The Library: Episode 2
Obi-Wan had finally made it to sleep, despite spending hours on his final research paper to turn in to his Master, Qui-Gon the next day. He slept the sleep of the absolutely exhausted, tired to the point of not even caring whether or not he ever made it to the rank of Jedi Knight. That's pretty tired. Unfortunately for Obi, his sleep was not to last. Out in the hallway of the dorms, there was an unearthly roar, as if a Mack truck were speeding down the hallway. In fact, that was the case. The truck, which was covered in various designs and very brightly colored, pulled to a stop in front of Kenobi's door. Pyla Tigla leaped out of the tractor, and promptly fell on her face. She'd forgotten to tie her boots again. She scrambled to her feet and proceeded to pound Kenobi's door into sawdust. This took a while, and before she completed the task, an extremely groggy Apprentice had come to the door. '
“Whu? Who are you?"
“You mean you don't remember me?"
“Remember?" Kenobi peeled his eyelids open the rest of the way. "OH NO!! NOT YOU AGAIN!!"
He was wide awake in a matter of seconds, but his grace period was over. Pyla grabbed him by the back of his robe and dragged him unceremoniously into the trailer and locked the doors. She leaped back into the tractor grinning demonically. Assuming that Reea was taking care of her charge (and not getting too caught up in drooling on him) tonight's "party" would be one of the best yet. She zoomed off down the hallway, leaving a crowd of confused Apprentices. Someone ran off to inform Qui-Gon that Kenobi had just been Apprentice-napped.
Somewhere... else.
The floor was slightly moist. The walls were covered in Lightsaber singe marks. Darth Maul was asleep on the sofa dressed in a tank top and boxer shorts, both black. Reea was drooling. Profusely. She walked over to the wall that was entirely covered in stereo equipment and pushed every power button she could find. The room suddenly exploded in an absolute cacophony. Good thing Sidious was out of town for the weekend. A disco ball lowered from the ceiling and began spinning, casting interesting patterns of light over the already interesting patterns of Maul's skin. Reea continued to drool. Somehow Maul remained asleep. Reea, having lost out on the opportunity to see him glare, which, if you asked her, he did so very well, glared at him instead. She hurriedly swooped through the apartment and picked up a full suit of clothes. When she was finished, she returned to the living room and glared at Maul some more. Her eyes flashed golden for half a second, as suddenly Maul seemed to learn how to fly. Then the two of them were gone. Reea and Pyla were two of the only living masters of the Force Planetary Jump. When they reached the Library, Maul continued to sleep and Reea collapsed. Just because she could didn't necessarily mean she should. Pyla found Reea and Maul, slightly tangled as a result of various tossings and turnings, when she returned to the Library with her still protesting charge.
A few hours later, in the Library
Reea screamed. She'd been screaming since she woke up and found that her long, wonderful hair was tangled around Maul's horns, and that the aforementioned Maul had been sucking on her elbow. Apparently a herd of stampeding banthas couldn't wake him. The screams of a very upset nocturnal terror of the bookshelves might be another story...
“Could I at least have a cup of coffee? You interrupted a perfectly good sleep, brought me here in the back of a Mack truck, and I'm tired. However, I don't trust you. I'm not falling asleep under YOUR care. So, a cup of coffee, please?"
“Pyla, if you would be so kind, I'm still extricating myself from this.... mess. Would you go get the nice Jedi a pot of coffee?" Reea gave her a look that meant something along the lines of "And spike it good too, sis."
"Sure thing, Reea. Umm, I thought you liked Darth Maul?"
Reea glared at her sister, her look seeming to imply that Pyla's statement was one of absolute idiocy. "Looking is one thing. Getting my hair tangled around his horns is another thing entirely."
"Whatever." Pyla padded off to the next room to get a pot of heavily spiked coffee to drug the groggy Jedi. She returned ten minutes later, just as Reea was freeing the last long strands of her indigo hair from the slumbering Zabrakian's horns. She was growling in frustration and fingering the hilt of her lightsaber.
"Had enough of the ever-genteel Darth Maul's attentions, Reea?"
Reea's only answer was a low growl and a glare that could peel paint off the walls. Or potatoes. During the entire time, the groggy Jedi had been trying desperately to avoid dozing off. Even Jedi have their limits, and Kenobi had nearly reached his. Upon seeing the coffee, he lunged for it and drank half the pot before noticing that it was piping hot and singing his mouth. Not to mention spiked. The now familiar flavor of charcoal and slim fast greeted his sense of taste, as soon as he took the time to notice. By that time, of course, it was too late by far. His fate was sealed, and his eyelids came crashing down within the next few moments. Of course, Maul chose to regain consciousness just as the Jedi lost it.
"Huh? Sidious? Master? Where am I?"
"Welcome to our Hell, Mr. Maul. I am one of your hostesses, and the only one who will be speaking to you."
"You look awfully familiar... Hey! You're one of the loons that locked me up and drugged me a week ago!"
Pyla looked faintly wounded. "Loons? My sister and I are many things, but we are not merely loons! We are certified Jedi, with a degree in dementia!" Maul screamed his despair. This was bad... Very bad.
"I am beginning to develop a phobia of libraries.. And attractive female Jedi..."
"We don't blame you. Now drink up, Mr. Maul. The sooner you do, the sooner you can attempt to convince yourself you're just having an incredibly vivid dream!" Pyla was on the verge of chirping, and she held out an undiluted glass of the sleeping concoction. Maul bolted it, ignoring the flavor, just wanting, more than anything else in the galaxy, to be anywhere else in the galaxy. He too, had soon passed out.
