From: <JEhrat2@aol.com> Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1998 16:37:18 EDT Subject: A Crying Shame Part 12/16 TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat@aol.com) PART 12/16 RATING: R DISCLAIMER: See part 1 FEEDBACK? ---xxxxx--- An hour and a half later, Mulder returned to his basement office. Scully was there, as promised, and although looking a little drained from last night's ordeal, she somehow looked better, too. While he could see the obvious evidence of lack of sleep, he could also see that the pinched look from stress was gone from her face, and her eyes seemed a little brighter. Unburdening herself last night of the whole sordid business had obviously helped her state of mind. She greeted him with a small smile. "Are you the one that absconded with my newspaper this morning? " Mulder nodded his head, "Guilty as charged," but offered no other explanation as he crossed to his desk. "Where have you been?" she asked next, curiously. "I was dropping off your *love letter* to Det. Williams and filling out the necessary reports from last night. Believe me," he opened his eyes wide and lifted his eyebrows as if he were talking about something mysterious and unknown, "we are not alone in the horrendous paperwork department!" "Did he have any news about the case," Scully asked carefully. "No," Mulder answered truthfully. He knew he would have to tell her about the missing woman soon. She might even already know. Mulder decided to get it over with. "But we did discuss another case." Scully raised her eyebrows questioningly and waited. "Another woman is missing, and the MO seems to be the same as the other cases." Scully sucked in a deep breath. She had feared this. Her inability to identify Seigler had allowed him to get out of jail and continue his reign of terror. "Mulder, no," was all she could get out. Fox saw the fright on her face. If possible, Mulder thought he saw her face grow a little paler under her bruises. He had known this would adversely affect her; that she would blame herself. He tried to deflect her worry by offering an action. "I've made an appointment to see Seigler's old girlfriend, Lilly Townsend, to try and get some leads. Want to come?" He could see the inner struggle as she tried to get her fears under control. "If you don't feel up to it, I'll understand," he said gently, trying to give her an out. Professionalism won out. "No," she finally got out hoarsely, "I think I need to go." She stood up, ready to follow him out the door. Mulder stepped from behind his desk, but instead of leading the way out, he stopped a few inches from Scully. He placed a hand on her arm. He could see she didn't want to go. "Scully," he said softly, "you don't have to go. I thought you might want to put your feelings into action; to be part of the investigation to put Seigler away, that's all. This isn't a test to see if you are ready to face the world again." Scully's head dropped, it suddenly seemed that the toes of her shoes needed a full inspection. Mulder continued to talk to the top of Scully's head as she resolutely refused to look at him. She knew she would burst into tears if she did. "Scully," Mulder called for her attention. No response. "Dana, look at me," he commanded softly. She finally finished inspecting the polish of her navy shoes and grudgingly brought her face up to look at Mulder. When he knew he had her complete attention, he continued. "You don't have to prove anything to me," he said with great empathy in his voice. His hazel eyes locked onto her clear blue eyes. He was doing his best to send her soul some of his own strength and resolve. Scully dug down deep within herself. It was true that she didn't want to disappoint Mulder, but more than that, she didn't want to disappoint herself. She reigned in her fear and pain and responded, "But, I have to prove something to myself." Mulder nodded in understanding, dropped his hand from her arm and opened the door for her. ---xxxxx--- Forty minutes later they were sitting in a luxurious living room in a fashionable housing district just outside of Washington, DC They had been ushered in by a homely young man dressed in the customary black suit of a butler. The butler was aware of their appointment, and showed them where they could wait while he informed "Ms. Lilly" of their arrival. Mulder's eyes wandered from expensive item to expensive item, taking in appreciatively how the other half lived. While he lived a Spartan life by choice, and wanted nor expected anything else material, he could be impressed occasionally by others surroundings. Scully kept her eyes glued on the hallway, waiting for Lilly to appear. She was too nervous to take in her surroundings. She kept asking herself over and over what she was doing here. She didn't want to be around anything or anyone that was even remotely connected to Matthew Seigler. Knowing that this girl had willingly been with such a monster was beyond her comprehension. She felt her stomach turning over in anticipation of the meeting. Her anxiety had almost reached the puke level. She vaguely began to wonder where the bathroom was in case she needed to throw up. Mulder stopped looking around the room and began testing the durability and bounce of the leather sofa. He was about to comment on it when he noticed she was looking a little green. He stood up and walked over to the chair she was sitting in. He glanced at the doorway to make sure no one would overhear. "Hey, are you all right? You don't look so good." He nearly whispered. He didn't want to embarrass her by bringing attention to her condition. Besides, he already knew what she would answer. Scully wouldn't in a million years admit the upheaval going on inside her right now. She nodded her head before answering. "I'm fine," she and Mulder said in unison. Scully looked at him with an arched eyebrow. "I know," Mulder sighed. "I shouldn't have asked." He added, "Would you like a glass of water?" Scully nodded her head, afraid to open her mouth again for fear something *really* unpleasant would come out. Mulder walked into the hallway to look for the butler or a bathroom, whichever came first. The powder room won. He filled the blue plastic cup that exactly matched the wall paper, with cool water and retraced his steps. As he approached the living room, he heard voices. When he entered, he saw a slender woman standing in the room with her back to him. She turned to face him when she saw Agent Scully's eyes glancing in his direction. "Oh, here is Special Agent Fox Mulder now," Scully said, extremely glad Mulder was back to conduct the interview. Lilly had been staring at Scully's still healing face, but was obviously too polite to bring up the subject. Scully was glad to have Lilly's attention drawn away from her. "Hello, I'm Agent Mulder," he repeated, as he handed Dana the glass of water. "I'm sorry to go wandering off in your home, but Agent Scully had something caught in her throat." Well, it was half true, he thought to himself. He took Lilly Townsend in. She was as beautiful as the newspaper clippings had portrayed. Mulder noticed she was several inches taller than Scully. He took in her thick, shoulder length, chestnut colored hair, and noticed how her surprisingly large, bright green eyes seemed to give her a perpetual look of seeing something of immense interest, and at the same time they conveyed the impression of innocence, as well. Her lips were perfectly shaped, and painted a bright cherry red that contrasted well with her deep tan. She was dressed casually, a loose fitting, bright yellow blouse tucked neatly into white slacks. White sandals covered her feet. She held out a slim, browned arm decorated with a single gold bracelet to Mulder as he introduced himself. "Why, that is quite all right, Mr. Mulder," she spoke pleasantly, "I hope you found everything all right. I'm Lilly Townsend." "Yes," Mulder replied, taking her hand firmly, then releasing it. "I recognize you from the newspaper photographs. Lilly spread her arm in a sweeping motion indicating that they should feel free to sit down. Lilly began. "I suppose I know what you are here to investigate, Mr. Mulder and Ms. Scully," she looked at them each in turn. "I'm sure you are here because of Matthew and our," she paused, looking for a suitable word. She settled on, "past." Ignoring the improper titles Lilly bestowed upon them, Fox took out a small notebook and pen from his suit pocket and opened it up when he saw that Dana wasn't doing so. He would let her coast today. She was slowly drinking the water Mulder had brought. "That's correct, Ms. Townsend," he began. "Please," she corrected, "call me Lilly." "OK," he replied. He started again. "We'd like to ask a few questions about Mr. Seigler's attitude and behavior in the last few weeks and months." "Well, I'm sure you know that Matthew and I severed our relationship over three months ago. I'm not sure what I can tell you." Lilly was not being evasive, Mulder decided, she just needed some specific questions to respond to. "Could you tell us why you broke off your engagement with Mr. Seigler?" Mulder asked. "As I understand it, you had been linked with him for many years. What caused you to decide to break it off?" Lilly looked troubled for a moment as memories crossed her mind. She glanced down to inspect her nail polish. Mulder thought he saw a trace of fear, as well. He glanced at Scully to see if she was reading Lilly the same way. He almost missed Lilly's answer as he continued to study Scully for a few moments. Scully's brow was deeply furrowed, and her eyes were narrowed, as if she were actually trying to see inside Lilly. Lilly's voice brought Mulder back. "...and then he began to change. I don't think he meant to be so forceful with me, but sometimes, it was obvious that he wanted to dominate not only what I did, but where I went and things I said and thought. He became what you might call a control freak." "So, " Mulder