[blond pilot looks down at stomach, can't feel anything but sees the doctor's hands moving back and forth - pilot is terrified -]

[blond pilot looks across at captain whose eyes are glued to the monitor in front of her, he realizes the doctor is not even humming - pilot is petrified -]

[blond pilot looks across at his spouse; he hasn't awakened. The silence in sickbay presses in on him - blond pilot is bored -]

"So doc, since you told the captain to cancel our baby shower when can we collect our gifts?"

[EMH looks up at pilot startled, sifts through his database then smiles] "According to T'lau, renowned Vulcan expert on etiquette, it is allowable for the gifts to be delivered to the new parent's bedside after an unplanned early arrival. In fact, T'lau recommends-"

[blond pilot tunes out once he knows his gifts are secure - replicator rations, even the increased amount he and his spouse are allowed, only stretch so far]

[he looks across at spouse who has not awakened - pilot's brain begins imagining worst case scenarios -]

[EMH is droning on about etiquette but pilot is struck by the fascinated expression on the captain's face. She has stopped looking at his spouse's monitor and she is craning her neck, trying to see the procedure the doctor is performing on him, as if trying to memorize it for a test]

[blond pilot prepares to deliver a sharp reminder to the captain when three hitherto unrelated pieces of information coalesce and understanding dawns]

"Captain, unless you plan to send Seven or the doctor on an away mission, I doubt you'll be called on to deliver your own baby."

"Uh?" [captain gets a frozen, deer in headlights look; doctor stops talking - midword]

[pilot allows his gaze to wander across the ceiling of the medical bay after dropping that broad hint, a moment later he continues meditatively, almost as if he has given this topic several hours of thought]

"Anyway if worst comes to worst, B'Elanna is a trained engineer, she can help."

[silence reigns]

[blond pilot finally looks at his captain directly] "You know, Ma'am, I gotta respect you. A triad with Seven and B'Elanna...you are one gutsy lady."

[captain pins EMH in laser blue stare]

"I did not say a word to anyone, Captain." [EMH protests. Doctor's hands move nimbly and he activates a focused, short-range transporter beam.]

[pat, pat] "Waaaaah..."

[pilot gasps]

[pat, pat] "Waaaaah..."

[pilot gasps again]

[pat, pat]

[no cry answers the last two delicate taps, two infants continue to scream at the tops of their lungs]

"Doc, what's wrong? Tell me right now." [blond pilot struggles to leave the biobed]

[captain darts a quick glance at the monitor in front of her and then rushes over to the doctor's side]

"Doc!" [blond pilot is agitated, the EMH does not look up, one more soft pat is heard during a lull in the loud wailing]

[pat] "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

[pilot gasps and falls back onto biobed]

"Well, Mr. Paris, it's a girl." [EMH shares a triumphant grin with the captain] "And a girl, and a-"

"-and a *what*? Damn it!"

[EMH shakes his head] "Are you sure you have no alien lineage?"

"Doc!"

"Doctor." [the captain is not amused]

"Merely an attempt at levity."

"Doctor, this is not the time to hone your sense of humor."

[EMH hmmphs]

"Very well. Mr. Paris, you have yet another fine, healthy, baby girl."

[EMH passes a tricorder across the last bassinet] "They're all checked out and their stats have been recorded. Would you like to hold them?"

"Now?"

[captain smiles at pilot encouragingly] "They're gorgeous, Tom. You did a great job."

"I did, didn't I?" [EMH preens] "Next time these two decide to have children, I think I'll experiment with a-"

"That is quite ENOUGH, Doctor." [captain interjects crisply] "Isn't there another patient who needs you?"

[EMH subsides embarrassed] "Mr. Paris, let me wheel the bassinets closer. I've put an unbreakable duratanium-plasteel alloy band on each of their wrists identifying their birth order."

[three tiny cradles are wheeled alongside the biobed, blond pilot is terrified - what he considered nearly impossible *with* his spouse, six kids to two parents, is absolutely unthinkable without him]

[blond pilot grabs EMH's hand] "Doc, thanks, really, for all you've done. We couldn't have done this without you. Would you do me one more favour, please?"

"If I can, Mr. Paris."

"Save Harry and our kids."

[EMH regains some of his bounce] "For other doctors, this might be a problem, but for me, Mr. Kim presents a simple-"

[blond pilot and captain exchange a rueful smile]

[blond pilot rolls onto his side and takes his first look at his children and loses his heart forever]

The End

Continued in Parenting 402