Powders, Potions and Plans
Dedicated to: Paul W., Lyndsey and two other males that helped me get an idea of what goes on during a bachelor party.
Author's Notes: Batten down the hatches, it's a long note...
1)The series/characters in general:Part of the "Wedding Rehearsal" series. Liam is Spike, Joyceln is Joyce, Elizabeth is Buffy, Harbinger is Whistler and Nana Bethie is Lady Atherton who is also Buffy's great-grandmother.
2)The movies that I name in this story are *purely* fictional. Much to my embarrassment, I have never rented a porno and once I get the nerve to, I will. As for where I got the titles, well, after hearing that there's a porno called "Buffy the Vampire Layer", that's where all the ideas came from. No copyright infringement intended.
3)And the idea for Spike actually hit me from one of my Spike lists. Also, please for give the ending of the party, it'll be continued in the next installment...'Nuff said.
4) Feedback please!
*****
Part A: Count Down in the Morning
Scene Ten: Early Morning Baking and Powder
As Spike approached the house, he cautiously looked in the lit kitchen windows. "All right, why am I looking in the bloody windows? Why the hell am I being so bloody cautious? Because, the Slayer's at home and Bratty Beth is a guest for the bloody wedding. Oh, sorry, Nana Bethie now. Wonderful, Spike, you're talking to yourself now, pretty soon you'll be insane like Dru."
Sighing, Spike opened the kitchen door and was assaulted with the smells coming from the oven."Who the bloody hell is baking at this time?"
"I am,"Joyce yawned as she came from the dining room. She smiled tiredly at Spike as she tightened the belt of her white and pink floral robe."Good morning. Or night. Or whatever it is. Buffy beat you. Been in bed for the past two hours. It's good that you're home."
Frowning, Spike approached her."Mum, what are you doing awake at four in the morning?"
"Baking. Staying awake,"she yawned as she sat at the kitchen island."Planning a wedding. Planning a murder."
Spike cocked his eyebrow at her."Whose?"
"At this moment, I'm not sure. I should kill Buffy because she's getting married. Or Angel for proposing or Rupert because he's acting like a jealous husband or Owen for just being there,"she yawned."But most likely, it would be Hank, the bloody idiot that's causing me so much trouble."
"Can I add to the list, or am I allowed to kill someone on my own for you?"Spike asked hopefully. Joyce blinked at him."Never mind, Mum. What happened?"
"Were you at dinner at La Reine? No. Of course you weren't, you didn't have indigestion,"Joyce said as she leaned against her hand."Well, Nana took control after Rupert *accidently* knocked over Hank's plate of hot food into his lap after he, Hank, not Rupert, started to really interrogate Angel about his absence during the day. Is that a sentence?"
Spike nodded slowly. Joyce smiled."Good. He was fielding the questions while being especially possessive about Buffy in front of Owen who a nice boy, even if he is thick between the ears. He really deserves a spanking, and Rupert was willing to brain him one especially about the personal comments he was making about and Nana was about to let him."
"The Watcher was about to brain Angel, Owen or the idiot?"Spike asked, trying to know who the ‘he' was.
Joyce yawned again."Rupert wanted to brain the idiot, then Buffy wanted to brain Angel who wanted to smack Owen for being there. Then the idiot, Hank, not Owen, wanted to stroll around Sunnydale after dinner. Which you know what the problem that created."
"Oh,right. His being targeted for the hunt. And you're baking because?"Spike prompted. Joyce blinked at him. Then looked at the oven, which started to ring at that moment.
"Oh, right. Baking. I couldn't sleep. Been having trouble trying to sleep ever since Hank arrived,"Joyce said simply as she looked into the oven. "Usually, after snuggling with Rupert, I'm gone. But lately, not. Thought I'd try baking. Think the muffins and scones are ready, want one? Think I'm ready for bed as soon as I clean the dishes. All I can say is that thank god I don't have to puree or make special dishes of anything for Hank."
"Why's that? He lied about his jaw being cracked by Peaches?"
Joyce shook her head."Not really. Doctor thought it was cracked but it was merely bone bruised. He can eat very soft foods as long as he doesn't chew a lot. Got me on the medical aspect of it. Then again, wish Willow'd make a spell on him to disappear, but then Buffy'd be upset. All I know is that I don't have to make extra dishes for him. And gotta do the dishes now."
Spike looked at the dishes, then at Joyce's tired face."Why don't I do the dishes? Go to bed. It's going to be a long day, and you need your sleep, Mum."
Blinking at him, Joyce then nodded.Then she motioned for him to bend down. As he did, she kissed his forehead."You're a good boy. Go to sleep soon, before the sun's up. Don't want you to fry. Good night, Liam."
"Night, Mum,"Spike said as he waved to her disappearing figure. He looked at the trays of muffins, crumpets and scones and smiled."So Hank, you little worm, I might not be able to kill you or make you disappear, but I can make your day hell."
Taking out a plate and placing a couple of muffins on it, Spike then took out a small bag of red powder and sprinkled some on it. Then taking some paper and writing, 'For Hank' on it, he placed the note and muffins on a tray. Smiling, he then put the bag back into his pocket."This ought to do it. And now for the dishes."
*****
Scene Nine: Morning Powder and Greetings...
Yawning, Giles entered the kitchen to brew a cup of tea. He needed a cup of tea. He looked around the kitchen for the tea pot, but instead he saw the plate of muffins for Hank."Joyce was baking last night? She was *that* upset? She made the blighter a plate of muffins?"
Frowning, he studied the handwriting. It wasn't Buffy's or Joyce's. And definitely not his. Then he looked at the muffins again, and smiled as an idea hit him."Fine, then. If she's made him a plate of muffins, then I'll add the condiment."
Hearing the sounds of Joyce and Buffy awakening, and possibly Hank and Lady Atherton, he rushed upstairs and quickly came back down. He took out a few pats of butter and placed them is a bowl, then took out the kitchen mortar and pestle, crushed a few pills in it, added dried herbs and the butter. He then arranged the butter next to the muffins for Hank. And set to washing the evidence of his misdeed after boiling water for his tea.
"Morning,"Buffy yawned as she walked into the kitchen."Hey, what's this?"
Giles greeted her."Morning, Buffy. I'm not sure, but I think it a plate for your father that Joyce might have made. Maybe you want to give it to your father?"
"Bright idea, Giles,"Buffy said as she poured a glass of juice and then took the tray to head to her father's room. Giles whistled as he dried his hands.
