He Never Said Goodbye
by Gemma

Its late one evening and Buffy is curled up on her couch thinking about the past.

"Ten years, its been ten years since I last saw him, ten years since we defeated the mayor and stopped his ascension ...….... ten years. I haven’t seen him since, he never called, he never wrote, its as if I don’t exist...…. He never said goodbye, he just turned and walked away in to the night...…... he never said goodbye...…..... Its been ten years but I can still remember everything about him – his beautiful face, his magnificently strong body, his soft voice when he told me he loved me, I can still hear him saying it, I’ve never stopped loving him. I can still feel his large, strong, cold hand holding mine. I can feel his loving embrace and how safe I felt in it knowing he loved me and would do anything to protect me. But most of all I can still feel his kiss, still taste his kiss, his cool lips touching mine lovingly and passionately, our tongues meeting and exploring the inside of each others mouths, even though we already knew them as if they were our own...…... He left me once, but he came back to me, then he left me again, he never came back...… Sometimes ten years feels like ten thousand years, when my heart yearns for him, my soul yearns for him, my body yearns for him. I never stopped loving him, I moved on but never a day went by when I didn’t think about him. Every time I heard the telephone ring I prayed it was him, every time I heard a knock on the door my heart jumped – what if it was him? Every time a letter arrived, maybe it was from him. But he never phoned, he never came, he never wrote...….. he never said goodbye...…..."

As Buffy sat remembering her Angel, silent tears fell down her face, but she didn’t wipe them away, she barely even noticed them, she was lost in her thoughts.... remembering.....

"Ten years" she thought, "I wonder what he’s doing now, does he ever think of me, does he ever dream of me, does he ever wonder what I’m doing or how my life is, does he even remember me?...….. Is he still alive?...….Don’t be stupid " she told herself "of course he is, you would know if he was dead, you would feel it. Hey, Cordy would tell you, doesn’t she see him from time to time in L.A? O.K she doesn’t tell you anything about him apart from ‘Oh I bumped into Angel the other night when I was shopping for some shoes, I got the most fantastic pair....’ and on she rattles about her shoes or whatever, forgetting all about Angel. But she would tell me if anything happened to him. Hell Buffy! Stop it! you know he’s alive. Don’t give up hope...….. but...…ten years...….. he never said goodbye...…"

"A lot of things have happened in the last ten years. I did what he wanted me to do, I had a ‘normal life’ or about as normal as I could with my sacred duty and all that. I went to college, did the usual college student things – go to parties, get drunk, have the occasional one night stands and then regret them ever since, I even had my heart broken again, if its possible to break it even more. I dated a few guys, none of them lived up to Angel, but then how could they – he’s my soulmate, though I’ll probably never see him again. I’ll never love anyone the way I love Angel. O.K so I did convince myself that I did love someone, I even married him, five years ago I married Riley Finn. I did love him in some ways, he was an ordinary nice guy who treated me like a princess and loved me...….. but Angel worshipped me...…... so when he asked me to marry him I said yes, after all wasn’t this what Angel wanted for me. I liked Riley, he made me happy ...…....."

"...…..... Your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Mine wasn’t, yeah I was happy but the fact that Riley wasn’t Angel plagued my thoughts for the whole day...….. but I couldn’t have Angel, he didn’t want me...…... Marrying Riley was the biggest mistake of my life, I ended up hurting him and hating myself for it – all because of one simple reason – he wasn’t Angel. We separated a year ago and today the divorce was finalised. It’s over, but it never should have begun, I never should have married him and maybe today we might still be friends, but now he hates me and truthfully I don’t blame him, I was a bitch, I hurt him and I lost a good friend. One good thing has come out of our marriage though – our daughter, Angela. She’ll be three in six weeks and she is the most beautiful little girl, with little blond curls and massive brown eyes full of love for everyone she meets. Angela ...… my little angel, I named her after my other Angel. The two people closest to my heart ...…... my two angels...… forever...….."

"....The rest of the Scooby Gang, they’ve changed too in the last ten years. Xander and Anya married and Xander finally found himself a steady job, they’re great."

The tears had stopped by now, and Buffy smiled to herself as she thought of her friends, how they had changed but still remained as close as they were in high school, if not closer now after all they had been through together.

