Check it. I've been abducted by a precocious rodent. Not only does he never shut up, he's constantly berating me. Ohhh, the fine stew I could make outta his furry little behind. Not that I would eat it… that would be more kinds of gross than I can express.

I picked my way through the foliage and ducked yet again as another wretched tree branch swung down to attack me. Could the rat have taken a more vertically challenged path? He scurried on up ahead oblivious to any trouble I was having. He wasn't even three inches tall, after all. It was all I could do to keep from wishing some hungry snake would pop out of nowhere and swallow him whole in one disgusting gulp. The only reason I didn't is because, hey, who's going to protect me from the vicious ugly overgrown worm? I sighed.

"Would you slow down?" I called. "Where are we in such a fired hurry to get to anyway?"

He didn't even look at me when he replied, the condescending little good-for-nothing. "You don't have a clue, do you? You'd think they'd start sending us Magical Girls with neurons..."

"I resent that!"

"... but no. We keep getting the likes of you." He took a moment to sneer at me. "We're heading to the dressmaker."

"Dressmaker? Oh, gee, you're right, I should have guessed that. It was right up there with 'visit to Happy the Sad clown.'. I owe him a card after all."

"Magical girls are not supposed to be sarcastic. Do you know nothing?"

"I know that I'd be just fine without your witty rapport. Why the heck do we have to visit a dressmaker?"

"Because Magical Girls do not fight for love and justice in a black catsuit and thigh high boots."

I stopped walking. First I'm taken away from civilization and dropped into some weird alternate dimension that I know absolutely nothing about. Fine. I can handle that. I've been through worse things… that huge zit freshman year, for example. My popularity suffered severely because of it... nearly plummeted 2%. But to have this hamster, of all things, insult my impeccable fashion sense?! This was going too far… "I'm not going to go around wearing a frilly little outfit with ribbons and bows." I said through gritted teeth.

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"You are. And, quite frankly, you've got no say in the matter anyway."

I was boiling over the top. Somebody crack my lid, cause I was about to explode. "THAT'S IT!!" Before I even knew what I was doing, I lunged over the one scraggly bush that separated the two of us and I had my lovely manicured hands around his scrawny little neck. Now, I don't know how many of you have tried but it's rather difficult to strangle a hamster. I mean, they're just so danged small. Plus, I didn't really want to hurt him, just scare him a little. Either way, his little jaws were clamping around my hand and that stupid bush was poking my stomach. This made for an altogether unpleasant experience.

Suddenly, someone else had joined the fray… not that it was much of a fray to begin with. I fought against the intruder. That hamster was mine. The intruder, however, was stronger than I. In a few minutes I was being held deftly in his lap like some naughty three-year-old who couldn't keep her hands to herself. I looked up to glare at him and was promptly awe-struck. Great Mother of the Energizer Bunny he was good looking!! From the smirk on his face I could tell he knew it too.

I scrambled from his lap. "Get your hands off me you lewd, coarse, poorly dressed imbecellic jerk!!"

He looked at me in surprise, obviously perplexed because I could withstand his looks. "Excuse me?"

I faltered. I had him figured to be the rebel guy. You know… they're usually unsavory in one or another with that one glaring personality flaw that's hard to overlook. They're also usually quite cute. But perhaps I was wrong. One mistake here or there is bound to happen a few times a year. He could be the hero guy. Wait, no. He can't be. His eyes aren't blue.

"Had you goin' there for a minute, didn't I?" He asked, with a lopsided grin.

"Indeed." Oh, he was going to be dangerous, I could tell. "Who are you?" I asked. "And why would you want to save a stupid rat like him?"

Rebel boy glanced at Miata. "That's what I was saving?"

My right eye began to twitch. Oh yes, this is about that time when my temper starts to flare again. If the guy was smart he would have taken cover but nooo, he was leaning against a tree in that carefree way that made you want to violently shake him and scream to wake up and join the real world. "You mean you jumped into the middle of a fight without having any idea what was going on or who was involved?"

He looked me straight in the eye. "I'd do anything to meet a babe half so luscious as you."

I wasn't surprised.

"But you might want to get that twitch checked. Maybe find a brush too. A mint could come in handy…"

Ohhhh, this guy was dangerous indeed. And he was goin' down…