The
World According To Me
Part I
[ The scene opens up inside of the arena where HWO Takedown will take place next Tuesday night. Sitting down at ringside is Jonny Hemp, going through some papers. You hear a muffled voice nearby as he speaks to the camera. ]
Mystery
Man:
Welcome to the HWO Arena and the very first installment of The
World According To Me. Now many of you are probably wondering who
"me" is. And I don't blame you. You see, I'm the
'Mystery Opponent' that Congrel has unfortunately drawn in the
first round of the HWO Championship Tournament. I say unfortunate
because it is unfortunate for him. Unfortunate he has to face
someone the likes of me. Unfortunate that he must not know his
opponent's name or see his face before it is time to get into
that HWO ring. Very unfortunate indeed...*laughs*....for him...now, come with me as I walk
down with this very special HWO camera to capture the genius
behind this HWO Championship Tournament, Mr. Jonny Hemp
himself....
[ The camera
starts down a long flight of stairs leading to the arena's floor.
The Mystery Man holding the camera is panning the arena now and
picking up all sorts of interesting things...banners hanging from
the rafters marked HWO and not bWo....a couple kids up in the
cheap seats smoking pot and laughing it up....even the custodial
staff is wearing HWO t-shirts now. Finally you reach the bottom
of the stairs and start walking towards Jonny. He sees you coming
and stands up. ]
Jonny
Hemp:
Hey hey, there's my champion now....Mr. Mystery Man
himself....what a gas it'll be when Congrel finds out who you
are...he'll literally shit in his tights....
Mystery
Man:
I have no doubt about that, Jonny. But even if he did know the
train that was comin' down the tracks, out of control towards
him, he couldn't stop it. He couldn't do anything at all, he'd be
completely powerless. But, I'm starting this video documentary
series on this tournament called The World According To
Me...whadya think?
Jonny
Hemp:
Brilliant idea, MM. Now I'll have this whole week captured on
video footage, so that we'll always remember who the very first
HWO Champion was....
Mystery
Man:
And to have a champion, you must have challengers...let's take a
quick look at this tournament and my competition...first off we
got Supa Fly Mark Linx....now not much can be said about this
chump. He lives and breaths to destroy anyone associated with
Mafia, Inc...well, I guess you have to have a goal in life, eh
Jonny? *laughs*
Jonny
Hemp:
If you can actually call that a goal...
Mystery
Man:
And Linx is facing off against this Lightning guy...now Jonny, I
have to ask...Lightning? He's even a bigger mystery than me! *laughs*
Jonny
Hemp:
Call it a gimme first rounder...I mean, think about it. Lightning
never strikes twice....
[ Both men
crack up laughing, the camera wobbling while the Mystery Man
holds it steady. ]
Mystery
Man:
Oh man...you're gonna make me drop this camera...and you paid for
it! Ok, now we come to this new guy....some guy who goes by the
name Badoo Adobe...no wait, Babar Adobo....wait, that's not right
either....
Jonny
Hemp:
It's Badoo Adoba....the South African Killer...or something....
Mystery
Man:
Well, whoever he is, he hasn't proven anything to me yet....but
he does show a lot of promise....I could be facing him in the
finals....then we got this wannabe guy Eli Flair...now, last time
I looked, Ric Flair didn't have any illegimate sons off using his
name to get famous, so what's up with this guy?
Jonny
Hemp:
Hey, I needed 8 guys, and the bWo was short on talent, so he has
to do....
Mystery
Man:
Ok then....let's move on....Hellfyre....and Tombstone....another
couple of guys that have absolutely no chance....think about
this, have you even seen them come to work in the last month and
a half? Because I sure haven't....so they just beat on each other
in round one, making it easy for me in round 2....and then we
come to my opponent....Congrel....this guy is as big a mystery to
me as I am to him....
Jonny
Hemp:
He's nothing, don't even sweat this guy....
Mystery
Man:
Well, I don't wanna take him too lightly, I mean....I know what
my chances are of winning this thing when you take a look at the
opponents one by one, but even I slip up from time to time....I'm
not perfect....wait, what the hell am I saying, Jonny? I AM
Perfect! *laughs* I am the most conditioned, most
well-trained, most well-balanced athlete in bWo history, and this
HWO Championship will be around my waist and come Tuesday
night....everyone, including this loser Congrel, will know
EXACTLY who the fuck I am. And when my hand is raised on Tuesday
night as the HWO Champion, just as I have predicted, the world
will understand why I am who I say I am....and for now, that's it
for The World According To Me....stay tuned now for re-runs of
Congrel's interviews....bed time for the audience, eh Jonny? *laughs*
Jonny
Hemp:
Right on, man...let's get something to eat, I've got the
munchies...
Mystery
Man:
Big surprise there....*laughs*
[ The two
men laughs as the camera gets switched off. The scene fades out.
]