From being in the room with Angel for barely ten minutes, Faith knew Angel wouldn't help her. He loved her more than life itself and wouldn't ever help her. Xander would laugh in her face. Cordelia couldn't even walk. Willow was having her own problems. Giles would tell her to mind her own business. There was still *a lot* of hatred for the vampire from the Watcher. Oz was in the same boat as Willow. That left the undead population of Sunnydale and Joyce. That wouldn't work.

"Hi, Faith," Joyce greeted the Slayer.

"Hey, Misses Summers," Faith greeted her.

"Buffy's not home, Faith, but if you want to wait . . ."

"That's what I wanted to talk about. It's about Buffy. You know Angel's back, right?" Faith asked.

Horror and trepidation flitted over her eyes, but it was squelched quickly.

"Yes," Joyce replied. "I found out about that the hard way."

"They- they aren't seeing each other anymore. I guess I understand that. But, Buffy broke off their friendship earlier. . . ." Faith turned on the innocence. "I was wondering if you knew of anything I could do to make her . . . feel better."

"Feel better?" Joyce asked, seemingly dumbfounded.

"I mean, I feel kinda funny talking about it to her mother," she offered with a smile, "but Buffy and Angel really loved each other a lot. I wasn't even here, and I can see that. I *think* Buffy's still in love with him, and I *know* Angel loves her so much it hurts."

Joyce frowned.

"So, if Buffy does still love Angel, even after all he did, why wouldn't she want to see him or even be friends, Faith? I think you're reading it wrong," Joyce said.

"'Cause- well- because of everyone else. Xander practically had me murder Angel for him. Giles jumped all down her throat. No one was really supportive of her or what she wanted. No one really knows it, but Buffy's used to being- well- walked on. She saved the world and sent her boyfriend to Hell, and no one thanks her. She's gotta be the Slayer even though she might die. She doesn't get a choice, so she gave in to what everyone else wanted," Faith said.

Joyce absorbed the dark-headed girl's words.

"And what do you want?" Joyce asked.

"I've never had any real friends, not like this, and I haven't even been here all that long. Xander got involved in someone else's business, and I got thrown up against Buff. I've never done anything to hurt her, and she defended Angel against me. People, my fake watcher and Xander, used me for their own gain. I just wanna make it up to Buffy," Faith said.

"It embarrassed you, didn't it? That someone tricked you into thinking something entirely different that what was happening?" Joyce asked.

Faith nodded, wondering where all this was going.

"Now, you know how I felt when I found out Buffy was a Slayer. That I could be that gullible, it humiliated me. I guess I've been like that again. I want Buffy to be happy, and I thought sending her to college would do it. You heard about her SAT's?"

"Yeah, she did good," Faith said.

"She doesn't want college. She wants that boy, Angel, the vampire that's old enough to be my great, great, great, great . . . grandfather," Joyce said with a sigh. She looked at Faith. "So what are you planning?"

Faith smiled.

"Buffy, did you know Faith went to see Angel?" Willow asked.

Buffy looked up.

"Yeah, she told me. Why?" Buffy asked.

"I was- uh- just wondering," Willow replied. "She said she had gone to apologize, and I was just wondering if you knew."

"Yeah, she told me. So, how's everything?" Buffy asked.

"Okay, I mean, I haven't really seen Xander or Oz or Cordelia, but I guess everything's okay," Willow said.

"What was it, Willow, that made you and Xander . . . you know?"

"Betray our boyfriends and girlfriends?" Willow asked.

"I wasn't gonna say that," Buffy interrupted.

"I know, but it's true. . . ."

"Willow. . . ."

She quickly interrupted. "It was just . . . that I hadn't. I just wondered if he was everything I thought he was. If I had said something, I would have been happy. If he was really who I wanted, or if I was just too stuck to the dream," Willow said with a wistful look.

"And?" Buffy prompted.

"It was all just the dream, and I won't even have Xander 'cause I don't really love him. I just had to know," Willow said. "I really . . . I really really . . . love Oz. I love Oz. I do. He's so sweet and just what I wanted. But, there was always this doubt, and it kept growing and growing and growing until I wasn't sure if Oz was a substitution for Xander or if I wasn't ready to let go of him."

"And now you *want* Oz, but can't have him because you made a mistake," Buffy said with a frown.

"Maybe you didn't," came a soft voice from the door.

Willow felt a hot blush stain her cheeks.

"O-Oz?" Willow asked softly.

"Hey, baby," he said.

Buffy slipped from the room softly as Oz approached Willow.

No one noticed her anyway.

Faith barely escaped Buffy's house before Buffy got home. When, Buffy got in, Joyce was setting the table for dinner. Joyce had to hand it to the other Slayer, she was clever. Joyce wasn't sure she liked Angel or wanted him to get back together with her daughter, but still . . .

Faith was right. The beginnings of dark circles were under Joyce's daughter's eyes. Her face was marked with a far away look. Joyce could only guess where Buffy was. Dinner was eaten in silence, not uncomfortable silence, but the silence of two women who had much on their minds. Joyce observed her daughter slowly, taking in each minuscule detail and comparing it with what she had seen only days before.

<< Oh, Buffy. >> It occurred to Joyce that Angel now had an all-access pass to her house. It unnerved her for a moment before she realized he'd been invited into her house almost since they moved to Sunnydale. It was only after Angel lost his soul that he became a threat. He was really a different person.