tried to sum up the part he'd actually heard, "Matthew began to try to control you, and you naturally wished to remain your independent self, is that correct?" "Yes," she agreed, "that was part of it. But he also became extremely jealous of everyone I came in contact with, even girl friends. He seemed to want me exclusively to himself." Her voice dropped a little lower, "I just decided that wasn't the kind of life I wanted to lead, and," she stopped speaking a moment. When she began again, there was a lilt in her voice and a shy smile. "And then, I met Justin one day at an art auction. We just seemed to hit it off right away. I recognized in him many of the characteristics I used to admire in Matthew; kindness, a good sense of humor, and he was handsome, fun to be with, and had an interest in the real me. "But I had become afraid of Matthew, and I didn't know how to break off the engagement, especially since the wedding had been announced in the papers and all the plans were going forward." Mulder interrupted her, "Why had you become afraid of Matthew?" Lilly twisted her hands as if washing them, Mulder saw the anxiety level rising in her eyes and heard it in her voice when she spoke. "Matthew had become suspicious of my activities, you know, when I would try to be alone so I could slip out and meet with Justin. He started saying abusive things, and making violent threats; telling me the awful things he would do to me if I ever even thought of leaving him. A few times, he actually hit me to make sure I understood what would happen if I was unfaithful to him." Her eyes began to glisten as her shame became exposed. For the first time, Scully intervened in the interview. She placed her hand over Lilly's as a gesture of support and one of empathy for the woman. Scully knew just how intimidating Seigler could be! As she had watched Lilly tell her story, Scully had come to see another woman that could easily have become a victim herself. But Lilly had found a resolve within, and not allowed herself to become a victim of Matthew's. She had found the strength to get out and get on with her life. Scully wanted very badly to find that same strength within herself. Vaguely she wondered if she could gain it by osmosis. What she thought she had come to meet, a woman who enjoyed contact with Seigler, and perhaps even encouraged his kinky behavior, had changed to one of kindred spirit. Lilly, too, had battled hard, in her own way, against Seigler. Lilly was to be admired for her courage, and having the strength of her beliefs: that she was due a life with a partner that loved her and cared for her, and she was not going to settle for anything less. "What happened when you finally told him you wanted to break it off with him?" Mulder asked. Lilly took a deep breath before speaking to regain her composure. "I don't know how Matthew found out about Justin and I. I guess he hired a detective, but anyway, one night Matthew caught us at this little out of the way night club, 'A Crying Shame'." By way of explanation she added, "We always tried to find out of the way places to meet. We didn't want to run into anyone that might see us and casually mention it to Matthew. "Anyway, when he found us together, he just exploded! I'd never seen him so worked up! It was a good thing the club had security, or I don't know what might have happened." She continued, "Just before Matthew was officially escorted off the grounds by security, he yelled that I would be sorry, and that he would get me for humiliating him like this. He started saying vile things about women in general and how he would make me pay for what I had done to him." Lilly went on, "After Justin brought me home that night, I was so afraid Matthew would follow through on his threats, that I called the police and reported the incident. Of course, they couldn't do anything for me based on just threats, but they did suggest I hire a body guard or a security service. "So the next morning I had the locks changed, and I hired a security service. I instructed the staff that I was not taking his calls, and that he was not allowed on the property, and if he showed up at any time, they were to contact the new security guard. "He did try to phone a few times. He told the staff he wanted to apologize, but when I wouldn't take his calls he would become angry and say horrible things. He tried coming to the house once or twice, but security always stopped him at the entrance to the property." She paused for a breath. "So, then," Mulder surmised, "you haven't had any contact with him in the last three months. "Well, not directly, Mr. Mulder," Lilly shook her head. "But because Matthew couldn't get to me any other way, he began sending me letters." Scully quickly glanced in Mulder's direction. Lilly saw the silent communication going on between them at the mention of the letters. She didn't wait for the next question. "I'll get them." She disappeared out of the room. Scully turned to Mulder and said what was on both of their minds, "If we can definitively tie these letters to Seigler, and then my letter to these, we may finally have concrete proof, and get him off the street!" Scully allowed a little bit of hope in her voice. Lilly reappeared with a rectangular box in her hands. She sat back down between the agents and opened it. Inside were twenty or more letters, each neatly typed with Lilly's name, but no return address. She pulled out the first one, which had been opened. She pulled out the sheet of folded paper for all to read. Mulder and Scully declined to comment that it looked exactly like the one Scully had received the night before: mismatched newspaper and magazine letters and words that formed a message. After all, that was how most criminals wrote their intimidating mail to victims. The message contained abusive language and it threatening bodily harm. "Well, it sure frightened me," Lilly continued as the agents scanned the short note again. Mulder passed it on to Scully and reached for the next one in the box. "May I?" he unnecessarily asked. "Please," Lilly responded, "take them all. I don't know why I have kept them anyway. After the first two or three, I quit opening them. I was determined to ignore him and his threats and live a life without fear. "Actually, I wanted to throw them out, but Justin insisted I keep them." Mulder looked at her questioningly. Lilly understood and answered, "Justin felt like they might be a kind of insurance. If anything happened to me, or if Matthew tried anything outright, he felt like they could be used as evidence against him. Justin said he was going to write Matthew a letter and tell him we knew it was him, and that we were going to keep the letters, just in case." Three cheers for Justin! Mulder thought. Out loud he said, "I'd like to take these letters for possible evidence, if you don't mind." "Sure, as I said before, I don't want them or anything else that has to do with Matthew around me. I wish I had something more solid to give you. I read where the police don't have enough evidence to hold him on the murder charges. But, after reading about the serial murder case in the newspaper, it all seems so evident to me. I believe it is Matthew. I wish I could help you more." Scully and Mulder stood to go. Mulder concluded with, "Actually, Ms. Townsend, these letters might do more good than you know." They were walking towards the front door when Scully politely asked if she could use the powder room. Her nerves were having an adverse reaction on her bladder, especially after the three cups of coffee and the glass of water she had consumed this morning. She didn't think she could make the forty minute drive back to the office without making Mulder stop. When Lilly and Mulder were alone, Lilly could contain her curiosity no longer. "Mr. Mulder, could you tell me what happened to your partner's face? I couldn't help but notice," she offered as an excuse for her social faux pas. "Was she in an accident?" Mulder quickly debated with himself what to say. Lilly would certainly understand after being so closely acquainted with Seigler, and he could see no harm in telling her the truth. "Yes, she had an accident. She ran into Matthew's fists." Lilly drew her breath in sharply. "You mean," she grasped the situation quickly, "Ms. Scully is the rescued victim from the newspaper story?" Her eyes filled with tears. "I am so sorry, so sorry," she repeated, her hand covering her mouth. "I think you can understand why more than ever, I want to catch Seigler, and put him away," Fox replied quietly. Mulder heard the bathroom door open. He added in his normal voice, "And if you can think of anything else that might help us in our investigation, please give me a call." Mulder had pulled out one of his business cards and was handing it to Lilly. She quickly blinked her eyes before Scully could see them glistening. "Yes, of course, I will," she replied with new understanding. "Thank you for your help," Scully politely said before she and Mulder left Lilly's home and got into the car for the drive back to the office. Basement Office Four Days Later Mulder chanced a quick glance to observe Scully. She was drumming her fingernails on her desk; a nervous habit she had picked up in the last few days. Her eyes looked tired, and her hair had lost it's usual glossy sheen. Mulder knew Dana wasn't eating right and he suspected for obvious reasons that she was not sleeping well. She had been irritable and snappish with him all week. By the end of each day deep, dark circles would creep through her carefully applied makeup. Yesterday when Mulder had mentioned them, Scully had tried to pass them off as bruises. But the thing that worried him most was how skittish she was becoming. Every little noise or movement seemed to spook her. She constantly flinched and her eyes would dart around to see the source of the sound or movement. Letters from Seigler had continued to show up day after day, and