Scene Seven


On a mountain slope many, many years later. DEEDELUS is now a very old man wearing a tattered robe and sporting a long gray beard. HE sits stage center in front of a campfire with a YOUNG HOBO sitting next to him. Obviously, DEEDELUS has been telling the youngster the entire story.
YOUNG HOBO
So you just up and left the Beaster Boys like that? And you were one of the originals.

DEEDELUS

I was a replacement for one of the originals, the one who had his balls cut off by an adoring fan.

YOUNG HOBO

My grandma, she was one of your biggest admirers. I grew up with Beaster Boy jocks all over the wall. Bet you raked in beaucoup zotzkas.
                                                       (DEEDELUS shrugs.)

YOUNG HOBO

That was in them days before they exterminated all them Killer Pandas.

DEEDELUS

Yeah. Sometimes I even miss them. At least they were better than what we have now.

YOUNG HOBO

You mean them Killer Kangaroos?

DEEDELUS

K.P.s were cuter than K.K.s.

                                                   (There is a pause as THEY both stare up at the night sky.)

DEEDELUS

The night is so clear you can almost see Schwartzkopf.

YOUNG HOBO

And did you ever find the Library at Marianat?

DEEDELUS

No. But I’m still looking.

YOUNG HOBO

And your mother’s ashes?

DEEDELUS

They’re still here. (Another long pause as THEY stare into space. The orchestra plays "As Long as You Have a Book" very faintly in the background.)  
YOUNG HOBO
So it was all a waste.

DEEDELUS

Oh, no! I learned so much.

YOUNG HOBO

Like what?

DEEDELUS

Like….like…at a certain point your friends will desert you.
                                                (DEEDELUS glances at YOUNG HOBO. HE is not impressed.)
Stay away from all cults.
                                                (YOUNG HOBO raises an eyebrow.)
Never trust a funga dealer.

YOUNG HOBO

What else is new?

DEEDELUS

                                                  (thinking hard)
Watch out for people who collect things.
                                                 (YOUNG HOBO raises another eyebrow.)
Panda suits are very hot.
                                                 (No reaction.)
Beaster heads are very heavy.
                                                (Still no reaction. After a long pause)
I can make the best schluckin’ bookburger you ever et.

YOUNG HOBO

Hey, man, now ya talkin’.
 
  (A look of satisfaction appears on Deedelus’ face. The music of "As Long as You Have a Book" builds.)
CURTAIN
 
 
 
 


 
 


















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