"Morning,"Joyce yawned as she entered the kitchen. Giles smiled as he gathered her close to kiss her."Mmmm. What was that for?"
"You. Feeling better after baking?"Giles said as he gave her his cup of tea."You're not still upset, are you?"
Joyce slowly sipped the tea as she shook her head."Wasn't upset. Just couldn't sleep. Even after that energetic performance last night, Rupert."
Giles kissed her nose."Guess I'll just have to try harder."
"Ugh. Can you two *not* do that in the morning?"Buffy said as she entered the kitchen."Dad's eating the plate of muffins you made, Giles. Are there anymore?"
Joyce looked at her husband."You made *Hank* a plate of muffins? How sweet. Why?"
"I didn't make him a plate, there was a plate here labeled for him,"Giles frowned."Thought you made it."
"Nope. Must have been Nana then, couldn't be Liam,"Joyce said as she shook her head."He only offered to murder Hank for me again. And to do the dishes."
Giles thought for a moment."Did he also promise to get rid of the body after he was done?"
"Giles! That's my dad!"Buffy frowned. Joyce hid a smile behind her cup as Rupert winked at her.
"Sorry. Any scones? Need some breakfast,"Giles asked innocently as Buffy continued to scowl at him.
"Baked chocolate chip and currant scones, blueberry and apple muffins and crumpets,"Joyce said as she handed him her cup."So where's Angel's party going to be?"
"As far as I know, Xander's checking out the local bar near his place as the last resort, Whistler's opting for Willie's and I'm still opting for Angel's place,"Giles said as he sipped his tea. "I have to know soon, being that I'm in charge of the food."
"What do you men do at bachelor parties anyway?"Buffy demanded curiously."Do you like give gifts and drink alot? What'd you do for your bachelor party?"
Giles choked on his tea."Trade secret. And I really don't remember. Must go now. Joyce, see you later."
*****
Scene Eight: Morning Food and Plans for Thought...
Listening in on that last bit of conversation in the kitchen, Hank Summers smiled as he mused to himself."So...Angel's bachelor party is tonight. Well, good for him. Man should celebrate his last dose of freedom with a party. But *not* if he's marrying *my* daughter. She'd probably beat his ass if he was caught even looking at another girl."
As Hank buttered the last piece of his muffin, he smiled as he absently scratched his arm. And took out the telephone book. He looked up at the ceiling."This is bad, Hank. Bad. Shouldn't do this. Take Joycie's advice. Let Buffy marry Angel. No. You're doing this for your daughter. You're going to get to know this Angel while he's under pressure. And what better way to see if he loves Buffy than to see him with a stripper? Just better not let Buffy or Joycie or Nana know about it."
Then he looked down at the telephone book and started searching. Finally, he found the names, numbers and addresses he was looking for and started writing down the information."Let's see. Alexander L. Harris. Bars, Willie's. No Angel K. Sutherland though. I'll find that later.And Evening Entertainers. Great."
He scratched his neck after he popped the last piece of buttered muffin in his mouth, then burped slightly."Hmm. Must be the muffins. Never had this much gas in the morning."
Then he felt his stomach start to churning. And his bowels started moving. Then he rushed into the bathroom.
*****
Scene Seven: Morning Inquiries and Plans...
Willow scowled at her husband."No porno. No strip joints."
"Not in charge of entertainment, Will. Xander is,"Oz said as he kissed her nose."I'm in charge of the drinks. And the place."
"Where you having the party?"Willow demanded as she unlocked the store."At Angel's? Willie's?"
"Where's Buffy's bridal shower tonight?"Oz countered.
"At her house. Then we head out to a bar,"Willow said promptly.
Oz shrugged."As far as we know, we're meeting at Giles's then heading out with our loot. So you'll know when we do."
"Fine,"Willow said."But no porno or strip joints."
"No comment or promises. Just what the groom wants to do,"Oz said blandly."It's his last night. And what were you working on last night that smelled so badly?"
"Uh, just a healing spell for Buffy's dad. For his jaw. That sort of thing. And don't change the subject, Oz,"Willow said quickly as she scowled at him."I want to know where did you do and what did you do for your last night?"
Oz made a helpless gesture and said quickly,"I really don't remember, honey. I have no memory of my life before I married you. I can only remember our wedding. Look, a customer. Hello!"
“That’s *not* going to save you!”Willow called out as she was blushing with pleasure.
*****
Scene Six: Morning Entertainment Plan
Cordelia scowled at Xander as he kissed her good-bye."Watch the make up, Xander."
"Are you going to be mad at me all day?"Xander asked as he got out of the car."Not one smile for me?"
Cordelia shot him a patented fake smile."There. And don't think that I'm still not mad at you, Alexander Harris."
"I'm telling you, Cordy, I have no idea what goes on at bachelor parties. Honest,"Xander said as he crossed his fingers."I'm getting stuff all hearsay. As far as I know, we meet at Giles's, then head out to wherever Angel wants to go. All I know is that I'm renting the movies. From the local vid store. Oh, and if Amy calls, tell her that I'm in Fun Stop. She's, uh, has a gift idea list for me on what I should get Buffy and Angel."
"Hey, Xander. Cordelia, what's up?"Oz said as he greeted them at the curb."Ready to watch movies?"
"Hey Oz," said Cordelia looked at Xander suspiciously. “What kind of movies?"
"Whatever Angel wants to see. No blood or gore. Probably something like 'Bambi' or 'Home Alone',"Xander shrugged."Look, I'm late. And we have a whole lot to do in the store. I gotta watch while Oz does the finances and Will writes up a new game before she heads off with Buffy and Faith.So see you later?"
"Fine, see you later then Xander,Oz,"Cordelia said as she sped off. Oz looked at Xander.
"Xander...'Bambi?'and 'Home Alone'?"
Xander shrugged."Sure. 'Bambi Does Dallas' and 'Home Alone with Lorelei'. Any other favorites?"
"Not that I know of. But Devon got 'Breakfast on Top of Tiffany' at my party if you need another title,"Oz said as he shook his head. "But to lie to Cordelia...You're a brave man, Xander."
"Not really. All the blame can be left at Angel's dead feet,"said Xander as he walked into Fun Stop with Oz."He's the one that's getting married. We’re just providing the stuff to torture him."
*****
Part B: The Count Down at Mid-Day...
Scene Five: Planing Before Lunch
Scratching his neck, Hank Summers held on to his stomach with his other hand as he slowly walked into the empty outer office of Evening Entertainment."Damn it, must've ate something bad yesterday. Maybe it was the mushroom cream sauce..."
