Where Memories Lead:
Safe Harbor
by Gem

Part Two

Buffy was having the most beautiful dream.

She and Angel were floating down a long aisle, skimming just above the surface of the red carpet. She could dimly perceive faces on either side of them, but suddenly all the faces turned into daisies. She turned to ask Angel why, and realized they were no longer in an aisle, but in a great field of flowers. Angel reached out to her and drew her down onto the grass beside him. He slowly slid his hand down her neck to the top of her...

Angel's yelp of pain yanked her from the depths of slumber. She rolled out of bed and reached for the stake in the nightstand in one fluid movement, then she suddenly realized it was daylight. Daylight, when only kamikaze vampires roamed the streets of perpetually sunny Sunnydale.

"Angel, what's wrong?" She first looked where she had last seen him, lying next to her. When her still-sleepy mind processed his absence, she glanced around the room and realized he was standing to the side of the windows, pulling a drapery cord to adjust a recalcitrant drape.

"Oops," she mumbled, hurrying to assist him. "Sorry, I guess I forgot to pull them all the way over again." Standing directly in front of the window, she stood on tiptoe to haul the curtain over the offending sunlight. Mission accomplished, she slid into Angel's waiting arms. "Scout's honor, I will make it a habit to check before we got to bed. Forgive me?"

He clung to her while he forced his mind to ignore the pain of his scorched foot. "Nothing to forgive," he replied a trifle breathlessly. "I've been doing this for two hundred years I should have checked myself." He dropped a light kiss on the top of her head before leading her back to the bed. "It was just an accident."

She looked at him closely, noting the way he avoided meeting her eyes. Not satisfied with what she saw, she pushed him down on the bed and stood over him, with her hands on her hips.

"It was this type of accident that made you bail less than a year ago. No fudging for the sake of my feelings how freaked are you?"

"Buffy, I'm fine. I'm just a little nervous about tonight, okay?" His dark eyes were troubled, but at least now they were fixed squarely on her hazel ones. "I woke up the morning of my wedding with my foot on fire from the sunlight and it kind of surprised me. I'm sorry I woke you when I yelled. So sue me."

"Hey, easy big guy." She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder to soothe him. "I guess I'm a little nervous too, but it was kind of déjà vu all over again, you know?

Angel slid his arms around her waist and pulled her over to stand between his legs. "We're both a little on edge today. Part of it is just normal wedding day jitters, I'm sure."

"And the other part?" she asked wryly. "Normal slayer marries vampire jitters?"

"We have a lot of differences," he admitted. "That's why I left last year. I thought we were too different, and it wasn't fair to make you live in my world just because I couldn't live in yours." He ran his hand softly through a lock of her blonde hair and down the back of her neck.

"And you swear you're over that spectacular bit of stupid self-sacrifice?" Buffy tried to keep her tone light, but there was an underlying note of fear that her lover clearly heard.

"I swear." He kissed her to seal his promise. "We probably should have talked about this a little earlier than today, but things have moved so fast. And I guess I was a little leery of bringing it up. Old ghosts, you know."

She stroked his cheek, enjoying the feel of fine bone beneath cool skin. "No ghosts allowed today," she whispered before she replaced her hand with her lips.

He smiled and turned his head to meet her questing mouth. Bodies and minds in perfect unity, they melted back onto the bed. The rest of the world faded away as...the telephone rang.

"Mmm, let the machine get it," Buffy murmured, trailing kisses down Angel's throat.

He flipped them both over so he was pinning her to the bed with the weight of his body. "No machine," Angel whispered in her ear before he nipped at it.

She giggled and retaliated by tickling his ribs. "Then let it ring." She wound her leg around his to secure him to her, lest he develop any silly notions of duty before pleasure.

"Duty before pleasure, love," he echoed her thoughts. With deep regret, he pulled free from his beloved and reached for the cell phone on the nightstand.

"Damn, I hate it when you read my mind," she said with a pout. "It's not fair, you know." She sat up next to Angel on the edge of the bed, twining her arm through his and resting her head on his shoulder.