"Angela adores them, I love the way she calls Xander ‘auntie-ander’ which really gets to him, he constantly takes her aside and says ‘UNCLE XANDER’ but she just smiles at him and happily chirps ‘auntie-ander.’ Anya and I think it’s hilarious, as do Anya and Xander’s twin daughters, Annie and Ellie, who are six. They dote on Angela, just like Willow and Oz who thankfully are engaged, after a few on/off years they’ve finally realised that they are meant to be together...…... Willow’s been fantastic throughout the break-up with Riley, she’ll never know how much she means to me, she’s always there when I need a friend, even when I think I don’t. I love her, she’s my best friend...... It means so much to me that she is now so happy with Oz"

Buffy’s train of thought was abruptly disturbed by a little whimper coming from the door, she looked up to see her daughter standing there clutching her teddy, her cheeks flushed and wet with tears. Buffy rushed over and scooped up her little daughter, kissing her and saying. "What’s wrong angel? "Monsters gonna eat teddy" her little angel replied sobbing. "Did you have a bad dream?" Buffy asked her, gently stroking her silky blond hair. Two huge frightened brown eyes looked up at her and nodded. "Don’t worry angel," Buffy said reassuringly, "Mommy will make all the bad monsters go away" "Ironic" she thought, "how many parents say this to their children, but I really do make the monsters go away. Thankfully Angela knows nothing about her Mommy’s ‘other’ job. When slaying duties call Joyce, Giles, Willow, Xander or Anya always look after her." She was taken from this thought by her daughter’s voice "Can Angela and teddy sleep with Mommy tonight." "Of course, angel," Buffy replied "Mommy will keep you safe, always, I promise."

Buffy lay stroking her daughter’s hair and whispering little words of comfort to her until she fell asleep. When she closed her own eyes, Buffy saw Angel’s face before her, and everything she had thought about earlier came back to her. "He never said goodbye...…..." were her last thoughts as she drifted off to sleep, the tears again glistening on her cheeks.

The shrill sound of her alarm woke Buffy the next morning at 6.30am, she turned it off, rolled over thinking "its only 6.30, I don’t have to be at work until 9.00, just another five minutes," and she promptly fell asleep again. Five minutes turned into an hour and a half, and when she woke up again Buffy jumped out of bed, "damn," she thought "Giles will kill me if I’m late" and she ran about the house trying to get ready.

Just as she was about to rush out the door with a very grumpy Angela on her way to Joyce’s, Buffy noticed an envelope on the doormat addressed to ‘Miss Buffy Summers.’ "That’s strange," she thought, "this wasn’t here last night, and I still use my married name – Buffy Finn." She tossed it onto the hall table knowing that if she opened it now she would be late for work and would have to put up with Giles in a bad mood all day as a result. She thought about the mysterious letter as she drove to work, "it didn’t have a stamp so it must have been hand delivered during the night," she thought, "there’s something about the writing too, it seems familiar but I just can’t place it." The letter was in her thoughts all day and she found it hard to concentrate on anything else, much to Giles annoyance.

At 3pm she rushed home, glad that Joyce had offered to keep Angela for the night as a treat and to give Buffy some time to herself. Buffy rushed in the door, dropped her coat and bags in the hall, lifted the letter and flopped down on the couch to discover its secrets. She tore it open and found a letter inside, she immediately went to the last page to discover who it was from and her heart stopped "Angel," she whispered, "after all this time." It took her a few minutes to pull herself together and she settled down to read her beloved’s letter.

My Dear Buffy, it said

I have tried so many times to write this letter, at the beginning all I could manage to write was your name, this has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’ve written and re-written the beginning hundreds of times, yet none of them seemed right. So eventually I decided to write what my heart was saying to me, saying to you.

Ten years is a long time, for me usually ten years is nothing but these last ten years have been the longest of my life, it seems like ten thousand years. Your face, your voice, everything about you never left my thoughts, at the beginning it was almost unbearable, it took every ounce of self-control I had to stop myself going back to you, taking you in my arms, telling you I loved you and never letting you go. But I couldn’t do that to you.

"You could, that’s what I wanted" Buffy shouted at the letter, tears streaming down her face.

I left to give you a chance at a normal life, to meet normal guys, and, even though it breaks my heart to say this, to fall in love with a normal guy. And from what I hear you did all this, in a way I was happy because you were happy and that meant everything to me, but my heart was breaking, screaming in pain as you grew away from me, probably never thinking about me. Your wedding day was one of the worst days of my life, with it I had to accept that you had done what I wanted, you had moved on, you loved someone else. My heart wanted to stop you, but my common sense told me you would be happier without me, I thought the pain would ease as the years passed but it only grew worse. (Sorry I forgot to mention, Cordelia told me all about you, I see her quite often in L.A but I made her promise never to tell you anything about me.)