Sweat beaded his forehead as he groaned slightly when his stomach rolled again. Hank closed his eyes for a moment and leaned against a chair. When he opened his eyes, he saw a good-looking male face looking down on him. Hank Summers scowled."Are you the owner of Evening Entertainers?"
"More of a partner in the business,"said the man in his smooth accented voice. He frowned a bit. "Are you all right, my friend, you don't look so well. In fact, you're looking a bit red there."
"I'll be fine. I'm looking for someone, a special someone that would suit my purposes,"Hank said in a sotto voice as he started to scratch his neck. The man straightened and looked at Hank indignantly.
"We do *not* provide that kind of service here at Evening Entertainers! We are a *respectable* establishment, *not* a call girl service!"the man said coldly. Hank Summers stared at the man before he exploded.
"What the *hell* are you talking about?!? I want an exotic dancer, a stripper! *NOT* a prostitute!"he hollered back with a fierce glare, then promptly ruined it by scratching his neck again.
"Oh. Well, that we can provide,"the man said."Can you make it to the office or do you need to be carried?"
Hank gritted his teeth."I can make it. I don't need to be babied like most of you Union Jacks."
The man only nodded to Hank politely as he lead the way to his office, and took a seat behind the desk that was loaded with various small clay, stone and metal statues."Now. We have several ladies that can be suited to any type of tastes, it's all a matter of how much you are willing to spend. When do you need the exotic entertainer and how long do you need her."
"I can pay you cash and I need her tonight. The time will be when she's done doing her thing,"Hank said. Then added in a sotto voice,"Or when the shit hits the fan."
"Beg pardon?"the man queried. Hank merely looked at him.
"Never mind. The stripper will be ready when I call and go to the place that I direct her to,"Hank ordered. He looked at the other man."I'll leave the money here with you so that you can give it to her. The stripper has to have a large bosom and small waist. Long dark hair and at least five seven."
The man cocked his eyebrow."We have a girl like that. Is there anything else? Like how she should be dressed? Or a theme she should be prepared for?"
"She can be prepared for a bachelor party with a small party of males. Her center of attention should be solely for a tall brown haired male who's approximately six feet, his name is Angel. She can be dressed like...like she's going to spend the night on the town,"Hank decided. He looked at the man opposite of him."I'll call here when I know the place of the bachelor party. Here's the money, two hundred...who should I ask for?"
"Er...Rayne is the name you should be asking for,"the man said as he coughed. Rayne's brown eyes studied the blonde man before him."And whose phone call should I be waiting for? In order to send the girl?"
As Hank rose from his seat, he hesitated, then shrugged."The name's Summers. And that's all you need to know. And tell her there will be an extra bonus for her if she says that she doesn't know who hired her."
Nodding, Rayne stood to walk the man to the door."Well, we have a girl that seems to fit your needs.”
"Thank you,"Hank said as he walked out the door. Then twitched as he felt an itch on his leg."Uh, one question, do you know where the bathroom is?"
"Down the hall to the left,"Rayne instructed. He held his chuckle when he saw the Slayer's father bolt down the hall."Well, well. Looks like the father of the bride is planning something for the groom he dislikes. Isn't that...sweet."
He walked back into his office. Rayne picked up a small stone statue of a woman which had delicately carved animals surrounding her, looked at it and then smiled."I guess Dad have his bit of fun. And give the Slayer my wedding gift. With love from her old friend Ethan."
*****
Scene Four: Potion Before Lunch
"So when's your dad going to be here?"Faith asked as she looked at her nails."He's late and I'm starved."
"You're always starved,"Buffy countered as she looked up from her book."Dad'll be here, he just said that he had some errands to do. Finish that program yet, Will?"
Willow looked up from her papers."Huh? Yeah, I'm almost done. Just got to get this last function done, then debug it. Then send it off and get some money from it."
"Sounds like a plan,"Buffy chuckled."A good plan."
"So where's you Mom and Nana, Buff?"Faith asked casually. Buffy merely shrugged at the other girl.
"They're off to do some Nana-granddaughter bonding at two. In other words, they're going to go and buy Nana a new dress for the wedding,"Buffy chuckled."I found out that Nana is a bigger clothes horse than me and Cordy combined."
Willow whistled as her brown eyes twinkled."Is that even possible? I mean, I've *seen* your closets! I think I saw the Loch Ness in there!"
Buffy was about to retort when she heard,"Hey, honey! I'm here! Where's the bathroom?"
Startled, Buffy stared at her father. His neck was covered with a *very* red rash."In-in the back. On the left. Last door before the back entrance. Dad, have you a-"
"Not now, honey, gotta use the men's room,"Hank said as he sped away to the back room. Buffy stared after her father, then looked at her friends.
"Is it just me or did he have a hideous rash?"
Faith shrugged."Beats me. I wasn't looking. Better go check after him and see if he found the bathroom. You handle Roaming-Eyes Ridley. Your turn."
Buffy blanched as she pasted a false smile on her lips."Oh, God. Ridley. Don't leave me Will. Where's Angel to dismember someone when you need him? Hello, Mr. Ridley. Are you here to see our new collection of ballads?"
While she made her way to the back, Faith chuckled as she heard the false, happy tone in Buffy's voice. Reaching the bathroom door, she knocked on it."Mr. Summers? You okay in there? Need something to drink?"
"You have some stomach medicine?"Buffy's father called out from behind the door."I sure could use some."
"Sure, some stomach fizz coming right up,"Faith said as she walked over to the cabinet over the small kitchenette. As she ripped open a packet of stomach medicine, added water, then took something out from her pocket. Smiling, she added an orange colored powder to it, making the water look a bright orange. She smiled as she walked over to the bathroom door and knocked on it."Hey, Mr. S, I got your fizz water. Added some orange soda to it to make it taste better."
The door opened and Mr.Summer's pale face looked even paler to her."Thanks, Faith. Must have been something in that French restaurant we went to last night that made me feel this way."
Faith merely smiled as he chugged down the orange liquid.
*****
Scene Three: Planning with a Demon and a Potion
Nana Bethie merely looked at Harbinger, now known as Whistler, as she crossed her arms."I think that you should know better, Harbinger."
"Come on, Beth, you know that it's a great plan,"said Whistler, exasperated."Put the two of them together in a dark room and let nature take it's course. Or better yet, their hormones. Only people that would know is you and me. And the Watcher man."
