AUTHOR'S NOTE: This takes place a few weeks after "Revelations." This is strictly an angst piece. One important note: In my universe, Faith does not exist. I have nothing against Faith, per se, but the mere existence of a second Slayer dilutes the importance of Buffy's unique circumstance. My thanks to Rebecca, for making me comfortable enough to share this with others.

Buffy and Angel were lying on the roof of Buffy's house, watching the stars. They'd made an appointment to watch the meteor shower together, one that Willow insisted would be worth missing sleep over.

"Willow said it was supposed to be a spectacular show tonight, but I haven't seen a thing."

"You have to have patience. You really aren't going to see meteors zipping across the sky every minute. You're lucky if you see a few in the span of an hour. But, when you do, it'll be worth it. Besides, just looking up at the sky is great. Don't you agree?"

"Yeah. It's very relaxing. Peaceful. You know…it's almost like there isn't a care in the world. We should do this more often."

"What're you doing tomorrow night?"

"It's a date!" There was silence as Buffy's words sank in. Both had been avoiding deep discussions about their relationship, or lack thereof. They hadn't even really talked about what had happened all those months ago. It was as if they both were avoiding the inevitable trauma, and the inevitable facts.

Angel broke the silence. "Beautiful. We take so much for granted."

Buffy, not knowing whether he was talking about her, them, or the sky, just looked up into the night. "I think I just saw one. I'm not sure…it was so fast."

Buffy moved closer to where Angel was lying to point out where she thought she had seen the meteor. They were both scanning the sky when Buffy and Angel both saw a spectacular shooting star. "Wow!!" the couple shouted out at the same time. Their exhilaration caused Buffy and Angel to scrunch closer together as they reveled in the wonders of the night sky. Buffy closed her eyes to make a wish, but quickly reopened them, realizing that, for her, wishes couldn't come true. "I'm glad we did this," Buffy said as she moved a little farther from where Angel was lying. He didn't miss her not-so-subtle move.

"Me too. Thanks for inviting me. I love this."

There was a long silence as the couple just lay on the roof.

"That's me." Buffy broke the silence with her contemplative words.

"What?"

"That's me. The meteor. It flashes by and lasts only a few seconds before it's gone. Kinda like what the whole of my life is gonna be. Ha…Buffy the philosopher. Who'd a thought it?"

"Buffy, you're more than just that. You're already so much more…"

"Yeah, I know. I may actually live a few years past the rest of the Slayers. Whoopee."

"Don't talk like that, Buffy. I don't wanna hear that."

"Angel…"

"Yeah?"

"How much longer can we do this?"

"Until a couple of hours before dawn." Angel tried to lighten the mood, knowing full well what Buffy was getting at, and not particularly sure he wanted to think about it right now.

"You know what I mean."

"I don't know. We're both trying to avoid this whole issue, because we're afraid of what the outcome will be when we finally get around to not avoiding anymore." Angel's next words sounded like he was choking back tears. "You know what I do know? I know that I am never happier than when I'm with you. I also know that I'm not allowed to be happy, so I shouldn't be with you. I can't be with you, and I can't be without you. Maybe I should just stay here and watch the sunrise."

"Don't say things like that, okay." Buffy answered with that same choking voice. "I need you."

"I need you, too. What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know. But I don't want you doing anything stupid, okay?"

"I won't do anything stupid if you promise to be careful when you're hunting. Deal?"

"Deal." They shook on their agreement, holding hands a little longer than needed. When they pulled away, that same old familiar look was on both their faces. It was the look of want, of need, and of denial.

"I should probably get going."

"Okay. …Ang…will I see you tomorrow?"

"Probably. Goodnight, Buffy."

"Goodnight, Angel."

Buffy headed over to Willow's house, knowing that the girl would be up and watching the stars. She needed to be with her friend.

"Hey Wil. Xander and Oz left already?

"No. They didn't come over. I didn't ask them to."

Buffy had sensed that something was wrong with Willow for a while, but she didn't want to push. This, though, seemed to be her opening. "What's up, Wil? Something's going on that you're not telling me. If it's none of my business, I'll shut up, but if there's something you want to talk about…"

"Nothing. Why would you think there's something? I've got nothing to hide. Nothing at all…. Okay, there is something. I've wanted to tell you for a while, but I'm a big chicken. I'm also a little afraid of what you might think."

"What I might think?!! Okay, Wil, now I'm worried. You know that nothing could change the way I think of you. What's goin' on? I've never seen you this messed."

"This doesn't go anywhere. Right?"

"Of course."

"Okay… Well… It totally happened by accident… I didn't mean to…. Xander and I have been fooling around."

Willow's words came pouring out so fast, Buffy took a beat before comprehending them. When they finally dawned on her, all she could do was drop her jaw in complete and utter disbelief.

