Bomber on the floor now ... [Swayze]: It's called a vocabulary lesson, Escobo ... she beats on the Bomber enough, and the Cajun words for 'please don't hurt me' will spontaneously appear in the girl's mind. [Escobar]: That's ridiculous. And sick. [Marone]: I don't know -- stranger things have popped up in my mind before ... {Freechild continues the assault, lifting up the Bomber and driving her to the mat with a power bomb, then launching her into the turnbuckle with an irish-whip ... as the Bomber staggers out of the corner, Freechild locks on an abdominal stretch ... and grabs the ropes when the ref isn't looking ...} [Escobar]: Madeline with another DEVASTATING power move ... she picks up the Bomber and tosses her into the corner ... Bomber clearly out of it as she comes back up -- and a surprising show of science from Madeline this matc-- what is she DOING? [Marone]: Holding the ropes. See, it hurts more when you do it, so you're not supposed to, but sometimes -- [Escobar]: I know, I know, Mike, that's not what I -- she's TOTALLY in control of this match, there's no NEED for this! Referee Tom Newman totally out of position to see this ... I'm disgusted. Just disgusted. [Swayze]: OBVIOUSLY, we're looking at a woman who's had enough of being pushed around, gents ... she's taking what's hers, and she's going to start by taking the Bomber apart piece by piece! Bravo! Bravo! Encore! [Marone]: Encore's pretty good, but Bravo just shows those wierd French movies. {Freechild finally breaks the hold, as the Bomber collapses to the ground ... she hits a loooong-delay vertical suplex, then hoists up in a torture rack ...} [Escobar]: FINALLY she's had enough with this sadism ... Bomber thoroughly out of it -- Freechild's got her up in the air ... and STILL up in the air ... and DOWN with authority ... she's having a bit of an argument with Newman, but now she has the Bomber up again -- and this time it's the Child's Play ... Newman calling for the bell, this one is in the books! {"Big Bad Lady" starts back up on the speakers, but Freechild doesn't head for the back yet ... she drags the Bomber out of the ring by her hair ... she grabs a chair from the audience and folds it up, then puts it behind the Bomber as she sets up for a belly-to-belly suplex ... within moments, the Bomber is laid out on the chair post-BTB.} [Escobar]: A convincing, if confusing, win for ... wait, Freechild apparently not finished -- why can't she just leave this poor woman alone? [Swayze]: Because that's what somebody ELSE wants her to do? Sound out the name, Justino -- "Free-Child." She's got to do her OWN thing! She's the wind, bay-bee! [Marone]: She's also beating the tar outta this kid ... uh, Mom? You don't have to watch THIS part ... [Escobar]: She's not going to -- THIS IS DEPLORABLE! Freechild finally leaving the ringside area, but the Bomber is TOTALLY motionless at ringside ... we've got AWI medical personnel coming out now to check on her -- Chad, I can't believe even someone like YOU could possibly defend this! [Swayze]: Hey, she's not Team Stevens -- I don't HAVE to defend it. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy it. [Escobar]: Folks, I'm afraid we have to go from one unpleasantness to the next ... we're headed to the AWI Sniper's Nest, where Chad Duncan is standing by with Kim "Tiger" Lee and Jilliam Bole, of Perfection ... >>SNIPER'S NEST << {And Chad is indeed there, with a very unhappy Perfection} [Chad Duncan] I'm here with Perfection, who have just come off of a loss last week with ... [Jilliam Bole] Chad, Chad, Chad. Loss is such an ugly term for that miscarriage of justice. [Kim Lee] We prefer the term "moral victory." [Chad Duncan] Oooookkkkaaaayyy ... well, I must admit I'm slightly confused by the suggestion of you being treated unfairly by referee Brandy Mulroney ... in fact, if anything you took advantage of her to gain an unfair advantage ... [Jilliam Bole] Oh come on, now, Chad -- it's painfully obvious that she was biased. [Chad Duncan] WHAT? I think that ... no, in fact I'm SURE that Looking For a Fight has more ground to stand on that argument than you two do. [Kim Lee] Oh, excuse us, Chad. We must humbly apologize. I do believe we were in error in this situation. [Chad Duncan] Yes, well... [Jilliam Bole] We forgot your utter lack of wrestling knowledge and basic human intelligence. [Kim Lee] Not to mention the now-obvious need for vision correction. [Jilliam Bole] Not only was the fact that she was biased clear as day, but Steve's bribe was shown ON CAMERA! [Chad Duncan] Bribe? What are you ... the thing with the desert? You're not serious ... and anyway, it was flatly refused! [Kim Lee] Was it, Chad? Was it really? [Jilliam Bole] Did you see Brandy Mulroney backstage after the match? [Chad Duncan] Well, no, but ... [Kim Lee] We did. [Jilliam Bole] Most certainly, in fact -- we saw her ... oh, it's too terrible, I can't even say it ... [Kim Lee] She was ... oh lord, it was disgusting ... [Jilliam Bole] Horrifying ... [Kim Lee] Terrifying ... [Chad Duncan] Get on with it already ... there's nothing THAT bad. [Jilliam Bole] She was ... eating the very dessert cup Steve had offered her! Not only that, but STEVE HIMSELF WAS FEEDING IT TO HER! And that's not all he was giving her, from the sounds you could hear through the walls. [Chad Duncan] Oh, for the -- I can't believe I'm even HEARING this. [Kim Lee] If I were Angela Dante right now, I'd feel betrayed, used, and mad as hell! [Chad Duncan] You ARE serious ... this is just -- OK, as HIGHLY unlikely as that seems, let's assume that's true ... I can't believe I'm doing that ... WHAT during the match would show any sort of bias? [Jilliam Bole] {highly annoyed} Oh, gee, I dunno, Chad, maybe Steve RAMMING MY HEAD THROUGH A TABLE! [Chad Duncan] You were the illegal man ... [Jilliam Bole] {more annoyed} Thank you for telling me the rules of MY sport, Chad -- I had forgotten about the clause that let you use illegal foreign objects upon the illegal man in a tag team match. I'll remember to bring a SHOTGUN next time. [Chad Duncan] That's not the point -- I was only... [Kim Lee] Chad, remember, don't tell us anything. We are Perfection, we're better than you. And we know more about this sport than anyone in the buisness, including and especially effeminite broadcasters who couldn't get a job on regional newscasts, such as yourself. [Chad Duncan] EFF-- [Jilliam Bole] AND, if I hadn't been INTERRUPTED, I could mention the fact that she ignored the fact that during the pin count there were TWO illegal men in the ring. PLUS, I was pinned by the ILLEGAL MAN! [Chad Duncan] WHAT?! YOU WERE NOT! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! [Jilliam Bole] Watch the tape Chad -- Looking for a Fight made three, count them, THREE tags. Brandy Mulroney simply ignored the first one. [Chad Duncan] THAT'S BEC-- [Kim Lee] Now, despite the fact that we were clearly robbed, we're not going to hold that against Looking for a Fight. The fans know the truth, that's all that matters. [Jilliam Bole] What we WILL hold against them is their comments before the match! [Kim Lee] Steve, Joe, you insinuated that you were better at what you do than we are at what we do. We are Perfection, we are the best at everything we do. So, here's the challenge: a rematch, you do what you do against us doing what we do. If you two are man enough for the challenge, let us know next week. [Jilliam Bole] We'll be there, waiting to hear if you've got the guts to back up your words or if you're the type of chicken{BEEP} that would have to bribe a poor, confused, young referee with the two things that register in the chocolate section of her brain. {The pair turn and leave as "Perfect Strangers" keys up on the PA.} [Chad Duncan] Those two -- they -- I -- {visibly recomposes himself} Justin, back to you ... {muttering} I had BETTER have some vacation days left ... >>RINGSIDE TABLE<< [Escobar] I think I understated the case ... that was MORE unpleasant than Freechild's rampage. [Marone] So, like, I should wear something black next week? I s'pose it won't be that bad ... funerals usually have a good buffet table. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ WHEN WE RETURN: Japanese grudge-match action! COMMERCIAL BREAK: M&Ms, the official candy of the new millenium ... Windows '98, crashing computers soon near you ... watch International Incident, now on Allied Home Video ... +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ {Fade in to a view of a man with salt-and-pepper hair trimmed short, wearing a sharp cut business suit and green-tinted sunglasses; he sits at a polished hardwood table, with a stack of papers in front of him.} : ROSWELL GATES, AWI Competition Committee Chairman [Gates] Hello to all those viewing tonight. Your next event tonight is the result of some ... unusual circumstances. As you probably know by now, the AWI secured the services of young Japanese star Colt Kawaii, who is scheduled to debut tonight. However, another young woman, Miyoshi Akuma -- a contemporary of Miss Kawaii in Japan -- was also in negotiation with the AWI at the same time, though we opted not to secure her contract. She has lodged a formal complaint regarding Miss Kawaii's entrance and her own refusal. Miss Kawaii has graciously agreed to settle the matter by placing her contract into the purse tonight for a match between her and Miyoshi Akuma, an offer which Miss Akuma has found an acceptable resolution. So, at this moment, the AWI officially sanctions this bout, with the winner receiving permanent status here in Allied Wrestling. Thank you for your time, and please, enjoy the show. ================================================================= >>ANNOUNCER'S TABLE<< [Swayze] Jeez ... what kind of mickey-mouse operation are they running here, anyway? Let me tell you, when Robbie hires somebody, at least who knows exactly WHO he's hiring! [Escobar] You have to expect some unusual situations to arise out of a new television negotiation, Chad-- [Swayze] There's nothing that unusual about the boys upstairs screwing up. [Marone] You gotta feel bad for this Kawaii, though ... she has to fight somebody just to come over here, and in a month or two they might even shut down the division ... that's like when my old man was workin' in the coal mines, and they tried to break up the union, so he was out of work ... we had to go without food for days, just what mom could dig up from her tiny little garden ... but they weren't going to let that big company crush 'em, nosiree! [Escobar] I thought we went through this already -- you were a foster kid, weren't you? [Marone] Huh? Oh, yeah -- that was a movie last night. _Matewan_, I think. Thanks for the pointer, Justin ... anyway, Colt should keep fightin'. {Odd classical music plays over the PA ...