There was this Chemical Research Plant, see, and out back was this mound of soil infested with earthworms. The Little Earthworm began his measly and not-so-ordinary life there.

Like any other earthworm, all he did all day was eat, work at not being eaten, sleep, then wake up and eat and sleep some more. (It's a wonder how them earthworms never get fat. I suppose it could be that chewing rocks is a lot of work, but I don't see how jaw excercises get rid of that extra fuel on the rest of the body. I mean, if that's the case then there won't be any fat people on this world. All they have to do is eat more. Anyway, back to the earthworms.)

So the Little Earthworm was having dinner one day, and suddenly this funny thing that didn't begin to make any sense hit him full in the head, right between the eyes: E=MC^2. He was terrified.

What the hell was that? How the hell did he know that? What the hell does it mean? (WHERE was all these questions coming from?!) He didn't have any more time to speculate on that, 'cos just then, this entire wave of maths and science stuff comes flooding into his head. You know, all the stuff I can't remember to save my hide about Calc, Sine, Bio, Pressure, Physics, Chem, etc etc etc.

And that was how one miserable earthworm became a scientific genius over dinner.

He was astonished, naturally, and as intolerably smart people go, started to figure out what happened to him. HE thought that there was a chemical leak from the plant that affected the soil in the mound that he ate accidentally and mutated his genes so that he became a natural genius. (Which, I think, is too good to be true. If that was the case, then the people at the Plant would be rich selling that stuff out to students all over the world, especially Asian countries, and be so protective about their formula that we wouldn't even be talking about this earthworm right now. The point is, if an earthworm could be smart, or dumb, depending on your perspective, enough to put on a freaky spacesuit that luckily didn't kill him and decide to be a superhero for a coupla bees and a were-puppy and the rest of the world who wants him and the rest of the world who don't, then there's no reason why there can't be one earthworm destined to be scientifically intelligent and just happened to eat somethimg funny when his Fate decides to spring that intelligence on him.)

Okay, okay, I promise to finish this story some time today.

Well, our scientific genius of an earthworm told every-earthworm else that the mound was contaminated and they'd all die if they eat any of the soil. ("Partial truths are the best kind of lies". And you'd maybe like to know that I only bother lying to people I think are worth the effort.) The other earthworms believed him and moved out before the sun was up again. (What a bunch of suckers... but then, they're earthworms. I guess you shouldn't expect too much from guys who chew rocks then decide it tastes rotten so spit it out again, then go on ahead and chew some more of the same stuff.)

The next morning, the Little Earthworm was up even before his natural enemy, the bird, and defeated the poor unsuspecting avian effortlessly. By this time he was beginning to think he was pretty smart (which ain't impressing Ms. Twain any) and set his heart on a new, Typically Unrecognised Science Genius ambition: taking over the world. (I am not an Unrecognised Science Genius however the previous statement might seem to imply. Not every one who wants to take over the world has to be a science genius, you know. Most times you just have to be evil and insane, which most Unrecognised Science Geniuses are.)

Just then, a Research Assistant passed the mound on his way to take out last night's trash and minced the Little Genius Earthworm to a pink and brown mush.

I mean it.
Man can't be lucky forever.
One day we'll meet something
That'll kick our ass for good.
And someday, you'll meet me.
*evil grin*