Summary: What if the FBI had its own chat room? <66-19-16-12 enters room>
Rating: PG-13; H, light MSR
Spoilers: none really; references to "Squeeze"/ "Tooms", "El Mundo Gira", "Duane Barry"/"Ascension"
Archive: please leave the header attached and inform me at
Agerdes@prodigy.net where you decide to put it. Thank you.
Disclaimer: all characters are property of 10-13 Productions. Also, I'm new to the wonderful world of fanfic, so if any parts of this story is at all plagiarized, please e-mail me at
Agerdes@prodigy.net and inform me of the transgression.
Note: ".........." means a significant time delay
*** Please send all constructive criticism to Agerdes@prodigy.net .
FlyGuy: So, Seven, do you look like Jeri Ryan?
SigSauerP228: i hope so! *grinning lasciviously*
SevenofNyne: Who says I'm NOT Jeri Ryan? :)
Dominatrix7: Hey, 080794! *waving*
Dominatrix7: And isn't "lasciviously" a pretty big word for you, Sig? :)
080794: if jeri ryan is FBI, you just tell me what section.
080794: hey, domi. *waving back*
SigSauerP228: when exactly did the conversation switch from jeri to 080794?
FlyGuy: Where have you been anyway, 080794? You're usually here before anyone else. And AFTER everyone else for that matter.
SevenofNyne: When we found something more interesting to talk about, Sig. :)
080794: work, Fly. you remember it?
Dominatrix7: work: that which provides the basis for
stimulating gossip in chat room
SevenofNyne: tsk tsk, Domi. Gossip? US?
FlyGuy: I work in Accounting, 080794. No afterhour stakeouts for me.
FlyGuy: Hey, 66191612!
SevenofNyne: Hi, 66!
66-19-16-12: Hi, all. *waving tiredly*
080794: late night, huh 66?
Dominatrix7: Isn't it a little past your bedtime, 66? You're usually never here past 1:00.
080794: hot date?
66-19-16-12: If you can consider writing field reports a hot date, yeah.
SigSauerP228: every night is a late night in VCS
Dominatrix7: Between Fly's Accounting, Sig's VCS, and 66's field status, we're all going to end up losing our precious anonymity any day now. *shudders*
080794: anything but that! the moment I find out that the AD is twinkletoes or studmuffin, I'm going to have to resign.
SevenofNyne: ROFLMAO!!
Dominatrix7: Does anyone know who wrote the newest installation of the "Spooky" series?
SevenofNyne: Does anyone know who wrote the last 500
installations of the Spooky series?? :)
FlyGuy: I can't believe you guys read that smut. Who's Spooky banging in this one?
080794: the writing is inconsistent between stories, seven. apparently there is a group of people who feel that spooky mulder's sex life is interesting enough to post graphic pornography about it.
66-19-16-12: Is that an admission of guilt, 080794?
SevenofNyne: He has a sex life?? ;)
Dominatrix7: Actually, you know what I heard? I heard he had sex on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's tombstone.
66-19-16-12: Is that the kind of stuff they teach you at
Oxford??
Dominatrix7: The new one is a trilogy: "Spanky Spooky". Ya'll should read it. Steamy stuff. HOT sex scenes. Whoever wrote this is a LONELY little flower!... But DAMN, this one will keep you warm during those long winter nights, let me tell you!
FlyGuy: Who is it this time, Domi?
Dominatrix7: It's another Scully one.
SevenofNyne: Scully AGAIN??
Dominatrix7: This is one is helluva lot better than all the others, Seven. A HELLUVA lot better. I mean, for all that cheap, tawdry smut in the other stories, this one actually has passion...emotion... and the sex scenes are SO HOT... we're talking like ANIMALISTIC... Oh god...*pant, pant*
Dominatrix7: And did you know that the trilogy was already awarded fiction of the year?
SigSauerP228: is it fiction?
SevenofNyne: I don't know about all these Scully stories.
FlyGuy: Beats the hell out of those Skinner or Krycek ones, Seven.
66-19-16-12: I kinda like the slash. *smiling sheepishly* You have to admit, Spooky is really cute... and the AD can be sexy when he tries.