} >>RING<< {The wrestler who's apparently Miyoshi Akuma has made it to the ring. Approaching 6', 300 or so pounds, she's an Asian woman with a heavy build, wild hair and makeup, and a bad attitude.} [Alan Kinsman] And now, hailing from Osaka, Japan, weighing in at ninety-eig-- {a slight pause as he double-checks the line, making a mental correction} weighing in at _one-hundred_ and ninety-eight pounds, let's give a warm Texas welcome to Colt ... Kawaii!!! [Marone]: TEXAS welcome? Man, I must have taken bigger lumps in the old days than I thought -- I always thought Hartford was in Connecticut! [Escobar]: It's a motif thing, Mike. {A lone star fires up above the entranceway, a spinning bit of pyrotechnics that sparkles bright white. Underneath it bounces a teenaged Japanese girl in cowgirl regalia: White hat, soft leather jacket with 'Indian Fringe', a gun holster, and cowboy boots with kickpads over the shins. If she's five feet tall, it's the bootheels that do it, and she's certainly under a hundred pounds ... She smiles and waves to the crowd, then turns, quickdraws at the star, and clicks her cap pistol at it with a 'bang' ... the star flashes, changing to the red white and blue of Texas, and the crowd pops appreciatively ...} [Escobar]: The crowd is certainly taking a shine to Miss Kawaii tonight ... [Swayze]: Yeahyeahyeah ... look, I know we've got to resort to new and original marketing tactics to compete with the other wrestling promotions out there -- but really, is the world ready for the return of midget wrestling? [Escobar]: I *hardly* think that's an appropriate comment ... Colt Kawaii has shown herself to be very professional in her native country, [Marone]: Yeah, but Justin -- she's just a *kid* ... [Swayze]: Good point, Mike. HEY, COLT! IT'S PAST YOUR BEDTIME! GO HOME, OR NO MILK AND COOKIES FOR YOU! [Marone]: {as if waking up} Cookies? Where? {Colt, having reholstered her gun, pulls her hat off (revealing her twin pigtails) and tosses it down the aisle toward the ring. A skip-start, a run, then she goes into a cartwheel to backflip series, flipping three times before kicking off for a high final tucked roll, landing with only a small bounce that gets another nice pop from the crowd.} [Escobar]: I agree, Colt seems a little young -- but she certainly knows how to get the crowd going! [Swayze]: Maybe you didn't notice, Justino, but we're not judges at the Goodwill Games ... this is a WRESTLING match, and all that hopping around just makes her a bigger target! [Marone]: I don't think anything could make her a big target, Chad ... the tires on my Harley are bigger than she is. {She scoops her hat back up from near where she stopped, hopping up to the apron where she smiles and waves like a little kid, then tugs her hat down a little bit tighter, springboards over the ropes, rolls through it and bounces back up to her feet, cheerily. Akuma, meanwhile, is snarling impatiently in her corner, getting talked to by the ref.} [Swayze]: I'd just like to point out, Freechild took less time to turn the Blue Bomber into pate' than Dale Ever-so-small here has just FINDING her opponent ... Can we get this match started already? If Colt stalls any more out here, I'm going to have to start freebasing Colgate ... [Escobar] It's obvious to me she's just excited to be in the AWI, Chad ... you can forgive a little youthful enthusiasm, can't you? [Swayze]: Did you just say "little," Justino? Alllright, you're learning! That's pretty good ... [Escobar]: I didn't mean it that-- [Marone]: Jeez, Justin, I thought you were a cool guy! How can you pick on a poor kid like that? She's cool, too -- kinda reminds me of my niece ... man, I should pound you just for sayin' somethin' like that. [Escobar]: But I DIDN'T -- {sigh} never mind ... the bell's ringing, and we're underway ... {Inside the ring, the two start to circle as the bell rings. Colt's still testing the ropes, the two a bit wary on locking up. They meet in the middle of the ring in a classic collar/elbow, which results in Colt getting tossed into the corner, never touching the ground, by her much, much larger foe. The crowd boos slightly, as Akuma poses a bit.} [Marone]: BOOOOOO!!! [Escobar]: Mike, we're supposed to be /commentating/, not picking sides. [Marone]: Oh, right ... I forgot ... but how come Chad's always picking sides? [Swayze]: Because MY boss has different priorities. [Escobar]: Like annoying the free world ... Colt seems ready to give this contest another try, though ... our viewers may like to know, these two have already fought a number of tough battles in their native Japan. [Swayze]: Tough because Akuma can never find the little runt cowering under the announcer's table over there ... but she's gonna have to pay rent if she wants to try that trick in the U S of A! {Colt shakes it off, and they lock up again, with the same result.} [Swayze]: I think we could get some better action from a Plush Pal ... on the other hand, maybe Colt IS a Plush Pal. {pause} No, can't be -- she's too short. [Marone]: Hey, Chad? You know what the difference between the ring floor and your scalp is? [Swayze]: What? [Marone]: One more short crack. {A third lockup gets Colt in a headlock, Akuma cranking it up to keep things nice, slow, and groundbound. Colt tries to push off using the ropes, but Akuma grabs ahold of a pigtail when shoved, pulling Colt right back into the headlock. The ref there, giving her a four count to let go. Akuma threatens the ref a bit after dropping the hold, giving Colt a very brief breather.} [Escobar]: Akuma having words with Newman now ... not a wise decision -- given the stakes of this match, disqualification is /not/ a good idea. [Swayze]: Kawaii's been beaten like a Dallas Cowboy since she stepped into the ring, and a little jawing with the ref is a bad idea on Akuma's part? {Akuma turns around to catch a superkick flush to the head, to the cheers of the crowd ... Colt follows with a pair of dropkicks, then bounces off the ropes -- where she's caught by Akuma and tozzed into the air like a pizza ...} [Escobar]: And Colt turning Akuma's overconfidence into momentum! She's off the ropes -- OHH -- very key mistake on the part of young Kawaii, and Akuma makes her pay BADLY for it ... [Swayze]: So do you want pepperoni or ham on your Colt? I'm thinking ham's most appropos ... {Akuma takes a moment to yell at the crowd while the ref checks on Colt's condition ... before she can fully recover, tho, Akuma goes back to work, landing a stiff kick to Colt's back, followed by a second, after which Akuma grabs Colt by the pigtails ...} [Swayze]: And as you can see, THIS particular Colt comes with a handy-dandy set of carrying handles, making her portable as well as pathetic ... [Marone]: You're treadin' a thin line there, buddy ... [Escobar]: I have to admit, it's not the most ring-friendly hairstyle one could wear ... {Despite Colt's efforts to get free, she's hoisted into the air by the hair ... a four-count breaks Akuma's grip, but she snaps Colt down to the mat before getting into another discussion with the ref ... she picks up Colt by the hair again, absorbs a couple of forearm shots, then delivers a return blow to Colt's back, and pummels the smaller woman with head and body punches.} [Escobar]: At this point, it's hard to believe I've seen these two evenly-matched ... Colt is totally out of this match, and Akuma is just brutalizing her opponent ... [Swayze]: OK, just how much cash on all that Kawaii airtime last week does the league lose when she hops a plane back to Osaka? [Escobar]: It's a little early to count her out yet, isn't it? [Swayze]: Maybe by 3 seconds ... {Akuma whips Colt into the far corner, and charges in after ... Colt runs up the turnbuckle and vaults back, but Akuma manages to barely catch her, then falls forward in a crushing front fallaway slam ...} [Escobar]: And Colt into the buckle -- GREAT agility move -- but Akuma keeps her balance -- SLAMS the smaller woman to the mat, and we have a cover! 1 ... 2 ... and 3-- NO, Colt BARELY gets a shoulder up! [Swayze]: That wasn't a kickout -- it was just the rebound from the slam! You can just peel Hopnomore Cassidy off of Akuma's tights, because she's roadkill! {Akuma hauls Colt up again for a few more stiff punches, then sends her into the ropes. Another waist-hoist and toss, but Colt converts it to a missile dropkick, landing on her feet ... and then follows it up with series of kicks - left knee, gut, left knee, gut, then a back spinkick to the chest that tumbles Akuma out of the ring in a heap.} [Escobar]: Akuma now seeming to just be in this for sheer mean enjoyment -- and a whip to the ropes -- Colt tossed into the air -- she NAILS Akuma with a missile dropkick, and lands like a cat ... and now she's dissecting the larger woman with a martial arts display -- AKUMA out of the ring! [Swayze]: How can the fans cheer that? I've never seen such blatant disrespect for the rules in all my life! [Marone]: What rules are those -- right-of-way? If Godzilla there can't keep track of the ropes, it's hardly the kid's fault ... [Escobar]: Colt's understandably reluctant to follow Akuma to the outside, and soaks up the cheers as she catches her breath ... Akuma to her feet now, and Colt into the ropes. [Swayze]: Uh-oh ... [Marone]: Huh? Oh, no -- DON'T DO IT, COLT! YOU'VE GOT SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR! {Despite Mike's warning, Colt bounces off the far ropes, and springboards off the opposite ropes on her return, for a shooting-star press to bowl over Akuma on the outside ...