always in a different manner. A neighbor had brought one to her, assuming the letter had been mistakenly delivered to the wrong box. One showed up in her folded newspaper the next day. Today, a courier service had delivered one to the reception desk of FBI headquarters. Apparently Seigler had been shadowing Scully and now knew where she worked. It didn't seem to scare him any. Each letter increased it's threat level. So far, there had been no way to trace the letters back to Seigler. The lab was still meticulously working on connecting Lilly's letters to Scully's. Mulder had continued his silent surveillance of Scully and her apartment each night between 10:00pm and 5:00am. Fortunately, he was used to operating at low sleep levels. He snatched naps here and there throughout the day, but mostly he got in a few hours on his couch in the early evening. Scully suddenly looked up from her work and caught Mulder looking at her. "What?" she said with tension in her voice. She heard the edge in her voice. She didn't care any longer. She was so tired, but so afraid to close her eyes. When she did, she was awoken either by sounds, or nightmares. The constant thought of Seigler being free, and out to get her, was beginning to wear her down. She didn't know how much longer she could take the tension. She already knew it was affecting her work. Yet, she just couldn't bring herself to ask for help. She didn't even know what kind of help she could ask for in this situation. Only the capture or death of Seigler was going to give her peace at this point. Mulder spoke smoothly, as if he'd been looking her way intentionally to ask her a question in the first place. "I was just about to ask you about lunch." "Oh," Scully replied quietly. She knew Mulder had taken more than his share of her attitude due him, and she reluctantly admitted to herself it was because he let her take it out on him. She had read Lou and Sarah's accounts of her kidnapping several days ago. They had both carefully recorded Mulder's movements and actions in their reports. She now knew what Mulder had been trying to apologize for. She didn't really blame him, but knew that he certainly blamed himself. She tried to be upbeat to make up for her sullenness of the morning. "OK. But I get to pick today. Yesterday's sushi was awful," she said making a gagging face. "I don't know how I let you talk me into trying it." Mulder grinned. "OK. Your choice today." Twenty minutes later they were sitting in a fairly decent, ordinary restaurant that actually had clean tablecloths and printed menus. They had placed their order. Mulder was taking a drink of his ice water and Dana was staring out the large picture window at the people hurrying by. She turned back to face Mulder. "Oh," Scully said as a thought came to mind. She reached into her purse and brought out a new key. "Sorry it took so long to get a new duplicate key made for you. The building superintendent isn't exactly in a hurry to do anything that remotely seems like work." Mulder put his glass down and reached across to take it from her. "At least he changed your lock the first day you asked him to, that's the important thing." Mulder stared directly at Scully as he spoke. He noticed a contrite look in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Mulder," Scully began. "I know I've been a pain all week." She rubbed her hand across her eyes, partly so she wouldn't have to face his gaze. Honest talk between them made both uneasy. "I'm just so damn tired," she continued. "I haven't been sleeping very well," she finally admitted. Mulder was blessedly quiet and didn't interrupt. "I think I've gotten to the point where something's got to give." She removed her hand from her face, and her voice dropped several levels, "I'm afraid it's going to be me." She looked directly at Fox and her eyes were unusually bright. She was very close to tears. She must be using every ounce of strength left, Mulder thought. Ordinarily, she would never expose herself like this in public. In empathy, Mulder covered her small outstretched hand with his. What could he say? What advice was there to give her, much less, what advice would she actually take? She was always trying so hard to prove herself and her worth to others, that she often took chances ordinary people with sound minds wouldn't. Suddenly the waitress appeared from behind Scully with a booming, "Here you go!" announcing the arrival of their food. Scully jumped at the unexpectedly loud sound and emitted an involuntary squeal as her hand flew up in self defense. Her arm hit the waitress' tray, sending plates of food sailing across to the next booth. The waitress leaped backwards herself at Scully's sudden movement. Embarrassed because of her reaction, Dana scooted out of her seat, stumbled past the waitress and almost ran out the front door. Just as quickly, Mulder left his seat to go after Scully. He made sure the waitress was OK, spoke his apologies, and pressed a $20 bill into her palm to cover the food. He headed for the door, several steps behind Scully. But before he reached the door, his cell phone began to ring. As he stepped through the entrance he pulled it out of his pocket. "Mulder." A familiar voice sounded in his ear. "Agent Mulder, this is Det. Williams." Not now! Mulder thought. "SCULLY!" Mulder was trying to gain her attention. She was walking very fast back to FBI Headquarters. "SCULLY!" Mulder repeated. "Ah, no, Agent Mulder, this is Det. Williams," he repeated again. "I'm sorry," Mulder breathed into the phone, "I heard you, I was just trying to get my partner's attention. Do you have some news?" Mulder, only half listening to Det. Williams, was still trying to track Scully through the crowd. "As a matter of fact, I do." he replied. Mulder slowed his pace a fraction. "My men have got Seigler cornered in one of his warehouse buildings on Jefferson. Thought you might like to be there when we cuff him," Williams said in a knowing way. "Hell, yes!" Mulder nearly screamed. "Which building?" He caught a glimpse of Scully's red hair as she disappeared around the corner. "1316 Jefferson," Williams replied. The one on the corner next to where your partner was found." Knowing full well it was a thirty five minute trip from where he was, Mulder replied, "We'll be there in 20 minutes." Mulder unceremonious hit the "end" button on his phone, nearly jammed it into his suit pocket and took off on the run for Scully. He didn't care that other people were staring at him. "Scully!" he called in a loud voice as he rounded the same corner she had previously. She didn't slow down or turn at the sound of her name. Mulder caught up with her in only a few seconds. To halt her ceaseless march to the office he roughly grabbed her arm from behind. "Scully! Wait!" She turned sharply on him. When he had grabbed her arm he managed to find most of her bruises. "What!" she said through clenched teeth, shoving his hand off her arm with her free hand. The restaurant incident was already gone from Mulder's mind. "Det. Williams just called; they've got Seigler pinned down. Want to go?" he asked grimly, already knowing her answer. He watched her eyes widen at the unexpected news. She didn't wait to give an answer, and he didn't wait to get one. They both began running for the parking garage two blocks away. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat@aol.com) PART: 13/16 Mulder had been pretty good to his word. They made it to Jefferson Street in twenty eight minutes, breaking all the speeding laws, and most of the courteous driver suggestions in the State of Virginia's motor vehicle hand guide. Fortunately when Fox had called Skinner from his car to inform him of their movements, the AD had placed a call to local authorities to clear Mulder's car from any police interference. "What's happening?" Mulder asked the closest officer at the warehouse address after flipping his FBI badge for identification. "Det. Williams told us to hold until you got here," Officer Denton replied. "Said you wanted to be in on this." Mulder only nodded his head. He wanted details of what was going down. Not holding up his end of the conversation would certainly let the officer know that. Denton got the message. "Det. Williams is inside," Denton pointed to their left, "waiting for you." Mulder and Scully didn't linger to hear anything else and they headed for the side door. They stopped to adjust their eyes from the bright sunlight to the dim interior of the warehouse. There were several small windows at the top of the room, but they were smeared with months of dirt and grime from the city and little light from the outside shown through. The building didn't appear to be hooked up to the electric company, yet there was a light source coming from the center of the room. Then they heard the low hum of a generator. They were met by Williams. "It takes a few seconds to adjust to the light. I had a generator and some spotlights brought over to help light up the place." "Thanks for waiting," Mulder greeted him with. "What's up?" Williams nodded his head in Scully's direction as a sign of recognition. He wasn't one to waste words, either. "Denton and his partner have been regularly checking this area all week, hoping Seigler would come back for some reason. Well, it paid off today. Officer Denton saw Seigler run into this building about an hour ago. He notified me and I called in some reinforcements to contain Seigler. All the exits are covered. We've just been waiting for you guests of honor to arrive." Williams gave a tight smile. "What do you think he came back for?" Scully spoke up. "Haven't the police been through these buildings already?" "Yes," Williams nodded. "We didn't find anything. Perhaps Seigler just hasn't got any place left to go. Since we began looking for him in connection to the latest missing woman, and for questioning concerning the letters you have been receiving, his face has been plastered all over town