Driving Chakotay

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Disclaimer: The world of Star Trek and all of its characters belong to Paramount. I am only borrowing them and will return them in tact – eventually.

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"Which one do you like, Chakotay?" Captain Kathryn Janeway asked of her First Officer as they stood on the surface of the planet, Rema, looking over the selection of cars available for rent. The cars resembled those of Earth of the 21st century with a rounded metal body, four inflated tires and needing one driver. Each car could carry three passengers in addition to the driver. The cars were fueled by organic fuel which the driver carried in the trunk and "fed" into the car at intervals.

"I like blue and that one's a pretty shade of blue," Chakotay smiled as he pointed to the car he liked and envisioned the trip that he and Kathryn were going to take. The officials of this planet had been very impressed by Voyager and her Captain and had been very generous in their trade agreements. They also offered shore leave for Voyager's crew, which they gratefully accepted.

Chakotay suspected that Legion Meesa, the leader of the planetary government, had been quite smitten with Kathryn and that was why they were so successful. He had to give her credit, she played her part to the hilt. In fact, he was quite proud of her since he knew she had no interest in Meesa as he practically threw himself at her.

Chakotay had offered, then begged and pleaded for Kathryn to join him for shore leave, but she said no, that she couldn't take shore leave since she had to oversee the loading of the supplies they purchased. He finally had to enlist the Doctor who ordered her to take shore leave or be confined to sickbay for her annual physical. He was glad she chose him over the physical.

"OK, the blue one it is," Kathryn announced as she marched up to the attendant and gave him her order. The attendant handed her the keys to the car so they made their way to it and unlocked the trunk to load their bags.

"What's this?" Kathryn asked the attendant as she noticed that the trunk was full of what appeared to be different kinds of fresh fruit. "Where do we put our bags?"

"That's your fuel and you put your bags either in the front compartment or on the back seat," the attendant answered as though they were stupid for not knowing this. "You have to feed the car if you want it to go for you. When it stops just put some fruit in here," he said as he showed them a pipe into which he dropped several pieces of the fruit. "You have enough fuel here for three days, so have a good time. Your maps are between the front seats."

"Thanks, er…..I……er……," Kathryn stuttered as the attendant spun on his heels and marched away.

"Well Chakotay, let's go," Kathryn announced as she promptly threw her bag on the back seat and sat herself behind the wheel.

"Ummmm…..ahhhhhhh, wait a minute, Kathryn," Chakotay stuttered as he noticed where she seated herself, "don't you want to just relax? You do need to relax. I'll drive. In fact, I really would prefer to drive. I was with you the last time you attempted to drive a land-based automobile and still have the scars from when you wedged the car under that low bridge."

"You have no such thing Chakotay. The Doctor always removes any scars. Besides, I did a good job driving on that trip. It's not my fault that there were no signs indicating the car wouldn't fit under the bridge. It looked OK to me."

"Kathryn, you weren't even on the road when you tried to go under the bridge. You were in somebody's yard and were trying to drive under a footpath bridge. It was only for drainage for God's sake and was only four feet high."

"But Chakotay, it was plenty wide and I didn't realize we weren't on the road. I was so busy trying to determine what you were screaming about that you distracted me. It was all your fault. And I'm going to drive this time so just plant your backside in the passenger seat and we'll get going."

"Kathryn, please let me drive. I was only screaming because you were driving through a field headed toward a house. I was sure we were going to crash. If I hadn't grabbed the wheel and turned the car you would have planted us inside the house instead of under a bridge in a ditch."

"Into the car, Commander, and that's an order. I'm driving, but I'll allow you to navigate. The maps are between the seats, so start studying them. This place looks like it has good roads that are easy to see, so we'll be alright as long as you don't pick the wrong road," she rolled her eyes at him.

Knowing that he was beaten and especially since the only way to keep Kathryn from driving was to drag her kicking and screaming from behind the wheel, Chakotay sighed deeply and settled himself into the passenger seat.

"I heard that sigh, Chakotay. Cool it and just look at the maps. You know where we want to go," she stated as she reached for the key to start the car.

Skreeeeeeeech was the sound the car made as Kathryn started it up. Skreeeeeeeeech…..BANG as it finally kicked in sending a puff of smoke out of the back of the car.

