The first Tiki-Aki story and original concept come from John Crockett. He and I worked on the second one together. Snoogins.

Tiki-Aki The Beginning

The African Sun God was angry. He went down to the mystical land of candy. He traveled for many moons, and traversed many dangers and adventures of no note in this story, except for the knowledge that they happened, and suddenly he was there! The land of candy was a sad place, so he decided to make it a happy one by destroying citizens. The first to fall was an elderly Jr. Mint, happily on his way home from a night of bingo. With a cry of delight, the Sun God melted Jr.’s innards, causing Jr.’s exile to the land of Waste, while the Sun God looked for other victims.

Tiki-Aki Part 2

Tiki-Aki’s overwhelming hunger forced him to cease his destruction and find something to eat. He decided that to continue on as he was would be plebian, so he sat down to think. Finally a plan of all-encompassing evil doom came to him. He would ask his victims a question, a conundrum of enigmatic proportions. He set out with this task first and foremost in his godlike mind. The first he met was Bob a mortal of inconsequential worth perhaps, to his peers, but to Tiki-Aki, Bob’s soul was suitable for food…maybe with a light tartar sauce.

“Bob,” cried Tiki-Aki, “ I hunger and your soul will surfice for a snack.” Bob cowered in terror as he heard these words.

“But to prove that I am not all without mercy, I shall give you a chance to live, all you must do is answer a riddle. The riddle is this, What is the most sacred orb on the planet?”

Bob, tired of the game, replied simply, “I don’t give a penguin’s left nut!”

A downcast Tiki-Aki replied, “Yes, a penguin’s left nut is truly the most sacred orb on the planet, You may go.” And Bob left.

All of a sudden, as if out of nowhere, a sound brought a tear of joy to the Sun God’s face. It was a high-pitched, annoying sound, with only a slight resemblance to music, it went something like:

I’m the Homey G, everyone wants to be me, homey G, homey G, I’m Lil’ BowWow, gangsta, gangsta, I’m here now… Bitch Gangsta.

“Little Woof Woof,” Tiki-Aki exclaimed, “Your soul will be mine!”

In a voice able to shatter fat women, Lil’ BowWow replied, “BowWow, biatch, and this soul’s mine!”

“Answer my riddle, and I might let you free,” The Sun God said, “What is the sound that a little doggy makes?”

“Well shiot, how am I supposed to know that, I never went to school or got me an educamation.” Lil’ BowWow cried.

“Come on, I know you know this. I mean seriously what the fuck is wrong with you.” And with that he separated the little bitch’s head from his shoulders.

“Huh, no soul, I hate empty calories.” And with that he consumed the corpse. Not satisfied with this meal, Tiki-Aki continued on his search.

Tiki-Aki went down the road until he came across Pedro the Nacho.

“You will be my next victim if you answer my riddle incorrectly.” Said Tiki-Aki.

“But who will take care of my pet Jalapeno.” Cried Pedro.

“It won’t matter to you if you don’t concentrate on my riddle. My question is very difficult, maybe to hard for the likes of you.”

“Yo bizitch, I have the skizills to pay the bizills,” replied Pedro. “Give me your best shot.”

“Very well then, your question is this, What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?” asked Tiki-Aki.

Pedro thought for a moment then said, “That was your hard question, shizit, that’s easy, it’s nacho cheese!”

Tiki-Aki, tired of the game and of the demeanor of this mortal responded, “But it is, it is my cheese!” As he reached into Pedro’s chest and withdrew his very soul, and to add insult to injury, Tiki-Aki crumpled the soul in his hand and partook of it like he would from a crushed bag of chips. He then proceded to eat Jalapeno to add spice to the meal.

Satiated for the moment, Tiki-Aki wondered off to continue tormenting the foolish mortals.