SigSauerP228: ew
Dominatrix7: And we finally have proof that 66 ISN'T the vestal virgin we thought she was!! :)
66-19-16-12: *blush*
SevenofNyne: You think slash is "ew", Sig? I bet you wouldn't if it was Scully and Jeri Ryan going at it instead of two men!
SigSauerP228: i was talking about the AD being labeled as sexy, seven
Dominatrix7: Hey, that man can be hot. Don't let Sig bully you, 66. I like this more playful side of you. :)
66-19-16-12: There's nothing like him nailing you with that piercing, steady steel gaze...
SevenofNyne: And he never ever says your name without your rank... but the WAY he says it... it's like he's making LOVE to it....
Dominatrix7: And then he holds your gaze for the perfect amount of time - short enough to be professional, but just long enough to make you wonder...
66-19-16-12: I heard he wears briefs.
Dominatrix7: He does seem like a briefs man now that you
mention it.
SevenofNyne: Where the hell did you hear that, 66???
66-19-16-12: I have my sources. :)
080794: i hope you know, gals, that you're making me queasy.
FlyGuy: *gag*
SevenofNyne: What, you've never noticed that @$$ of his??
Dominatrix7: Oh God, sister, don't go there! *pant, pant*
SigSauerP228: can we talk about something else now, ladies?
SevenofNyne: I'm all Jeri Ryan-ed out, Sig.
SigSauerP228: if you break through the ice that is
080794: have you ever noticed the way she looks at a corpse?
Dominatrix7: Oh, gross. Come on, 080794. That's sick.
080794: no, i'm totally serious. when she looks at a corpse, she focuses entirely upon it. that kind of unwavering focus is incredibly sexy.
080794: that and the fact that she snaps that latex on like a PRO.
FlyGuy: Are you saying she's a necrophiliac?
Dominatrix7: Jesus, Fly, he's saying that she's sexy when she's focused, not that she thinks cadavers are sexy. Jesus.
SigSauerP228: ive never seen her do an autopsy. I need to start frequenting the morgue more
often
FlyGuy: I wonder if she likes it rough.
SigSauerP228: I heard those repressed science types do.
SevenofNyne: Have you ever thought that she might be in the room right now?
080794: gee, seven, that didn't seem to bother you when you were talking about the
AD's ass.
SigSauerP228: that's what the anonymous handles are for, seven.
Dominatrix7: Dana's a sweetie, guys. She's also a lot tougher than she looks. If she knew you were talking about her like this, she'd kick all your @$$es without breaking a sweat.
080794: i wonder if she'd wear latex leather when she did it....
FlyGuy: Could be worth it if she did.
080794: do you suppose a whip is her preferred weapon of choice?
SevenofNyne: oh god =P
080794: have you ever noticed how she runs in heels?
SigSauerP228: saw it once when she was running through vcs looking for spooky. ill never forget it
FlyGuy: Dammit, why do I miss all the good stuff?
SigSauerP228: you've gotta check it out, fly. the woman can sprint with the best of 'em and in heels to boot
080794: i was thinking more about the way her hips do that... that hip thing they do. you know?
FlyGuy: Aw, damn...
SigSauerP228: sure do... {insert chauvinistic catcall here}
Dominatrix7: Are you guys quite finished? (And yes, Sig, we're all impressed that you can spell "chauvinistic"!
SevenofNyne: I'm either going to dye my hair red and start
conducting autopsies or jump off the Chrysler Building, guys. :(
66-19-16-12: The only reason she runs is to keep up with Spooky. :)
Dominatrix7: That man ditches her all the time, I swear to God. I can't count the times I've seen her run through the building to the AD's office, muttering about Spooky running off to chase spaceships.
66-19-16-12: But you have to admit he's pretty damn cute. ;)
080794: i notice that's the second time you've said that, 66. :)
Dominatrix7: Shaddup, 080794. This is the first time I've ever heard 66 talk about men.
SevenofNyne: He IS cute though...
FlyGuy: here we go again
Dominatrix7: I'd say he's downright sexy when he isn't
flaunting a particularly out-there Spookyism.