"Why?...Why?...Why?... Buffy cried angrily at the letter, "If you know about my life, why can’t I know about yours???"

When I heard about your divorce I rejoiced, but my heart also cried out at the pain and the heartbreak you were going through. I couldn’t bear the thought of you being unhappy.

"Why didn’t you think of that when you left, you broke my heart, you just walked away... you never said goodbye..." Buffy screamed, nearly choking she was crying so much.

I know I made you unhappy, probably more unhappy than you have ever been. I thought walking away was the best thing to do, best for you, best for me. But now I have come to realise that it was the biggest mistake of my life. A lot of things have happened in the ten years we have been apart, too many to write down, I need to tell you face to face. When I left I never said goodbye, that’s because my heart told me it wasn’t goodbye, we would see each other again sometime, somewhere. I think that time has now come, we have been parted long enough.
I love you
Always,
Angel

Buffy put the letter down and cried, feeling both heartbroken and happy, "I’m going to see Angel again. He didn’t say when, but he’s coming, he was here last night.....What does he have to tell me?" She re-read the letter and cried until she could cry no more. At this point she just sat on the couch, trying to take it all in.

About midnight, there was a knock on the door, she automatically got up to answer it, still lost in her thoughts. She opened the door, and gasped as she saw the tall handsome figure infront of her, "Angel" she whispered in disbelief, "c – c – come in" she stuttered. Then, worn out by the shock of the letter and his sudden appearance after so many years, Buffy began to sway, then fainted, falling into the strong arms of her true love.

"O.K" Angel thought, "this wasn’t the welcome I was expecting. But then, what was I expecting? I don’t know, definitely not Buffy fainting on me anyway. At least she invited me in before she fainted though." Angel lifted Buffy’s tiny body up into his arms and walked into the house. He laid her down on the couch and tried to make her come round. Having no luck at this, Angel decided to look for her bedroom and put her to bed. He went upstairs and opened the first door he came to, everything inside screamed of Buffy to him, the decoration, the smell, the aura, not to mention the clothes and shoes scattered about it, it was definitely her bedroom. He went downstairs, gently lifted up the tiny body, carried her upstairs, and placed her into the bed. He pulled the covers up round her and tucked her in, Buffy stirred slightly, half opening her eyes, "Angel...?" she whispered sleepily. "Shhhh...." he replied, "its alright, go to sleep, baby, I’ll be here when you wake." She immediately closed her eyes again and fell into a deep sleep. "God, I’d forgotten how beautiful she looks when she’s sleeping," Angel thought to himself as he sat down beside her bed. "I could watch her sleep forever," he thought lovingly. He sat all night watching his true love sleep and thinking over what he had come to tell her. "I know its been a long time," he thought, "but I have to tell her, she has to know, she would never forgive me if she found out about it from someone else or even afterwards... she’ll want to know, it’s the right thing to do. I made the mistake of walking away once before, I can’t do it again." Angel then sensed the dawn coming and got up to draw all the curtains around the house, it wouldn’t be much good if he ended up a pile of ash on her floor. Then he went back to his post, watching his loved one sleep.

About 8.30am, the doorbell rang, Angel jumped up and ran down to answer it hoping it wouldn’t wake Buffy. He opened the door and groaned, "it would have to be HIM, wouldn’t it," he thought. He was greeted with "Dead guy! What the....?" "Hi Xander," Angel replied. "Why have you appeared after all these years? – Cordy finally getting too much for ya?" Xander asked. "What do you want Xander?" Angel said to him, "I’m just here for Angela, that’s if you haven’t eaten her for breakfast, or maybe that’s..." Xander cut off as Angel grabbed him by the throat, "take that back," Angel growled at him. "O.K, O.K, sorry man, only joking, only joking," Xander replied shaking a little, "I’ll just get Angela and I’ll be going, O.K?" "Who’s Angela?" Angel asked. "My daughter" Buffy replied sleepily, walking down the stairs. "She’s at mom’s, Xander." "Right," he replied, "next stop Joyce’s." "Daddy, Daddy," a small voice shouted, running up to the door and throwing her arms around Xander’s waist. "Where’s Angela? I want to tell her what we’ve brought for the picnic." "She’s not here, Ellie," Buffy replied, "she’s at her granny’s." "Auntie Buffy," Ellie said in a pleading voice, "Can Angela stay in my house tonight, please, please, please??" Buffy looked at Xander, "fine by me," he said. Two little pleading eyes looked up at her, "O.K," she said nearly loosing her balance as Ellie rushed to hug her. "Thank you auntie Buffy," she almost sang. "O.K Ellie, are we going on a picnic or are you going to spend the day wrapped around auntie Buffy?" Xander said. "Picnic daddy, come on," Ellie shouted pulling Xander away. "Bye" he shouted from down the path.