} [Escobar]: Kawaii off the ropes -- ON the ropes, OUT of the ring -- and WHAT A MOVE to take Akuma TOTALLY by surprise! [Marone]: Hey, whaddya know, she made it! [Escobar]: A MUCHO high-risk move pays off big for Kawaii, as Newman starts a count ... [Swayze]: Big deal ... one flashy move does not win a match. [Marone]: What about the Wicked Awesome Superkick? [Swayze]: That's not a flashy move. That's The Most Feared Foot In Wrestling. [Marone]: Well, maybe this wasn't just a flashy move, either. Maybe this is The Most Feared ... what do you call that, Justin? [Escobar]: A suicida shooting-star press, executed to perfection, and an incredible gamble! [Marone]: Right! So maybe this is The Most Feared Shooty-Spinny Thingie In Wrestling! {Colt's up again, and she's finally able to roll a dazed Akuma into the ring ... after a few more well-placed kicks, she ducks a clothesline attempt, hops up for a crucifix takedown, but keeps moving around to catch Akuma instead for a bulldog.} [Escobar]: Now it's Colt in control ... Akuma whiffs with a clothesline, Colt has her for a -- and she instead leverages the big woman down with a bulldog! [Marone]: An honest-to-goodness Texas bulldog ... reminds me of the old days, runnin' around with the Outlaw Riders. She really DOES have Texas in her veins. [Swayze]: And you've both got cotton between your ears. [Escobar]: Kawaii with a cover ... 1 ... perhaps too early, as Akuma shoves her off with little effort ... [Swayze] I've seen pop-tarts that didn't fly that high. {Colt up and in the ropes again, hopping off the ropes with a springboard moonsault -- that gets caught and turned into a tombstone by Akuma ...} [Escobar]: Colt into the ropes again -- high risk move -- and she goes to the well once too often, and AKUMA with a BIG piledriver! Cover by Akuma ... 1 ... 2 ... and she almost had Colt there, but Kawaii with a foot on the ropes. [Swayze]: Not that it'll do much good ... she's out of gas, and John Wayne himself couldn't save her now ... {Akuma with a few more punches, then hoisting up Colt for a powerbomb attempt, but Colt reverses it into a rana ... stands, then /handstands/ ... moves around a bit to aim, and drops her legs across Akuma's head.} [Escobar]: Colt in real trouble here -- no, she turns it to her advantage ... and ... and a VERY creative form of offense! Covers again ... 1 ... 2 ... and Akuma out ... [Marone]: I don't think I've ever seen that before ... on purpose, anyway. {Akuma heads off further offensives from Colt as the two rise with a hammering shot right to Colt's sternum.} [Escobar]: A VERY painful-looking turnaround ... and Colt now doubled over -- that may have cracked something ... [Swayze]: Hopefully what it cracked was her will to keep subjecting us to this ... Akuma should be snapping her like a twig any minute now. {Akuma hauls her up by the hair, then runs her to the far side ropes, pitching her up and over. Akuma turns her back, hands held up in presumed victory, missing Colt hooking the top rope and pulling herself back in. Wincing visibly, Colt grabs Akuma in a headlock and runs to a corner, running up the turnbuckle to hit a tornado bulldog.} [Escobar]: Akuma seems to be agreeing with you, Chad ... she drags Kawaii across the ring, and hurls her over the ropes ... but Colt catches them, and pulls herself back in -- Akuma once again miscalculates, and Colt catches her from behind -- and launches herself off the turnbuckle for a SHATTERING move! [Marone]: YES! It's just like my friend Bob always used to say: "never trust an Irishman!" No, wait, that's got nothing to do with this ... and come to think of it, I think they locked up Bob for sayin' it ... oh well, point is, Colt did good! [Escobar]: Colt giving the fans a quick pistol-shot gesture, and she's headed up top again ... {Facing away from the ring, Colt kicks off and twists forward into a 450 splash, though her left leg catches on Akuma's hip and twists oddly near the finish.} [Escobar]: And a FANTASTIC high-risk move! Colt with the cover once more ... 1 ... 2 ... and -- and THREE! Unbelievable! [Marone]: YAHOO! [Swayze]: I'm gonna be sick. [Marone]: Be sick that way -- he's got notecards to protect him. [Escobar]: MIKE! [Marone]: Sorry, I panicked ... [Escobar]: Forgiven ... ================================================================= {The screen cuts to an image of a pair of crash-test dummies fitted with tights in a mock-wrestling ring; they are driven together by motorized pistons, colliding in the center of the ring with a CGI explosion that fades to reveal the "GM" logo in the background, with the words "General Motors CRASH TEST!" superimposed over it ... it then splits apart, opening like doors to show slow motion footage of:} [Escobar]: And here we see tonight's General Motors Crash Test, as Colt Kawaii uses the turnbuckle as her personal stepping-stone to victory ... and of course, the tide turner in the match, this incredible suicida shooting-star. {The footage shows Colt with a headlock on Akuma, running up the turnbuckle post and kicking off to drag Akuma down to the mat ... then "confetti-fades" into footage of Colt jumping forward while spinning backward, to eventually bodypress Akuma outside the ring.} [Escobar]: That's explosive! That's impact! That's the General Motors CRASH TEST for this week ... and the kind folks at General Motors would like to remind everyone that seatbelts save lives, so buckle up! ================================================================= >>PRESSBOX<< [Escobar] In the meantime, Chad Duncan has managed to escape the Sniper's Nest long enough to hopefully get some words with our now-confirmed newest AWI superstar, Colt Kawaii ... Chad? >>NEAR RING<< [Duncan] Thanks, Justin. Colt -- Miss Kawaii ... can I have a few words? [Kawaii] {Limps near, nodding} Hai. Yes. [Duncan] First of all, congratulations on your match, it was back and forth all the way down to the wire. A very impressive debut, to say the least. [Kawaii] Sank you very much. Work hard, try to make the fans happy ... maybe this not be Texas, but America has best fans in world! {And since when have you ever seen a crowd NOT pop for itself?} [Duncan] I understand that you're still trying to learn English, Miss Kawaii, so I'll try to keep this short: What do you plan to do, now that you're in the AWI? [Kawaii] {Taking a second to wave at the crowd again, looking quite tired but also pumped up from excitement} First, must say thank you to all back home who let me do trip to try out here. I no do anything without family and friends. Now I here, I try to make fans happy! I work hard, yes? Meet many new people, see many new things. Maybe meet real cowboy like Roy Rogers! Yippie-Kai-yay! [VO-Swayze]: How hard do you suppose she'll cry when she finds out Roy kicked the bucket? [VO-Marone]: How hard do you suppose you'll cry when I put you IN a bucket? [VO-Swayze]: Hey -- I'm warning you, I'm like /this/ with the Walking Weapon of Mass Destruction! [VO-Marone]: You know Rosie O'Donnell?! WOW!! [Duncan] Yippie-kai-yay, indeed. I'm sure we can look forward to more from you in the future, Colt, but you'd better get to the back and get that knee looked at. {Colt nods, waving one last time for the fans to wild cheers, limping on up the aisle while slapping hands and pausing for a picture or two ... before she can make it to the back, however ... "Caught A Lite Sneeze" by Tori Amos keys up, as "The Mastermind" Alliyah Johnston appears at the top of the ramp. She has a microphone in hand, and points an accusing finger at Colt Kawaii.} [MAJ] Colt Kawaii ... to toss aside for a mere moment the idiocy of desiring to be a "cowboy" ... you are of the type which causes my stomach to twist and convulse more than any of the other so-called "Women's Wrestlers" in the AWI! I have never claimed to aspire to gargantuan levels of patriotism ... but I do have respect and love for my country of birth. You, on the other hand, would casually discard the heritage and meaning of a country renowned worldwide for its nationalism ... a country renowned for its pride and heritage ... a country which, to be truthful, is the only GENUINE source of women's wrestling ... to embrace the spirit of ROY ROGERS?!?!?! Colt Kawaii ... I am not even Japanese ... and you still MAKE ME SICK!!! Next week ... you and I will do battle ... and I think I will force upon you the thrashing anyone senseless enough to wear that cowboy paraphernalia deserves! You would do best to not even show up ... because, as always ... the Mastermind will STAY three moves ahead of you!!! [Escobar]: Colt seems stunned by Johnston's harsh words -- [Swayze]: You think she's stunned NOW? Wait until she gets hit with the Mindblower ... [Escobar]: That could very well happen, as these two WILL square off ... but for now, we go to these messages! +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ WHEN WE RETURN: Ed Carr takes Way Cool Jr. back to class! COMMERCIAL BREAK: ZIP disks and drives -- one hundred megabytes, one hundred uses! ... Maybe it's the way we use the most cliched ad campaign in history -- Country Time Lemonade ... A-1 Steak Sauce -- it's how steak is done ... +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ >>RINGSIDE TABLE<< [Escobar] Welcome back, everybody, to an already exciting AWI Line of Fire ... and now we take-- [Marone] Hold on a sec, Justin ... I kinda got somethin' I want to say. [Swayze] This oughta be good. [Escobar] What's on your mind, Mike? [Marone] Well, Justin, Colt got me thinkin' about Texas, and that took me back to my wrestling days ... and I think it's just sad that there hasn't been a lot said about the recent loss of a good friend in the wrestling business, my old pal Stan Jurgens. Stan was there for me when I first got into this sport, back in the early '70s, and I-- [Escobar] Uh, Mike-- [Marone] --still remember the way he and Tom Carr tore things up as the Outlaw Riders ... now sometimes, Stan wasn't always on the up and up, and he and I had our fallings out -- there was this one time he was ragging on about "Bullet" Bob Taylor's sister, and that just wasn't right, so I came out with a chair and-- [Escobar] Mike ... [Marone] --and well things got sort of strange after that ... but the point I'm trying to make is, Stan Jurgens was one of the true greats in this sport. A class act all the way, whether in the ring or at this table, and I'm gonna miss him a lot. [Escobar] MIKE! [Marone] What? [Escobar] Stan's not dead. He left to be a commissioner in our sister promotion, Frontier Wrestling. [Marone] Really? Oh ... I must've gotten the story wrong. Well, just pretend I said all that stuff about Tom Carr, then. And I feel bad for his son Ed. [Swayze] This is gonna take a long time, I see. [Escobar] Maybe it's just best if we just head to Paul Stone, globetrotting on assignment for the AWI, for an exclusive interview now ... ================================================================= {A shaky cam is following Paul Stone, wading through tall weeds towards a deserted-looking barn in the middle of nowhere. It is very late in the afternoon, and a scattering of spindly trees cast grotesque shadows across the land.