"We were trying on clothes for the Homecoming dance, and it just happened. We didn't plan it…I swear. And it's been happening ever since. Say something."

Buffy smiled. "It's about time."

"This is not funny, Buffy. I've got Oz, and I really, really like him. He's the best. I thought I'd finally moved on, and then this happens. I don't know what to do."

"What does Xander think?"

"He's just as screwed up as I am. He's got feelings for Cordelia, too, so he's not dealing well either. But when we're together, it just seems so right. But then, it is so wrong."

"I hear ya. Uh…Wil…how far have things gone with you two?"

"Just kissing. I swear."

"Okay, I believe you. Wow. I knew something was up, but I had no idea."

"What am I gonna do?"

"I can't say I'm the best person to ask for advice about relationships, but at least yours are all with people of the living persuasion. I think you have to decide who it is you want to be with. You can't keep seeing Oz if you still love Xander. That's not fair to him. And it isn't fair to Cordy, either, if Xander wants you. I'm telling you nothing you don't know, of course."

"It helps to hear it from someone else. I'm not sure who I want, though."

"I think your heart knows. Try not to think and analyze it, and listen to your heart. That's when you'll know."

"The heart isn't always the right way to go, though." Willow winced as soon as she said it.

"True. But it knows what you feel. Then it's up to you to decide whether those feelings are right or wrong."

"This was all so simple a few years ago. What happened?"

"We grew up and found out that life isn't simple…or fair."

Willow decided that this was the time to change the subject. "So, what do you think of the meteor shower? See anything spectacular yet?"

"Actually, it's cool. I saw a few really great ones. You should have told me what to expect, though. If Angel hadn't told me to wait, I would have gone inside and missed the whole show."

"You were with Angel?"

"Yeah. Don't go getting all worrisome on me, Wil. I'm fine. We're just friends." Buffy was trying to convince herself of that last point even more than Willow.

Willow knew better, but kept it to herself. Suddenly, a vision in the sky took her attention. "Oooohh…there's one. Quick, make a wish."

"Wishes don't come true, Willow."

"You never know," Willow offered, hope in her voice.

"I know." All sarcasm was gone from Buffy's voice. What remained was a despair that tore at Willow's heart.

Silence. Long silence.

Buffy broke the utter stillness. "I know that nothing can ever happen between Angel and me. It's just so fuckin' hard."

Willow had been waiting for Buffy to talk about Angel. "I know."

"No you don't. Nobody can. There's only one other person who can know, and he's just as miserable as I am. It hurts, Willow. It hurts so damn much…emotionally and physically. I never knew anything could hurt this much. I love him and he loves me, but we can't be together. We both know that we shouldn't see each other, but we can't help it. It hurts to stay apart, and it hurts when we're together."

Willow didn't know what to say, so she said nothing.

"I want him so badly, and I know he wants me the same, but we can't do anything about it. We brush each other's skin, and suddenly we're tense. I can't even hold his hand…it becomes the most difficult fight of my life. I want more!! I've had more, and I know how great more is. But we can't. We know we can't, but that just makes it worse. And it isn't just a physical thing. When I'm with Angel, it just feels right. I feel safe, and protected, and loved, and like I have always belonged with him. And he feels the same when he's with me. It's so right. That's why it has never felt wrong to me, no matter what my mind said."

Willow took Buffy into her arms and let the girl cry on her shoulder. She knew that Buffy's bottled-up emotions had been intense, but she wasn't prepared now that Buffy's walls were tumbling down.

"When Angel and I made love, it wasn't because we couldn't control our hormones. We both thought we were gonna die that night, and it just intensified our feelings for each other. We loved each other too much to stay apart. That's what it's like, Wil. And, despite everything that's happened, we still have those feelings. I love him, and no matter how hard I try - and I really have tried - I can't stop. I'm the Slayer. My destiny is to fight demons until I die. But, fuck it, why does that mean I am not allowed to have just a tiny bit of happiness? I'm gonna die young. I know that. Why the hell can't I have just a little joy before that, huh? Is that too much to ask for saving the God-Damned world?!!!"

There was nothing Willow could say or do. She just held her friend and let the Slayer sob until there were no more tears left to shed. Without much more than a "Goodnight," the friends parted. Buffy headed back to her house while Willow crept into her room. As she climbed into bed, Willow thought about her best friend. Buffy had no choices in life. She had nothing to look forward to. Nothing at all. Willow's current problem would eventually be solved, one way or another. And she'd continue having problems throughout her entire life. She might even look back at this one day and laugh. Buffy, though, probably wouldn't have a "one day." This could be all there is for her. For the first time, Willow smiled over her own dilemma. Then, she cried herself to sleep.

~The End~

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