"I didn’t read you mumbled." Angel turned his attention to the phone. "Hello. Oh, it's you. Is everything okay? You're coming down when? And who did you say...a rogue what? Okay, well now I've heard everything. What do you mean there's more? No...just...just get here when you can...Yeah, Buffy's classes start on Monday so I'll be back then." He glanced at Buffy's head on his shoulder, and felt the warmth of her body pressed up against his own. "If absolutely necessary," he amended. "We'll see you this afternoon...ish. I understand."

"That was Cordelia," he said. "She will be here this afternoon, and she's bringing Wesley with her." He grinned in anticipation of Buffy's reaction. She and her former Watcher had not parted on the best of terms.

Buffy's reaction did not disappoint.

"Wyndham-Price? Wesley Wyndham-Price? Our Wesley?" Buffy kept repeating the name, hoping Angel would stop her and correct her. To her dismay, he did neither.

"You're sure? Wesley?" she repeated, yet again.

"Okay, this was amusing the first four or five times," he said at last, "but the fun has faded. You know exactly which Wesley, and if you want to know why, you'll have to ask her. I just have an uneasy feeling this visit is not a coincidence."

"Not much in our lives is," Buffy replied with a scowl. She looked around for her robe, but settled for one of Angel's shirts, which was dangling from the bedpost. She slid it on and buttoned a few strategic buttons as Angel lounged back on the bed.

"So, what are you up to on your last morning of freedom?" Angel tugged at the hem of the shirt, obviously hoping to delay whatever plans she might have made.

Buffy stepped back to stand just out of reach. "Down, boy," she said with mock severity, waggling a finger at him. "I have to go see someone, but I'll be back by twelve. Willow is coming over and we're going to finish decorating the garden for the ceremony. What are you going to do?"

"You mean besides dream of you?" He smiled lazily at her from the pillow. One hand reached out for her again, trying to entice her to make his dreams a reality.

"Angel."

He sat up abruptly, teasing smile gone for the moment. "I am going to get everything ready in the mansion for the reception tonight...and for a little birthday party this afternoon." He laughed softly at the surprised look on her face. "Did you think I forgot?"

"Well, you never said...," she stammered. "And with all the other plans...you don't have to do anything." She kept her head cast down to shyly contemplate her feet, until Angel's arms were around her and his voice whispered in her ear.

"And how many decades would I have to pay for that one?" He laughed again when she smacked his chest in feigned annoyance. "Sweetheart, you do not survive in the company of women for two centuries without learning how to navigate the delicate terrain of birthdays."

She scowled at him for a moment to punish him for the comment about other women, and then she relented with a kiss that left them both a little weak in the knees. Buffy finally pulled herself away when she noticed Angel was guiding them back to the safe haven of the bed.

"I really have to go," she said firmly, fending him off with one hand while she held her now unbuttoned shirt closed with the other.

He stopped clowning around and regarded her seriously. "Give her my best," he said in the low steady voice that made her feel so safe and loved.

She smiled in wonder, and lightly touched his cheek. "I will." She turned to go into the bathroom, but paused in the doorway to look back at him. "And I didn’t mumble anything that time, so you must have read my mind."

"I know you." It was a simple statement of fact, which spoke volumes to her.

Buffy hesitantly entered the hospital room, glancing around at the pictures on the walls and the flowers on the nightstand, anywhere but at the occupant of the bed. Eventually she knew she could no longer put it off, and she slowly approached the bed.

"Hey," she said softly, reaching out a hand to rest on Faith's arm. "I'm sorry I haven't come before now."

There was no answer, of course she didn't expect one. Faith's condition had stabilized to some extent she no longer needed life support. She was still in a coma, though, and the doctors were unsure if the situation would ever reverse itself. They also couldn't say it wouldn't.