} [Stone] I'm here on special assignment, real 60 Minutes-type stuff ... we're in rural Virginia for an interview with a new talent coming to Allied Wrestling International, a man who calls himself "the Scarecrow," Dominic Nightshade ... this _is_ where he said to meet him, right Lenny? [Camera Guy]: I think so. {Paul pushes through the weeds, coming to a table which holds a pumpkin carved with a distorted, grinning face.} [Stone] A jack o'lantern? In the middle of July? Talk about your early holiday marketing ... OK, Jack, are you this Nightshade guy? No? Why am I not surprised? {sighs} Some piece this turned out to be ... I guess we can always just roll the footage he sent -- {The Scarecrow pops up from the weeds, clapping white-gloved hands on Paul's shoulders.} [Nightshade] {In a jagged half-whisper} Good evening. [Stone] AIIIGHH!! {Paul jumps about a foot, and the camera tilts and loses focus for a moment as "Lenny" shuffles backwards.} [Stone] {Attempting to regain composure} Think Emmy, Paul, think Emmy ... {Ahem} Well, I take it from your, um, attire that you are Dominic Nightshade, aka The Scarecrow? {The Scarecrow looks down at his ragged black shirt and trousers.} [Nightshade] That appears to be the case. [Stone] Right ... uh, OK, Mr. Nightshade, I underst-- [Nightshade] "Scarecrow." Just "Scarecrow." [Stone] Anything the man says ... Very well then, Scarecrow, I understand you were born and raised on a farm not too far from this spot? [Scarecrow] {brushing a strand of pale blond hair from his painted face} I resided there for a time, yes. [Stone] {obviously trying to affect a Cronkite-like voice} So, from such humble rural origins, how did you make your way to Allied Wrestling International? [Scarecrow] {Staring at Paul intently} Let's just say I took a bad road. [Stone] I, uh, see ... {coughs and mutters} You and me both, pal ... {speaks up again} Well, we have some footage to show, is that right? {The Scarecrow abruptly rams his fist through the jack-o-lantern's face and withdraws a video cassette, dripping with pumpkin guts.} [Scarecrow] Let's go to the tape. {The camera cuts away from the field to show a brief set of film clips , with accompanying voiceover from an unrecognizable announcer.} [VO]: ... Scarecrow sits him on the top turnbuckle, and-- OH NO! Spinning roundhouse kick knocks him off the ropes onto the timekeeper's table!... ... Nightshade hammering away on the outside now; picks him up -- OHHH! POWERSLAM onto the STEEL STEPS! ... ... The Scarecrow just choking Jones out with a camera cable! The referee is counting him out, but Nightshade just ignores him to continue cranking away on the helpless Jones!... {Cut back to Paul, now standing alone with the ruined jack-o-lantern.} [Stone] That? We're bringing THAT to the AWI? What--oh, right ... Well, that certainly was one of the most savage displays of-- {looks around} Where'd he go? Mr. Nightshade? Scarecrow? Lenny, did you see him? [Camera Guy]: Nope. [Stone] Okayyy ... Well, there you have it fans, the Scarecrow, Dominic Nightshade, one of the ... colorful ... new wrestlers coming soon to the AWI! ... {looks off camera} The heck with the Emmy -- let's get out of here! This place is a little too creepy for me. {Takes a long look at the maimed jack-o-lantern, then at the dark, abandoned barn} Yeech! ================================================================= >>PRESS TABLE<< [Escobar] It's not much of a leap to say that Dominic Nightshade will be one of the more eccentric stars of the AWI ... and he's scheduled to make his debut very soon here on Line of Fire! [Marone] And offhand, I'm guessing Paul won't be buying a ticket. [Swayze] You gotta love a guy like Scarecrow here ... he'll half have the league scared stiff of him before he even locks up with 'em ... this is one strawman who DOESN'T need to go to the wizard for brains. [Escobar] As we get ready for our next big match, let's go to prerecorded comments from one side -- [Swayze] What kind of introduction is THAT? Ladies and gentlemen, and those of you actually watching ... you're finally going to get some holler for your dollar, as the man you stayed up past your bedtime to see is hitting the airwaves ... that's right, I'm talking about the Most Feared Foot in Wrestling, and the maven of managing ... give it up for Robbie Stevens! ================================================================= : AWI Launch Pad {Cut to a training ring, where several young wrestlers are working out around the area, and Robbie Stevens and Corey Bonham are standing in the ring.} [Robbie] Ah, the AWI Launch Pad ... a *REAL* wrestling school. Hey, Corey, does this remind you of any place? [Corey] Uhh ... I dunno know, dude. Doesn't pop up any images in my mind. [Robbie] Now, while normally I'd be upset at Corey for not linking a fine establishment such as this to a certain other training school, I can't hold this against him, because, well, this is nothing like the Ed Carr Wrestling Academy ... and that's a good thing! [Corey] Du-hude! There's like mondo differences between like, this place and like, Ed's place! Like, first of all ... this isn't on the top of some godforsaken mountain in like Jim Thorpe, PA. [Robbie] Yeah, and this is a REAL gym. Not like that bar Ed has us working out of. You know what it's like working in a building that had a bunch of drunks pouring beer and who knows what else on the floor the night before? [Corey] And like, those bathrooms ... like, I've seen outhouses which were like better maintained. [Robbie] Yeah, Ed's idea of a work out was having us mop the floor for 3 hours so he could save a few bucks on rent. [Corey] And like, that ring. Man, like loose boards, like, totally bogus ring cover that looked like someone ran over it with like a lawn mower. [Robbie] And facilities aside, then there was that teaching ... [Corey] Dude! Like, man, Ed was like the most bogus teach I ever had ... even worse than Mr. Hand in high school. I'd like, show up every week and like, Charlie would like get to do sentons and stuff. And then like, you'd get to work on like the Wicked Awesome Super Kick, but like, Ed would always make me do front face locks! And like, I was always doing front face locks. I'd show up every week and I'd be like, "Dude! Let me try like doin' this move I saw from Japan," and like, Ed would be like, "Corey, do a front face lock." And I'd be like, "I did those last week," and he'd be like, "do them again." And like, I'd do like front face locks for hours and then everyone would be like, "Hey Corey, how about a front face lock?" And I'd be like, "DUDE, SHUT UP!" And like, then Ed would make me do more the next week. And like I'd be like, "DUDE! I'M LIKE TOTALLY BUMMED OUT OVER DOING FRONT FACE LOCKS!" And like ... He'd make me do more! And like ... DUDE! [Robbie] (holding Corey back as he's starting to get really agitated.) Calm down, Corey, save it for the ring, man. See, Ed, you might shrug off Corey as a joke because the only thing you taught him how to do was a front ... [Corey] Don't say it! [Robbie] But what you did was light a fire in this man. He is now under my guidance and how possesses more moves than you ever will know. Ed, I hope you're ready, because when this man gets in the ring with you, he's gonna tear you apart! [Corey] Dude! I should like take him out with a front face lock! [Robbie] Maybe you should, pal ... maybe you should ... ================================================================= >>RING<< {As "I'm No Angel" by the Allman Band finishes playing, Ed Carr is now in the ring, watching the above commentary simulcast on the video wall behind the Sniper's Nest, holding a microphone.} [Ed Carr] {smirks} You still can't do a damn front facelock right, Surfer Boy. Stevens, you wanna hide behind people, that's no problem. You certainly don't have that many friends, so I'll reach you eventually. Just keep talking though, Robbie ... keep diggin' that grave a little deeper. As for you, Moondoggie -- you're now Robbie Stevens' "prize pupil", huh? Yeah, that'll look good on a resume. You do remind me of Robbie though ... all talk, no action. I tried getting it through that little pea-brain of yours -- if you can't do the basics, you're not gettin' very far. Bonham, you didn't even wanna put it any effort, always lookin' for the shortcut. Well, as luck would have it, you Eddie Awesome wannabe piece of trash, tonight you get to face someone who's also taken a few shortcuts in his time. I'm gonna do you the same favor some folks did me early in my career Corey ... I'm gonna tie you into a little pretzel. I'm gonna embarrass you. See, some potential is still there ... yeah, I was shocked too. So, I'm gonna help you realize that potential by humiliating you into actually learning to wrestle. Try the shortcuts Bonham ... you'll find I'm a few steps ahead of you. Stevens, certainly isn't gonna be any help. You want to get anywhere, Surfer Boy, you're going to have to actually wrestle ... I hope for your sake you've got it in you. {The crowd cheers Ed for a moment, then turns to boos as "Way Cool Junior" by Skid Row cues up on the PA. Robbie and Corey appear at the entrance, strutting down the aisle, ignoring the clamor.} [Swayze]: Man, is Ed *ever* gonna get beat up now ... {As Robbie and Corey near the ring, the previously seen "Team Stevens Cheerleading Corps" leaps over the railing, rushing the pair. No violence ensues (surprisingly enough for the AWI), but their hyperactive (*cough*) attention is barring the wrestlers from reaching the ring.