Nana Bethie rolled her eyes."You *really* expect me to lock up Elizabeth and Angel in one room, then Joyceln and Rupert in another, just hours before the wedding dinner rehearsal in the resort and *then* just have the two of them face my other grandchildren in their birthday suits? Harbinger, methinks you are a total lackwit."
"It's a *great* idea, Beth. You might get another grand-kid, Angel won't rip of anyone's head, namely mine, and everyone will be satisfied, so to speak,"Whistler wheedled."And it'd be a *great* present for them. Next to Buff's dad disappearing, that is. We can work on that idea if you want."
"Won't work if we make the idiot disappear,"Nana Bethie said as she shook her head."Elizabeth will assume that Rupert or her mother did something and Joyceln will immediately suspect me. And I think that I don't want the idiot to disappear just yet."
Whistler scowled at her."Why not?"
"Because he hasn't met my other ten grandsons before he married and divorced Joyceln,"Nana Bethie said devilishly."So we have to plan another way to make him safe for the wedding."
"Other than locking him in a room and tying him to a bed, there's nothing else, especially since you ruled out spells,"Whistler snorted."And I still think that should be an option. As well as the idea that we should lock the two horny lovebirds together."
"Well, Harbinger, I think that this is my cue to leave you to find your own gift to Elizabeth and Angel,"Nana Bethie said as she rose from her seat."And a night of passion filled bliss together is not one of them. Especially before the wedding."
"Why not? A little bit of passion is good for everyone."
"Indeed it is. But think, lackwit. The two of them haven't been together for nearly three weeks. Do you honestly *beleive* that they'll leave the room in time for their wedding?"
Whistler thought for a moment."Oh. Maybe not. So what should I do then for a wedding gift? Turn Owen into a plant?"
Nana Bethie rolled her eyes."I told you fifty years ago that you should have invested in stocks and real estate, but no. You didn't listen. Lackwit. What kind of Harbinger are you?"
"As if demons need a good stock portfolio,"Whistler snorted."And that's why I changed my name. Wasn't so good with the fortune-telling gig as I thought I was. We still on for the poker game?"
"Just don't bring any false scrolls, or else I'll have to murder you again,"Nana Bethie said as she left the room."And everyone's meeting at Joyceln's house after sunset. Be there. Without the spell, Harbinger."
Whistler snorted as she shut the door. Then he smiled as he took out a small vial of blue liquid."No spell to make, Beth. Just a little juice for Dad to make him stay in at night. But what the *hell* am I going to get for the wedding?"
*****
Scene Two: A Potion and Plan After Lunch
"Well, that was an experinence,"Buffy said as she walked out from the back of Fun Stop."Never saw Dad sneeze so much during dinner. And run to the men's room so many times. Or scratch himself red."
Faith shrugged."Maybe he's coming down with something."
Buffy frowned."I *really* hope not. Wedding's in five days and the rehearsal dinner at the resort is tomorrow. With all my cousins and uncles coming in the morning. Think he's really coming down with a bug, Faith? Or am I just cursed?"
"Maybe he has a cursed bug that'll go away in a few hours,"Xander quipped. Faith and Buffy shot Xander a dirty look that made him shrink."I'm going to look at your dad, Buff."
Quickly making his way to the back, Xander pulled out a small vial of green liquid that Amy had prepared for him and grabbed a can of ginger ale. As he poured the green liquid into the can, he called out,"Mr. Summers? I got some ginger ale here for you. Maybe this'll settle your stomach."
Mr. Summers opened the bathroom door, and Xander kept his smile as he looked at Buffy's father. He was in terrible condition, his face red and his neck covered with a rash. He sneezed."Thanks, Xander. Think I may have an allergy attack. Along with this stomach problem."
Xander merely watched as he watched Buffy's father guzzle down the soft drink. Xander then followed him out to the front of the store. Willow, Oz, Faith and Buffy watched Hank Summers very carefully as he made his way to them.
"Dad? You okay?"Buffy asked hesitantly. Hank tried to smile at his daughter. But he hiccuped, then burped instead.
"I think that you should take me home now, honey,"Hank hiccuped. Then he bent over. Buffy looked at Xander, then Oz.
"Xander, Oz, can you help me get Dad to the car? Faith, I'll drop you off at the store,"Buffy said as she opened the door. The two men helped lead Buffy's hiccuping and burping father out the door with Faith following.
"Bye, Mr.Summers, hope you feel better,"Willow called out. As she turned, her foot hit a bag of videos. Picking it up, she quickly scanned the titles, and her face grew red. Then a crafty look settled in her eyes as she fingered the video tapes.
When Xander and Oz returned to the store, Xander called out,"Hey, Will? Where are you?"
"In the back, rearranging the display,"Willow called out. Xander turned to the counter, and his foot promptly hit his bag of video tapes for Angel's party. He quickly looked into the bag, then sighed with relief when he saw the tapes were there.
Oz saw this."Close call man. No telling what my little witch would do if she knew you had those tapes."
"Forget, Willow, man. Think of Cordelia,"Xander said as he put the videos in a safer place.
*****
Part C: Count Down...Blast Off!!!
Scene One: Potions and Plans in the Kitchen
Buffy groaned as she jumped up on the island the kitchen.”Man, what a day!”
“Other than your father feeling miserable, I’d say it was pretty good,”Joyce grinned as Buffy glared at her.”I’m entitled to say it, I’m his ex.”
“Think that he’ll get over whatever it is he’s got? I mean he can get sick before the wedding and after it, but *not* during it,I mean, I really want to marry Angel and rip-”
Joyce jokingly covered her ears.”I *really* don’t think that I want to hear how my baby is having mad sex with her fiancee.”
“Now you know how I feel about you and Giles,”Buffy grinned back at her.”Hey, Nana. Oh, door. I’ll get.”
Nana Bethie walked in and sat at the kitchen table.”I see that someone’s in a good mood. Is she ready for her bridal shower?”
“As far as I can see,”Joyce said ruefully.”And I’m asssuming that you and I are going out to the movies. Or do you want to ruin Buffy’s fun and join her?”
“Why not stay and have some fun at her expense? Especially since I missed out on the two bridal showers you had. Which reminds me, I need to get several presents from your aunts and cousins,”Nana Bethie said as she started to walk out of the kitchen. ”Faith. Willow. Cordelia. And?”
“Amy,”the pretty brown haired girl supplied.”We’re here for the bridal shower.”
Nana Bethie nodded at her.”I know. Stay away from seafood tonight, you’ll get a stomach ache. And cast no spells.”