"Giles told me where to find you," Buffy continued, pulling a chair up next to the bed. She sat down, leaving her one hand touching Faith, trying to bridge the distance between them. "It's a nice place," she said as she looked around the room again, "you know, for a hospital. Well, the sign says it's a nursing home, but that sounds too old for you. Or maybe, is this the Old Slayers Home we talked about? Funny if it was and you beat me here."

She took a deep breath and tried to calm her racing heart. An early childhood trauma had instilled the fear of God in her when it came to hospitals, and they scared her to this day. She needed to settle things with Faith, though, before she left Sunnydale and the past behind her tonight.

"I guess you're wondering why I came after all this time." She stared at Faith for a moment, searching for any sign of awareness. Faith continued to breathe, but that was the extent of her participation in the conversation.

"Okay, well, since you kind of can't ask me, I'll just tell you. Angel and I are getting married. Tonight, actually. He says hi, by the way. And...we're having a baby." She held up her hand as though Faith needed to be hushed. "I know, I know, it's impossible, more than you know actually, but there it is. Try not to laugh when you picture me holding a baby bottle in one hand and a stake in the other." Buffy laughed herself at the image, but she became unnerved by the sound in the otherwise quiet room.

"I wanted to tell you, even though I know you probably can't hear me, because I think in some way you care. It's taken a long time for me to come to terms with what you did. You betrayed me, and you used Angel to do it. When that didn't work, you tried to take him out just to hurt me. And you did it in the most painful way you could find."

Buffy felt a wave of anger wash over her as she remembered sitting by Angel's side as he tried to fight the poison in his system. She remembered wiping his brow and praying for him and telling him she loved him, knowing all the while that none of it would help.

Faith's arm moved ever so slightly under her hand. Buffy knew it was just a muscle spasm, but it served to bring her back to the present.

"I hated you for a long time for what you did, and I guess I'm still angry, but I understand better now. You have always been in so much pain, and you just wanted someone to make it better. You got it into your head that Angel and I were supposed to do it. You saw what we had, what we held onto despite all the problems, and it made you angry because you couldn't get it for yourself, and we couldn't give it to you."

Buffy couldn't sit still any longer she stood up and began to wander around the room as she spoke. She didn't notice Faith's arm twitch again at the loss of pressure.

"I'm sorry you had a rough childhood, Faith, I really am. The past month I've started to realize what that means, because I've been thinking about my own child and how I would feel if she had your kind of life." Buffy laughed a little sadly. "Actually, the past few days I've been thinking about it even more, since we found out my baby is a Slayer. Yup, you got it, she's going into the family business. And if it weren't for Angel, I'd be terrified what might happen to her when I'm not around any longer."

She came to rest in front of the window and pulled the shade so she could look out into the courtyard. Her forehead pressed to the glass, she watched the nurses wheeling patients out to sit in the sun. It all looked so peaceful and serene. It was hard to believe violence could flourish in such a calm world, yet behind her lay mute testimony to its existence.

"I guess the Mayor gave you something we couldn't, or maybe he was just a means to an end. I don't know. All I do know is that I need to forgive you because I don't want to keep you with me any more. At least not the way I have been."

She turned to face Faith, wishing there would be some sign of life from her old friend and enemy. "I will always remember the times you saved my life, but I can't hold onto those memories thinking they were the only real you. I've been pretending the change in you was just some temporary aberration, and that if we could only have gotten through to you...But I think Angel called it." She brushed the tears from her cheek with an impatient hand. "You got a taste for killing, and I don't know if we could ever have gotten you back. I think it was always a part of you, and being the Slayer let you use it. When I saw it in you it scared me, because I didn't want to see it in me, or in Angel. But I don't."

She sighed and sat down on the bed. This time she took Faith's hand in her own. "We're not alike, we never were. I pretended we were because I wanted someone who understood me perfectly. I wanted someone who knew exactly what it was like to be me. Before I was the Slayer, I was just like everybody else, and I wanted to be again, and you were going to help me. Except I'm not like everybody else. I'm me, and you're you, and Angel is Angel, and no matter how well either of you understands me you don't live in my skin. And that's good. I realized I like the differences."