"KATHRYN, LET GO OF THE KEY!" Chakotay shouted as he grabbed her hand and pulled it away from the key. "Once it starts the car will keep running, you don't have to keep turning the key," he continued as he fell back against the seat wondering if taking a road trip with Kathryn was such a good idea after all.

Slightly shaken and embarrassed, Kathryn took a deep breath and studied the car's controls. "Don't worry, I'll get the hang of this. I am a quick study." Chakotay only rolled his eyes.

"Now, if I move this lever to the "D" position we should go - don't you think?"

"Kathryn, are you sure you don't want me to drive." As her glare fell on him he nodded, "Yes, D stands for drive, so gently slide it onto the D and step softly on the fuel pedal. You do know which is the fuel and which is the brake, don't you?"

"I'm not stupid and I have driven before Chakotay, so don't be smart. Just relax and enjoy yourself and tell me which way to go."

Chakotay studied the maps for a few minutes as they left the car idle. Kathryn studied the controls committing them to memory. She was going to prove to Chakotay The Doubter that she could drive this thing competently, which is more than she could say for him and his history with shuttles.

"OK, go to the end of the driveway and turn right," Chakotay decided as he put the map down onto his lap and braced himself.

Roarrrrrrrrrr, vavooooooooommm, the car went and arrrgggggggg went Chakotay as they hurled down the driveway at breakneck speed. Just when he was sure the world would end, she slammed on the brake and whipped the car to the right onto the road.

"Kathrynnnnnnnnn, SLOW DOWN!!!" Chakotay shouted as he closed his eyes and offered a prayer.

Honk, honk, beep beep, skreechhhhhh were the only sounds he heard as he slowly ventured to open his eyes. They were headed down the highway but cars were swerving to get off the road. As he quickly glanced back he saw two cars off the side of the road looking as if they had spun out of control. The car coming toward them quickly swerved to the side of the two-lane highway, so he looked forward intently.

"Kathryn, you're supposed to stay on the right side of the line, not centered on it," he quickly stated. "Please move to the right so the other cars don't hit us," he prayed with a calm he didn't know he possessed. Either that or he was already dead and didn't care anymore what happened.

"Are you sure, Chakotay? This line looks like a marker and we should follow it if we want to get where we're going," she replied as she moved the car to the right side of the road.

"This isn't a shuttle in space where we follow the course lines the computer provides. This is a two-lane highway Kathryn, and the cars going in the other direction need a place too. Just stay to the right and keep driving until I tell you to turn, OK?"

"OK Chakotay, if you're sure about this line thing. It just seems funny to follow a line that you keep to the side rather than down the middle."

"I'm sure Kathryn, and just keep a steady speed at about 50 MPH and we'll be fine. We have 12 kilometers to go before we have to turn."

Chakotay sighed as he leaned back against his seat and tried to relax. This was going to be a long trip, but if he survived the trip to the hotel where he and Kathryn were staying at it might just be well worth the effort. He left his mind drift trying to imagine two whole days with just him, Kathryn and Mother Nature.

The sudden centrifugal force threw him against the side of the car and quickly dispelled his pleasant thoughts. The bump….bump….bumpbumpbump…..alerted him to sudden danger, as did his head hitting the roof.

"What……what….. KATHRYN GET BACK ON THE ROAD!" he shouted as he realized they were off the road and driving through a field. "WHERE ARE YOU GOING….GET BACK ON THE ROAD!"

Whomp…..bump… and the car suddenly stopped. Chakotay sneaked a peek at Kathryn to see what was happening.

"Chakotay, you've got to stop yelling at me. You distract me and I can't drive. Now look what you've done, we're in a field."

"I distracted you? Pardon me, but I was just sitting there relaxing when suddenly I was thrown against the window? What happened?"

"Oh Chakotay, there was a dog in the middle of the road and I didn't want to hit him. I turned the wheel and look, we ended up here. But the dog is OK, I saw him run off," she stated rather pleased with herself for missing the dog.

She turned back to the wheel and reached for the key. "Remember Kathryn, just turn the key until the car starts and then let it go," Chakotay reminded her.

"I know, Chakotay, trust me."

Skreeeeeeeech……the car sounded, but only once. Kathryn quickly left go of the key as if it were hot and burning her fingers. She gave him a quick smile.

"OK, we're going back to the road now," Kathryn announced as she put the car in D and stepped on the fuel pedal.