Angel closed the door and turned and looked at Buffy – "Your daughter?" he said questionably, "I guess there’s a lot you and I don’t know about each others lives at the moment," Buffy said. "Let me get changed and then you can tell me exactly why you‘ve suddenly showed up after ten years."

Buffy got changed, came down, sat opposite Angel and looked expectantly at him. He didn’t say anything. "Well?" she asked, "You’re the one who suddenly appeared, you start." "I.. I..I don’t know where to start," he stammered after a few minutes silence. "YOU don’t know where to start, you suddenly sent this letter, you suddenly appeared, you made the first move, you continue," Buffy said, getting worked up. "I suppose I better start at the beginning then," Angel said. "That’s usually the best place," Buffy said sarcastically. Angel ignored this comment and continued "You know why I left, after that I went to L.A, found an apartment and set up a business, a private investigation firm specialising in the supernatural. I met Cordelia, gave her a job and a place to stay." "Cordy lived with you," Buffy said interrupting him, "Oh my god, that’s my idea of hell." "Cordy’s changed a lot," Angel said defensively, looking a little hurt, "she’s a really good friend of mine now. She told me all about your life, leaving out some important details, I see. I wanted to know that you were safe and happy, but I didn’t want you to know about me."

Buffy interrupted him again, "you call that fair, you’re allowed to know all about my life, yet I don’t know anything about you. You could have been dead for all I knew." "I wanted you to forget me, Angel said, "I wanted you to move on, to a better life, to a normal life." "A normal life, that’s always your excuse," Buffy shouted at him, "did you think I could forget you, did you think to ask me if I wanted a ‘normal life’... I couldn’t have one even if I wanted to anyway, being the slayer automatically makes it impossible for me to be normal." Then she added in a small voice, "all I ever wanted was you, nothing, nobody but you." "You were better off without me," Angel replied. "Who gave you the right to decide what’s best for me Angel, have you any idea of the pain and the hurt you put me through, of the nights I’ve cried myself to sleep over you. My marriage fell apart for the simple reason that Riley wasn’t you, now he hates me for it. Every day I look at Angela and wish she was yours, in case you failed to notice I named her after you." Buffy cried, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks. "I noticed," Angel said softly, "thank you." "Angel," Buffy said, trying to fight the tears, "you leaving me was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, it tore me apart, I should hate you for what you did. I tried, I really tried to hate you, but I couldn’t, I loved you, I never stopped loving you, I didn’t want to love you, I didn’t want to feel totally empty without you, I didn’t want to feel that my life wasn’t worth living without you. But I did, I felt all this and much more, yet always, I’ve loved you. I still love you, more than anything. You almost destroyed me, but I still love you." Buffy put her hands over her face and broke down completely.

Angel sat and watched her cry, knowing that there was nothing he could say in his defence, everything she said was true, true for her and true for him, he felt the same way she did. As he watched her cry, her small body shaking with the force of her tears, he felt like his dead heart had been pulled out and ripped in two, he hated himself for causing her all this pain and suffering. He also began to doubt if he should have come back at all.

Buffy’s tears grew less frantic and she looked up at Angel. "you came here for a reason," she said between sobs, "you said in the letter that you needed to tell me something face to face, what is it Angel?" "O.K" Angel replied, "this is hard for me, I still haven’t fully grasped the situation yet – in some ways it’s fantastic but in other ways it’s bad. I haven’t made up my mind about it yet, but I thought you should be the first to know, I’ll tell you and maybe you can decide what way to take it." Buffy looked at him, Angel could see the love in her eyes and he knew he’d made the right decision coming here. "Tell me Angel, I want to know," Buffy whispered. Angel paused for a moment then began.