"I also finally put together something about forgiveness, too. You can’t forgive people unless you accept them as is, good and bad. No matter what people think, Angel and I never had any romantic illusions about each other. We always accepted that the other had a dark side, but we loved each other anyway. That's why we can always forgive each other, without question."

Buffy leaned over and dropped a light kiss on Faith's forehead. "I wish you well, I really do. I forgive you too, if it means anything. For Angel it's always meant a lot, but like I said, we're all different people." She stood up and crossed to the door. "You taught me a lot, Faith, and I don't think I ever thanked you for some of it because I so didn't like your methods. Some of us reach out to others when we're in pain, and some of us just lash out. Maybe, if you come back, you could give the first way a try."

Buffy walked out the door with a much lighter heart than she had brought with her. The past was being laid to rest piece by piece today, and the next step was waiting for her back at the mansion. More importantly, Angel was waiting for her back at the mansion.

She never noticed the single tear that slipped out from between Faith's closed lashes and slid down her cheek.

Buffy arrived back at the mansion a little earlier than planned, and discovered her home in chaos. Xander and Anya were fighting over the placement of a giant banner that read "Happy Birthday Buffy," Cordelia was directing Wesley to do six different things at once and Giles was trying to help Willow with a spell, except that Willow didn’t seem to appreciate the help.

"Giles, you’re going to get burned by the sage if you don’t step back!" Willow finally yelled at the surprised Watcher. Giles stepped back in confusion, bumping into Buffy as she tried to slip in unnoticed.

"Oh dear, I’m sorry Buffy," he quickly apologized. "Buffy, you’re early! We’re not ready yet."

"Go away or you’ll ruin your surprise," Cordelia offered helpfully. "It was supposed to be a surprise, right?" She shooed Wesley towards the garden with a basket of flowers, then turned to contemplate her old friend. "You’re going to need some major work to look bride-y. What do you do to your hair to get it to stick up like that?"

Buffy’s hand flew to her hair before she could stop it. Inwardly cursing herself, and Cordelia, she asked about Angel’s whereabouts.

"Up here," called a voice from the stairs. "You’re early. Did it go okay?" He hurried down the stairs to join her in the Great Hall, seemingly oblivious to the confusion that surrounded them.

"It was fine," she assured him, tipping her head up for a kiss. When they finished she kept her hand on the back of his neck, holding his head down so she could whisper to him.

"The nurses had a few interesting things to tell me, by the way. All about Faith’s mysterious ‘brother-in-law’ who’s been paying her hospital bills. A very tall dark and gorgeous brother-in-law who only checks up on her at night. Wonder who that could be?" She smiled mischievously at him, daring him to deny it.

"She needed help," he said simply. "You would have done it if you could."

Buffy looked at him for a long moment before replying. It hadn't surprised to learn of Angel's generosity, but it had touched her more than she could tell him. After all Faith did to him, there was still no question of forgiveness or aid. She knew he would have done it for Faith regardless, but the way he referred to himself at the hospital told her that his first thought was to do it in her place. What Buffy could not do, he would in her name, because they were one.

"I'm not so sure," she responded at last. "I think you're nicer than I am, which should bother me, but it doesn't. Kind of gives me something to shoot for, you know?"

"Now there's an interesting concept. Vampire role models. Never thought you'd make the grade, kid."

Buffy released Angel and spun around to see who had addressed them. He might not have been the last person she expected to see on her wedding day, but he was close.

"Whistler," she breathed, while Angel smiled in relief.

"I wasn't sure you'd get the message." Angel walked over to shake Whistler's hand, leaving his beloved in considerable confusion.

"You knew he was coming? You invited him?" She joined the two men in the doorway, trying not to attract the attention of her friends. Whistler's visits usually presaged disaster, and just because he was here at Angel's invitation didn't mean the world wasn't on the brink. Again.

"Meet my mysterious best man."

"You know kid," Whistler said, "I think I've seen you smile more in the past two minutes than I did in the whole year I was training you. She must be good for you."