"Well, sister, we have two passed out victims. Shall we set up the cameras?"
Reea grinned malisciously and continued to brush out the mess of her hair. "That dratted Darth Maul gave me a whole new batch of split ends! He's going to pay for that! And I'm going to enjoy every minute of it!"
Three hours later, the Library
Reea was giggling. She'd tried to stop, but given up when her orange soda had exploded Vesuvius style from her nose, sending Pyla to the floor in her own fit of laughter. The source of the sisters' amusement was, or rather, were, in the middle of the Library Lobby. Darth Maul and Obi-Wan Kenobi were firmly under the control of the sleeping potion that they were both all too familiar with. The two had been arguing for the last half hour about whether or not orangutangs ate accordions with their toe nail clippings. So far, Darth Maul had argued that since toe nail clippings alone were too sugary the orangutangs had to eat something salty with them, hence the accordions. Kenobi was of the opinion that orangutangs have incorrigible sweet tooths, therefore they didn't need to eat salty things with their sweets. The thing that really set the sisters off was the fact that the two had been carrying on this conversation in all seriousness. Everytime they (Pyla and Reea) found their amusement waning, they simply remembered that they were recording this conversation, and thought about the reactions of a certain pair of Masters upon finding out about this particular interchange. Unfortunately, thus far the cameras had been of no use, Kenobi and Maul hadn't done much moving. But this was only the first hour of the very long course of the drug. They'd be moving soon... Reea and Pyla KNEW it, and they were looking forward to it.
Another hour later, still in the Library
Maul and Kenobi had been waltzing across the Lobby in perfect time for the last 10 minutes. Pyla had been snapping pictures of them. Reea had been studiously avoiding her orange soda as she thought with glee about Darth Sidious's reaction...
Still in the Library, two hours later
Maul and Kenobi had finally exhausted themselves. They were still standing in the middle of the Lobby, but they were leaning on each other to stay upright. Pyla was happily snapping away, capturing one incriminating image on film after another. Reea was carefully super-gluing their feet to the floor, while grinning so wide it looked as though her face would split. When the two awoke, not only would they find themselves leaning on their arch enemies, but also that they couldn't move away from said arch enemy. After completing the roll of film, and running out of superglue, Pyla and Reea finally went to sleep.
A month later on Coruscant
"Where is that apprentice of mine? He always disapears when I'm away..." The man known to the universe at large as Senator Palpatine was storming around the apartment he (regretfully) shared with his apprentice, Darth Maul. As he passed by the door, he noticed a rather large manilla envelope lying under the mail slot. On the outside was written, in purple crayon that looked faintly familiar, Mr. Sidious: I believe this will interest you greatly. He opened the envelope and out fell a tape and more than a few photographs. He put the tape in the stereo, not noticing that the volume was set on 10. The sounds that greeted his ears, besides being completely deafening, were recognizable as the voice of his apprentice and that Jedi brat.
"No, no, no. You simply don't understand. Orangutangs eat toenail clippings for breakfast on a daily basis! Eventually they would become accustomed to the sugar content!"
"No, Jedi Scum, it is you that does not understand. Orangutangs do not adapt. Orangutangs must eat accordions to counteract the extreme sugar content."
The conversation would have continued in this same vein, but Sidious, in an act of self-preservation, fried the stereo system in a blast of purple lightning. He staggered across the room to the pictures that had accompanied the offending tape. They were even worse. His apprentice and the Jedi Twit dancing. His apprentice and the Jedi fool asleep. His apprentice and the Jedi liederhosen... wait, wrong insult... leaning on each other as if they were actually FRIENDS. The last picture was of two vaguely familiar female humanoids giving his apprentice and the Jedi Cheese-Head bunny ears. Sidious roared. "WHEN I FIND THAT APPRENTICE OF MINE I WILL TURN HIS HORNS INTO COAT HANGERS!!!!"
Elsewhere on Coruscant
Qui-Gon had been holding a vigil in his Padawan's quarters since hearing of the aforementioned Padawan's disapearance. Suddenly, a manila envelope slid under the door. Qui-Gon jumped up from his seat and rushed to the door, picking up the envelope and examining it's contents. A tape and... pictures? Pictures of his Padawan and that horned freak dancing. Pictures of his Padawan and the tattoed creature asleep... leaning on each other. His Padawan and that hygenically challenged menace with bunny ears. The bunny ears were being given by Reea and Pyla, the demented Jedi. He threw the tape out a window in an uncharacteristic fit of anger. "IF I EVER GET MY HANDS ON WHOEVER TRAINED THOSE DEMENTED, SANITY CHALLENGED, LONG LIVED BASKET CASES, I WILL SHOW HIM THE PROPER USE OF A LIGHT SABER!!!"
At that moment, Yoda entered, dragging behind him a thing that was dressed like Qui-Gon's Padawan. His face lit up momentarily, until he caught sight of the red and black tatoos. And the horns protruding from his head. At the same moment, on the other side of Coruscant, Obi-Wan Kenobi found himself, dressed in the ceremonial robes of a Sith Apprentice in the quarters of Senator Palpatine. Two apprentices screamed in terror as two Masters unleashed their rightful rage.
"NOOOOOOOO.....OOOOOO!!!"
"NOOOOOOOO.....OOOOOO!!!"
In the Outda System Library
Two sisters were singing. They were laughing. They were watching the goings on in the respective homes of their oh so recent guests. The song they were singing was a favorite of theirs.
"This is the 'no' that doesn't end! It just goes on and on my friend! Some apprentices started screaming it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue screaming it forever just because..." The singing and laughter continued late into the night.