via the newspapers and TV. All his regular haunts are being watched, and his company is on notice to call us if they see or hear from him. My guess is he's just running with no place to go." "What's the layout of this place?" Mulder interjected. He didn't care why Seigler came back, he just didn't want him to get away. All this time passing by was making him uneasy. Williams had said all the exits were covered, but maybe Seigler knew better. Mulder wanted to get on with it. Williams pointed to the building's blueprint on a counter nearby. "There are three entry/exit points, not counting just plain jumping out of windows," he said. "Here, here, and here," he said tapping points on the drawing. Williams pointed to the door they had all come in, a door on this same floor at the opposite end of the building opening onto the adjacent street of Hillsdale, and an exit door on the fourth floor that led to a fire escape. "Apparently, the fire escape doors on two and three have been barricaded from the outside by vandals over time," Williams added before they could ask. "There are two police cars covering the Hillsdale exit, and I have two officers waiting at the top of the fire escape on the fourth floor. There are two interior doors, one at each end of the building on this floor that open onto each floor above. There aren't any working elevators." Williams continued, "I suggest you and your partner take that end of the building," he continued to point at the drawing, "and I'll take this end, and we will search floor by floor for him." Det. Williams reached behind the blueprints and picked up two high-powered flashlights from a pile of eight or ten. "Here, you'll need these." Scully and Mulder nodded in agreement and headed toward the back of the first floor. Before going through the stairwell doorway, they turned on their flashlights, and they both pulled their Smith and Wessons from their respective holsters and checked their ammo clips. They quietly climbed the smooth concrete steps to the second floor. Mulder listened at the door before opening it. Either there was no one in the hallway, or the door was too thick to hear through. He and Scully stepped to the side of the door before he gently eased it open a crack. He surveyed the hallway as best he could through the opening. Satisfied there was no one waiting for them, he opened the door more and glanced back in the other direction. It seemed clear. Again, there were small dirty windows at the top rim of the walls, but not enough to see by. Both agents flicked their flashlights in opposite directions. The light stabbed through the dark. The first floor had been clear open space with counters running around the edge of the walls, and large sliding garage doors large enough for trucks to back into. Apparently loading and unloading took place there. Here on the second floor was where the offices apparently had been. None of the wooden doors had windows in them, just name plates with words like "Accounting" or "Shipping" painted on them. The offices seemed to form a core in the center of the floor, with the hallway running completely around the outside. There were a lot of doors to check. This was going to take time. Mulder tried the first door, it opened easily. He flashed his beam ahead of him as he stepped inside to investigate. Scully waited out in the hallway to protect the exit stairwell from being used without their knowledge. There was little in the office. A desk, a broken chair, and a file cabinet that had been bashed open by vandals long ago. The desk had a huge cutout in the leg area and Mulder could see no one was hiding there. He backed out of the office and firmly shut the door. "One down, a thousand to go," he muttered to himself. He continued to check each office down the length of the hallway. Without a different name on each office door, Mulder wouldn't have known they weren't all one and the same. "Obviously an interior decorator was not called in on this job," he muttered to himself again as he opened the door on the fifth office and found it to be just the same as the last four. They had worked their way slowly down the hall to the corner. Scully edged her head around carefully before actually turning the corner. She saw Det. Williams and two other officers working their way toward her. She and Mulder turned back toward where they had started and made another turn down the fourth hallway and began opening doors again. Scully's arm begin to quiver from the tension of holding her gun ever ready. The constant darkness was beginning to spook her, too. She was glad Mulder could not see the sweat dripping inside her suit from her fear. She was pretty sure he would begin smelling her soon, though. Oh, well, so much for that pretty can of deodorant for woman, Scully mused to herself. She was going to buy a man's deodorant the next opportunity she got. The expectation of Seigler jumping out at her at any moment was grating on her nerves. She knew she had to get a grip on her emotions before she accidentally shot her weapon off, maybe evening injuring Mulder or herself in the process. She was definitely going to talk to Karen Kosseff tomorrow. She couldn't go on like this. What if she was going to be affected this way from now on; always fearful of the dark, getting the sweats, shivers, and nauseous stomach? She didn't want to think about it. She shoved it to the back of her mind. She needed to be alert to cover Mulder should trouble arise. She tried to focus on his back and body language. Eventually the second floor was covered. The two teams of searchers reunited. Scully could see her access door, and Det. Williams had left one of his men at his exit door. Williams radioed to the squad on the first floor. "We've covered the second floor and didn't find him. Has there been any movement out there?" "Negative," came back the reply on his radio. "Haven't seen or heard a thing." "OK," Williams replied, "We are proceeding to the third floor." Williams' team returned to their stairwell and Mulder and Scully retraced their steps to the opposite stairwell. They carefully eased open the hallway door and quietly made their way up the steps to the third floor. This floor had no windows at all and was pitch black. Scully felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. She didn't like it. The third floor was also constructed differently. Apparently, it was used to store the product. It was made up of several very large, sectioned off storage rooms. Like the offices below, the storage units were in the middle of the floor with a corridor running completely around them. Starting about waist high, glass panes surrounded the inner core of storage rooms. Because of the reflective nature of glass, it made it difficult for Mulder and Scully to peer in the units with their flashlights. However, they could see many boxes lying around, both on the shelves and all over the floor. Searching would not only be difficult, it would be noisy. Since there weren't solid walls around the storage units, each team could see the other team's flashlights piercing the darkness. Mulder saw Williams' light bobbing up and down on the far side of the warehouse as his team began searching the first storage unit. "Well, let's go," Mulder said and pushed on the first door. Scully wanted to run screaming from the building. She felt terror building in the darkness that completely surrounded her. She had a sudden urge to grab Mulder's belt from behind and hold on to make sure she didn't lose him. Fortunately, she recognized her foolishness before actually doing it. Afraid to open her mouth in acknowledgment, Scully simply nodded her head. A movement caught her eye, and she jumped back a foot and swung her light to her left. A rat ran into an open box on the floor. Scully let out a breath and forced herself to take another one. Her heart was beating like a bass drum. It was so forceful, she felt like each beat would knock her down. "It's just a rat," Mulder said factually. He shined his light near her face, but not in it so she wouldn't be blinded. Even with the lack of direct light he could see she was pale. "Hey, are you OK?" "I'm fine," she said in a not too steady voice, and turned away from him, pretending to look for Seigler. She felt sweat trickle down her cheek. "Is it hot in here to you?" she asked finally. Mulder didn't answer. She turned her body and her light in his direction. He was intently eyeing a tarp on the floor. "What did you fi...," she didn't get to finish the sentence. Her peripheral vision caught another movement to her right. She instinctually began to turn toward it. Suddenly a huge, black shadow loomed up in front of her. She had only a fraction of a second to shine her light on the form and look into Matthew Seigler's eyes for the first time before he crashed into her, knocking her onto a soft pile of empty boxes. She didn't let out a sound as she hit. Her voice had been frozen in her throat the moment she had seen the madness in the depths of his eyes. Mulder whipped around in time to see Scully hit the floor and a figure rushing toward the doorway. Fortunately, Mulder's path was clear, and the intruder's wasn't. Seigler slipped on a piece of cardboard and actually would have crashed through the plate glass window if Mulder hadn't lunged from the side at the same moment and connected with Seigler, sending them both instead into more piles of empty boxes. Fox landed on top of Seigler and quickly pinned him to the floor. Seigler began to thrash around trying to throw Mulder off of him. The feel of Mulder's gun at his temple pretty much put a stop to that plan. By the time Scully had regained her feet and joined them, Mulder was in complete control, sitting on top Seigler, his gun still attached to Seigler's forehead like a Siamese twin. Scully's beam revealed the whitening of Mulder's finger on the trigger. "Mulder, no!" Scully said. Mulder's head jerked quickly in her direction. "Scully! This