Buffy brightened at the compliment. "He smiles, he laughs, he even dances. He's a whole new vampire."

Angel slid his arm around her waist and nuzzled the top of her head. "All thanks to you, sweetheart." He returned his attention to Whistler as Buffy wrapped her arms around him and settled in. "You're cutting it kind of close, you know. The ceremony starts just a little after sundown. As soon as all the guests can get here, I mean."

"Hey, I got your message, but I had a few things to wrap up first. I also had to pay a visit to the boys upstairs, to see if there were any messages to pass along. You know, congratulations, mazeltov, Niagara Falls or Bust...stuff like that."

"And were there?" Buffy was back to feeling uneasy.

Whistler being Whistler, he chose to ignore her question for the moment. He walked a few steps away to get a better view of the Great Hall. "Nice place you've got here. A little Bela Lugosi meets Frank Lloyd Wright, but it works for you."

"Thanks. We're moving tomorrow."

Whistler looked quickly at Angel. "Termites?"

"Worse. Bad memories, a lot of them." Angel glanced around the high stone walls, trying to remember practice sessions and post-slayage naps instead of the usual blood and tears this place brought to mind. "We're getting married in the garden and having the reception here to replace some of them, but they'll never be completely purged."

"We want a fresh start." Buffy's memories weren't much different than Angel's in substance, if not in specifics. The mansion meant Angel to her, but it also meant Angelus. Accepting all that he was did not mean sleeping with the ghosts of his ex-lovers as well as him.

"Not much of a place to raise a kid anyway." Whistler took off his precious fedora and brushed an imaginary speck of dust from it while he covertly watched Buffy's expression.

"You told him?" The glare she turned on Angel did not bode well for the wedding night.

"He didn't have to. The Powers told me." Whistler gave up his pretence of disinterest and looked squarely at Buffy. "Since I brought you two together, they keep me updated on you. You know, in case you need a hand."

"Or a sword," Buffy said bitterly. She hadn’t seen Whistler since that terrible night, and suddenly the memories were painfully fresh. She felt Angel's warning squeeze on her waist, but she ignored it. "You could have told me. You knew Willow was going to succeed and you didn't say anything."

"Buffy..."

"Hey, kid, I wasn't the one who was supposed to tell you. It doesn't matter any more anyway. It's all water under the bridge now. You're getting married."

"No thanks to you. I sent him to hell!" Buffy's voice was rising and she was starting to attract attention, but she didn't care. In the back of her mind she felt Angel's presence by her side, but she couldn't reconcile it with the memories assaulting her. She broke free from Angel's loving restraint to advance on Whistler. "He spent centuries there, being tortured, because you didn't warn me. If I'd known..."

"It's over, kid." Whistler's voice was compassionate, but firm. "You've gone over it again and again in your head and it never changes. Why? Because it's over. Yelling at me won't change it either. You got him back, so move on."

"He's right, Buffy. We have what we always wanted now. Let it go." Angel knew she was still too wound up to touch, so he just stood beside her. His dark eyes regarded her tenderly, reminding her of all they had gained from their failures.

"And what about our daughter? I'm still a little pissed at my mother for calling my dad a bastard in front of me, and he was being one at the time. What if she asks questions about us someday and I have to tell her I sent her daddy to hell?" Buffy's voice broke as she whispered her deep-set fear.

"Like that one is going to come up in casual conversation," Whistler scoffed. "Of course, I suppose it could wind up in the sex talk..."

"She's a Slayer she'll understand," Angel replied patiently, ignoring Whistler completely. This time he did put his arms around her and held her tightly, trying not to picture the scene she was painting. He knew their child would forgive Buffy, but he was not so sure how she would feel about how he earned his place in hell.

"But..."

"What do you mean 'she's a Slayer'?"

Buffy and Angel tore their impassioned gazes away from each other to stare at Whistler as he repeated his question.

"What do you mean 'she's a Slayer'? What moron told you that?"

Part Three

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