Roommmmmmmm, the car sounded as its tires spun but they went nowhere. Roommmmmm again sounded as Kathryn stepped on the pedal.

"We're stuck Kathryn," Chakotay lamented as he opened his door and stepped out. He quickly ascertained that the driver side rear tire was stuck in some soft ground, but the rest of the tires seemed to be on solid ground. 'Leave it to Kathryn to find the only soft spot in the field,' he thought to himself.

Moving around to Kathryn's door he indicated that she should roll down the window. "I'm going to have to push the back end of the car to try to help you get out of here. Only the rear driver's side tire is stuck, so I'll push while you GENTLY….and I repeat GENTLY….. push the fuel pedal to get the car moving. Once it's moving just keep going until you're on the road and then wait there for me. I'll catch up to you there where the ground is solid. OK? Do you understand?"

"I'm not stupid Chakotay, of course I understand. After all, I seem to be the only one able to get Voyager unstuck from spatial anomalies most of the time. I can certainly handle the car." He had to acknowledge the truth to her statement, she always did have the best ideas when they were in trouble aboard Voyager, but the verdict was still out on the car thing.

After positioning his shoulder against the back bumper and planting his feet firmly on the ground, Chakotay gave Kathryn the signal. "OK, I'm ready Kathryn. Now remember to push the pedal gently." He dug in and pushed with all his might.

Skreeeeeeeech…..vrrrooommmmmm……spatter, spatter, spatter, splat was what greeted him. Kathryn and the car took off at high speed headed for the road while Chakotay fell forward onto the ground as the rear tire shot clots of mud onto him. Thousands of small clumps of mud flew through the air, and they all seemed to be aimed for him as he sat in the soft mud where the tire was previously stuck.

"Arrrrrggggggggg," he groaned as he picked himself off the ground and wiped the mud from his eyes and face. First he looked down at his mud-splattered clothing and hands, then he looked up to see Kathryn and the car waiting for him on the road. She quickly got out of the car and stood with her hands on her hips.

"Uh-oh. Trouble. I may love her but I'm going to kill her if she doesn't let me drive," he mumbled as he walked to the car while he continued to try brushing the mud off his face and clothes. "Maybe bound and gagged would work," he continued to mumble.

"Chakotay, you're a mess. Why were you playing in the mud?" she asked as she glared at his muddy countenance. "You're going to mess up the inside of the car."

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr," was his first response as he glared back at her. "I thought I told you slowly Kathryn, not warp 9. What do you think you were doing? That certainly wasn't gentle and when the car took off…. just look what you did to me."

"Quit crying Chakotay. I did the best I could. You did say 'go' so I went. Come here and let me help," Kathryn offered as she rummaged through her bag and pulled out a small towel and a bottle of water. After pouring some of the water onto the towel, she proceeded to wipe off his face. Once that was clean, she handed the bottle and towel to him and rummaged through his bag for a clean shirt and set of pants.

"Here, put these on," she ordered as she held a clean shirt and pants out to him. "And stop the growling, it wasn't my fault. You can change in the car and I'll wait out here and keep watch in case anyone comes by."

"Grrrrrrrrrrr," he mumbled.

Five minutes later Chakotay stood beside her in clean clothes. The only evidence of his muddy encounter was a small amount of mud that dried in his hair, but Kathryn reached up and brushed it away. "You look much better," she announced as she gave him the once over. And then she wiggled her eyebrows at him as she turned and headed toward the car.

'SHE WIGGLED HER EYEBROWS AT ME! That was so cute. Uh-oh, what is she doing?' Chakotay thought as he stared at her. "Oh no you don't," he quickly said as he figured out what she was doing. "I'm driving from now on, my nerves can't take anymore." He quickly grabbed her arm to keep her from getting into the car.

"Don't be silly Chakotay, I'm perfectly capable of driving and you're here to relax…..so relax. Besides, we're almost there."

"Kathryn, forgive me, but I love you and value our necks, and I don't know how to kindly tell you this - but you're a lousy driver.." He quickly pulled her to him and lifted her into his arms moving swiftly to the passenger side of the car. The door was already open from when he changed, so he deposited her wiggling and kicking form into the passenger seat.