is the scum that kidnapped you. He drugged you, beat you, and then raped you!" And for the last week he has been intimidating and threatening you! Mulder was sure that argument would be enough. He tried to see Scully's eyes, but there wasn't enough light to see them clearly. "Wait!" was all she said. She had to think. She had to think! "You can't do this. It's wrong," she finished lamely. She looked at the fear in Seigler's eyes as they discussed his possible demise. He apparently had enough presence of mind to keep his mouth shut at this point. "Scully," Mulder replied in exasperation. What was she thinking? Mulder's mind screamed. "What he did to you, and to all those other women was wrong, too." "Two wrongs don't make a right, Mulder," Scully was stalling for time to think. She was waging the identical battle inside her mind that she and Mulder were waging outside. Scully had spent hours each night detailing in her mind how she would like to kill Seigler. She wanted revenge. She wanted to get even. She wanted to kill Seigler for what he had done to her. He had, in effect, killed her way of life. She wanted to do the same to him. But in the daylight, she had spent an equal number of hours reminding herself she worked for justice, fairness, and yes, she worked for the truth. Technically, they had not one piece of real evidence to link Seigler with the crimes against her and the other women. Everything was circumstantial, impressive though the list was. She could not swear in court that Matthew Seigler was the criminal in this case. Neither could anyone else. That one piece of truth had kept her coming back to the decision that should he be found, he would get his day in court. He was innocent until proven guilty. She had lived by this law, and she had sworn to protect the rights of all citizens. Matthew's day in court was his right. She couldn't look way from that truth. But how to communicate that to Mulder? After all, he was crusading for her! In his own way, he was defending her. "Scully!" Mulder hissed between his teeth to draw her attention back to the issue at hand. Still stalling, Scully replied, "Mulder, what are you going to tell Det. Williams and Skinner? That you shot him in cold blood?" "Frankly, I think Det. Williams would help me pull the trigger, Scully. It would certainly save the taxpayers a lot of money for a trial and the electric chair!" Mulder said grimly. Mulder knew what Skinner's reaction would be, but didn't want to divulge his off-the-record beliefs. They were personal, and Mulder knew, private. "Mulder, no," Scully repeated softly. "I'll just tell Skinner Seigler attacked us and I shot in self-defense. It would be easy, Scully," Mulder was beginning to feel slightly appalled that he could think this way. He was a truth searcher himself. "Mulder, Seigler deserves his day in court." "He deserves a reservation in Hell, Scully." Scully let her guard down for a moment. "I can't swear he's the one, Mulder. I just don't know! I have to be sure I'm not killing an innocent man." "You're not the one that will be killing him," Mulder countered, glancing back from her face to Seigler's. Just looking at him made him sick. He had a sudden urge to pistol whip Seigler; to let him feel a little of what Scully had felt and endured under his *care*. Suddenly, Scully made the decision for them both. "Over here," she yelled at the top of her voice to Williams and the other policemen. "Det. Williams, over here!" she repeated in her loudest voice and swung her flashlight beam in a arc to further attract their attention. She heard feet pounding in their direction as the others came running to their location. Mulder just looked at her in disbelief. Seigler grinned from ear to ear and felt the tension leave his body. This rap would be easy to beat. He began to laugh heartily in spite of his unpleasant situation. Scully tried to explain, "Mulder, I'm trying to save your career. I don't want you to go to prison for me; for killing someone you think hurt me." But Mulder had quit listening already and got up off Seigler in disgust. Scully's gun was trained on Seigler when the others arrived moments later. Williams watched Mulder forcefully pull open the stairwell door and visibly winced as it slammed against the wall. "What's up with him?" Williams queried Scully. She shrugged her shoulders, and just whispered to no one in particular, "It's over." Mulder was sitting in the car, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to try and release some of his pent up anger when Scully finally joined him in the car. He didn't look at or speak to her when she got into the car. Scully did not make the effort either. Without warning, an overwhelming sense of relief suddenly flooded her body as she buckled her seat belt and truly began to feel the nightmare was over. Seigler would now have to answer to the charges of threatening to assault a Federal Officer, and resisting arrest, along with kidnapping, rape, and murder charges. Tears began to flow that she could not stop. Still Mulder did not speak to her. Through bleary eyes she could see his tight-lipped expression, his narrowed eyes, his set jaw. He was furious with her. He had only wanted to make things right for her. He had wanted to dispense the kind of judgment Seigler deserved for his treatment of her, not to mention the other nine victims. He knew how the justice system worked: one whiff of an insanity plea, and Seigler would not only avoid real jail time, he would probably be released from an institution in a matter of a few years. There would be no justice for the nine women and their families. Ordinarily, that would be something he could live with; it happened every day in America. But this case had hit close to home. It had been personal. He wanted justice. In the back of his mind a small voice whispered: *and revenge*. This so-called man had abused Scully, and then attempted rape. He certainly would have killed her given enough time. Mulder could actually feel the bile rise in his throat as that thought hit home. His life without Scully. It had almost happened. In addition to being enraged with Seigler, right now he was so angry with Scully he refused to pull over to the side of the road and comfort her. He knew she needed an arm around her right now and soothing words. He'd be damned if he was going to provide them. She could just wallow in her own tears, by herself, for all he cared. He had tried to offer her the perfect solution to ridding her of the nightmares and hopefully, her fears. She not only refused his help, but actually had the gall to argue for Seigler's rights! He figured right about now steam could probably be seen rolling out of both his ears. Meanwhile, Scully continued to silently cry. Tears slid down both cheeks, though she resolutely refused to make a sound. She cried all the way to the parking garage. Mulder parked the car and unceremoniously got out before she had even undone her seat belt. Scully didn't know if he was headed for their office or Skinner's since he hadn't bothered to inform her. She decided to take a moment and clean up before walking through headquarters. She pulled down the visor and looked in the mirror. It was as she suspected: blotchy skin, swollen eyes, and streaked make up. She repaired as much as possible and finally left for the office. She walked with her head down to avoid both stares and conversation from co-workers. The office door was still locked. Mulder must have gone to report to Skinner. Scully opened the door and walked to her desk and sat down. She pulled out Form 153C14 and began filling out her report. The sooner she got done, the sooner she could go home. Perhaps she could avoid Mulder all together tonight and give both of them some space. In her heart she understood Mulder and his intentions. The killing of Seigler would have been for her. An offering to the gods of some sort. But she also knew it would not be purely for her. She remembered Mulder's words when she was in the hospital. He had told her he was going to kill Matthew Seigler for what he'd done. She also remembered how her heart had leaped with gladness at those words. But she had seen Mulder's eyes, too. As always, he was an open book to her. He wanted to kill Seigler as much, if not more, than she. Seigler was a testimony to Mulder's failure to protect Scully. He had also usurped Mulder's territory in his opinion; that territory being Scully. Scully knew Mulder considered her his, though no words of such had ever passed the lips of either. Yes, revenge had been what she wanted most then, who wouldn't, she had argued with herself. But as the days had passed, she had come to remember who she was, and what she was. This case wasn't going to get some special dispensation of justice because it involved her. She had come to realize she would have argued the same stand with Mulder if Seigler had never touched her. She, and Mulder, stood for law and order, civil rights, and yes, as corny as it sometimes sounded, truth. And she had to know the truth about Seigler. She needed to know without a doubt that this was the man. In her heart, she was sure. But that was not the law, and she couldn't deny, even for herself, the rights of another, if there was a chance of his innocence. Because Mulder frequently acted on his own due to the type of cases the X-files were, he often stepped over the boundaries of the laws of the land. She knew it didn't mean as much to him to bend one more rule. But she knew as surely as fear now haunted her sleep, that Seigler would have haunted her life if she allowed Mulder his moment on her behalf. She had hardly believed what was coming out of her mouth herself at the time. Hadn't she been the one that had been disappointed when Mulder showed little anger or rage when she had told him the whole ordeal? Hadn't she wanted him to triumph her case and champion her cause? And just an hour ago, she'd had her opportunity, and she had