"About a month ago I was out for a walk doing some patrolling, it was about 2am. I came across a woman who was being attacked by some sort of demon, so naturally I tried to help her. I succeeded in freeing the woman from the demon’s hold and she ran off. Then the demon turned its attention to me and began to attack me, during the fight it bit me several times but I managed to kill it. The strange thing was the wound from the bites, at first they swelled up, as if they were full of water, then they just disappeared. When I got back to the office I decided to do some research into this particular demon, as I had never come across one before. It turned out to be a Melma demon, this demon preys on young women and vampires. Its bites are fatal for vampires..."

Buffy looked at Angel in horror, "You’re gonna..... die." sh...e stammered. Angel continued, "the bite injects a type of magickal poison, gradually it turns the vampire human again, you live as a man, then exactly one year after the change is complete, the vampire will die." Angel got up from where he was sitting and walked to the window, "I thought you should know," he said quietly after a few minutes silence, giving Buffy the chance to take in what he had just told her.

She sat in shock, "human.....?" she managed to whisper, then she said "you can’t die, I.. I.. I need you, Angel, I love you, I’ve tried to live without you for ten years, I can’t, I need you." Once again Buffy began to cry. Angel walked over and sat beside her on the couch. She leaned against him, her body shaking with her sobs, he put his arms around her and held her tight as the tears began to fall from his face as well. "Why? Why had he stayed away?" he asked himself, "now we’ve only a little time left together." His tears dripped onto Buffy’s head and she looked up at him, her face full of despair. Angel wiped the tears from her face then bent down and kissed her, long and passionately. Buffy responded and began to run her fingers through his hair, savouring every minute, making up for all the time they’d lost. Suddenly she pulled away, "there’s got to be a cure, we’ll go to Giles, he’s bound to find something," she said quickly, her eyes wide with hope. "There’s no cure," Angel replied, "I’ve looked everywhere possible, I have to accept it.... we have to accept it." "No!" Buffy shouted, "we can’t just accept it, I won’t. There’s got to be a cure, Giles will find it, we’ll find it." "Please Buffy," Angel replied, "I’ve searched, I couldn’t find... think Buffy... we can be together. The poison makes me human. I will be able to do all the things I wanted for you, I’ll be normal, we’ll be normal.... Do you remember when we broke up, the conversation we had. Buffy nodded, "how could I ever forget it." They both silently remembered that night in the sewers

You deserve more, you deserve something outside of demons and darkness. You should be with someone who can take you into the light, someone who can make love to you."

"Is this really happening?"

They both remembered the hurt they had caused each other, the harsh words they had said in anger, it had been their last real conversation.

"I wanted you to be with someone who could take you into the sunlight, someone who could make love to you, someone who could give you children. Buffy, I will be that someone, when the change happens.... that’s if you want me to be." Angel said. "How could you ever doubt it," Buffy cried, "I love you Angel, I’ve only ever wanted to be with you, only you, no-one but you." "Buffy we can have a normal life together, even if its only for one year, one year is better than never, think of what we can do, things we never dreamed possible in the past." Angel said cupping Buffy’s face in his hands, he could see the joy in her face, but there was a hint of sorrow in eyes. "Please Buffy, don’t be sad, we’ll have one unforgettable year together." She smiled at him, then leaned towards him and kissed him gently, "we’ll make it the best year ever," she said softly, "and maybe Giles will find something to prevent you from dying." "Maybe he will," Angel replied, pulled her close to him and kissed her passionately.

"How will we know when the change is complete?" Buffy asked him. "When my heart begins to beat, the change is complete, I will be human." "I can’t wait," Buffy said happily, snuggling up to Angel, putting her ear to his chest in anticipation. She was longing to hear the steady beat of his heart, to feel the warmth of his body, to see him in the sunlight for the first time, to make love to him without the threat of the curse. Life would be perfect, but then he will die, would she be able to live without him again, as this unbearable thought came into her mind tears began to fall from her face. Angel noticed this and knew immediately what she was thinking, "Buffy" he said, "please don’t cry, you’ve cried enough tears." "How can I not cry," she sobbed, "you’re gonna die, you’re gonna leave me again." "Buffy when I die I will be with you forever, my soul will be with yours, in your heart and your memories. Please lets make the most of the time we have together, and not dwell on death." Angel said to her. "O.K" Buffy agreed.