66-19-16-12: Have you noticed his lips?? His lower lip is so POUTY! *wistful sigh*
SevenofNyne: And that stubborn piece of hair that just HAPPENS to fall over his forehead... *gasp!*
Dominatrix7: I saw him in the pool once. *smirk*
SevenofNyne: What was he wearing??
Dominatrix7: *dramatic pause*
080794: you mean MELOdramatic pause
Dominatrix7: A red Speedo... and need I describe how he filled it out??
SevenofNyne: *faints in near ecstacy*
66-9-16-12: *blush*
SigSauerP228: Have we had enough of this, ladies?
66-19-16-12: Depends on whether or not you're going to talk about women next.
FlyGuy: We might be able to refrain for a few minutes if it means ending the conversation about Spooky's Speedos.
Dominatrix7: Spooky's Speedos! Sounds like the newest story in the Spooky series to me! *smacks her lips in anticipation*
FlyGuy: *groan*
SigSauerP228: Next subject. So... 66... what does your handle stand for?
FlyGuy: We're big bad FBI. We could crack it. :)
66-19-16-12: Go ahead and try if it means that much to you.
SigSauerP228: Uhhhh....
080794: it's not that it means much to us. it's just that by having a string of numbers instead of a relatively transparent description such as "flyguy" or "dominatrix", you lead us to believe that your name has significantly more meaning.
66-19-16-12: Well, isn't THAT the pot calling the kettle black, 080794.
080794: too many digits for a date. no discernible mathematical code. numeric code not alphanumeric. my guess would be that your numbers have some alphabetical relevance. the fact that digits are even used in place of letters seem to indicate a desire to remain relatively
genderless, indicated an individual who is tired of fighting sexual stereotypes. in other words, at the risk of sounding sexist, a woman. the hyphenation separating the digits into specific numbers instead of leaving it to the imagination would seem to indicate an orderly and quantitative personality who WANTS the code to be cracked... by the right person.
SevenofNyne: Uh oh! We have a PROFILER in our midst!
FlyGuy: Yo, Sig. You're VCS. Which one of your people sounds like that?
SigSauerP228: hellifino
Dominatrix7: Big help, Gun Man. :)
Dominatrix7: How many alphabets do you know that have 66 letters anyway, 080794?
080794: you type awfully fast, domi. work in some sort of secretarial capacity?
SevenofNyne: If she doesn't, she'll kick your cyber-@$$ for saying that.
,br>
FlyGuy: Or have a leather-clad Dana Scully do it!
66-19-16-12: And, credit to 080794's own personality, he has a back-up wisecrack in case the conversation gets a little too personal.
080794: how do you know I'm a "he" anyway?
,br>
SevenofNyne: Would a "she" know about Dana Scully's "hip
thing"?
080794: Did I scare off our other numeric friend? I expected more of a response from her.
SevenofNyne: You'd better watch out, 080794. I bet she's going to zing you a good one.
66-19-16-12: Your handle obscured by a lack of hyphenation or indeed any sort of punctuation, would seem to indicate that it is a relatively complex code to break, at least for the person you must subconsciously desire to crack it. Your subconscious mind wants you to use this handle and thought the right person in the right situation would ostensibly see right through it, your conscious justification for using this numerical code is to render it more inscrutable by not dividing it into specific numbers. Furthermore, the only contributions
you make to the conversation are generally either wisecracks or analyses of data, leading me to believe that you are a man very insecure with himself on a personal level. If you cannot offer something on an intellectual level and therefore prove that you have the capacity to do so, then you resort to jokes and sarcasm. A woman who is insecure will go out of her way to make
friends and will inconvenience herself to the point of ludicrousness to keep them. An insecure man, on the other
hand, will do as you do: prove to other people - through carefully showing only those qualities he himself deems worthy - that he is better than what he himself thinks.
SigSauerP228: have you been tested for psychic abilities, seven?
FlyGuy: What, and have to report down to Mr. and Mrs. Spooky? lol
Dominatrix7: Stop writing, dammit. I can't read 66's
dissertation if ya'll keep making the screen scroll up.
080794: it took you an awful long time to write that, 66. no wonder it took you until now to finish those field reports.