let it go by. She wondered silently to herself, would she ever regret that decision? She looked at her watch, and then she looked at her report. She had been in the office twenty five minutes and filled out two lines. She let out a heavy sigh and put her pen down. She might as well go home. A small whisper in her head reminded her that if she hurried, she might miss seeing Mulder. She gathered her things and stood up to leave. The phone on her desk rang. She looked at it and temptingly thought of not answering it. Duty called, however. She picked up the receiver. "Scully." "Agent Scully? This is Det. Williams," she heard from the other end. "Is your partner there?" "No," she replied truthfully. Williams continued, "Well, that's all right. The information is for you, too." Scully's interest picked up. "What information would that be?" "Well, since you and Agent Mulder left right after we handcuffed Seigler, you didn't learn of our later discovery." Scully was all ears now. "What discovery?" "I had my men search the rest of the third floor since we were already there. It was obvious there must be a reason Seigler had come back there, and I wanted to see if I could find out what it was." "What did you find," Scully was almost impatient now. She wanted Williams to get to the point, and get there now! "In the storage unit you and Agent Mulder encountered Seigler, we found conclusive evidence of Seigler's involvement. It was under a tarp off to the side. We found articles of clothing from the other women, and yourself, Agent Scully. Your purse was there with your ID, and personal items that were on the other ladies, too. I imagine his fingerprints are all over them. But even if they aren't, his coming to their exact location will not be ruled circumstantial, I promise you!" Williams' voice was hearty and full of pride at the good job he had done in this case, and all by the book. Scully was elated and could not contain her own enthusiasm, "Thank you, Det. Williams! You have done so much on this case. I really don't think we would be having this conversation right now if you had not kept at it as you have. I will certainly pass on the good news to Agent Mulder and Assistant Director Skinner." Scully hung up the phone. On her way up to Skinner's office, Scully could feel her gloom lifting with each step. Williams had definitive proof that it had been Seigler and he was going to be put away for a very long time. A huge weight of responsibility and fear were suddenly lifted from her shoulders. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat@aol.com) PART: 14/16 AD Skinner's Office 30 Minutes Earlier Mulder sat down in his usual chair opposite Skinner after being sent in by his secretary. "Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, sir," Mulder began. Skinner laid his glasses on his desk. "What news do you have, Agent Mulder? Did you find Seigler?" Skinner never wasted words, and always wanted the bottom line first. He would get the details later. Mulder was nodding his head in response to Skinner's last question as he answered. "Yes, sir. We found him on the third floor, in a storage room, at one of his warehouses. Skinner almost hesitated in asking, but decided he really wanted to know. He tried to phrase his next question in as non-biased a voice as possible, "Did you have any trouble apprehending him? Is he," Skinner paused, raised his eyebrows and leaned slightly forward, betraying his true interest, "alive?" he finally concluded with. Skinner noticed an incredibly annoyed look cross Mulder's face. It was a look Mulder usually reserved for when Skinner pretty much admitted to not believing in one of Mulder's outlandish theories in an X-file case. "What?" Skinner inclined his head slightly. "Is Seigler dead?" "No, but not on my account," Mulder replied, his voice dripping with acid. Skinner just looked at him, waiting for more of an explanation. Mulder knew a statement like that had to be followed up on, but he wasn't going to do it officially. "Off the record, sir?" Mulder inquired. Skinner nodded his head in agreement, a sign that Mulder was to go on. "Well, as I said, if it'd been up to me, this case would really be over right now. No need to spend twelve to twenty four months finding a jury, evaluating Seigler, dragging the victim's families all through the mess again, just to find out in the end Seigler gets off to go out and do it again." Skinner, understanding exactly what Mulder meant, asked, "Who stopped you? Det. Williams?" "No, sir," Mulder snorted. "Personally, I think Williams would have helped me pull the trigger and signed off on my story of self-defense. Actually, it was Agent Scully that stopped me." Skinner's disbelief obviously showed on his face. "Why? How?" were the obvious follow up questions. "She started arguing he deserved his day in court, he was innocent until proven guilty, and that she wasn't one hundred percent sure herself that he was responsible for what happened to her." Mulder shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I think you know how I feel about a killer like Seigler. And I imagine you know that because Scully was dragged into his net, I have been dreaming about killing Seigler from day one. I even have gotten the impression from our past conversations that such an ending would have sat OK with you." Skinner did not deny Mulder's statement. Mulder went on, suddenly nervously fidgeting with his hands in his lap. "You know how Scully and I are, and frankly, I think you harbor different feelings about Scully yourself, and that if the truth be known, she is more to you than just an agent under your direction." It was Skinner's turn to shift slightly in his chair at the unearthing of this hidden truth, though he made no comment as Mulder continued. Mulder leaned forward in his chair and began to speak passionately, "I wanted to make things right, to right a wrong that had been done." Mulder's eyes pierced Skinner, "I wanted revenge for his hurting her, and for taking her dignity and self-assurance, for shaming her. At the time, at that moment, I thought it was the right thing to do. "But then Scully began arguing that even Seigler had rights that had to be protected. I couldn't believe she was defending him!" Mulder slumped back in his chair. "But driving back here now, to the office, it slowly dawned on me, that I really wanted to kill Seigler for selfish reasons. I wanted to kill him for me, for violating my territory, for my shame in not protecting Scully, for my not being able to help her get over her fears and nightmares. It was for me, not Scully, not really," Mulder finished lamely, suddenly realizing his own shame in the deal. "I got so angry with her, for being the voice of reason, for reminding me of my job, for preventing me from killing Seigler, for making me look at myself and my own selfish motives. "But I realize now, she was right. He is innocent until proven guilty according to our laws, and I have sworn to uphold that very law." Mulder felt drained. There was nothing more to say. He got up to leave. Skinner pushed away from his desk and joined him in crossing the room to the office door. ---xxxxx--- When Scully arrived at the Assistant Director's office, Mulder and Skinner were standing in the doorway, apparently through with their de-briefing of the afternoon. They both looked in her direction as she came through the outer office door to meet them. Skinner's brown eyes widened behind his glasses as he noticed Scully's countenance. She was fairly radiating the good news. Even Mulder's expression of annoyance with her changed slightly when he saw her beaming face. Scully didn't give them time to ask the obvious question on both of their minds, she jumped right into the conversation. "Det. Williams just called. They found several articles of clothing and trinkets from the victims, including my clothes and purse. It was under that tarp you were looking at Mulder, just before Seigler jumped out at me. I guess he decided to expose himself and hope we would all be happy with his capture and not think to look around at why he was there. "No doubt, since all our evidence really is still circumstantial, he thought he had nothing to lose. Up until finding the evidence, he was only wanted for questioning about the latest missing woman last week, and the letters he sent to me." "I think I'll give Det. Williams a call and congratulate him on a job well done," Skinner said and turned back toward his office. That left an uncomfortable Mulder starring at an uncomfortable Scully. "That's good news," Mulder finally said, for lack of anything more intelligent to offer. "Yeah," Scully agreed, her brain also stuck in neutral. Then finally, "I guess I'm going to call it a day." She turned away rather brusquely, anxious to be out of Mulder's gaze; the one telling her Seigler was guilty, and she should have let him take care of things. A few minutes into her drive home, Scully's cell phone rang. She dragged it out of her purse. "Scully." "It's me." Silence on both ends. Mulder didn't want to fight, but he didn't know how to make up either. Scully was in the same boat. Finally she said, "Yes?" "Well, I wanted ...che.." "What? Mulder, I can't hear you, you're fading out." "I sa..I..w..to check.." Scully's phone went dead. She looked at it as if it were an alien. The red "low battery" light was blinking madly. Scully sighed and turned it off. At the first stop light she dug in her glove compartment for the cord that attached her phone recharger to the cigarette lighter and plugged up the unit and set her phone in it. She drove the rest of the way home in silence. Mulder stared at his phone. Had Scully hung up on him? Probably hadn't recharged her phone lately, he decided. He would try again later. He left the office and started for home himself. Scully's Apartment Later in the Evening Ninety minutes later, and Scully felt almost human again. She had jumped in the bathtub the first