"Let’s go and tell Giles." "Em.. Buffy," Angel replied, "daytime... sun..." "Oh yeah," she giggled, "I’m getting a little forgetful in my old age." Angel hugged her, feeling happier than he had in years, did he really deserve the love of this fantastic woman, "we have a lot of catching up to do," he said, "that should pass the time until sunset." "Sure," Buffy said, "I can’t wait until you meet Angela, she’s perfect, you will love her." "If she’s anything like her mom I know I’ll love her," Angel replied, smiling. Then he pulled her to him, looked into her eyes and said "I love you Buffy, more than anything in this world, you make my life worth living, I’ll never stop loving you, you’re everything to me." Buffy replied "me too, I’ll never stop loving you, even after you’re gone." Then she moved her face in line with his and kissed him, sealing the vow that had just made.

They sat for the rest of the day talking, catching up on each other’s lives. Eventually Buffy fell asleep, Angel’s arms wrapped around her. Angel didn’t sleep, he held her all night, realising that she had given him the precious gift of her love. She welcomed him, forgave him, loved him. She could have closed the door in his face, and hated him, instead he was here, holding her. It seemed too good to be true. How many times had he dreamed of holding her like this? He didn’t want to let her go or fall asleep, in case all of this turned out to be another dream. When Buffy stirred the next morning he became sure it definitely was real. "Morning," he said, she looked up at him sleepily, rubbing her eyes and said, "Angel, you’re still here, I was afraid it was just another dream." "I’m here, its definitely not a dream," Angel replied. "Good," Buffy said and she moved herself around to face Angel, then leaned over and kissed him.

During the next week Angel met all the old gang again, all of them seemed pleased to see him, even Xander but only after he had heard Angel’s news. As he later told Anya, "I still don’t like the guy, but I haven’t seen Buffy this happy for years, she deserves it, so I’ll give him a chance, maybe he’ll be more likeable as a human." Giles was thrilled by Angel’s news, and immediately set to work researching the Melma demon, but he came to the same conclusions as Angel, there is no cure.

The greatest joy for Angel was meeting Buffy’s daughter Angela. He met her the day after he arrived. Xander brought her home, Buffy took her off alone and explained the situation with Angel to her. Then she took Angela to meet Angel in the room in which he was waiting. For a few moments Angela was shy and hid behind Buffy’s leg. Then when she had looked Angel over a few time, she walked over to him, looked up at him with her big brown eyes and said "Mommy says you’re gonna live with mommy and Angela cos you make mommy happy and mommy loves you. Mommy says you’re gonna be Angela’s other daddy..." Then she held up her teddy to Angel’s face and said, "This is teddy," Angel smiled at Angela, took one of teddy’s paws in his hand and shook it saying, "I’m very pleased to meet you teddy. My name is Angel and I’m sure we’ll become very good friends." Angela again looked up at Angel and said, "can Angela sit on daddy Angel’s knee cos teddy wants to tell daddy Angel a story." Angel had never felt so happy as he lifted Angela onto his knee and listened to her chatter. Buffy smiled to herself as she watched them, then she quietly left the room, giving them space to get to know each other, glad that her daughter had accepted the man she loved so much.

One morning about two weeks later, Angel was abruptly woken by a scream from Buffy. He immediately sat up and anxiously asked her what was wrong. "You...you...you’re..." Buffy stammered, a look of delight on her face, "You’re heart’s beating." Angel looked at her in shock, then he put his hand to his chest, and for the first time in over 250 years, he felt his heart beat. Although he knew this moment was coming, it still came as a shock to him and he couldn’t quite believe it was actually happening. His expression quickly changed from shock to absolute joy and he pulled Buffy to him in a tight embrace, saying over and over again, "I’m alive, I’m human, My heart’s beating." Tears of joy streamed down both his face and Buffy’s, as the fact that Angel was alive sunk in. Buffy cupped Angel’s face in her hands and kissed him passionately, then for the first time since Buffy’s 17th birthday they made love. Afterwards, Buffy lay with her head on Angel’s cheat listening to his heartbeat while he stoked her hair.

Also that morning Angel walked out into the sunlight for the first time in over 250 years. At first the sheer brightness overcame him a little, but feeling the warmth and energy of the sun for the first time was an experience he would treasure. The joy of being able to take Angela to the park, of being normal, was only surpassed by seeing Buffy in the sunlight, it was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. A sight that for a long time he thought he would never see.

