Hi, I'm Doctor Blornstoke, and let me tell you, isn't it embarrassing when you cut a fart and everyone hears it? Well, by studying farts, I have compiled the following list of quick comebacks to use to prevent you from looking like a smelly, inconsiderate slob when that untimely moment occurs! 1. Do absolutely nothing. After you cut a fart, you should:
2. Cry.
3. Look around and say, "Who farted?"
4. Suddenly cough, to give the impression you were coughing, not farting.
5. Suddenly burp, to give the impression you were burping, not farting.
6. Suddenly throw-up, to give the impression you were throwing up, not farting.
7. Commit suicide in the quickest possible way.
8. Say, "Whew!! What a gasser!"
9. Laugh
10. Get really paranoid because you know that everyone heard it, but nobody says anything.
11. Leave the room.
12. Say, "I'm sorry. I guess I just eat a lot of beans."
13. Die of embarrassment.
14. Scream as loud as you can.
15. Say, "Gross, man."
16. Fart again.
THE END