“Pardon me?”Amy frowned, then looked at Buffy and Willow. The two of them nodded.
Faith chuckled.“Are we going to get lucky tonight? As in men?”
“Nope. But you’ll be surrounded by animals, though I have no idea why,”Nana Bethie said.”Elizabeth, stay. I have a gift from your cousins and aunts for you and your mother.”
“Cool,”Buffy said as she sat at the table.”Anyone want a drink?”
“Think that you’d better give your dad this glass of juice to make him feel better,”Joyce said as she poured a cup of tomato juice out.”Maybe it’ll get rid of his hiccups at least, if not his problem stomach. I’ll be glad when his problems are over, he’s the worst patient.”
“At least he’s bloody well still alive,”Spike shouted from the basement. Joyce rolled her eyes as Amy stared at the basement door, then at everyone else in the room.
“Mom, I’m going down there to kick his ass,”Buffy said as she marched to the basement. Joyce ran to intercept her daughter but was too late and had to follow her down the stairs.
Faith chuckled when Buffy and her mother disappeared down the stairs."Looks like a repeat of the great stomping and yelling match from below."
The three girls heard a small scuffle, then a "Yeow!" and a "Hey!". And heard more scuffling.
"Yeah, except there's no Double-H Angel in Buffy's room,"Cordelia snorted. Amy looked at Willow, confused.
"Oz's term for Angel's condition,"Willow supplied."Stands for horny and homicidal. Especially now that he can't get his cold hands on Buffy."
"It'll make for one long and hard wedding night for Buffy,"Amy joked. Then blushed when she saw Nana Bethie quirk an eyebrow at her as she entered the room with two large presents.
"It's quiet down there,"Willow commented."Too quiet."
"That's because Joyceln boxed both their ears as soon as she got down there,"Nana Bethie said."She is now laying down the law."
Amy looked at Buffy's great-grandmother.”And you know this, how?"
"Buffy's Nana Bethie can see the future, most of the time,"Willow explained quickly. She grinned as she saw a frowning Buffy come up rubbing her ears."And looks like she was right again. How's the ears, Buff?"
"Ringing,"Buffy pouted. Then she scowled at her amused great-grandmother. "You could have warned me, Nana."
"And deny you the deep pleasure of having your ears boxed? I could hardly do that to you,"Nana Bethie said blandly."Did she box Spike's ears just as hard?"
Buffy managed a small grin."His ears are redder than mine. Are these my presents?"
"This is for you, Elizabeth."Nana Bethie handed her one. Then looked at Joyce as she came up the stairs."And this is for you, Joyceln. From Aunt Laura. You may open them now."
As they did this, Willow made for the tomato juice. She shrugged at the other girls and headed towards the guest rooms.”I might as well take this to him. Don’t open it until I get back, Buffy. I want to see what you got.”
As soon as she was out of sight, Willow squirted in a small amount of pink liquid.”There. This ought to get rid of his negative feelings towards Giles and Angel. Mr. Summers? It’s Willow, I have a drink for you.”
The door opened and Willow felt a rush of sympathy for the man. He was red faced, swollen nosed, hiccuping and clutching his stomach. He sneezed.“Thank you Willow. Now please excuse me, I think that I must use the bathroom again.”
Shrugging, Willow made her way back to the kitchen and saw Buffy and Joyce still holding the two large wrapped boxes.”Hey! Party time now! Ears stop ringing?”
“And still red, but it don’t matter ‘cause I gots me a present!” Buffy said happily as she ripped open her gaily wrapped gift. Joyce merely rolled her eyes as she unwrapped her gift.
A game-faced Spike stomped up the steps, his ears red. He scowled at the girls who were smirking at him, then at Beth."What?"
"Off with the ridges or else I'll remove them permanently for you,"she said mildly. Then she cocked her head to the side."But then again, maybe you can scare that idiot to death..."
"Nana!"Joyce admonished over the ripping of the gift wrap."Will you behave? You can beat the idiot after the wedding!"
Spike scowled at Joyce."The bugger been giving you trouble again? You sure that you don't want me to eat him, Mum? He might give me indigestion, but all for a good cause. I'll even get rid of the body for you."
"Hey! That's my dad!"Buffy said as she looked up from her box.
"No wonder you're like you are,"Spike snorted."Like the world needed a pest like you, Slayer."
"Buffy. Liam." Both looked at Joyce, then glared at each other.
"Very good, Joyceln," said Nana Bethie as she looked at her blushing granddaughter with approval."And without boxing their ears or spanking them. Or even scarring him."
Spike bared his fangs and growled at her before turning to his human face. Nana Bethie pinched her nose."You need some mouth wash, Spike. Your cavities are starting to smell."
"Beth, see yourself getting so lost in the future that you go cross-eyed,"Spike bit off. He looked at the confused faces around him."So I can't be obnoxious in front of Mum. Sue me."
Buffy looked at her mother who merely shrugged."The threat of dirty clothes, no marmalade, no toffee and no chocolate."
"And you thought I had a sweet tooth,"Buffy muttered as she glared at a glowering Spike.
Giles walked in the kitchen with Angel and Whistler as the two women sighed when they opened started to open their boxes. The Watcher looked at Angel who merely shrugged and watched with amusement at the antics of his fiancee who was shaking the box. Angel walked over and greeted the wonder and bane of his undead life with a kiss."Hi, honey. Starting your party early?"
Buffy smiled as she grabbed his shirt and pulled him down closer for another more thorough kiss that would have left him quite breathless."Kinda. Nana brought these presents from England from Aunt Laura. She says there's more from the other aunts, too. Mom even got a few boxes, since they missed they wedding. Nana said yesterday that they were all eager to see you."
"Really,"Angel said as he looked at Nana Bethie. He brought his face down for another kiss, then another.
“Oh, will you two quite the show? Making me want to heave!”Spike shouted from his seat on the stool. Angel growled at Spike as Buffy stuck her touge out at him.
“Enough, children. Beat the nasty vampire to a bloody pulp later, Elizabeth,”Nana Bethie called out.”Joyceln? What did Aunt Laura give you? Angel...all the closets are filled with suitcases. And I don’t think Elizabeth’s that athletic. Then again she *is*-”
“Nana!” Buffy squealed. Nana Bethie rolled her eyes.
Angel glared as Nana Bethie smiled at him, then looked at Giles when he made a choking sound. He frowned then he looked at the Watcher whose face was turning red as he stared at his wife. Then he saw what Buffy's mother was holding up.