} [Escobar]: Well, this is an ... unusual disturbance ... [Swayze]: For you, Justin, of course. This is just a typical day in the life of Robbie Stevens ... [Escobar]: No doubt. In any case ... I see apparently that security has sent someone to deal with this distraction ... {Indeed, the camera shows a figure in a security uniform, hat tipped low over his face, making his way towards the scene; he gently pushes the two girls away, apparently giving them some kind of stern words. The girls eventually get the idea, and get back behind the railing, though they don't look too happy about it.} [Escobar]: And order is restored, for the moment ... [Swayze]: Killjoy -- I think the league can spare the time for its numero uno draw to mingle with his infinite fan base--HEY!!! {The "guard" motions Corey into the ring, then turns around and slaps one link of a pair of handcuffs on Robbie as he's following Corey, the other attached to his own wrist. Robbie does a double take as he's pulled back away from the ring, and the "guard" lifts up his hat.} [Swayze]: "Security" my-- THAT'S JACK ROBERTSON!!! {The bell rings, signalling the start of the match.} [Swayze]: That's it, ref -- disqualify Ed! This is blatantly against the rules! [Escobar]: WHAT rule? [Swayze]: Article 3, Section 1, chapter 10, verse 12, part deux of the Team Stevens Guide to Excellence: DON'T MESS WITH ROBBIE!!! {Corey kicks at Ed, but Ed catches his leg and starts to spin into a legdrag; Corey counters it by leaping into an enziguiri with his other leg.} [Escobar]: Touch and go exchange between our two competitors leaves Corey with the advantage ... [Swayze]: Hey, can we get the engineers to record that sound bite? That way, you can just replay it again and again instead of having to repeat yourself. [Escobar]: {wry} I ... I think I can handle the strain. [Swayze]: Hey, just thinkin' of you, Justino. {As the two return to their feet, Ed pulls down Corey with a single-leg takedown; Corey kicks him from the floor and and stands up, then kicks him in the ribs. Corey tries to whip Ed into the corner, but Ed reverses it; Ed charges in, but Corey darts aside, and Ed hits the turnbuckle.} [Swayze]: A BRILLIANT tactic on the part of Corey there, don't you think? Luring Ed in like that? [Marone]: I'll say ... that's a real neat trick. Man, Ed's dad was doin' that to me all the time when we wrestled ... I'da thought he'd have taught Ed about it. [Escobar]: I don't thi-- it's not worth it. [Swayze]: AND I'd point out that Corey has to come up with this stuff on his own -- since Ed's THUG has our brilliant leader held hostage! {Corey drops a knee on Ed, then slips on a front facelock as he's getting up; Ed quickly slips out and applies a front facelock of his own. The crowd cheers, with a smattering of laughs.} [Escobar]: A ... memorable technical exchange between our two competitors ... [Swayze]: Oh, right, giggle it up, Justino -- Ed Carr's trying to induce a traumatic flashback in poor Corey there! {Ed scoops up a leg and snaps Corey into a cradle suplex.} [Escobar]: Ed Carr not content to settle for the lock -- he converts it to an elegant bridging suplex ... one ... no, Corey's out. {Corey throws a kick at Ed, and then stands up. He whips Ed to the ropes; Ed ducks Corey on the cross, and floors him with a drop toehold.} [Escobar]: We can see Ed Carr is obviously trying to keep Corey downed on the mat, where his higher impact fighting style -- and that weighted boot -- are less effective ... [Swayze]: Whoa, whoa, whoa, there, Justino, let's not get slanderous -- everybody knows that the only "weight" in Corey's boots is the crushing weight of expertise, of training direct from the Most Feared Foot in Wrestling, of hard work and dedication to the ideals that Team Stevens stands for-- [Marone]: And a pound of lead. [Swayze]: And a pound of-- no! {Ed rearranges into a leglace.} [Escobar]: I'm not going into that, Chad ... I think the fans can make draw own conclusions from the facts. [Swayze]: THESE cretins? They're cheering because our fearless leader is surgically attached to a walking tumor! You're going to let them THINK? {Corey breaks free; Ed stands back and stomps on him, then picks up a leg and jumps into a hamstring stretch. He then wraps Corey into an inside toehold.} [Escobar]: Ed Carr continues to keep Corey off guard and off his feet ... {Corey breaks free again, and Ed pulls him to his feet. Corey grabs Ed around the waist, lifting him up slightly; he keeps Ed bearhugged for a long moment, then throws him down in a belly to belly suplex.} [Swayze]: S-WEET! [Escobar]: Indeed, a surprisingly dominant counter from Corey Bonham appears to have turned the tide of this match. [Swayze]: What could POSSIBLY be surprising about Team Stevens' dominance, Justino? [Marone]: Oh! Oh! I know this one! {Corey slaps a front facelock on Ed, pulling him up, then DDTs him.} [Swayze]: BOOM! Now that's what you get training with the RSCA, baby! {He lets Ed get back to his feet, and tries to kick him, but Ed legdrags him down.} [Marone]: {mumbling to himself} R ... S ... R ... S ... {Ed attempts a leglace, but Corey kicks him away and stands back up, only to get taken down by another legdrag.} [Marone]: OK, I give. RSCA? {Ed spins into a toehold, but Corey grabs him by the hair and rolls him into a small package: 1 ... the referee notices the hair grab and forces him to break.} [Swayze]: Robbie Stevens Coolness Academy -- hey, good break, ref! [Escobar]: {obviously surprised} What? You're not complaining about that? {As the two return to their feet, Ed kicks Corey in the leg, then whips him into the ropes, catching him with a drop toehold on the return.} [Swayze]: Well, you know -- Ed's on so much medication right now to keep up with Corey's youthful vigor and vim, his hair's likely to come out in handfuls ... and then Ed sues Corey, and things get ugly -- really, it's just better off this way. {He then reapplies the leglace hold, this time adding a crossface lock.} [Escobar]: {sigh of disgust} I-- forget it. Ed Carr returns to the momentum slowing legholds, apparently doing a good job of wearing down Corey's "youthful vigor and vim". [Marone]: Yeah, and Corey's getting tired, too. {Bonham breaks free, and slaps a scissorlock on Ed. Ed breaks free, and the two stand again. Corey whips Ed into the ropes, and rebounds from the other side to nail him with a clothesline.} [Escobar]: High impact maneuver from Corey ... {He then drops a knee on Ed, but Ed rolls; Carr capitalizes on the blunder by applying a double chickenwing leglace.} [Escobar]: ... and he follows through to-- no! Ed Carr quick to capitalize ... with an *excruciating* hold! Corey looks ready to break ... he's submitting! Corey's calling for the referee to break it up! Ed lets go -- but where IS the referee? >>RINGSIDE<< {Robbie has words with the referee, apparently complaining about the handcuffs. The referee gestures to Jack Robertson, apparently telling him he has to leave ringside; Jack nods, and starts dragging Robbie down the aisle.} [Swayze]: Hey!!! This is police brutality! You might be able to get away with that in Texas, Jack, but we've got something called due process in Hartford! [Marone]: Wait, now Hartford's NOT in Texas? Oh, man, I gotta get a map ... >>RING<< {Ed Carr stands up and sees the referee returning from the corner, as Corey limps his way back up to his feet; Ed's expression clearly shows the realization that the match isn't over yet. He turns around towards Corey, who scoops him up on his shoulders then drops him in a fireman's carry brainbuster.} [Escobar]: Referee {name} couldn't hear Corey's forfeit -- oh NO! Corey Bonham scores the San Fernando Valley Driver while Ed Carr is still off guard! He makes the cover -- 1! 2! THREE!!! What a ROTTEN break for Ed Carr-- [Swayze]: Hey, Justino, don't overload the news wire here -- you GOT the important words out: Corey, SFVD, 1-2-3! Print the byline and roll the presses! +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ WHEN WE RETURN: A meeting of the minds! COMMERCIAL BREAK: Be nice to each other -- this message brought to you by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints ... Best Buy -- what's your great idea? ... Did somebody say -- "McDonalds"? +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ >>SNIPER'S NEST<< [CD] Ladies and gentlemen, we were all witness last week to one of the most vile, sick acts that I personally can attest to ever see. We all saw the great former two-time AWI North American Champion Jack Fury, who has been out of action for months, come out and attack a man who many believe gave Fury some of the best matches of his career here in AWI ... that man being "War Machine" Greg Gardner. As soon as Fury attacked last week, he fled the arena, and I was not able to get a chance to talk to him, but tonight he will answer for his deeds. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you ... JACK FURY!!!!!!!" {"Here Comes Trouble" by Bad Company starts up in the arena, to a chorus of boos. The crowd waits for Fury to step through the curtain, but he doesn't.} [Escobar]: Uh ... if we can get to our cameras backstage ... I'm told there's something going on back there! >>BACKSTAGE<< {Jack Fury is attacking a sound man and kicking him in the chest. Fury is screaming at the man.} [Jack Fury] That's not my music, idiot! I want you to play my music, not that crap the promoters picked for me, and I want my {BEEP}ING SPOTLIGHT!!!! {Takes a swing at the cameraman with a baseball bat} And get that {BEEP}damn camera out of here!!! >>SNIPER'S NEST<< {Back to the ring. Duncan looks visibly nervous as the lights go out and a sole spotlight shines on the curtain. "There Is A Light" by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds starts up. Fury exits the curtain and incites the crowd to boo him. He walks to the Nest slowly and hits the ring steps with the bat as he climbs up.} [Jack Fury] {grabbing the mike from Duncan} I'll make this short, sweet and to the point. The reason I came out last week and attacked Greg Gardner was simple: ever since AWE and UWA merged, there were guys on both sides of the fence that were afraid of Jack Fury -- on one side of the fence was Greg Gardner and on the other side was Danny Boy McGill. {The crowd sounds a chorus of disapproval for the disparagement of their heroes.