thing to rid herself of the memories of being touched by Seigler in the warehouse and how he made her feel; dirty and undignified. She washed him off her skin and out of her system then lingered in the warm, soapy bubbles for a long time, blanking out all thoughts. As she was drying off, the phone rang. Thinking it was Mulder calling her back she didn't rush to answer it. She still had nothing to say. She picked up the phone on the sixth ring. "Hello?" "Hey, lady! Is your refrigerator running? You'd better go catch it," and then a fit of giggles was heard in the background. Scully rolled her eyes and hung up. She then fixed herself a pasta and chicken plate for dinner. While she ate leisurely at the kitchen table she read a medical journal. She was woefully behind on her reading. The field of medicine required constant surveillance to keep up with ever changing information, and seemingly constant new discoveries and techniques. The phone rang again. "Scully." "I saw what you did!" was screamed out before a loud slamming down of the phone resounded in her ear. Scully jerked the phone from her ear in self- defense. As she placed it back down on the table she idly wondered if she had ever played those silly sleep-over games and bothered some adult when she was younger. A smile crept over her face as memories came back. She had followed dinner up with a special on The Learning Channel; "New Discoveries in Biomedicine". In the middle of the program, her phone rang again. This had better be Mulder she thought, a little on the annoyed side. "Scully." "You are big, fat, and ugly. No wonder you are sitting home alone tonight!" Again, a slamming down of the phone. Scully had a sudden urge to dial *69 and have the phone automatically re-dial the kid's number and complain to the parents in charge of these adolescents. Then she remembered her carefree days of youth and a smile tugged at her lips once again. However, she decided, she wasn't going to be bothered by these little demons all night long. She dialed Mulder's number. "Mulder." "It's me. I'm getting ready to shut my phone off. Someone's little darlings are playing phone games and they picked my number. I just wanted to check with you first and let you know I am turning in early, and not to be worried if you can't raise me by phone. What did you want earlier? My cell phone died. I left it in my car recharging." Mulder was caught a little off guard. He had not really wanted anything other than to hear her voice, but he couldn't very well tell her that. "Nothing, really. I'm glad you called to let me know about turning off your phone though. I guess I'll see you tomorrow at work." "Fine," was all Scully replied. She was glad he wasn't going to start some big debate on the phone from this afternoon's incident. She was just about to hang up when she heard his voice once more. "Hey, Scully, what are you wearing to bed tonight?" She hung up on him. Scully shook her head. He just never gave up. Then she smiled. She kind of liked the fact that he never gave up. She resolved that one day she would call his bluff, just to see how fast he could back-peddle his way out of the conversation. She started laughing out loud at the thought. Despite the awkward angle, Scully managed to reach behind the bookcase next to the television set and unplug her phone from the wall jack, then went into the bedroom and unplugged that one too. Just as well, she thought, now I can get a good night's sleep. It was early, but she decided to turn in anyway. The day's turmoil had taken it's toll, and her whole body felt heavy. Right now she just wanted to shut out the world and go to sleep. Dana locked and bolted the front door and turned out the main light. She also turned off the kitchen light. But she left the lamp burning by the couch. She had been training herself little by little to live in the darkness again. However, the bathroom light and her bedside lamp still stayed on. She placed her gun on the night stand, pulled back the bedspread and the pink flowered sheets, and slid into bed. She was asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. ---xxxxx-- Mulder couldn't seem to sit still. After taking a quick shower and putting on his after work uniform of jeans and a tee shirt, he went to the kitchen to fix his dinner, which tonight consisted solely of pretzels and beer. He carried them back to his desk and sat down in front of the computer. He spent a few minutes checking his e-mail, but there was neither anything of interest, nor anything that warranted an immediate reply. He shifted over to the couch and picked up the TV remote mindlessly, not even seeing the channels changing as his thumb relentlessly attacked the channel button. Something was wrong, he just didn't feel right. He wanted to call Scully. Not only to check on her, but to talk about this afternoon in the warehouse. But with her cell phone recharging, and her house phone unplugged, there was no way. After draining his beer, he decided to go out, and turned off the TV. Mulder drove aimlessly for a while and without even planning it, found himself in front of Scully's apartment building. He pulled over and parked. He had spent every night here since her return home. Somehow he had found it comforting to sit outside her apartment and watch over her without her knowledge. He wondered vaguely in the back of his mind if he was still trying to make up for his lapse in attention at the bar the night Scully had been kidnapped. Mulder looked up at Scully's front window. There was a tiny glow of light that barely escaped through the blinds. He knew she had left the lamp by the couch on. Still, it was a step forward. Fox thought back to the first few days he had silently watched over her. Scully's apartment had been so ablaze with light that he could have practically read a book in his car! He had noticed lately that she had been going to bed with fewer and fewer lights on, obviously trying to conquer her new-found fear of the dark. He contemplated briefly whether she would ever get over it. There was no telling how deep her trauma went from the incident with Seigler. On the surface, to the outside world, Dana appeared to be coping. Only Mulder knew about the night sweats, the tremors, the nightmares. He knew, given enough time, those things gradually disappeared for most people when they readjusted to their surroundings and regained their feeling of safety and security. But Dana didn't lead a normal person's life. She was constantly putting her life on the line for others and herself. She didn't have the luxury of always feeling safe and secure. She needed to be completely confident in her abilities and be able to function under stress to do her job. If she couldn't learn to cope with this incident, she was going to be out of a field job, and that meant out of the X-files. Well, Mulder thought to himself, at least Seigler was behind bars, and definitely going to stay that way. There would be no lawyer's pleas of circumstantial evidence now, no upstanding citizen defense, either. And for Scully, there would be no more surprise threatening letters, or fear in turning a corner, wondering if Seigler would be there. It was good news that Seigler was finally out of the picture. Still, a large part of Mulder wanted Seigler permanently out of the picture. Mulder spit a sunflower seed out the window as he continued to ponder the many ways he would like to make Seigler suffer. Why does this case seem to affect me so? he wondered for the thousandth time. Mulder tried to analyze his thought patterns. He'd seen mangled and abused children. He'd seen sadistic, cruel people and how they had horribly affected and changed the lives of the people around them. And with all the desires of wanting to capture the person responsible, he had never had these deep feelings of revenge that he harbored against Seigler. Why not? Weren't their crimes as appalling and horrid as this one? Certainly many of them on the surface seemed so. Why couldn't he detach himself from this one crime? His mind retorted, because Scully is part of you, you idiot! Mulder contemplated that thought for a moment. While all victims deserved help and justice, Scully was of personal value to him, in more ways than one. Her knowledge and expertise in a myriad of subjects was almost beyond his comprehension. She seemed to have information on hundreds of subjects all filed and cataloged away. And it seemed that what she didn't know, he did. Each one completed the other. They were like a two volume set of encyclopedias. Not only was she brilliant, but she was kind, understanding, objective, and oh, Mulder mused, was she ever tolerant! She was loyal to him as no other had ever been, despite the fact that they never seemed to agree on anything. Her honesty often kept him on the straight and narrow, though he had to admit, he took great delight in disobeying her, too. Now, what would a psychologist make of that! You are a psychologist, you imbecile, he reminded himself. Well, at least as a psychologist, I can attest to the fact that I certainly don't have an Oedipus complex, he reflected gleefully. Scully in no way reminded him of his mother! Nope, family was the farthest thing from his mind when he looked at Scully. Yep, he loved her brains, but no more so than her beauty. Mulder closed his eyes. Scully's creamy face came into focus, then her image as a whole. He took time to linger over her body, a small crooked smile sliding onto his face. She was tiny, but she certainly packed a wallop, both on the job, and in her looks. In his mind's eye, Fox started at Dana's ankles and worked his way up her body. He took in the soft curve of her hips, then her slim waist. He was imagining her in a frilly, black teddy. The front was laced up with a soft, red satin ribbon. There were small slits in various spots in the teddy, showing off her feminine wiles, inviting his eye to continue traveling upward. At the very top, the