Best of the Zen Jihad Quote Sheets
Last Ride Part 80 Edition
Jihad Scenes
Torindal (in the King's Rest Inn)
"I'll have a nice young peasant"
Melkar (quickly)
"She meant to say 'pheasant'"
Thug (shouting back as he scouts ahead in Castle Perilous)
"I'm climbing the stairs"
"I'm about 50 feet up now"
"I'm about 75 feet up now"
"There's a big wall of fire rushing down the stairs"
"Oh, I'm dead"
Deathknight (uttering a power word kill)
"DIE!"
Thing
"Excuse me?"
Thug (trying to convince party to let him keep a magic sword)
"But I found it!"
Vlad
"But you look . . . . . . . . . . . unwell."
Snake
"Lord Aster really helped me with my planning and . . . and . . ."
Caleph
"--and execution"
Demon
"Ahh--looks like some volunteers for the Blood War"
Lord Aster
"Oh yes!!!!"
(Aster attacks the demon)
Doomsday
"I give Torindal diamond dust"
Lord Aster (concentrating)
"Am I detecting good?"
Aster
"So is Salmar a friend of the party?"
Caleph
"Worse--an ex-member"
Caleph
"This is a putzy plane"
Vlad
"Are we going to complain to the ministry of tourism, or are we getting out of here?"
Doomsday, the Continuing Saga
Doomsday
"Crowds frighten me"
Everyone
"And vice versa!"
Doomsday
"I can't do anything right now -- I need a hand”
Melkar
"Just reach in your bag of party members"
Jaemz
"If we win, you can have a helm of brilliance"
Doomsday
"I'm already brilliant! Just ask me!"
Doomsday(on building a jihad golem out of spare parts)
“I should take Owen's legs”
Jihad member
“Uh, Doomsday . . . Owen's still alive”
Doomsday
“Oh”
Doomsday (indignant)
"Fenwick has something I don't have???"
Vlad and Caleph
"Friends!"
Doomsday
"Where is Tranthane?"
Everyone
"Tranthane is dead!"
Doomsday
"Tranthane isn't a person, it's a concept."
Doomsday
"It's a long story. Long story. Some day I'll lie to you about it"
The Cruelty of the DM
Paul
"But they are demons of peace!"
Nick
"They are not demons of peace!"
Paul
"I lied"
Doomsday (as Faith is attacked by 3 demons)
"Berk -- go save her!"
Marc (picking up steam pig miniature that ate Berk and speaking in a squeaky voice)
"Ok Doomsday. I'm on my way.
Tranthane (being telekinesed into the air)
"Can I gather any valuable spy information from my vantage point"
Paul
"You gather that you are about to be fireballed"
Paul
"When you first met the Bane Warriors, you were eighth level and they were hell on wheels and now . . . hmm . . . (smiles) . . . you're eighth level again"
Paul
"Marc - mark another fireball off Manahath's infinite supply"
Marc
"Okey-dokey"
Paul (to Cengiz)
"Get away from the miniatures! Shouldn't you be asleep by now?"
Mark
"How deep is the trench?"
DM
"It goes all the way to the Abyss, which isn't far"
Mark (Episode #76 about Tranthane suddenly shrinking)
"Is this real?"
Paul
"This is a game.
Mark (Episode #80 about the mole-god dropping steel walls everywhere)
"Is this real?"
Paul
"This is a game.
The Cruelty of Party Members
Caleph (as the Jihad enters the mayor's palace)
"Hey--no pets!"
Doomsday
"What was the magical ring that Tranthane was wearing?"
Tim
"Well, it certainly wasn't a ring of protection from fire."
(Doomsday Identifies a sword with four successful rolls)
Paul: "1. It's a magic sword"
Farbod: "2. It's sharp. 3. It's pointy"
Tim: "4. Don't run with it"
Cheap Sexual Innuendos
Paul (as Faith is dying)
"Have you laid hands on yourself today--and I mean in the game sense?"
Paul
"Are you aware of how many hit points the pig has?"
Marc
"Yes, I am totally on top of the pig"
Paul
"Well you don't exactly have the biggest units on the planet--if you know what I mean!"
Vlad
"We'll have to beat off the god of moles"
Silly
Doug
"We have heroes coming out of our butts!"
Paul
"And demons climbing into our butts!"
Nick
"They're after the heroes"
Nick (to the Oscar Meyer tune)
"Oh they love to slay him every day
If you ask Zhengyi he'll say--
'Cause Voodelmayer's a stupid name
And I want to eat his stinking brain!"
Paul
"Banshees take 2-4 damage from holy water"
Nick
"If only we could get the saints to pee on them!"
Farbod
"Dispator! I once had a character named Dispator. That was before I could come up with clever names like 'Doomsday'"
DM
"The rutterkin attacks"
Doomsday
"We totally wipe his butt"
Yeenthra
"That's a little more neighborly than we usually get around here"
Aster
"Doomsday, did you just hold Fusler?"
Doomsday
"I was lonely"
Doomsday
"I'd rather not cast this spell in hell"
Aster
"This is not hell. This is the Abyss. Hell is for children!"
Caleph
"Where were you born?"
Yeenthra
"I don't know. I was a baby at the time."
Paul
"Richard of Fusler is an Aster-baiter"
Meanwhile, in the Real World
James, eating pizza
"I like the pizza crust."
Farbod
"I hate the crust!"
James
"I really like it."
Farbod
"I hate it! I hate you!"
This page hosted by 
Get your own Free Home Page