“Oh, it’s lovely,”Joyce said softly as she lifted a gossamer thin pale rose lace night shift from the box. Glies’s jaw dropped and his face grew redder when he saw his wife checked to see the length of it. It was short. Very short. And very lacy.
Whistler whistles.”Man, you’ll look like one helluva-”
“Whistler! that’s my *wife* you’re eying!”Giles snapped as he made towards Joyce and the night shift. Everyone watched Giles with some amusement. Taking off his jacket, Giles put it around her shoulders, then took the shift from her hands. ”Do not look at my wife that way again!”
“Rupert-”
At the same time, Spike snarled at Whistler as he took off his leather trenchcoat and covered a bewildered Joyce."That's me Mum you're looking at you little prat!"
"Liam! Rupert! Hello! I'm still dressed!"Joyce hollered in exasperation as she stared at the two men."This is ridiculous!"
Giles glared at his wife."You don't know Whistler. He-He's a demon, Joyce!"
"And?"Joyce prompted."It's not like he can see through my clothes and see me in the negligee."
"Yes, he can. Give the little pervert any incentive and he can do just about anything, a rare minor talent he has. Allows him to see just about anything, except dress nicely,"Nana Bethie said. All eyes looked at Whistler.
"Hey, it's a gift,"Whistler said with a shrug. Faith frowned.
“Is that why you’re always looking at my catalogs whenever you’re around? Especially the bra catalogs?”Faith demanded. Whistler raced to stand behind Nana Bethie.
"That's why I always sock him in the head when I meet him. Clears everything up right away. Messes up his imagination process, as well,”Nana Bethie added as she casually stood up and rapped him on the head with her walking stick.
Whistler glared at her after grabbing his head in pain."Thank alot Beth. Thought you were a friend!"
"Not if you're imagining my granddaughter naked,"Nana Bethie said."Or my great-granddaughter, as a warning. Now, Elizabeth, what did Aunt Laura send you, Elizabeth?"
“Mom! Look at what Aunt Laura got me!”Buffy said gleefully as she lifted up a black sheer baby doll ensemble. She had the pleasure of seeing Angel’s pale face grow paler at the sight of it. Then she wickedly put it in front of him.”Think you’d look great in it Angel. Can you imagine me in it?”
“Whoa, now *that’s* a two piece,”Whistler said as he leered. Then he covered his eyes.”Not imagining, Beth. Don’t hit me! Yeow!”
Angel merely turned to the wall and started bashing his head against it. Spike leaned against the wall. He looked at his sire, then at the Slayer and chuckled.”My, my, won’t that make a statement on the killing fields, Slayer. You in that. Me with a stake. Care to model it for us vamps?”
Angel swiftly turned around, grabbed Spike by the throat and threw him against the wall. Growling himself, Spike grabbed at Angel’s neck.”Keep away from her with your stake! No one stakes her but me!”
“In that outfit, she can just about make a stake out of anyone!”
Amy, Cordelia and Willow scampered away as the two vampires started throwing the other against the walls. Nana Bethie and Whistler merely watched the two with amusement, then her frantic granddaughter who was trying to break her husband’s hold from her. Joyce shouting,”NANA! DO SOMETHING!”
Nana Bethie shrugged. Then grabbed a ripe tomato from the counter, and threw it.It went straight out the kitchen entrance. With the exception of the two vampires fighting,eveyone stared at the doorway when they heard a holler, then at Nana Bethie.
“HEY!”
“I’m gonna wipe that smirk off you!”
“Try it, Poof!”
Emerging from the kitchen entrance, an incensed Hank Summers appeared with a broken tomato in his hand and it’s remains dripping from his forehead. “Hey, what’s-Yeow!”
“Daddy!”Buffy screamed as the two vampires fell on top of her father.”You guys decked my father again! Giles! Do something!”
Spike and Angel sprung away from each other as Buffy and Joyce leaped towards the fallen man. Both vampires glared at each other and pointed.”It was *his* fault!”
“Do you boys want an ale for a job well done?”Giles said as he headed towards the refrigerator. Buffy glared at him as she patted her father’s cheek.
“Whistler, get my dad something to drink. Willow, the ice pack. Cordy and Amy, get some towels. Giles, help me carry him to the table. Nana, stop laughing,”Buffy ordered. Then she looked at her fiancee who had managed to hurt her father again.”Angel. Spike-”
“I think I hear the doorbell,”Angel said as he went to the front door.”Think it’s the boys.”
Whistler smiled as he took out his vial of blue liquid and poured some in the glass he took out. The potion became clear when he added water to it.”Here it is.”
“Ohh, what hit me?”Hank Summers moaned as his eyes rolled. He focused on the concerned face of his daughter as she gave him something to sip. He blinked as he felt something hit his system. Scratching his neck, he hiccuped, ”Whoa, Buffy. Think you got three eyes. Hey, Giles! What’s up, you tweeded ass?”
Affronted, Giles started at the man. Joyce leaned over to her husband to whisper,”I *like* your tweeded ass.”
“How you feeling Dad?”Buffy asked. Hank sneezed several times and then hiccuped before he answered.
“Think that my feet are swollen for some reason. And I have to go to the bathroom.”
As he left the kitchen limping, Buffy looked at the faces around her. Amy looked at Buffy.”Is it always this exciting in here?”
“Looks like we missed a party,”Oz commented.”Your dad was decked again, Buffy?”
“We missed it again? Oh man! What luck!”Xander wailed.”Angel, you want to deck him again?”
“He’s a decker and he’ll never do any good,”Buffy’s father crooned.”Hey kid! Wow, those ears are really big up close!”
Angel glared at Xander, then looked at Buffy. Buffy seethed as she looked at her fiancee and pointed towards the back door. ”Leave for your bachelor party. Now. Take Spike with you, too. No arguements. Out.”
Spike shrugged.“Fine by me, ducks. Where we having this little shindig, anyways?”
“Angel’s. Then to McGinty’s,”Xander said as he walked out. Hank Summer’s eyes rolled when he heard this bit of information as he returned from the bathroom.
Buffy looked at her father. ”How you feeling Dad?”
“Feeling round and round he goes. Where it all stops nobody knows,”Hank sang as he looked at his baby and then gripped her arms.”And it’ll all be for your own good, Baby. Give old dad time to know what I gotta know. You know? Man’s gotta know what a man’s gotta know. Right?”
Buffy looked at her mother, confused. She shrugged, then Buffy looked at her dad.”Sure, Dad. Whatever.”