<< What if they . . . do it again? >> she asked. << Somehow, I doubt it. The phrase, 'scarred for life' seems appropriate right now. My poor baby. >>

"So, aren't you gonna ask?" Buffy interrupted Joyce's thought.

"Ask what, Buffy?" Joyce asked.

"About Angel. How long he's been back. Why I didn't tell you. What happened," Buffy said.

She'd heard it second-hand from Faith. It never occurred to Buffy she already knew.

"I thought you'd tell me when you were ready," Joyce said. "Are you?"

Buffy sighed.

"I guess. Angel's been back since before Homecoming, about mid-October. I didn't tell you because I- I know it was hard for you to deal with the slaying- to still have to deal with it. I didn't want to pile this on you too," Buffy said.

"I wish you *had* told me, Buffy. I could have helped *you* deal with it. I was in the dark about your Slaying for so long. I don't want to be in the dark about your life anymore," Joyce said.

Buffy half-smiled.

"But, we aren't seeing each other anymore. We- we can't be 'just friends' like some people manage to do. It would be just too hard on both of us," Buffy said.

"Did you discuss this with him?" Joyce asked.

"I told him," Buffy replied.

Joyce could see the change in her daughter. It was so startling sometimes that Joyce wanted to just shake Buffy until she was they way she used to be. Even as the Slayer, those precious few months after the summer she died and before her birthday Joyce remembered her daughter seeming so alive then.

"Do you love him?" Joyce asked. "Does he love you?"

Buffy looked up from her plate.

"He loves me," Buffy said.

"Do you love him?"

Joyce was practically on the edge of her chair waiting for the answer. Joyce knew if Buffy could forgive, she could too. Everything that Joyce thought about this boy Angel depended on this. If Buffy thought it was *worth* it. . . .

"It doesn't matter that I still love him," Buffy said softly. "It's not what's best."

"Best for whom, Buffy?" Joyce asked.

Buffy was oblivious to the tears in her eyes. And, she shrugged.

"Everyone," Buffy said, though it was more than a question than an answer.

An hour after Buffy had gone to bed and Joyce was sure she was asleep, Joyce slipped into Buffy's room and sat in a chair out of view of the window. Buffy was usually a heavy sleeper. Joyce suspected it was from all the work and strain her seventeen-year-old daughter faced.

A shadow covered the moonlight in Buffy's window. Joyce held her breath as the man slipped through her daughter's window. He silently approached the sleeping girl and barely stroked her face with his fingertips. Buffy leaned into his touch, even sleeping. He flattened his palm on her cheek and held it there for a moment.

"Buffy . . ." he whispered with great pain.

He stepped back about a foot.

"Hello, Angel," Joyce said softly.

Angel whirled around and looked at the Slayer's mother with wild eyes. She offered the faintest of smiles before approaching the vampire. He was surprised she wasn't yelling her head off at him, but he was too afraid to move. He'd fought some of the most dangerous vampires, Slayers, and demons on earth, yet he was afraid of this mortal woman. The Slayer's mother.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't scream right now," Joyce dared.

He was silent for a moment, wondering what answer would express what he was thinking.

"You would wake her up," Angel replied, whispering.

Joyce nodded in understanding.

"I want you to understand something," Joyce said.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to see her. I- I'll go," Angel said as he turned.

"Wait, I didn't tell you to leave," Joyce replied almost harshly.

<< Is she insane? >> Angel wondered. << If she is, it's my fault. >>

Angel glanced at Buffy as she softly moaned in her sleep. He wondered what she was dreaming or what nightmare she was having.

"Did Buffy tell you what happened during the thing with . . . Acathla?" Joyce asked.

"Not all of it," Angel said.

"I kicked her out of the house because I couldn't accept her being the Slayer. She spent the summer living on her own, taking care of herself," Joyce said slowly.

Angel looked shocked and horrified.

"She- she was alone?" Angel asked.

Joyce nodded.

"None of us knew it was *you* she sent to Hell and not Angelus. . . ."

"We're the same," Angel interrupted.

"Did you always interrupt your mother when she was talking?" Angel gave her a slight nod and a little half-smirk. "If you and Angelus were the same, you would have tried to kill Buffy instead of watch her sleep. You must really love her to find some pleasure in watching her sleep," Joyce said.

"Maybe some perverse pleasure. . . ."

"Maybe I ought to slap you where you stand," Joyce threatened. "Maybe *you* think you *deserve* to be tortured. . . . As I was saying, Buffy doesn't have much. I mean, I like to think I provide for her the material things she needs . . . except a car . . . but there's only so much I can give her.

"You took a little girl, and you fell in love with her. And you made her fall in love, and you changed her into a woman. I'm her mother. I love her more than I love myself. But, you, you're *her* Angel. And, I honestly don't know if she can live without you. . . ."

"She can do fine without me. She's strong, the strongest person I know. It's not just me, Misses Summers. . . ."

"Joyce."

"Joyce, it's everything. It's just unnatural. I'm a vampire, and she kills vampires. Everything around us goes against it . . ."

"Don't you mean every*one*?"

"Everyone too. -It doesn't matter. We can't. Not again. We thought we could make it work, and it didn't," Angel said.

"I want what's best for her. If that's you, then so be it. It's no one's business but yours and hers," Joyce said.

"There isn't anything to be anyone else's business. It's over," Angel said as he slipped out his lover's window.

"There will be. . . ."

Part Two.

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