The year Angel spent as a human was the best year he had ever known, nearly every day something happened that he described as the best moment of his life. Each day was better than the previous day, though the best thing in his life was Buffy. The year was also the happiest year of Buffy’s life, she had everything she had ever dreamed of. She had Angel, her life was complete.

There was one moment that both Buffy and Angel described as the happiest and also the saddest. It happened six months after Angel changed. He was outside playing with Angela in the sunshine when Buffy called him and asked him to come inside. "I’ve something to tell you," she said. "What is it, are you O.K?" Angel replied, suddenly becoming worried. "I’m fine.... We’re fine." "We’re..?" Angel asked puzzled, then a huge grin spread across his face as her meaning dawned on him. Buffy smiled as she said, "I’m pregnant Angel." Angel let out a cry of joy, jumped up, lifted Buffy into his arms and swung her around in delight. When he put her down he noticed she was crying, "what’s wrong, Buffy, why are you crying?" he asked her. "You’re not going to see the baby, if we can’t find a cure, you’ll die before the baby’s born," she sobbed. Angel knew there was nothing he could say in reply so he just held her tight, stroked her hair and whispered "I love you Buffy....shhh..." as the tears welled up in his own eyes. He would never see his child, he knew there was no cure, he would definitely die. He couldn’t cry, he would have to be strong for Buffy, she needed him now. He couldn’t believe he was actually going to be a father, his only regret was that it hadn’t happened sooner and maybe he might have been able to see his child. "But" he told himself, "there’s no point dwelling on what might have been, accept the situation and make the best of it."

Angela was delighted to hear that she would have a new brother or sister. Angel and Buffy spent the next few months buying baby stuff and decorating the nursery. They found out that Buffy was expecting a baby boy. During this time Angel wrote many letters to his son, each to be given to him at different points in his life. He marvelled at the miracle of life that was happening inside Buffy. Angel thought she became more beautiful as her pregnancy progressed. He spent hours with his hands over her ever-expanding tummy or with his head against it, listening to his son’s heartbeat.

Although they both wished it wasn’t happening, that time would stand still, the day of Angel’s death came closer and closer until it was upon them. It seemed so unfair that they had had so little time together and now this time was up. Giles continued to look for a cure but couldn’t find one, eventually Buffy accepted that nothing could be done, Angel was going to die, she was going to loose him again, only this time he wasn’t coming back.

During the last few days Angel became weaker and weaker, finally he was unable to get out of bed. Buffy tended to his every need, never leaving him. They spent the time talking, discussing their son’s future and making plans for it, Buffy tried to remain cheerful for Angel’s sake but inside she was being torn apart. How would she ever cope without him, she didn’t know if she could live without him, was life even worth living if he wasn’t there with her? As Angel took her hand of the final time and said, "its time, Buffy, I can feel it," she broke down, unable to hold her emotions any longer. Tears poured down her face as she said, "I can’t live without you Angel, you are my life, you make my life worth living. I can’t go through losing you again, its too painful, its too hard, I can’t do it, I can’t, I can’t I can’t." Then she buried her head in his chest and cried, her heart shattering into millions of pieces. "I’d rather die than live without you Angel," she cried, looking into her beloved’s face. Angel was also crying, her pain was unbearable to him, he was the cause of her pain and he hated himself for it, but he had to get her through this. " Buffy," he said weakly, "listen to me, you can live without me and you will live. You are the strongest, most amazing person I have ever met. Think of all the things we did together this year, think of all the memories we made, all the good times we had. Think of Angela, think of our son, they need you, they love you. I love you, I’ll always be with you, I’ll always watch over you, I promise." "Angel," Buffy cried, "you can’t leave me, I need you, I love you..... Angel..." "Buffy," Angel said softly, "I’m not gonna say goodbye, I know we’ll meet again, somewhere, and we’ll be together for eternity. But until then, anytime you need me just close your eyes and I’ll be there, or look into the past and remember all the good times we shared together....Buffy, I’ll always love you... forever... I promise." "Angel, I’ll always love you too, I’ll never forget you... I love you, for eternity." Angel smiled at her, then closed his eyes and took his final breath. At the same moment the child in her womb kicked for the first time and Buffy knew that Angel’s spirit would live on in the life of their son, then one day they would finally be together for eternity.

THE END

Please, please, please, I'm on my knees begging for feedback!!

Go here for more of Gemma's stories.

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page