SevenofNyne: That wisecrack just proved her point, 080794.
Dominatrix7: Dammit, guys, I'm only on the jokes and sarcasm part. Give me a chance, will you?
FlyGuy: pausing as ordered
FlyGuy: pausing as ordered
FlyGuy: pausing as ordered
FlyGuy: pausing as ordered
FlyGuy: pausing as ordered
FlyGuy: pausing as ordered
FlyGuy: pausing as ordered
Dominatrix7: asshole...
...................................
Dominatrix7: It's awfully quiet in here, guys. I know *I* wasn't the one to kill the conversation.
SevenofNyne: I need to catch up on sleep anyway. Bye guys.
SigSauerP228: me too. hasta
Dominatrix7: Okay, so was trying to out-psychoanalyze each other worth chasing off everyone else?
FlyGuy: hope so. cuz suddenly I'd rather be explaining a six-day seven-night Mediterranean cruise to Expense Accounting.
66-19-16-12: I'm sorry.
Dominatrix7: Don't be sorry, 66. Just don't do it again. Come on, this isn't the place. You know that. The rest of us come here to forget about work... or at least satirize it to the point where we can vent.
FlyGuy: *groan* this is way depressing. Im outta here.
Dominatrix7: Sorry to be hard on you guys, but really. I may not be a profiler, but you guys obviously have some issues to deal with. Individually. You wouldn't be so eager and willing to point out each other's flaws - without ever having met each other incidentally - if you didn't have some sort of personal or professional problems. Fix it.
080794: ouch.
66-19-16-12: More of that ubiquitous wisecracking.
080794: apparently you didn't expect anything more from me. after all, someone who is so obviously insecure isn't capable of more stimulating conversation, right 66?
66-19-16-12: Are you TRYING to exasperate me into pointing out that that little bit of sarcasm does indeed prove my point about your insecurity?
080794: no. i was simply wondering if your concise, methodical psyche was anal-retentive enough to point it out.
66-19-16-12: This conversation is heading nowhere.
080794: and it's always safer to back away when it starts getting personal, isn't it?
66-19-16-12: What the hell does that mean?
66-19-16-12: And who the hell are you to psychoanalyze me anyway?
080794: dysprosium, potassium, sulfur, magnesium
66-29-16-12: What?
080794: your handle. the numbers correspond to those elements on the periodic table. care to explain their significance?
66-19-16-12: You're the profiler.
080794: i am. from what I've seen of you in this setting, you are anal-retentive; that is, you require things to be Just So. you are extremely guarded in your conversation (at leastbefore the Skinner and Mulder fiasco today), indicating a skeptical and private nature. you are
the psychological paragon of science. and what better alphanumerical code for a scientist than the periodic table?
66-19-16-12: And what do dysprosium, potassium, sulfur, and magnesium have in common?
080794: i was hoping you would spare me the energy needed to figure that out for myself.
66-19-16-12: Do you honestly believe someone possessing a skeptical and private nature would really share that information with you?
080794: if I was the right one, yes.
66-19-16-12: The skeptic in me must ask: How exactly do you propose to prove to me that you're the right one?
080794: you haven't tried to figure out my name.
66-19-16-12: An abrupt subject change. I must have been
getting too personal too fast to hit your defenses head-on like that.
080794: perhaps
66-19-16-12: Six digits, most logically corresponding to a date: August 7, 1994. Is that true?
080794: and if it were?
66-19-16-12: Is it?
080794: back to your handle, would you care to
elaborate on the significance of dysprosium, potassium, sulfur, and magnesium?
66-19-16-12: What kind of game are you playing? You taunt me, you revel in me taunting you back, you demand I try to crack your handle only to change the subject back to mine.
080794: i assure you i'm taking this very seriously
66-19-16-12: I have no reason to think your assurances mean anything.
080794: don't you?
...................................
080794: the names of the elements you selected must somehow correspond to letters of the alphabet. presumably the alphabetical symbols of the elements, possibly even simply the first letters of those symbols
66-19-16-12: Standing for what? Doggie-style Perversion for Sado-Masochists?
080794: the symbol for potassium is 'K', as you no doubt know
66-19-16-12: What does August 7, 1994 mean to you?