After her approval Hank Summers rose from his seat. He hiccuped to his daughter,”I think I need the bathroom again.”
*****
Scene : Party Blast Off!!!
"All right, I got the goods right here men,"Oz said as he brought the bag of videos into the room.”Xander picked them.”
“Pass the buffalo wings. Need the extra spice.”
“Any more spice, Wolvie and your hair’s gonna be a deep red.”
“Where’s the extra blood? Angel, you steal the extra bag Mum gave you, you wanker?”
“Go sit on a stake, Spike. Pass the ribs.”
“Who has the chips and dip? And I don’t mean Cordy.”
“Need another pint of ale. Angel, really should try this. Better than whiskey.”
“Hey, who took the extra nachos? Man, you guys are pigs.”
“Fine with the whiskey, Giles. How many you up to? Whistler?”
“Know that the Tweed Man’s getting a buzz after three mugs. I haven’t even started yet.”
The men settled as the movie started. Then there were shouts of outrage.”What the bloody hell is this?!? Babmbi?! DISNEY?”
Xander dove for the bag. And stared at it as he took the videos out of their cases.”Home Alone? Pocahontas? MuLan?”
Oz knelt over and grabbed a sheet that fell out from one of the porno covers.”Uh-oh. Dig this, men. Busted. Signed by Willow. No smoochies big time for any of us.”
Thinking of Buffy’s enraged face, Angel winced.”Guess it’s on to McGinty’s and getting drunk.”
“You’re all bloody soft,”Spike growled.”Whipped by a bunch of long legged females. What a story to scare us killing vamps! Angelus and the Slayer.”
“With hair spun of gold, like her mother,”Xander sang.”When Angel was all alone.”
Oz quirked his eyebrow at him.”Til the one day the Slayer met her Demon. And they knew that it was much more than a hunch.”
“And in truth, they somehow became a target, that’s how we became the Slayer’s Bunch!”Whistler sang.”The Slayer’s Bunch!”
Oz and Xander choursed with him.”And it’s the way we became the Slayer’s Bunch!”
Angel, Spike and Giles stared at the little demon.”What? I can’t like the Brady Bunch song?”
Angel rolled his eyes.”Knew you had no brain the moment I saw you. Spike you want to eat him?”
“Nah. Might have indigestion like the Slayer’s dad,”Spike said.
Spike frowned at the three singing fools."Isn't that the old show with the obnoxiously happy family of three blondes girls and three sons with a housekeeper?"
"The same one,"Angel groaned."I can't believe it, my life is reduced to a sitcom song."
"Hey, it's better than sounding like a Sousa march or 'The Battle Hymn of the Republic',"quipped Xander. Angel glared a him.
Giles patted the vampire's shoulder sympathetically. “Better than being a bad soap opera."
"Which it already is,"Spike snorted."I can hear the violins now. Angel the cupcake mooning for his Slayer love in the moonlight."
Whistler rolled his eyes."Now I'm getting maudlin. Let's get outta here before Smiley gets moody. McGinty, here we come!"
*****
Nana Bethie laughed as she sat watching the red faces of her great-granddaughter and her friends.”And so, my children, this is what porno is. Which is nothing compared to real life.”
Blushing, Willow looked at Nana Bethie.“We don’t...I mean. Oz and I do it, well...how is that possible?”
“No need to be double jointed, is there Joyceln?”
Joyce rolled her eyes at her grandmother.”Just a good strong pair of arms. And a nice bed post.”
“Mom!”Buffy squealed as she covered her ears.”No details! I was scarred enough in Cordy’s shop!”
“No more virgin ears,”Cordelia chuckled. Then stopped when Nana Bethie suddenly rose up.”What? What’d I say?”
Nana Bethie narrowed her eyes.”Elizabeth. Joyceln. To McGinty’s. Now. Hurry!”
*****
As Angel was getting pleasantly drunk with Whistler and Giles in the empty bar, he watched as Spike and Oz have a drunken staring contest. Xander did his best to distract the contenders by making faces at them when two figures caught his attention.”Oh, man! Look who’s coming this way! Red alert! Dumb ox on the prowl.”
Oz looked at Xander.“Who? Oh, man.”
“Hey, Xander!”Owen said as he walked up to the table.”Mr. Giles. Oz. Angel.”
Angel narrowed his eyes as he looked at the figure before him. ”Oh, hello, Meat.”
“Angel be nice to the idiot, he’ll give you indigestion, ”Xander admonished.”Hey Meat! What are you doing here?”
“Just getting some drinks,”Owen said.”Ready for the wedding dinner rehearsal tomorrow?”
Spike grinned at the meal before him.”Are you on the main course? Or just an appetizer?”
“Huh?”Owen said as he looked at him in confusion.
Giles merely slapped Spike upside his head.”Behave else no chocolate or toffee for you. Never mind-oh no. Hello, Scott.”
“Hey Mr.Giles,”Scott greeted cheerfully.”Looks like you men are giving the bachelor party your drinking all. Bet you can’t wait to get home to your women.”
“You don’t know the half of it,”Xander muttered.”Not looking forward to see Queen C and the whip, Scotty boy.”
Angel’s ears perked up when he heard that name.”Scott? As in ‘Buffy used to date Scott when Angel wasn’t around’? As in ‘Buffy was happy with him once’? ‘Scott dumped Buffy in High School’ Scott? That Scott?”
“And as in ‘Kissing Scott while you weren’t there’ Scott,”Xander crooned. Angel glared at him, then looked at Scott. Scott looked at Angel warily and wisely took a step back.
Scott watched Angel. There was something off about the man.”It wasn’t a big deal. We dated. A chaste kiss here and there. Nothing real big.”
“You kissed Buffy?”Angel growled. Scott blanched when he realized where his stupidity got him.”As in your lips touched hers? What *else* did you touch...”
“Everything with softness and passion,”Spike smirked. Angel growled at him, but kept his eyes on Scott the Twerp. Spike grinned as Giles slapped Angel upside his head.
“Behave. He’ll give you the runs if you suck him dry,”Giles said.”Have an ale, a man’s drink.”
“Ain’t really a man,”Xander said happily.”He’s really a leech. And a big ah-yah-yah!”
“Hello...is Angel here?”said a sultry voice. Angel looked away from Scott and Owen to look at the woman with brown hair and a huge chest.
Xander pointed to Angel.”He’s really Angel, but he’s going to be married soon. I’m Xander the available.”
Oz scowled.”Thought you were significant with Cordelia.”
