Audio Surveillance

First Season

(Scully) Agent Mulder? I'm Dana Scully. I've been assigned to work with you. (Mulder) Oh, isn't it nice to be suddenly so highly regarded. So, who did you tick off to get stuck with this detail, Scully? (Scully) Actually, I'm looking forward to working with you. I've heard a lot about you. (Mulder) Oh, really? I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me. (Scully) If you have any doubt about my qualifications or credentials... (Mulder) You're a medical doctor, you teach at the Academy, you did your undergraduate degree in physics. 'Einstein's Twin Paradox: A New Interpretation' Dana Scully, senior thesis. Now that's a credential, rewriting Einstein. (Scully) Did you bother to read it? (Mulder) I did, I liked it. It's just that in most of my work the laws of physics rarely seem to apply. -Pilot

(Mulder) And that's why they put the 'I' in 'FBI' -Pilot

(Scully) Ah, Fox Mulder...Tom Colton. (Colton) So, Mulder, what do you think? Does this look like the work of little green men? (Mulder) Gray. (Colton) Excuse me? (Mulder) Gray. You said green men. A reticulant's skin tone is actually gray. They're noturious for their extraction of terrestrial human livers, due to iron depletion in the Reticulant galaxy. (Colton) You can't be serious. (Mulder) Do you have any idea what livered onions go for in Reticula? Excuse me. -Squeeze

(Scully) You set us up. You're in on this with Lucas Henry. This was a trap for Mulder because he helped put you away. Well, I came here to tell you that if he dies because of what you've done, four days from now, nobody will stop me from being the one that'll throws the switch and gas you out of this life for good, you son of a bitch! (Boggs) Dana... (Boggs as Mulder) You're the one who believed me. (Scully) No, no, I do not believe you! (Boggs) You don't believe me, maybe you'll believe yourself. -Beyond the Sea

(Scully) I don't know how you could think that what they say is even remotely plausible. (Mulder) I think it's 'remotely plausible' that someone might think you're hot. -E.B.E.

(Scully) Apparently miracles don't come cheap -Miracle Man

(Mulder) But you'd be in trouble just sitting in this car. And I'd hate to see you carry an official reprimand in your career file because of me. (Scully) Fox... (Mulder) [laughs] I, I even made my parents call me Mulder...Mulder. (Scully) Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you. (Mulder) If there's an ice tea in that bag, it could be love. (Scully) Must be fate, Mulder. Rootbeer. (Mulder) Oh! (Scully) You're delirious. Go home and get some sleep. -Tooms

(Scully) Okay, Mulder, but I'm warning you, if this is monkey pee, you're on your own. -The Erlenmeyer Flask

Second Season

(Mulder) Gotcha a present. Superstars of the Superbowls. (Scully) I knew there was a reason to live. -One Breath

(Scully) Thanks for ditching me -End Game

Third Season

(Mulder) Lots of files. (Scully) Lots and lots of files. -Paper Clip

(Skinner) This is where you pucker up and kiss my ass. -Paper Clip

(Mulder) Imagine if you could come back and take out five people who had caused you to suffer. Who would they be? (Scully) I only get five? (Mulder) I remembered your birthday this year, didn't I, Scully? -The List

(Scully) I'm driving. Why do you always ahve to drive? Because you're the guy? Because you're the big, macho man? (Mulder) No. I was just never sure your little feet could reach the peddles. -Syzygy

(Mulder) Scully, you're gonna wanna...you just...ran a stop sign back there, Scully. (Scully) Shut up, Mulder. -Syzygy

(Mulder) Modell pysched the guy out, he put the whammy on him. (Scully) Please explain to me the scientific nature of 'the whammy'. -Pusher

(Mulder) Will you let me drive? (Scully) You never saw this, this didn't happen, you tell anyone, you're a deadman -Jose Chung's From Outer Space

(Scully) That was Detective Manners. He said they just found your bleepin' UFO -Jose Chung's From Outer Space

Fourth Season

(Scully) Why don't I have a desk? -Never Again

(Scully) You're not suggesting that a headless body kicked it's way out of a latched morgue freezer, are you? -Leonard Betts

(Mulder) Well, pick out something black and sexy and prepare to do some funky poaching. -Momento Mori

(Mulder) More people are trying to get their hands on this thing than a Tickle Me Elmo doll -Max (?)

