Asylum BZ34

Asylum BZ34

Where the strange just get stranger

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A cat's Little Instruction Book

(By Leigh W.Rutledge - Thorsons publishing)

  1. Always lick after meals

  2. When in doubt, chase something

  3. Keep your tail away from stoves, candles, lit cigarettes, automatic dishwasher doors, children, rocking-chairs and dogs. God gave you one tail - take good care of it

  4. Worry about courage, cleanliness and furballs

  5. Don't worry about what other cats think of you. Remember, the cats who often do the most with their lives are the ones who were laughed at, ridiculed or made fun of as kittens

  6. Be adorable
  7. Stay out of car engines

  8. Stay out of open windows during thunderstorms

  9. Stay indoors on Bonfire Night

  11. Surprise someone by hiding in the laundry basket

  12. Avoid the temptation to spend all day waiting expectaqntly by the birdbath

  13. Christmas trees are meant to be climbed

  14. Long naps never go out of fashion

  15. Just say no to catnip

  16. The three Great Lies of Life are:
    • The cheque is in the post

    • All I want is one kiss

    • It'll be all right, just get in the travelling basket

  17. Avoid cleaning your private parts in public places

  18. Forgive your enemies - but hit them a couple of times first

  19. Never go to a vet who doesn't have cats himself

  20. Never go back to a vet who discusses his or her stock portfolio while taking your temperature

  21. Always make sure the lid is down on the toilet before jumping on it

  22. Don't run to the vet's for every little ache and pain. Ninety persent of your medical problems will get better on their own, regardless of what you take or do for them
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  23. Remember, no matter how much they love you, all human beings are biased towards their own species

  24. Never go to bed with a resentful heart or a dirty face

  25. Learn to recognise the sound of a bowl being filled with cereal; milk usually follows

  26. Be astonishingly mysterious

  27. Look in to people as well as at them

  28. When depressed or confused, try lying on your back with your legs in the air; sometimes the world just looks better upside-down

  29. Never be afraid to seek centre stage

  30. No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it

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