Hello and welcome to the jerry spriger show
Hi I'm jerry springer
Hello have you ever broken one of the 10 commandments commited a deadly sin against humanity know I haven't?
Oh yeah right sonny( female shouts from audience)
Jerry turns and gives a smile and wink at the camera then continues
"Well today we're gonna meet some real life people just like you and me ,well more like you because I'm the only star here and you better believe it girl friend."
"Woohoo go jerry go"bay the audience
He smiles again a glint of light flashes off his incisors.Holds up a hand to silence his flock.
"Yes if you thought last weeks episode about the dwarf and the giants 3 in a bed gay sex romp with Becky the bisexual horse was far out wait till you see todays' freakshow of the morally nieve.
Lets welcome our first actor er? first guest Mata Hari"
Crowd cheers clapping the lady on.(some even pick fleas from their hair indulging in an early grooming session)
In walks a middle aged woman with thick lipstick and makeup inexpertly caked on her canvas face.She sits on sturdy red chair and introduces herself
"Hi jerry" she drawsl in a deep south accent.
Jerry quickly interrupts her
Yes you are Mata Hari the RUSSIAN seductress?
Oh yeah jerry she replies her voice changing to an 80s b movie Russian accent
And what is it that you do?
Well jerry for some time I've been leading a double life.
Crowd gasp in theatrical amazement
And? Asks jerry
Well my boy friend just don't know I've been having an affair for the past few years.
Ok well lets bring him in.
In he walks dressed in an old French navy uniform.He sits down on a higher red chair next 2 Mata.
So why do u think u r here ?
Well alls not been going well u see it all went bad after I tried to invade England.
Well mata its up 2 you now
Well Boni
He smiles faintly and looks into her doleful eyes
Well I've been having an affair
(collective intake of breath)
Oh no
Yes its?its been going on for a while now and I think you ought 2 know
Well y? is it because I'm short u said it didn't matter as I had big feet.
Well I just got bored u were always away on campaigns and i fell for ady from next door
Well what have you got to say then Boni?
I just dunno jerry I trusted her
Yeah whatever ?so you wanna meet ady then?
No not really I'd rather go home and imbibe vast quatities of amphetamines washed down with vodka?
Well can't all these good people want a fight so sit down now! Glares jerry
Yes here's ady! He continues the crowd applase as a former axis leader walks out in front of the audience he strolls up to a dejected looking boni and slaps him in the face
The crowd howl and hoot the violence they crave is almost unleased
Ady Hitler goose steps to his chair, he spots jerry and scowels "ah so you are one who got away eh!?"
So ady how long have you and mata been seeing each other.
Well I've been a bit quiet recently rebuilding the 3rd reich and starting a new arian race with Mata here.
Boni incensed races up and attacks ady who calmly produces a small pistol and guns down the french leader.
The crowds cries rise and they are unable to contain their lust as they pounce as one towards the stage lapping up the spilled blood of the fallen general
The camera pans round focusing in on jerry whilst the melee continues without him. "Well thank you for watching, today we learned that infidelity can be bad very bad or maybe really naughty"
"I've been jerry springer god bless you all"