"I'm driving Chakotay, and that's an order," she threw at him in her captain's voice as she looked up from the passenger seat. She looked so cute glaring at him and spitting like an angry cat. "And what do you mean I'm a lousy driver, at least I don't crash shuttles. I can drive this car…..I just need a little time to adjust."

"No, Kathryn, I'm driving and you're going to relax. If you don't sit still I'll tie you into the seat," he threatened as he took his life into his hands and leaned over to gently and quickly kiss her. "Now relax and enjoy the ride." He shut the passenger door and in a very swift motion got around the car and into the driver's seat before she could move.

"Whew," he mumbled to himself as he reached across to fasten her seatbelt and then his own. Putting the car into D he eased them back onto the highway headed for their destination. Kathryn crossed her arms across her chest and glared at him.

Two miles down the road the car stopped……gently and slowly it just stopped and Chakotay guided it to the shoulder of the road. "Now what," he mumbled as he glanced at Kathryn who was silently sitting there.

"Well, at least you didn't crash it. I think I know what's wrong, but since you're the driver you can figure it out," she smiled sweetly at him with a smug look on her face. He just looked at her trying to figure out what her ploy was and what was wrong with the car. He was afraid to get out and check under the hood for fear she would jump into the driver's seat and drive off without him. Well, probably not without him but she would try to drive again, of that he was sure. Kathryn was one very determined woman.

"OK Kathryn, I admit you have superior analytical abilities so please tell me what's wrong with the car so that we can get to the hotel before dark. Pretty please," he flashed his dimples at her knowing that she couldn't resist that.

"Oh Chakotay, do you know how cute your dimples are?" she sweetly smiled back at him.

"OK,……OK…..it's hungry," she answered as his smile turned to a frown and he gave her an 'I'm going to get you' look. "You have to feed it."

"Oh God, I forgot about feeding it," he slapped his hand against his head. Will you help me, and Kathryn, please don't try to drive. I'm finally relaxing and enjoying myself," he lied knowing that he would truly relax and enjoy himself when he had her all to himself at the hotel. This wondering if she was up to something had him all tense.

"I'll help you Chakotay, and if it's so important to you I'll let you drive the rest of the way," she answered as she went around to the trunk. He met her there and lifted the lid exposing the stockpile of fruit and the pipe used to 'feed' the car.

"I guess you just put the fruit down the pipe," Kathryn said as she reached for a piece of fruit and deposited it into the pipe. In went a second, third and fourth as Chakotay watched her.

"I wonder how much it wants," Chakotay queried as he watched Kathryn put in a fifth, sixth and seventh piece. Low rumbling sounds from the car drew their attention to the pipe, and sudden burping sounds startled them.

"Do you think it has indigestion?" Kathryn asked as she held the next piece of fruit in her hand, afraid to slide it into the pipe. "Maybe that's the sound it makes as it processes the fuel."

"Quick feed it a few more pieces and then let's go before it throws up all over me," Chakotay started to panic as the rumbling and burping sounds got louder. Kathryn quickly slid three more pieces of fruit into the pipe, they lowered the lid and jumped back into the car. When Chakotay turned the key, the car started and off they went.

"Kathryn, please check the map and tell me which way to go. I know we have to turn soon, but I can't remember where and the road splits up ahead."

Kathryn dug out the map and spread it onto her lap, intently studying the lines and markers. "Hummmmmm…..ahhhhhhhh….." she mumbled as she continued to study the map.

"I need something more definitive than hummmmmm and ahhhhhh," Chakotay countered as he realized that the split in the road was upon them. "Which way."

"Go right Chakotay." And he started to turn the car onto the right fork. "No, wait…..go left."

Chakotay spun the wheel hard to the left throwing them both against their seatbelts. Still clutching the map Kathryn quickly yelled….."No, RIGHT ….. GO TO THE RIGHT!"

They were already almost totally on the left road when Kathryn yelled, so Chakotay put all of his considerable strength into pulling the wheel to the right. He was rewarded with a thunk, then bump…..bump……bumpbumpbump….. He slammed on the brakes and quickly said a prayer that they would still be in one piece when the car stopped.

The car finally came to a stop on the grassy area between the two roads and Chakotay slumped against the wheel quickly saying a silent prayer of thanks. He proceeded to gather his wits about him and silently count to 10.

"Kathryn, ………..WHICH WAY???"