} [Jack Fury] Being the fact that they were in tight with whatever comissioner we had that week, they decided that they were going to push me out of the picture because they were simply afraid of my ability, my charisma, and my fan support that they thought they could edge me out of the AWI all together. And you know what? They sure as hell did, because I've been gone for a long time, and I've had plenty to think about in my therapy sessions. One day, the doc says I've got to let go of some of my hostility towards people I feel inferior to. Then I suddenly realize that I didn't care anymore, kicked over her chair and went out and bought me this here Louisville Slugger. Greg Gardner, you know why I attacked you now, but you don't know what extremes I'm going to go now to end your career the same way you tried to end me, with your backstabbing and your lies and your alleged friendship. It's not about wins or losses anymore. I fear no fine or suspension. This thing between you and me is personal, and it's about how badly I can maim you and cripple you and how I will always survive no matter how much you try to keep me down. And to prove my point that I don't care any more ... {sticks his hand into the air; it's pixellated out, but presumably an obscene gesture.} I want to thank my loyal fans for their support and show them that I feel that they're number one just the same as I am. [Escobar]: Oh, for -- is this REALLY necessary? [Jack Fury] Thank you, good night, and go to hell!!! {The crowd boos Jack heavily as he leaves the Nest.} >>PRESS TABLE<< [Escobar] I -- I just can't believe what we just heard ... this man used to be one of the greatest athletes, the greatest sportsman the AWI had seen ... and now-- [Swayze] And now the conspiracy is out! The backroom shenanigans are exposed! Jack Fury is takin' it to the Man, and he's starting with the two poster children of boardroom sheltering ... you know, Justino, this could just about be the greatest year in wrestling! >>RING<< [Rod Allen] Ladies and gentlemen, our next bout is set for one fall, with a time limit of ten minutes ... introducing first, weighing in at two-hundred and eighty pounds ... from parts unknown, he is THE ORACLE!!! And his opponent tonight ... weighing in at two hundred and fifty eight pounds ... from the city of Salem, Massachussetts ... REVEREND Jeremiah JAMES!!! {The lights in the building dim, as Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus" ("For Unto Us a Child is Born" movement) begins to play, and Reverend James strides out with a solo spotlight creating a "halo" effect around him; the crowd responds to this divine spectacle with the Boo Chorus. He walks out to the ring with his arms outstretched above him and his head lowered; when he reaches the ring, he climbs the steps and takes the microphone, resting his arms on the top turnbuckle, using the corner like a pulpit.} [Reverend James] The servant of the LORD would ask his sheep for a moment of silence ... brothers and sisters in this great congregation, let us pray. Let us pray for the lost lamb wandering alone in the night, separated from his flock by the fences of pride, the wages of sin. I speak to you tonight on behalf of that despairing soul, of the man who calls himself ... Justice. {The crowd swells into a cheer at the reference.} [Reverend James] Once already, Justice, the LORD reached out to you, to show you the way of Truth, and you did turn away from it -- your pride held you down like chains of iron, Justice, pride in these mortal judgements that cannot hope to stand intact before the power, the might, and the glory of His eternal Truth. There is only one true justice, here in this AWI or elsewhere, and you will either serve its cause or be served by it. {He raises an arm to point at Oracle.} The LORD has graced his shepherd with a parable tonight for your benefit, Justice ... here, too, is a mortal soul consumed with sinful pride, the cage of self that will destroy him. Like you, Justice, this man lays claim to the LORD's domain. Watch you his fate, and contemplate it well. Oracle, the eye of the LORD has long been upon you -- to the eyes of my lambs {sweeping his arm along the crowd} you and I may seem much alike ... we both offer the guidance of truth, the wisdom of celestial certainty. But you, Oracle, you are a mockery of straw and clay, and the Reverend Jeremiah James shall expose you here tonight. At the end of the day, your cherished gifts of 'prophecy' are nothing more than a way to peddle material goods, and those who choose to listen to your guidance are left stranded in despair. This, now, is MY prophecy, Oracle: tonight, this ring shall become the LORD's house once more, and YOU, moneychanger, shall have NO PLACE IN IT! As it is written in the Book of Truth, thus is the will of the LORD ... Amen. {Oracle takes the microphone from the announcer after James returns it.} [Oracle] Reverend Jeremiah James ... when you step into the ring with the Oracle, your biblical quotations and prayers will not save you from the Prophecy. The Oracle sees into your black heart. You will bear your own cross of burdens when you step toe to toe with the Oracle. Jeremiah James, the Oracle sees all, and the future does look bleak for you ... SO IT IS STATED, SAYS THE ORACLE!" {Oracle drops the microphone as the bell rings, and opens with a knee lift, followed by a short-arm clothesline. He lifts James up slightly, then plants a DDT before making a cover: 1 ... James kicks out.} [Escobar]: Oracle off to a BIG opening -- though these two have never met in the ring before, it's obvious there's no love lost between them. {Oracle slaps on a headlock and pulls James to his feet, then whips him into the ropes, knocking him down on the return with a shoulderblock. He picks up the Reverend and tries to scoop him up, but James blocks him and slams him to the mat.} [Escobar]: The Reverend finally turns aside Oracle's staggering offensive for a moment ... {Oracle gets back to his feet and hits James with an open-hand chop; James counters with a chokehold, pushing Oracle back into the ropes.} [Swayze]: This is a good approach for Reverend James -- not only does it cause Oracle a bucketload of pain, it also keeps him from spouting that "So says the Oracle" junk ... {Oracle breaks out with a knee to the midsection, and whips James into the ropes; he lowers for a back drop, but takes an elbow to the back of the head instead. James follows with a forearm uppercut; Oracle throws him back to the mat.} [Escobar]: Just LOOK at that power! Oracle is taking everything James dishes out, and keeps coming back! [Marone]: Which is good ... only, James keeps dishing it out, too, so he's not really getting anywhere. I think. {Oracle lifts him up and whips him into the ropes; James rebounds with a clothesline that knocks Oracle over the ropes.} [Escobar]: OLA! Oracle takes a spill that drops him into no-man's land! {Reverend James steps out onto the apron, and drops a running elbow onto Oracle.} [Escobar]: The Reverend looks to be trying a high risk tactic -- AND HE CONNECTS! James pulls the Oracle up ... wait -- can we get a view of this? >>AISLE<< {The camera shows Justice lingering at the aisle entrance, just in front of the curtains; he seems to be alternately pacing forward and backpedaling from the ring slowly as the action changes.} [Swayze]: {in a mock deep voice} Yes, Justice ... feel the pull .. turn to the Dark Side ... [Escobar]: PLEASE, Chad ... >>RINGSIDE<< {James pulls Oracle to his feet, only to get slammed down to the floor himself. Oracle is returning to the ring, but James grabs him and whips him into the railing; Oracle manages to counter with a Death Valley driver.} [Escobar]: James closes for the kill-- ORACLE DROPS HIM! The bigger man returns to the ri-- no! James isn't through with him yet! AND WHAT A COUNTER!!! [Swayze]: He's just lucky that Corey Bonham's already had his match tonight ... if Corey wasn't so dedicated to taking it easy on the sensitive hearts of AWI fandom by doling himself out in small doses, he'd be out here right now to teach Oracle something about stealing another man's mojo! {Both men return to their feet, and James grabs Oracle by the head, smashing it into the railing; Oracle recovers and counters with a short-arm clothesline, then manages to roll himself and James back into the ring.} [Escobar]: The Oracle finally restores this bout to order, if a little worse for the wear ... {Oracle attempts a toehold, and gets kicked back through the ropes.} [Swayze]: Whoops -- you were saying? {This time the Reverend lets him get back inside, taking the time to recover; James smashes him with a double axehandle chop on his return to the ring, however. He whips Oracle to the ropes, and catches him with a big boot kick on the return; dragging Oracle to his feet, he chops him with a forearm uppercut then grabs his head and rakes it facefirst along the ropes.} [Escobar]: Jeremiah James applying a *viciously* illegal attack before the referee can step in ... {He locks on a chokehold, shoving it into the corner for leverage, before lifting up Oracle for a chokeslam towards the middle of the ring. As Oracle gets back up, James tosses him with a belly to belly suplex; he then pulls him to his feet before scooping him up onto a shoulder and driving him down into a tombstone.} [Escobar]: Reverend James sets up Oracle -- and PLANTS HIM IN THE MAT with a piledriver! A riveting mockery of Oracle's own "Prophecy" finish! [Swayze]: The difference being, Reverend James isn't finished with him yet -- that's just how he WARMS UP ... {James attempts a double hammerlock from behind, but Oracle snap mares him to the mat; as James returns to his feet, Oracle whips him into the corner, then rushes in after with an avalanche. Before Oracle can capitalize, James grabs him by the head and dumps him out of the ring.} [Escobar]: And James again sends Oracle outside the ring ... and showing a *colossal* lack of sportsmanship, I might add. [Marone]: Yeah, if Father James wanted to beat up Oracle so badly, why does he keep making him LEAVE? {Following him outside, James whips him into the ringside steps, then lifts him up into a crucifix elevation before powerbombing him onto the metal steps.} [Escobar]: Oh, no, he can't be-- the CROSS OF BURDENS!!! Oracle looks *seriously* hurt -- a powerbomb like that on those metal steps could be career threatening even to a man of Oracle's constitution ... {Reverend James rolls into the ring, and adopts a prayer-like pose as the referee counts out Oracle.