“Insignificant at the moment,”Xander corrected.”And thanks for reminding what she’d do to me if I looked. Sorry, unavailable.”
“I’m Angel,”he said a bit suspciously.”Who are you?”
She placed a coin in the juke box and it started playing a soft song.”I’m Diana. And I’m here to entertain you.”
Angel looked at Whistler, Oz and Giles, who all shrugged. He then kicked Xander and Spike.”You guys trying to get me killed?”
Xander shook his head as he stared at the woman.”Nope. I’d be hoisted just like you if I tried this.”
“Wonder what her blood tastes like?”Spike said dreamily as he stared at her long neck.
Angel snorted this eyes widened when he saw her start to sway and then slowly take her clothes off. Scott and Owen started whistling as she took off her skirt and threw it at Xander. Oz put his head down when she took off her blouse, chanting,”I’m not looking. I’m not looking. I’m not looking. Maybe a peek...”
“I’m not believing this,”Giles muttered as his face grew red when her shoe hit him on the chest.”I’m not watching either. Joyce, where are you?”
“At home, I hope,”Spike said as watched Diana strip off her panty hose.”She’s definitely going to taste good. Dibs on dinner.”
“You can’t eat her, Spike, but we can sure try...”Whistler said as he watched her play with the straps of her bra. Then throw a come-hither glance at Angel who was trying to cover his eyes. ”Imagine her smuthered in chocolate...Angel! Uncover your eyes, you’re a letch just like we are! Anyone smell some smoke? Is she hot or is that the furnace?”
“Think it’s her being well baked, with toffee and choclate all over,”Spike growled as the other strap went lower. Diana at the whole time was staring at Angel who was peeking through his fingers as her bra flew off and landed on top of Oz’s head.
Spike watched her twirl and then smile at Angel. That alone was enough to make him want to drink her blood.”Think that she’ll taste like smoke?”
”Now what’s that little g-string still doing there?”Owen prompted the stripper. She then looked at him and the dark-haired boy next to him. The she smiled as she looked at Angel who was trying to avoid her stare, and started to wiggle out of her little piece that was laughingly called underwear.
Averting his eyes from her, Angel smacked Spike on the head. Hard.”Behave. Is just me or is it really smoky in here?”
As Diana took off the last piece of clothing and flung it in Angel’s face, she disappeared. And the smoke cleared.
“Whoa! What happened?” Whistler said as he looked around him. ”When did the table get so high? I’m not that short!”
Giles lifted his head up from the table.”Whistler? Angel? Xander? Oz? Spike? Where are you?”
“Bloody Hell! How’d I end up on the floor?”Spike shouted.
Angel growled.“Forget you! How’d I end up under the table?”
Xander popped his head up.“I’m right here. Where are you? You were sitting right across from me before...”
“I still am,”Giles said. Then something hit him.”Xander, what do you see?”
“A big blood hound,”Xander said slowly.”What do you see, Giles?”
“A striped cat,”Giles said.He looked around the table. ”Whistler? Is that you next to me? If it’s you, you’re a brown ferret...”
Whistler groaned.“I *so* don’t need to know that! Where’s Wolf boy? Smiley and Psycho Vamp? Come to think of it, where’s the two exes of the Blonde Bombshell?”
“Dunno. I’m like here, but not liking my fuzzy arm,”Oz said.”What am I?”
The door of McGinty’s slammed open as Buffy raced into the dark room, the female Slayerettes right behind her.”Angel! Giles! Where are you?”
“Buffy! We’re here!”Giles shouted as he attempted a big smile.
“Rupert!”Joyce screamed as she peered into the dimly lit booth. There was an assorment of animals all over.”Where are you?”
“Right here!”Giles said back as he looked at his wife.”It seems, well, that I’m a blood hound.”
Joyce stared as she slowly approached the table.”Rupert? You’re telling me that you’re a dog?”
“Oh, dear,”Nana Bethie said as she stared at the menagerie of animals.”I think we’re a bit late...”
“I think so,”Giles said glumly as his head went down to the table.”Whistler’s the rabbit. Now if we can determine who else is what and where...”
“I’m here!”Oz said as he raised his hand. He saw Willow’s jaw drop.”What am I, honey?”
“You’re a monkey!”Willow said. Cordelia looked for Xander as she looked at the animals.
“Xander, please tell me that you’re not the raccoon, the duck or the frog,”Cordelia pleaded.
“Nope,Giles said I’m the cat. Who’s the raccoon? Raccoon, Speak!”
“I have no bloody hell idea what I am, but it had better not be the duck,”Spike shouted.”Mum? What am I?”
Joyce winced.”You’re the raccoon.”
“Bloody Hell,”Spike groused.”Angel, I’m going to kick your ass!”
“Where’s Angel?”Buffy said frantically as she stared at the duck and frog. She touched the duck as it quacked at her.”Angel?”
She poked at the frog.”Angel?”
The frog jumped away from her.”Catch that frog!”
Amy and Faith dove for the frog when Buffy heard, “Right here, honey. Under the table.”
Buffy peered at the darkness.”Angel? Angel? Where are you? What are you?”
“I have no idea,”Angel said as he came out from under the table.
Cordelia held Xander tightly in her arms.”If he’s a roach, I’m not picking him up. And who’s the duck and the frog?”
“Probably Owen and Scott,”Xander said as he looked over at the duck.”They kinda visited when the stripper walked over. Cordy, honey, you’re choking me.”
Cordelia lifted Xander to look at his eyes.”What stripper?”
“Cordelia, shut up,”Buffy said as she moved back. Something out from under the table, and Buffy’s jaw dropped. Angel looked at his fiancee and the people and animals around him.”Oh...my GOD!”
“Well? What? What?”
“Oh, dear,”Nana Bethie said with round eyes. Spike saw Angel and started chittering hysterically.
“I bloody well love it! I may be a raccoon, but you take the prize! There IS a God!”
“What? What?!? What am I?!”
Faith came with the frog in her hands. She looked down at Angel then looked at the people around her.“What the fuck are you?”
Angel looked at Buffy, her eyes were wide and a hand over her mouth.”Honey? What am I? I’m not a roach am I?”
”I have no idea what you are, Angel. You have a duck’s bill, a beaver’s tail and fur. What *are* you?”
Looking at the horrified faces, Giles sighed as he leaped from his seat and looked down at Angel.”Oh, dear. Angel...it seems that you’re a-a-a welll..."
"What am I?"
Giles winced." You're a platypus."
~Fin for now...~