080794: that would make the letters D-K-S-M.
66-19-16-12: What does the date mean?
080794: if you went through the trouble of disguising these letters under various camouflage, no doubt they are simple initials.
66-19-16-12: WHAT DOES THE DATE MEAN?
080794: and the easiest most convenient initials are always your own.
...................................
66-19-16-12: Why did you choose August 7, 1994? Of all dates, why that one?
080794: you already know.
66-19-16-12: I know what happened that day. What I don't know is why you chose it.
080794: what do the initials DKSM stand for?
...................................
080794: One of us is going to have to admit to this sometime, you know.
66-19-16-12: Why? If we don't admit it, then we don't have to face it.
080794: is that what you want?
66-19-16-12: It's what I should want.
080794: but is it what you want? to ignore this? you said yourself that i made the name transparent enough so that the right person could see right through it. and you did.
66-19-16-12: You're the one who said I was anal-retentive. Admitting the significance of this means changing the status quo, unforgivably and unremittingly altering Just So... and frankly, I don't think I have the faith to risk it.
080794: but you're hoping i have enough faith to risk it for you. why else would you choose the name you did, knowing that if i tried hard enough i could decipher it? if i take the risk and things go wrong, then you can maintain a clear conscience.
66-19-16-12: Perhaps.
...................................
080794: On August 7, 1994 you disappeared without a trace from my life. For all my searching, for all my beliefs, I never once thought that you would be taken instead of me. I never once thought that you, my stability and my anchor, would be hunted down and probed by those forces which I recklessly sought to hunt down and examine myself.
080794: It was on that day that I realized what I had lost.
...................................
66-19-16-12: You didn't have to do that.
080794: do what?
66-19-16-12: Take the risk for me.
080794: I don't consider it a risk.
...................................
66-19-16-12: Dana Katherine Scully Mulder
080794: why, scully... are you asking?
66-19-16-12: Don't start with me, Mulder.
080794: i wouldn't dream of it, scully. no doubt you'd put such a transgression on report just as an excuse to go up and oggle at Skinner's ass
66-19-16-12: I didn't say anything about his ass, Mulder.
080794: "I heard he wears briefs." close enough,
scully.
66-19-16-12: Damn that memory of yours anyway.
080794: and what is this about you liking slash,
scully??
66-19-16-12: And what is it with all those videos that aren't yours, Mulder?
080794: ouch
66-19-16-12: Do you really think I'm sexy when I'm doing an autopsy?
080794: are you going to kick my ass if i say yes?
66-19-16-12: Are you going to make me wear latex when I do it?
080794: of course
66-19-16-12: Then no.
080794: then yes :)
66-19-16-12: What exactly is that "hip thing" I do when I run, Mulder?
080794: uhhhhh.....
080794: do you really think i'm cute?
66-19-16-12: Are you wearing a Speedo? With that cute piece of hair falling over your forehead?
080794: are you wearing latex?
66-19-16-12: Does cellophane count?
080794: uhhhhhh.... jesus, scully, are you wearing cellophane??
66-19-16-12: lol... no. :)
080794: dammit, scully, that was cheap. NO, it doesn't count
66-19-16-12: Then no.
080794: then ix-nay on the speedo
66-19-16-12: What about the hair?
080794: okay, so it's a little disheveled
66-19-16-12: Then yes.
080794: Yes what?
66-19-16-12: Yes, I think you're cute. :)
080794: i'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, scully
66-19-16-12: Watch out. It could be fungus from El
Chupacabra.
080794: or it could be tooms ripping out my liver.
66-19-16-12: A compliment from me is analogous to having your liver forcibly ripped out. How flattering.
080794: you ARE a pathologist... and i have my
fantasies.
66-19-16-12: Just out of curiousity, have you read the Spooky series?
080794: most of it, yeah. i read some twice as a matter of fact. the one with skinner AND krycek made ME blush. why?
66-19-16-12: Did you happen to get through the Spanky Spooky trilogy?
080794: not yet, no. heard it was steamy stuff. did you read it?
66-19-16-12: Spanky Spooky. I wrote it. :)