} [Escobar]: ... and the Reverend looking *terribly* self-satisfied as he waits for the referee's decision ... [Rod Allen] Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match, as a result of a countout ... REVEREND JEREMIAH JAMES!!! [Escobar]: This is an atrocity, fans ... and no doubt, the Reverend will be called to answer for it the next time he and Justice meet! We have to go to a commercial, but first some words from the runners-up in the North American Tag Team title tournament ... [Marone]: Wow, that's a lot of T's. ================================================================= {The camera fades in to a now familiar spartan dojo. Blunt Dakota sits with his back against the wall and a towel wrapped around his shoulder. He is methodicly rubbing his temples, probably the after effects of the 'Nail in the Coffin.' Zap London alternates between working forms and eyeing his partner.} [Zap] You sure your head's alright? [Blunt] Well, the wheel's still spinning, but I think the hamster's dead. [Zap] Uh, Blunt, should I have been able to follow that? [Blunt] Not if you're lucky. Old, old joke, Zap. Let it pass. [Zap] Um, alright. The camera's here for comments. [Blunt] {groan} Flawless timing. You talk to the people Zap. [Zap] Well, despite my partner's head, we came out of International Incident without a scratch. [Blunt] Except to our dignity. And why doesn't my poor old head matter all the sudden? [Zap] There's nothing old about your head, now stop digging for sympathy. We proved ourselves by taking on three of the worst the AWI can offer up, we took them to the limits, and we still walked home. Without the belts, of course, but they'll come in time. [Blunt] And Robbie ... Pretty sloppy boy. I'm betting your head's worse than mine right now. Quarters of no quarters, there's no excuse for falling for the same move three times in a row. You showed absolutely none of the martial arts you brag about. I do believe we have a new 'Most Feared Foot in Wrestling.' [Zap] No time for bragging or complaining. We've still got Hazard and friends roaming out there. [Blunt] And now that Incident is overwith and done, there's nothing to distract us. Now what we could do is keep sniping at each other. [Zap] But we've all got better things to do with our time. Hazard, we want to hear from you. All we want is some idea of why you're jumping us. [Blunt] If you wanna wrestle, we'll wrestle. If you wanna brawl, we'll brawl. If you wanna play ambush until everyone in the AWI gets sick to death with the lot of us, we can do that to. But not until you give us a reason why. So until then, people, we'll be the Chaos Brothers. [Zap] Bis zum bitteren ende. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ WHEN WE RETURN: The MAIN EVENT! COMMERCIAL BREAK: She's beautiful and deadly -- he's elegant and lethal -- they're THE AVENGERS ... GOLDENEYE:007 for Nintendo 64 -- it's not Doom, really it isn't ... Want to get rich? Get the Wall Street Journal ... +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ {Intensive Care is in the locker room, making last minute preparations for their match.} [Mike Kirwan] So, someone's stepped up to the plate. Intensity, you may talk tough, but I don't think you know just what it is you're in for. [John Smith] Jayson, you seem like a good kid. You've got to get some nicer friends, though. I grew up with people like Hector. People that liked to bully other kids. People that thought 'cause they were bigger than everyone else they could do whatever they wanted. People that liked to take my lunch money. People that liked to wash my face with snow. {becoming angrier} YOU DIDN'T TAKE MY LUNCH MONEY AFTER I PUSHED YOU DOWN THE STAIRS, DID YOU HECTOR? YOU DIDN'T MAKE ME DO YOUR HOMEWORK AFTER I KILLED YOUR CAT, DID YOU HECTOR? [Kirwan] {chuckling} Martinez, I'd hate to be you tonight. Michaels, to be honest, I don't care much for you either. Like the rest of the AWI, you're the enemy, so you're just two more potential victims. [Smith] {having calmed down} I never did like people that yelled a lot. ================================================================= >>RINGSIDE TABLE<< [Marone] You know, that Smith guy is not well. [Escobar] I think you just said a mouthful. [Swayze] I think I'm gonna need a bucket of kettle-colored paint. >>RING<< [Rod Allen] Ladies and gentlemen, the next bout is tonight's MAIN EVENT ... it is set for one fall, with a time limit of ten minutes ... introducing first, at a combined total weight of five hundred and fifty pounds ... Hector "Power" Martinez and Jayson "Fury" Michaels ... IIIIIIIIINTENSITYYYYYYYYY!!! {"No Shelter" by Rage Against the Machine cues up on the speakers, as the muscular pair jog their way down to ringside to the cheers of the admiring crowd.} [Rod Allen] And their opponents tonight ... weighing in at a combined total of four hundred and ninety-nine pounds ... from the city of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania ... they are the AWI WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS ... {The crowd begins to boo loudly as the lights in the building dim, blue and red lights flashing across the arena to the sounds of ambulance sirens.} [Rod Allen] Mike "Stretcher" Kirwan and John "Asylum" Smith ... IIIIIIIIINTENSIIIVE CAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRE! {The champions make their way to ringside, Smith slapping hands with a few braver souls and drawing a scowl from Mike.} [Escobar]: This match should prove to be an exciting contest ... it looks like Jayson Michaels will be starting in the ring, with Mike Kirwan ... {Mike opens with a go-behind takedown, then gives Fury a stomp to the head followed by a forearm drop. He tries for a hammerlock, but Fury evades the hold and puts on a side headlock. He pulls Kirwan to his feet and tries to scoop him up for a bodyslam, but Kirwan manages to slide away; Fury lunges after him and snares him in a bear hug.} [Escobar]: Fury gives Mike an even match so far ... [Swayze]: This is what you call the "initial examination", Justino -- Kirwan has to carefully diagnose Jayson's exact physical condition, before completing his prescription ... namely, pain, in large doses, taken frequently! {Fury scoops up and slams Mike to the mat, then tags in Power. Jayson irish whips Kirwan to the ropes; as he returns, Power picks him up and presses him twice before handing him off in mid-air to Fury, who completes a powerslam.} [Escobar]: And speaking of pain ... the INTENSE PAIN compound slam!!! WHAT a fluid combination from this pair! [Marone]: You know, I know they're champions, Chad ... but I think Kirwan should probably skip the diagnosis and start wrestling before these two kill him. {Power stomps on Mike, then pulls him to his feet and whips him into the neutral corner; he pulls Mike out of the corner and whips him into the ropes, cutting him down with a running clothesline on the rebound.} [Swayze]: Hey, this is all part of Mike's master plan ... see, he LETS Power beat him around, showing everybody what a lunch money grabbing, little kid pushing bully he really is ... and then he lets Asylum loose in the ring after he's REALLY mad! [Escobar]: Hector Martinez may be many things, but a bully he is not-- [Swayze]: Memory loss? This man tore up Steve the Insane's priceless autographed photo of Tito Santana! [Marone]: WHAT? Those are really hard to get! I think you need like a dozen boxtops or something! {He then tags Fury back in, and the two lift up Kirwan for a double press slam. Fury makes the cover: 1 ... Kirwan kicks out.} [Escobar]: I think you're embellishing the facts just a-- [Marone]: Oh, MAN, I'd tear him apart for that! {Fury attempts a half nelson, but Mike quickly twists out and reverses it, then adds a hammerlock.} [Escobar]: Mike, it wasn't -- look, Hector HAS made some mistakes in the past, but the *point* is that Jayson Michaels has turned him around -- helped him get *past* that. {Fury breaks the hold, and bodyslams Mike. He tags in Power, and the two attempt a doubleteam slam, but Mike counters by grabbing their heads to leverage a twin kneelift, giving him time to tag in John.} [Escobar]: Quick thinking on the part of Stretcher Kirwan -- and now Asylum Smith is in the ring! [Swayze]: Power's in the ring ... Asylum's in the ring ... let the payback commence!!! {John Smith vaults over the ropes and leaps into a handspring palm thrust that knocks down Power; he picks up Power and whips him to the ropes, dropping him with a jumping leg lariat.} [Swayze]: YEAH, bay-bee!!! This is why you pay for tickets, people! [Marone]: Yeah -- to not be Hector right now. Ow city ... {As Power gets back to his feet, Smith headbutts him, then whips him to the ropes again; this time, Power ducks a clothesline, and nails John on the criss-cross with a big boot kick.} [Escobar]: Power evades -- and a BIIIG counter kick! {Power cinches a front facelock on Asylum; Asylum breaks out, and knocks down Power with a back elbow to the head. He runs into the corner and up the post, then quickly moonsaults off the post before Power can stand.} [Escobar]: OLA! I can't say I agree with his reasoning, but John CERTAINLY seems energized tonight! {Smith gets up, and tags in Kirwan, then hops over the ropes, launching into a handspring on the apron to hit Fury with a head scissors takedown to the floor.} [Escobar]: Good GOD -- John Smith is on fire, and Fury is out of the picture for the moment! [Swayze]: That's why they're the world champions, Escobo! Well, that, and that they've never had to face Robbie's boys ... [Marone]: And something about a mob guy outside the ring, too. That always seemed to have something to do with it. {Kirwan and Power grapple up; Power gets the advantage, and scoops up Mike for a front fallaway slam. He puts on a half nelson lock; Mike twists out and around to reverse the lock, then adds a hammerlock.} [Escobar]: Mike Kirwan trapping Hector in a hybrid nelson hammerlock ... [Marone]: That's too long. Let's just call it a Stretcherlock. {The two men stand up, and Mike converts the hold into a suplex.} [Marone]: Yeah ... and that can be the Stretcherplex ... {Mike Kirwan tags in John as Power returns to his feet; Mike repeats the suplex, as Asylum spikes it with a top rope leg lariat.} [Escobar]: John Smith tagged in-- [Marone]: Stretchertag! [Escobar]: Which may be extending the concept too far ... and he's readying for takeoff ... and a HIGH IMPACT combination from Intensive Care! [Marone]: SPIKE Stretcherplex ... {He rolls on top for the cover: 1 ... 