"You don't need to yell, Chakotay," she responded as she looked at him and pouted. God, he hated it when she pouted and he certainly couldn't be mad at her when she looked so appealing. "We go to the right, Chakotay, I'm sure of it." He had his doubts.

"Let me see the map," he softly asked as he reached out his hand. As she handed it to him he realized what was wrong. He then lost it……he totally lost it and started laughing. He laughed and laughed until the tears rolled out of his eyes, and then he laughed some more.

Kathryn couldn't imagine what was so funny. In fact, she was afraid he'd yell again since they were once again off the road and sitting on the grass, so she was more than relieved at his reaction, unless he had gone crazy. That must be it - he's gone crazy. She was sure that only the fact that he loved her kept him from killing her, but even so - why was he laughing so hard unless he truly had gone off the deep end?

"Chakotay," she tentatively asked, "are you alright?"

"Oh Kathryn, it's a good thing I love you."

"Why does that have anything to do with the road?"

"Because you were holding the map upside down." He finally got his laughter under control, reached across the car, grabbed her head, pulled her toward him and planted a kiss on her lips. "You're impossible, you know that?"

"I love you too Chakotay," she responded once their lips parted, "but we do need to get to the hotel before dark. Would you like me to drive?" she asked hopefully. She enjoyed taking control of the car and making it go where she wanted. She rarely ever got to drive her starship. That Tom Paris just never wanted to let her drive and wanted to keep the controls all to himself. She decided that she was going to have to change that when they got back from shore leave. New directive - the Captain got to drive the starship for two hours every week, so driving this car would be good practice for her. If only she could center the car on the center line, it would be so much easier.

Nawwwww, Chakotay would never go for that, she thought. He'd want his chance to drive as well and then he'd want four hours for every two of hers. Tom would never agree to that. Maybe if she let him play captain for those two hours? Hummmmmmm………………..

"No, Kathryn, I'll drive," Chakotay interrupted her daydream. We only have two more miles until we're there, so just relax and enjoy yourself."

Chakotay got the car back onto the road and off they went. Fortunately for them traffic wasn't heavy and only one car had to swerve to avoid them at the fork in the road. They were almost there.

"Look on the map, Kathryn, and tell me what road crosses this one right before the hotel. It should have a name," Chakotay said as he directed her attention back to the map.

"Let me see," Kathryn studied the map carefully. Suddenly her eyes became huge grey/blue saucers and her mouth opened into a perfect O as she looked speculatively at Chakotay.

"What kind of vacation did you plan for us, Chakotay?" she asked as her attention returned to the map. "I thought we were going to relax, go hiking, boating on a lake, and commune with Mother Nature. Just exactly what did you mean with this communing with Mother Nature?"

"Why do you ask," Chakotay was puzzled. "I meant we'd appreciate the beauty around us, and it is supposed to be beautiful here. Legion Messa assured me this was the most beautiful area on this continent. Why do you ask?" he repeated.

"I don't know Chakotay. Maybe , just maybe, it has something to do with the location of this hotel. After all, its name is Lovers Hideaway and it's located right alongside Lake Buff at the intersection of Passion Drive and Intercourse Avenue. Notice anything suspicious in those names?" Kathryn asked as she flashed Chakotay a glance.

"Ummmmm……ahhhhhhh………Legion Messa did say it was a romantic setting, he just didn't tell me its name. Only that it was beautiful………just like you," Chakotay wiggled his eyebrows at her and flashed the dimples as they turned into the driveway of the hotel. Might as well make the best of the situation he thought to himself as he pulled up to the front of the hotel.

"What do you say, Kathryn?" Chakotay teased as helped her out of the car and grabbed her hand. They walked hand-in-hand up to the hotel desk. "This is a beautiful place and the suite is ours for the weekend. Shall we commune with Mother Nature?"

Kathryn gave him 'the look' as they proceeded to check into the hotel and received the key to their secluded suite. As they walked down the hall and entered their suite Kathryn just smiled at him. "Sounds good to me Chakotay, on one condition."

Giddy with happiness that she just agreed to spend a romantic lovers weekend with him at Passion Drive and Intercourse Avenue, Chakotay sighed, "Anything, my love."

Kathryn reached her hand up and guided his lips down toward hers. Just before contact was made she stated her condition. "I get to drive back."

The End

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