This unfortunate wood is crawling with nasty vermin. And not vermin of the Miata kind. No, we’re talking big ugly things often with multiple fire breathing heads and bad breath. Mentos anyone? It came about that just when I happened on my fifth monster, I didn’t so much feel like fighting anymore. Good grief, does anyone around here ever get sleep? So, employing my mad retreating skillz, I frisked away.
A good ten minutes into my run, I felt someone watching me. Normally this wouldn’t be such a big deal. I mean, who can really resist looking? But I was in the middle of the woods, in the near middle of the night, steppin’ for a little more than the fresh air.
I stopped running and began pacing in small circles to catch my breath. The feeling stayed with me. Now, I don’t mean to be a killjoy (with the suspense, I mean) but how was I supposed to know he’d come from above? I know this is Animeland and all and things aren’t exactly normal, just look at Camry’s short career as a basketball, but swooping down like a great big raven is not my idea of a very welcoming sort of visitor. Who does this? Where is it written that this is a good idea?
Apparently this guy didn’t think it made for a bad entrance. Before he even opened his mouth to speak though, I switched from basic mad retreating skillz to advanced mad retreating skillz. I dropped to the ground, spun a shoulder roll, and was on my feet turning backflips before he even touched the ground. As I stood staring at him from this safe distance, I couldn’t help feeling satisfied. I’d managed not to hit anything in the local vicinity. Considering that I’d forgotten to actually look and see if anything was in the way, I took this as a good omen.
“Who are you and what the cri do you want?”
He stood still, his arms folded in front of him. The folds of his cloak completely hid him from view. This seriously disturbed me. I didn’t think it was so much to ask to be able to see his face.
I dropped my defensive stance and put one hand on my hip. The mere presence of this guy made me peevish. “I understand that a two-fold question might be a bit of a shocker for the beginning of our first conversation, and allowing for this, I’ll just stick to asking for your name. Who are you?”
“My name is not important.” His voice sent shivers down my spine. Wait, let me clarify. These were the bad kind of shivers. Multiple kinds of bad. And not bad in a good way.
“Grand!” I replied cheerfully. “Then I suppose I can name you if I please. Why’ve you come here to scare the crap out of me this fine and slightly-more-than-usually-creepy evening, Dudley?”
“I have traveled many miles and spent much time watching you.”
I tilted my head to the side. “Guillermo dear, I must admit that I’m not quite sure what to do with that.”
He stared at me, at least I assumed he stared, for quite some time. It unnerved me.
“I imagine you didn’t do so well on essay questions at school, did you, Bjorn?” I tittered like an old lady. My mind was going to slush. “I asked what you’re doing here right now and you merely told me what you’ve been doing up to this point. I’d like you to know that if you were on a game show you’d have just lost.”
“Very brave of you to hand out such sage advice to one whose designs you do not know.” he replied.
Well now, he did have a sense of humor! Or, at least, he appreciated the art of sarcasm. That was comforting. Unless he was trying to trick me here. Some evil plot involving game shows was so pitifully stupid that it might actually work quite brilliantly.
“Do you play checkers?” I asked.
“I have. Why do you ask?”
I shrugged.
He didn’t say anything.
“You like marshmallows, don’t you? Whipped cream? Cotton candy maybe?” I was bored. His initial scariness had worn off and now I just wanted to book it out of there. But it was fun to mess with his mind a bit.
“No.”
I nodded. “Must be the sugar… you don’t strike me as a guy who’d like sweet things.”
“I have always been drawn to more bitter tastes.” he agreed.
“Got any family?”
“None.”
“That must get kind of lonely. But I guess with your preferences, Ming-jiang, it might be safer that way. And for all involved too. I can imagine you going out on a date an-”
“My design is this,” he interrupted. I figured he must be that real kind of dark evil if he had enough patience to wait this long to reveal his plan. I had a new found respect for him. I’d never worked with someone truly evil before. I’ve only had experiences with those who represent the evil side of things under contract and such, like Mr. Bad Man. This guy was the real deal. “I have been sent to watch you and to approach you when the time was right. I am an agent of Death…”