2 ... and Power kicks out.} [Escobar]: CLOSE count for John Smith -- Power could really be in trouble here ... {John headbutts Power, then climbs up the turnbuckle; he jumps off only to be caught by a standing Hector, who shifts him around into a powerslam position -- but Asylum slides over his shoulder and behind his back as he tries to do this, and shoves him into the ropes to rebound with a reverse rollup: 1 ... Power pushes him off.} [Escobar]: John again taking to the skies -- NO! Power calls a halt to that offensive ... but Smith counters with a rollup! He gets just one count from that surprise maneuver ... [Swayze]: Only because Curtis Keyes has to count his fingers before he counts the pin ... jeez, is he actually here, or is this a slow-motion replay of his LAST referee job? {John hits Power with a barehand palm thrust, then whips him into the ropes; he makes a blind tag to Kirwan, and leapfrogs Power, who gets scooped up by Mike and bodyslammed onto his arm, while John rebounds from the opposite ropes with a fist drop.} [Escobar]: There's the tag -- but Power doesn't see it! HIGH IMPACT slam by Mike Kirwan! [Marone]: Stretcherslam! [Escobar]: And Smith quick to add injury to injury! {Kirwan slaps on a crossface armbar.} [Swayze]: Oh, man ... if you listen closely, you can hear Hector's elbow separating ... {Power hooks a leg around the ropes.} [Escobar]: Referee Curtis Keyes calls for a break ... {Kirwan breaks the lock and drags him to his feet; he attempts a short-arm maneuver, but Power stops him cold with a bear hug.} [Escobar]: And now Power returns some of that weardown effect to Kirwan ... [Swayze]: But obviously less effectively ... {Kirwan breaks free, and Power punches him, then whips him to the ropes; he drops Mike with a sidewalk slam as he returns.} [Escobar]: Power picks him up -- and HARD he goes back down to the mat! Hector ready to tag out-- no! {Kirwan hits Power with a kidney punch as he's attempting to tag; he manages an armdrag takedown on Hector while he's stunned.} [Swayze]: See, Kirwan may act gruff, but his heart's in the right place -- this is for Jayson's protection! They want to keep Hector in the ring, and just beat up on the bad guy! {Power manages to shake off the move, and pin down Mike with a side headlock. Mike works his way up to his feet, and kicks his way out of the hold, then tags in John. John climbs the turnbuckle as Mike scoops up Power to drop into a shoulderbreaker, then rushes into the opposite corner to hit Fury with an elbow shot.} [Escobar]: Intensive Care seems to be setting up another combination -- Mike with a cheap shot to Fury! That was uncalled for! [Marone]: I think Smith called for it when he made the cover ... it could have been coincidence, though. {Asylum leaps off with a shooting star fist drop ... but Hector gets his knees up, and then rolls John into a small package.} [Escobar]: Out of the-- Hector blocks it! He's got John pinned: one ... John breaks out -- no, wait -- he's BITING Hector, like some kind of animal ... [Marone]: No, Justin -- animals would chew their *own* limbs off to get out of a trap. So this is showing human intellect. [Escobar]: I'm not sure I agree with that interpretation-- [Marone]: Hey, it's true -- I saw it on Discovery channel. [Escobar]: You watch the Discovery channel? [Swayze]: You can operate a TV? {Asylum puts a scissorlock on Power's arm.} [Escobar]: Curtis Keyes is giving him a warning for that, and forces a break ... and John Smith switches to a more conventional tactic ... [Swayze]: As opposed to his usual nuclear arsenal ... {Power breaks out, and John headbutts him; he drags Power to his feet and attempts an inverted DDT, but Power blocks him and switches positions, DDTing John.} [Escobar]: The big man says NO, and sends John to the mat! Hector back on his knees -- AND THERE'S THE TAG!!! {Fury steps in, and whips the rising Smith to the neutral corner; Mike Kirwan rushes the ring, and Fury press slams him, then tosses him out of the ring through the ropes.} [Escobar]: And Jayson Michaels is taking out the trash!!! [Swayze]: Hey, show a little respect for your employers, Justino! Those are YOUR champions there! {Unfortunately, this allows Smith to tag him with a rabbit punch; Smith hops onto the ropes and leaps off with a springboard moonsault, but Fury ducks aside.} [Escobar]: John Smith takes it HIIIGH-- and scores nothing but the mat!!! [Marone]: Which reminds me: kids, don't do drugs! [Escobar]: What does that have to do with drugs? [Marone]: It may be fun getting high, but it really hurts to come down. [Swayze]: I gotta call a doctor -- that almost made sense ... {As both men return to their feet, Fury grabs John and snaps him into a northern lights suplex.} [Escobar]: HARD bridging suplex -- ONE! TW-- no, John's up! {Smith grabs Fury by the head and gets to his feet, then whips him to the ropes; as Michaels returns, John hits a rana.} [Escobar]: HU-RA-CA-RRRANA! And now Asylum is climbing up top -- I think he's looking to finish this ... OUT OF THE BLUE!!! {He leaps off for the shooting star fist drop, then makes the cover.} [Swayze]: The fat lady's on in 3, bay-bee! ONE ... TWO ... THREE-- oh, MAN, what's HE doing?!? [Escobar]: Hector Martinez in the ring, and he makes the save! {Hector pulls up John as Fury returns to his feet, and launches him into the air with a belly-to-back, but John blocks Fury from catching him with a mid-air palm thrust. The bell rings.} [Escobar]: Martinez setting up Smith -- they're going for the Coast-to-Coast here -- NO, what an incredible desperation maneuver on the part of Asylum! And there's the bell! [Swayze]: FINALLY, some decent officiating ... [Escobar]: What are you talking about? [Swayze]: Isn't it obvious? Curtis Keyes just disqualified these two lunks for their blatant double team tactics! [Escobar]: I HIGHLY doubt that's the case ... let's get the decision from Rod Allen ... [Rod Allen] Ladies and gentlemen ... as a result of the time limit having expired ... this match has been declared A DRAW! [Escobar]: This has been a VERY impressive showing by Intensity tonight -- they may not have walked away with the 1-2-3, but they certainly must have given Intensive Care the kind of competition Kirwan claims to be looking for ... ================================================================= PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATIONS PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING: * Coca-Cola: Always the real thing, always Coca-Cola. * Microsoft: Where do you want to go today? * Nintendo 64: Get N or get out! * Buick, Chevrolet, Geo, Pontiac, Saturn, and the other fine automobile producers from General Motors ================================================================= {The United States Army Drum Corps cadence sounds throughout the arena, as Rich Greenspear and Sam Richards stroll through the entrance ramp, to a thunderous ovation from the fans.} [Escobar]: It looks like we're in for a visit from a pair of old friends tonight ... and just LISTEN to that crowd welcome them! {They come to ringside after greeting the fans, as Sam takes the mic.} [Sam] Thanks for the warm reception, people, it's good to finally be back where we belong, the AWI! Me and Rich have been gone in other places, and there's one thing we've learned from the trip ... we should NEVER have left in the first place! {Major crowd pop.} [Sam] Unfortunately, some of you may not like what I have to say next, but I feel the need to say it. We do our best not to involve ourselves in other people's business, but our concern is that the fans, OUR fans, are treated well, and not abused or tricked by any of the wrestlers in the back, and I have a sneaky suspicion that that is what's going on right now. Y'know, we've been in the AWI since it's inception, and there was one constant while we were here. And that was that you NEVER trust Robbie Stevens or Kerry Masters to do anything. [Marone]: Wouldn't that be 2 constants? [Swayze]: Shows what THEY know -- you can trust Robbie with your LIFE, man ... s'long as you're COOL, like me. [Sam] The two, while different in style, have the same attitude of going around a problem and avoiding a confrontation, while still mouthing off about how great they were. They use people, and when they are done, they do their best to humilate them while making themselves look good. Yes, I'm talking about the ... ahem ... "changed" Kerry, although I don't see what's so changed about him, other than he's using the same tactics he used before against the OTHER rulebreakers now. [Rich] You owe me a match, Kerry, and I VILL collect on it. You have not changed. You are the same, you are just fooling the fans, and I vill not stand for it! [Sam] I wouldn't be so judgemental. I'm not preaching a higher ground like we're the moral voice of the AWI, but the plain simple fact is that your ring tactics are EXACTLY THE SAME as they were before. You use the same moves, you cheat just the same, and use underhanded tactics to win just as before, only now you're using them against others of the same ideology. That may get you cheered, but it's still not right. And one of the reasons we're back is to make sure that people follow the rules, and win based on their skill, not on how blind a referee is. [Swayze]: {snorts} Which is to say, you're GOING to preach a higher ground as the moral voice of the AWI. [Sam] You want to earn respect, Kerry? SHOW US, in the ring, against Rich, that you have the SKILL to be a "good guy", and that you have the HEART of a good guy. I honestly don't think you do. ================================================================= This work copyright © 1998 by Allied Sports Enterprises. Allied Wrestling International is a member of the Summit Wrestling Alliance; permission is given to distribute or rebroadcast AWI footage in cooperation with Summit Wrestling events. "CBS Eye" is a registered trademark of Columbia Broadcasting System, used without permission for purposes of parody; no actual association between the writers and CBS should be inferred. "Promotional" trademarks likewise used without permission or affiliation for purposes of parody. =================================================================