(Mulder) I was just here, where did I go? -Small Potatoes

(Eddie Van Bluhndt as Mulder) Goodnight. This is where my tax dollars go? -Small Potatoes

(Eddie Van Bluhndt as Mulder) FBI. F...B...I... -Small Potatoes

Fifth Season

(Mulder) Keep going, FBI woman. -Redux

(Mulder) Kill me now -Detour

(Scully)Mulder, we've got this conference. They're waiting. (Mulder) Yeah. How do I say this without using any negative words, Scully? (Scully) You want me to tell them that you're not going to make it to this year's teamwork seminar. (Mulder) Yeah. You see that? We don't need that conference. We have communication like that, unspoken. You know what I'm thinking. -Detour

(Scully) I must remind you this goes against the Bureau's policy of male and female agents consorting in the same motel room while on assignment. -Detour

(Mulder) I was told once that the best way to regenerate body heat is to crawl naked into a sleeping bag with somebody else who's already naked. (Scully) Maybe if it rains sleeping bags you'll get lucky. -Detour

(Scully) Is there any sign of- (Mulder) Two small puncture wounds on the neck? (Scully) That's not what I was going to ask. (Mulder) Too bad, we got 'em. Check it out. -Bad Blood

(Scully) You know I haven't eaten since six o'clock this morning, and all that was was half of a cream cheese bagel, and it wasn't even real cream cheese, it was lite cream cheese! -Bad Blood

(Mulder) What's wrong with Baywatch? (?) You've got a dirty mind. -The End

Sixth Season

(Frohike) What kind of drugs is he on? (Langly) I want some. -Triangle

(Mulder) But you believed me... (Scully) In your dreams -Triangle

(Scully) Mulder, I want you to close your eyes, I wan you to think to yourself, 'there's no place like home'. -Triangle

(Mulder) Hey, Scully (Scully) Yes? (Mulder) I love you (Scully) Oh, brother... -Triangle

(Mulder) Hey, Grandma Topgun, will you shut the hell up?! -Dreamland II

(Scully) Baby me, and you'll be peeing through a catheter. -Dreamland II

(Mulder) If I...shoot him, is that murder or suicide? -Dreamland II

(Mulder) Tell me you're not afraid (Scully) All right, I'm afraid, but it's an irrational fear -How the Ghosts Stole Christmas

(Mulder) There's nothin' to be afraid of (Scully) I'm not afraid, okay? (Mulder) Ghosts are benevolent entities...mostly -How the Ghosts Stole Christmas

(Mulder) You shot me first. (Scully) I didn't shoot you, you shot me. -How the Ghosts Stole Christmas

(Mulder) I know we said that we weren't going to exchange gifts, but, ah, I got ya...a little somethin' (Scully) Mulder... (Mulder) Merry Christmas (Scully) Well, I got you a little somethin, too -How the Ghosts Stole Christmas

(Mulder) Hey, homegirl. Word up. (Scully) Mulder, it's my distinct impression that you just cheated, and that you're not coming in again today. (Mulder) Oh, Scully, I got game. (Scully) Yeah, you got so much game, I'm wondering if you have any work left in you. (Mulder) Oh, I'm ready to J.0.B., just not on some jag-off, shoeshine tip. (Scully) No jag-off, shoeshine tip? (Mulder) No background checking, jag-off, shoeshine tip. (Scully) Well, about your J.0.B., Mulder, somebody's been trying very hard to reach you by phone, somebody who wants you back at the F.B.I. A.S.A.P. (Mulder) About what? (Scully) About an X-File. -Two Fathers

(Mulder) Woman, get back in here and make me a sandwich! -Arcadia

(Mulder) Ain't that right, honeybunch? (Scully) That's right, poopyhead. -Arcadia

(Scully) Third warning: toilet seat. -Arcadia

(Mulder) All the nuts roll down to Florida. -Agua Mala

(Mulder) Well, either he's got no temperature, or he's about to spontaneously combust -Agua Mala

(Arthur Dales) Anyone for water? (Mulder and Scully) NO! -Agua Mala

(Mulder) I'm having the best damn day of my life. Any moment I'm about to burst into song. Zippity do da. -Monday

(Mulder) Yo quiero Taco Bell. -Alpha

(Mulder) Dear Diary, Today my heart lept when Agent Scully suggested spontaneous human combustion. -Trever

(Scully) Yeah, he, uh, he doesn't listen and he chews on the furniture. -Alpha

(Mulder) I scream, you scream, we all scream for non-fat tofutti rice dreamsicle! (Scully)[laughing] NO! -The Unnatural

(Scully) I don't see any nicely wrapped presents lying around, so what gives? -The Unnatural

(Mulder) Hello, Mister Bat, it's a pleasure to make your aquaintence. Oh, no, no, Miss Scully, the pleasure is all mine! -The Unnatural

(Scully) Shut up, Mulder. I'm playing baseball. Oh! -The Unnatural

Fight the Future

(Mulder) It's locked? (Scully) So much for anticipating the unforseen. [Mulder opens the door] (Scully) I had you. (Mulder) No you didn't. (Scully) Oh, yeah, I had you big time. (Mulder) You had nothing. Come on, I saw you jiggle the handle!

(Bartender) Well, it looks like 86 is your lucky number. (Mulder) You know, one is the lonliest number.

(Scully) Well, we're FBI agents. (Kid) You're not FBI agents. (Mulder) How do you know? (Kid) Cuz y'all look like door-to-door salesmen.

(Mulder) Five years together, Scully, how many times I been wrong? Never. Not driving, anyway.

(Mulder) Scully? (Scully) Yeah? (Mulder) RUN!

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