The Emmys, X-Girl Style

by Erin (Sassy Starfruit)

The Emmys are coming. What does that mean to an X-Girl? It means sitting down in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn, to cheer on her favorite show and its actors. If one stood outside the home of an X-Girl on Emmy night, they could probably hear the hissing and booing as Joan Rivers continued her verbal assault on David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson and many of the other lovable X-Files actors. But being forced to sit through the rantings of a scary bird-like woman and her daughter seems almost worth it when the X-Girl gets a first glimpse of David and his lovely wife. Granted, he's dressed oddly once again, and maybe his wife doesn't know about the piece of spinach in her teeth, but it doesn't matter because David is wearing his glasses!

Thusly the X-Girl will giggle and blush at his attractiveness and become upset (although understanding) when David tries to escape from the clutches of the craggly old woman. Then the X-Girl quickly changes the channel to see that, yes, the show is starting!

The X-Girl quickly looks around to make sure no evil husband or brother is coming to change the station to Baywatch, then settles in. As various awards are being given out, the X-Girl hopes that David will thank her for all of her support, or more realistically, thank his new wife. Either way, she wants it to be romantic. So she waits, celebrating the win of another actor she likes, or cursing the win of an actor she doesn't like. The X-Girl looks at her watch. Geez, the show has been on for an hour and a half. When are they going to announce the drama winners, she thinks, but shrugs and crosses her fingers.

The X-Girl runs back from the bathroom when she hears, "And the nominees for best actress in a drama series are..." and sits, hoping she can wait until the end of the show. The nominees are announced, the envelope is opened and...

WOOHOO! Gillian has won!!

The X-Girl rejoices, while secretly thinking, what if David doesn't win? But she quickly pushes the thought out of her head as they announce the nominees for the best actor in a drama series. The X-Girl holds her breath as the presenter tries to open the envelope. Oh great, the producers seem to have hired an incompetent presenter. "Come on!" the X-Girl shouts, "It's just a little sticky thing! It can't be that hard!" and now the envelope is opening and...it seems the producers have hired an illiterate, incompetent presenter. He cannot seem to say the name, so he hands it to the female presenter, who can thankfully read. "The winner is...

DAVID DUCHOVNY!!" she says with a smile. And there is much rejoicing at the home of the X-Girl. She runs around the room screaming, or perhaps jumps up and down. There he is! Giving thanks to a number of people and to his wonderful wife who is understanding and...wait! They're playing the music! No! Let him keep talking! Well, he's been escorted off stage now, so the X-Girl runs to the lavatory. Three minutes later the commercials are still running, as a ploy to build suspense.

Finally, after what seems like 25 commercials, the Emmy statue appears on screen before the host walks out. When the presenters come out the X-Girls groans because she knows they will do some pathetic comedic bit before getting to it. They announce the best drama series nominees and the X-Girl shifts nervously. Two XF wins already, this would be icing on the cake, she thinks. Fortunately the presenters can both read and before she knows it, they are saying that the winner is...

THE X-FILES!!

So the X-Girl is jumping around on the couch, blabbering happily about how George Clooney gets nuttin'!, as the creator and producer of the X-Files walks across the stage to receive the award. He even thanks the fans! All of a sudden the screen flips to backstage where Dick Clark is interviewing Gillian Anderson. The X-Girl plops down into the couch and sighs about what a great night it's been and decides whether to go to bed or get online and celebrate with the other X-Girls.