The Black Hulk: Fiction

Strange Encounters of the Hellhound (part 1)

"DIE FOUL ALIEN SCUM!!! TASTE MY INFERNO CANNON" captain Breinheim screamed through the tank intercom.
"Shuttup Breinheim!" several other crew members replied. The captain was known to be an eccentric when it came to tank duties, often getting carried away when the slaughter was intense.
"Daaa daaa da-da-da daaa daaa da-da-da-daa daaa"
"Captain if you don't shut up I will throw you out of this tank myself." Colonel Brides had had enough, much to the relief of the other crew members.
"Sorry sir. Won't happen again." mumbled Brenhiem, frightened by the Colonels loss of temper.
Considering the huge horde of tyranids clambering outside, the crew were being very informal*. Inside the hellhound, the command tank of the 3rd Tank platoon, was the usual crew, plus the Colonel of the company and a radio-operator. The latter 2 were new-comers to the tank, only hitching a ride as far a Harastan Launchpad, the evacuation point for the Planetary governor who was fleeing the Tyranid invasion. This hellhound had been extensively customised to the extent of having 4 crew members and space for 2 passengers.
"Stop! Stop right here!" yelled the Captain. The Driver, corpral Chester, willingly obliged.
"I see one.... two.... six.... fourteen. Fourteen in front!"
Bewildered, the Colonel asked "What in the Inquisition are you doing!?"
"Just counting our kills in advance sir. Now Fire!"
With a mighty roar the inferno cannon cleared a great swathe through the Tyranid swarm. Several Warriors who had been blocking the road would only serve to fertilise the topsoil now.
"Woohoo! Nice shootin' Captain!" cheered the driver.
"Dammit, Captain, if you don't shift this ceramite-can with wheels I will do you for heresy!"
"Heresy?? Help help I'm being repressed!" taunted the Captain.
"CAPTAIN NOW!" yelled the Colonel. So loud was the shout, it reverberated around the tank for half a minute. Even after, the din of battle out side seemed very quiet.
Half an hour later, the hellhound, sporting a new red with purple splats colour scheme arrived at the launch pad. Hastily, the Colonel and his radio-operator kicked open the door and lept out.
"Captain, I hope I never have to travel in your infernal tank again." the Colonel was furious.
The radio operator, a weedy little man, added aswell in a very clipped, nasaly tone "Yeah. You're all wy-erd" "Shut up Lucius. You're foul bodily odor should be reported to the inquisition"; a clever retorte by Chester, the wise-cracking corpral.
Incensed, Lucius jumped up and down, like a child begging for an ice-cream "Did you 'ere that sir!! He sed I smell!!! Siii-iiir!!" "Oh shut up Lucius. I'd rather serve in their tank than with you! Bloody hell, THIS is how the mighty Imperium rewards it's greatest servants. Some times I wonder..." he muttered to himself, as he walked to the command tent nearby.
Already, Brenheim had begun etching notches into the side of his tank. "...and 14. Not bad for one shot lads?" Chester then said "14?? Excellent. Oh, by the way, do you think that the Colonel was..... well.... you know?" "Was what, Chester?" "You know, like them Van Saars on Necromunda." "You mean.... 'fruity'? Why would you say that?" "Well, sir, he spent a whole hour in our tank sitting on this!" at that, Chester brought out a violently vibrating banana-shaped object. "Oh my;" exclaimed Brenheim; "He was a colonel and all!"

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