Title: Reflections
Rating: PG-15 slash
Pairing: R/M
Summary: Richie's Journal, immediately after "Just for Fun"
Archive: Yes, if you think I'm worthy...
Feedback: Please… SeibaCaper@hotmail.com
Warnings: Angst?.. Also not beta read, this is Richie's journal you are reading and he's hardly an english teacher.
Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit, just playing. This story takes place somewhere between Chivalry and Something Wicked. Though, as you might have noticed, things are not the same at all. You will see that in the descriptions the boys give when they remember the first time they met. Kind of changed the dialogue a little…
Notes: ***Things here are scenes from those two episodes that I have changed around to fit my story :) ***
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Reflections Part One... by AeVaL.
As I was saying, there he was, ready to ruin my evening yet again. Of
course I assumed he was there to have a guy's night out -- or maybe in.
I got all my stuff and as soon as I was ready to jet Mac tells' me of
his master plan.
Sometimes I think the idiot hasn't learned anything in 400 years.
Here he is, telling me I can trust a man that has survived for 5000
years. A man that is always doing things to aggravate me even though
he hardly knows me. I mean the man didn't even have the decency to
acknowledge my existence.
But I had nothing better to do and I thought: "What the hell, what
could happen in the dojo?"
Then, as I studied him I felt something…
And there was something else, something I had felt before. I was
jealous of his relationship with Mac. How could they be so close when
they have only known each other for a couple of months? What does
this man have that makes him so special -- other than the fact that
he's the oldest of our kind? Why don't I have someone like that in my
life?
So I let him have it; and during the playful battle something else
hit me. His eyes, his hazel green eyes said so much. That's when I
lost my grip on the sword. I was distracted by what they were saying
to me.
I saw so much pain and loneliness, so much need for affection -- so
many secrets.
I'm a baby compared to him and I already have too many secrets. How
many can pile up in 5000 years?
Anyway, as soon as I saw that self righteous smirk reappear I knew I
had him. Only a couple of seconds and he was on the floor under his
own sword. I have to admit I impressed myself, I had achieved my goal
and he hated it! Beaten by a baby, hehehe -- I couldn't help myself. I had to
tease him.
I didn't expect him to pin me down when Mac went upstairs. Maybe it
was the element of surprise that turned me on. Or maybe it was just
that it was so hot in the dojo and he was so close to me.
I couldn't believe it when I kissed him. I wasn't thinking, I just
let my feelings take me away. Suddenly I wanted him and I had thought
he wanted me but before I could find out my brain kicked in and so
did all my inhibitions.
I didn't realize how hard I had hit him until I saw him groveling on
the ground with shock written all over his face. "He's immortal,
he'll survive, just get the hell out of here before he kills you"
said the little voice in my head -- and I listened.
The first thing Mac asked me was about the old man's whereabouts. I
simply walked passed him, entered the bathroom and said "He left".
Dinner was really quiet and he asked what was wrong. He only had to
ask me once. I told him the truth.
I told him I felt alone.
After dinner he asked me to stay a while but I didn't. I needed to
get home. I needed to think.
I stopped at Joe's to pick up a bottle and guess who was there. I had
the instinctive feeling to get back on the bike and ride away but I
couldn't -- for some reason I wanted to see him.
I didn't say anything to him or he to me. He just stared at me with
those eyes and that's when I realized that this man was lost.
I realized I had been staring when Joe smacked me on the shoulder and
asked if everything was okay. I reassured him, paid for my bottle and
went home.
I stopped at the park where Tessa left her trademark behind. I go
there to think sometimes, when I don't feel so great about myself. I
wish she were still here, she was so warm, so loving. She always knew
what to say -- even if it wasn't something I wanted to hear.
So there I sat and thought of her for a while longer but as I drained
the bottle I began to think of him.
The first time we met, I remember that day so clearly…
***
I had just gotten to the dojo to tell Mac about Kristin and there he
was -- on his knees and with a sword to his neck.
"Hello, I take it this is not for real?" I asked, watching him.
"God forbid" he answered nervously as he rose from his knees
"Just making a point, this is Ada…" Duncan began but was cut off.
"Uhhh I'm Methos, you must be Richie Ryan" He said and took my hand
eagerly.
"YES" I said, overjoyed. My mind was still in the bedroom of one
very beautiful blonde and I hadn't realized how he was looking at
me.
***
So there I sat alone in the dark and feeling a little wozzy, when I
realized that this man did want me once -- and at the time the signs
all flew WAY over my head.
So I got bummed out even more, knowing that maybe I could have had
something with him.
Yes I know, he's a guy but for some reason that didn't bother me
much at that point. Between the liqour and the loneliness all I could
see was a person who might be able to give me what I needed and vise
versa.
So I made it home and though I can't remember how I got there, I
remember it being really hot. So I took off my clothes and went for
the shower. At some point I must have walked over to the couch and
fallen asleep. I was still thinking of him, wishing that somehow he
could read my mind and come over.
Then I started dreaming of him. He was doing things to me... god it
was so good. How I wanted him to do things to me.
Then it started to feel so good, I could have sworn I was going
crazy -- never have I had a dream where I could actually feel someone's
mouth around me.
Just as I was wishing I would never wake, I did, and he was
there -- doing things to me. Wonderfull things. I gripped onto
him praying to god that I wasn't halucinating and shortly after
he was inside of me. Filling me. I thought I was going to
explode! I saw sparks -- lighting even. It was better than a
quickening. It was him ...and then he spilled his esense into
me. It surrounded me from the inside -- it was to much.
couldn't contain it anymore so I let myself go.
He fell asleep on me, exausted, but he never kissed me. He never
looked into my eyes.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I wanted him too. I needed him
so badly but I couldn't wake him. I didn't want to scare him
away. I didn't want to push but most of all I didn't want this
to be the only time -- I didn't want it to be the last time.
The thought brought tears to my eyes and the void in my heart echoed
through me. It was too much. I forced myself to asleep as I kissed his
sweaty hair. The smell of him was enough to confort me for the
moment but deep inside I knew that this could never be what i
wanted it to be -- not with him.
When I woke he was gone and though I knew the truth -- I told myself
it was all a dream.
TBC
I don't know if it was his posture or that stupid little grin he had,
but for some reason I felt I had to show him what I could do. I was
determined to let him know that I'm no kid and that he can't just
push me around and expect me to just let him.