"Never accuse me of needing to use something like fake hair!” I tossed the sword and watched it flip in the air, praying desperately that everything I learned in Throwing, Twirling and other Impressive Things to do with a Sword to Frighten Your Enemy 101 would come rushing back to me. Thankfully, the hilt landed neatly in my palm. “Prepare yourself.” I sneered and narrowed my eyes. Why not make the show impressive for the kiddies, eh?

Before poor Bandit #1 could even draw his blade, I was on him. “Never insult me!” I cried. A line of crimson appeared on his cheek. At this point hoots and hollers could be heard from the group of bandits behind us. “Never insinuate that my beauty is not naturally mine own!” Another small fountain of blood erupted on his arm. “And never, never say it when you’re obviously on the side of evil and trying to get men on your side! Especially when you’re so bad at it. Come on, what were you thinking? Coulda been a nice country farmer or a mime but noooo, you had to try to prove something.” I waited for him to charge me and then spun out of the way avoid him. Granted, I just barely managed not to run into the large silk tent that was immediately to my right, but hey, I was improvising, cut me a break! The flat of my sword landed on his arse with a satisfying smack. He landed face down in the dirt.

I tossed the sword back to Bandit #3 who raised an eyebrow suggestively. I only smiled. Baby take a bow, I thought, and promptly did so. Now, normally I might have enough sense to know that enough is enough. Men are very touchy about their egos and since I just reduced Bandit #1 to a squalling child in the eyes of his comrades, well… I should have expected him to charge me again now that I was unarmed.

The blow of his huge shoulder in my stomach knocked the wind out of me. I let out a small gruntish gasp even as voices rose from the tent behind us.

“All the maidens in this kingdom are either old, ugly or stupid! I won’t marry any one of them.”

The irony that a young, beautiful, and intelligent woman was just about to crash into the tent was not lost on me. I couldn’t help the small smirk on my face as we fell through the silk. As luck would have it, I landed directly in the lap of the lad who stated this oh so thoughtful declaration.

“Well, grow me up Ascot! How old are you?” He turned his eyes away from me before I could reply and continued without taking a breath. “I want one in this flavor.”

I whimpered. The boy and his comrades had been sitting around a small fire making s’mores. My enemy’s face had landed in the marshmallows just below my elbow and my seemingly witty savior had just gotten done roasting one of said marshmallows. I could only imagine how hard it would be to get out of my hair. Men are just so unappreciative.

I sat up in his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. “This man is a traitor to your cause.” I proclaimed, not that I had any idea what their cause was. I watched as the boy’s bright blue eyes searched mine. They were locked like some sort of radar device. “He was hired by Mr. Evil Bad Man to try and kill me and my comrades as we made our way to the city that’s supposedly nearby, not that I’ve seen any signs that would indicate it to be so but whatever, to find the prince who would serve as our Hero boy that would round out our questing group thereby allowing us to attack Mr. Evil Bad Man and put a stop to yet another egomaniacal moron who wants to take over the world, though granted, he hasn’t said as much. I’m trusting Miata with that last part. Would you really want all that to happen?”

“Of course not, angel” he cooed.

I did my best to restrain my laughter.

Bandit #1 regained his senses at this point, and, realizing that his very life might be in jeopardy, he did his best to deny the accusations. “There isn’t any truth in this woman’s words, Your Majesty.” He stammered.

Majesty? With the Your? As in royalty and male and young and oooh oooh! I’ve got it, princely! Score!

The good news was that Bandit #1, who had irked me before he’d even spoken, was to be tied and gagged and probably shipped to some distant land to work at scrubbing floors for an eternity. Maybe he’d advance so far as to become a professional piñata but that was yet to be seen. Prince Kia agreed to join our group and I, being as quick-witted as ever, stopped myself from making fun of his name. The bandits that turned out to not be bandits but knights on an excursion with their antsy prince make a fine following. One even has a decent voice with which he used to serenade me. Ohhhhh, now all I need to have had the perfect day are those grapes… and that arch… and… yeah.