Greydragn's Layr

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Chapter IV

From time to time as she drifted off, Danu would have a moment between wakefulness and sleep when she was completely aware of both. The day's concerns would begin to get tangled in strange places and join with other ideas which appeared from unvisited realms. In the last moment before its surrender, the conscious mind would drag its fingers across her brain, and, just as the hand trailed away, it would acknowledge the change:
"Ah, things are getting strange here, we're going to sleep now."

And the fingers would lift away with a last flick of greeting to the arriving dreams.

Conversely, while lying in warmth and quiet as she began to rise from sleep, but while still under its surface, on occasion there would be that moment when memory would hold out just a little longer before giving way to reality.

Sometimes, especially after she had slept deeply (which was slowly becoming more frequent), she would find herself about to turn to Ibbon. She could feel him beside her in the bed, hear his breath gently flowing in and out. She would hesitate, trying to decide whether or not to move. Usually, consciousness would shove its fingers back into her brain:

"You know there's nobody there. There's no body anywhere, and probably no bones left floating about by now." Sleep would drain away, leaving her adrift in the emptiness of the bed.

Worse were the times when she would continue reaching out slowly to slide her arm over and around him. Her whole being waiting for the moment when she would feel the warmth of his body, then the hair on his rising and falling chest like a cushion under her hand, until her it rested against his skin and she would feel the strong pump of his heart. Her arm would fall through the memory of him with a quiet thump that jerked her up through the depths and made her gasp with the sudden reality of her grief.

So it was that she woke on that morning, alone, in the wrong bed, in the wrong house.

Danu rose quickly, grabbed a shawl that was draped over the finial on the head of the bed and pulled it around her. She walked out of the bedroom trying to leave the memories under the warm bed covers.

Onne was curled under a blanket in front of the fire, deep in a quiet sleep. A large gray short haired cat was resting against his back with its paws tucked in and tail wrapped around its body. Two green eyes opened a crack to look at her, then closed with satisfied purr.

It was not yet light, but she heard someone stirring as she neared the kitchen. Tolu looked up from her cup of tea at the table.

"Did you sleep well? You look a bit pale."

"I'm getting better at sleeping, it's the waking that's giving me problems."

Tolu looked chagrined, "I was trying to be quiet. Your sister can sleep through a cannonade."

"No, I didn't mean you." Danu hesitated, "I was dreaming and..." Would she sound crazy if she said it aloud? She started again, softly "It's stupid and crazy..."

Tolu replied "So, if it is."

"I still try to reach for him." Danu finished in flat voice.

Tolu rose and put her arms around Danu. "Of course you do. It isn't stupid or crazy, it's human."

For several minuets Danu was racked by silent sobs. As her breathing returned to normal, Tolu guided her into a chair. She poured another cup of tea a put it in front of Danu. "That's been waiting a long time to come out," she said.

Danu took a couple of sips of tea. She set the mug down with a slow and precise movement. "I guess it has. I've been afraid to let it out. I didn't know if I could stop."

"Well, after a while I think you just drop from physical exhaustion." Tolu replied without sarcasm.

With a slight laugh Danu ran her hand through her hair. "I suppose I would."

[in process]


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