The Last Ride of the Zen Jihad
Current Predicament
Blood soaks into the sand. Lots of blood. Broken gem chips glitter amid
the gore. Two Solars, filled with rage, swoop above the battlefield,
waiting for the mole-white Demon Prince Urdlen to burst from the dunes,
steel claws snapping.
Urdlen doesn't appear. Neither does the third Solar. Somewhere
underground, trapped by ever more walls of iron and stone, he cannot escape
while Bedlen's Spider still spins. And the spider still spins.
Infinitesimally slower each minute, but it will be weaving its web for hours
yet.
The scrying continues. But no-one else joins the fight. Nobody dares
challenge the Solars.
One of the Solars lowers itself to the sand, and begins to harvest magic
items. And there are many magic items. Zhengyi is covered with them, from
his Robe of Eyes to his Girdle of Hill Giant Strength, to his Ring of
Protection +4, to the Stonecarving Knife at his belt. And of course,
there's the jihad. The Solar is going to need a big bag.
Despite the treasures he is reaping, the Solar's amber eyes gleam with holy
rage. He begins to make a lesson out of the bodies of his enemies, a lesson
that will teach all of those watching what happens to those who take arms
against Heaven.
Limbs are removed and re-attached. Heads are defiled and torsos are opened.
Jihad corpses are transmogrified and reanimated, Zhengyi is violated, and
the body of Ballan is ---
[The body of Ballan? (You remember the head flying, the corpse dropping to
the sand, yes?) Why didn't he simply disappear and return to Paradise?
Could he be a native of this plane? Hmm . . . he did mention something
about an accident of birth.]
Anyway, back to our story: ... Jihad corpses are transmogrified and
reanimated, Zhengyi is violated, and the body of Ballan is ---
Wait a minute! Did nobody tell the Solars what the jihad recently
discovered? That Ballan is (albeit by an accident of birth) Prince of the
Archons? Did nobody tell them that Archons are chaotic enough to do
something as insane as fighting Solars? Did nobody warn them??
Nope. Nobody did.
Three Archons pop into being next to the Solar. One grabs for Ballan's
body, while the other two draw weapons against the Solar. The Solar
laughs--a sound like a glass bell smashing into fragments. "Three Archons?
You have no chance!"
Then a dozen more Archons appear. And another dozen. Then thirty more.
And then more.
The flying Solar is able to get off two arrows, behead one Archon and fire
off a prismatic spray before five Archons cut him down. The Solar on
Ballan's body does not last so long.
The battlefield fills with the laughter and rage of victorious Archons.
Amid the tumult, Garrtje, the trickster god of Paradise, appears. He
hobbles over to Bedlen's Spider, picks it up, and pockets it. Moments later
he is gone. Moments after that, Urdlen and the last Solar return to their
planes.
The Archons, too begin to disappear. Six bear the body of Ballan back to
Paradise. Others stay for a few minutes to flame strike again and again the
horrific things the Solar had created from the dead, burning them until
nothing is left but a fine ash, which blows away on the desert wind and is
gone.
Boots the Archon hoists the Solar's bag of magic items over his shoulder and
heads for Corann's bubble plane. Those new saints are going to need every
advantage they can get . . .
The battlefield grows quiet.