ribbon formed a tiny bow, nestled between her full, firm breasts, which were practically spilling out of their encumbrance. Still day dreaming, Mulder reached out and pulled on the satin bow and watched the teddy begin to loosen. Suddenly the air seemed warmer in the car, as Mulder felt his body responding to his thoughts. He had repressed these types of thoughts about Scully for days now. Somehow, it had seemed inappropriate to think of Dana in a sexual way since her assault, like he was betraying her even further, using her like Seigler had. But Seigler wasn't a threat any more. Scully was getting better, Mulder thought. Why not play a harmless game he thought to himself. I've deprived myself long enough. So he continued on in his thoughts. He hooked a finger inside the lacing and began to slowly pull the ribbon, fascinated with the little bits of flesh that each strand revealed. As he continued to undo the lacing, he allowed his eyes to wander higher. He noted the smooth rounding of her shoulders and the indent where her throat begged to be kissed. By now Mulder was convinced he could even smell her fresh scent. Fox felt his heart beat begin to pick up. He noticed his jeans were growing tight, too. Still, he continued with his day dream. Ever upward his mind's eye traveled. They settled on her wonderfully pouty lips next. He was sure they were inviting him to kiss her. Their swollen, ruby redness drew his eye to them. They were slightly parted and seemed to be whispering his name. As Mulder's fingers continued to undo the lacing on Scully's imaginary teddy, he saw the tip of her tongue snake out and begin to slowly lick her upper lip. He heard a small groan escape from his own lips. Her eyes, he had to see her eyes before he continued on. He wanted to see the desire for him in them. He wanted to drown in her crystal-clear blue eyes. He loved gazing in her eyes. He often allowed Scully to see inside him by locking gazes with her at sensitive moments. While she was not always as open with him, he still knew this was the best way to connect with her. Besides, he thought, this is my dream! He would make her eyes drip with desire for him! Mulder shifted his gaze from her lips to her eyes in great anticipation. The moment his eyes locked onto Scully's, Mulder's own eyes snapped wide-open in surprise! In that split second, as he had looked deep into Dana, he had not seen desire and wanton pleasure, as he had planned to see, but instead he had seen great fear and pain! Her eyes had been pleading with him to help her! Help her! There was no mistaking the look of anguish and despair in them. At that moment, before he could even figure out what was happening, his cell phone rang. Mulder stared at it as if it were an alien audibly calling his name. On the fourth ring, he snapped out of his reverie and answered it. "Mulder," he said, his voice unsure. "Det. Williams here. Where are you, Agent Mulder?" ---xxxxx-- Scully had fallen asleep almost instantly. Not having the stress of fearing Seigler was "out there" seemed to make all the difference. She dreamed she was swimming in a lake. The water was cool and refreshing. Her cares seemed to be melting away the further she swam. She looked up to the brilliant cerulean blue sky and watched as a flock of white birds flew over. She looked at the edge of the lake and was comforted by the many soft tones of green foliage lining the edge. Trees had grown near the lake and their branches hung over, forming a canopy of shade. She saw beautiful wildflowers growing at the edge of the lake and decided she was growing tired of swimming and wanted to pick a bouquet to take home, to remember this day. She was far out in the lake though, and even after many strokes towards her goal, she seemed no closer, and she began to wonder how long it would take to get to the edge. She was growing tired, and weaker. Suddenly it seemed like she couldn't catch her breath. She struggled to breathe, but her head kept slipping below the calm water's surface. She couldn't seem to push off the bottom of the lake to force her head upward in order to break the surface for a much needed fresh breath of air. She shoved with her feet and flailed her arms battling to bring her head up for air. Her lungs had a deep burning sensation, and they began to feel as if they were going to burst from the lack of oxygen. Suddenly, Scully's eyes flew open, awakening her from her dream, only to find she was living a nightmare. The room was totally dark, there was a heavy weight on top of her, and there were hands around her throat crushing her larynx and preventing her from taking air into her oxygen starved lungs. She struggled against the weight on top of her, trying to twist her body from one side to the other in an attempt to throw the person off balance. At the same time she attempted to bring her arms up to break the hold on her throat, but they were pinned to her side by her attacker's knees. She was also desperately willing her eyes to hurry and adjust to the darkness so she could see who was assaulting her and to better assess the situation. She began to see stars behind her eyes, and felt herself beginning to drift completely away, when the pressure at her throat subsided slightly, enough for her to gulp down great quantities of the precious, life-giving air. The moment she had enough air, she began to scream, hoping to alert a neighbor. Her voice was immediately cut off as the hands viciously applied their crushing pressure again. "Quiet!" a voice hissed above her, "Or I'll kill you right now." Oh, my God! She knew that voice. It was a sound she would never forget. Somehow, Seigler was here! His commanding voice, coupled with memories of what happens when she disobeys him, caused Scully to immediate cease her efforts. She began to involuntarily shiver in fear. She felt the pressure ease up enough for her to breath again. "What do you want? How did you get in here?" she croaked out. She could barely talk after having her throat squeezed so hard the second time. "Why, I want you," the voice hissed again. "We were interrupted the last time we were intimately together. As to how I got in here, your maintenance man really should lock up the shed in the back. There are so many useful and expensive tools in there someone might steal!" He laughed a cruel, maniacal laugh. Scully's eyes finally adjusted to the small amount of light in the room. She could see just enough to take in his leer as he spoke, and the madness in his eyes. Again her body betrayed her innate fear by shivering. She saw Seigler's hand move slightly before coming back into view. She couldn't make out what he was holding, but suddenly he was slipping it over her head. Oh, God, no! she wanted to scream; it was the blindfold. She could feel herself retreating deep inside. She began to concentrate on just one thing to maintain her sanity. Mulder. She said his name over and over in her mind. Mulder, help me. Mulder, help me. Mulder, Mulder, Mulder... In the five years she had spent working with Mulder, he had put forth some pretty fantastic ideas, most of which she vocally, and unhesitatingly, scoffed at. But she had to admit that in those same five years, she had seen and experienced some things that she couldn't understand, and that even her precious science, that she so whole-hearted believed in, could not logically explain away. At this moment she hoped if she had ever been wrong disbelieving any of Mulder's far out theories, she hoped she was wrong about ESP. There was at least some basis for a scientific explanation about the so-called sixth sense. The brain was an incredible organ and vastly under used and explored. If there was any theory she could bring herself to even hope to believe in that Mulder put forth, it was the notion of kindred spirits and silent communication between two people; especially between she and Mulder. If ESP was ever going to work for her, now would be a good time, she thought. One part of Scully's brain concentrated on listening to Seigler so she could obey him and avoid his anger and wrath. But the rest of her mind desperately chanted the mantra: Mulder, help me. Mulder, help me. Mulder, help me. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat@aol.com) PART: 15/16 ---xxxxx--- Fox sat upright behind the steering wheel, all attention focused on his cell phone. Why would Williams being calling him now? It was certainly after hours, and the case was wrapped up, wasn't it? "I'm sitting outside Agent Scully's apartment," he finally replied to William's inquiry. Mulder sensed that answer didn't sound very good and decided to add, "I, uh, just got here. I thought I should check on her, and make sure she is OK after tangling with Seigler this afternoon." Fox glanced up at Scully's apartment as he spoke. Something was amiss, but he just couldn't put his finger on it. He was trying to focus his concentration on why Williams was calling. "Good." Det. Williams voice was clipped. He never was one to waste words. "I've been trying to reach Agent Scully for the last thirty minutes, I can't seem to get through. Finally an operator told me her phone was out of order." Mulder didn't interrupt him to explain. It didn't matter. What did matter was why Det. Williams wanted to reach Scully. He didn't have to wait long for an explanation as Williams continued speaking. "I'll give you the details later, but I wanted her to know Seigler has escaped. I'm glad you are there already. I just sent a squad car out to Agent Scully's apartment since I couldn't reach her, and I thought I'd try calling you." "Escaped!" Mulder repeated incredulously, his mind spinning. "When, how?" "It happened about 45 minutes to an hour ago, during a transfer from the police station to the county lock up. I haven't gotten a complete report yet, but apparently a rookie wasn't paying full attention to his charges." Suddenly, Mulder began to understand the evening; the restlessness and uneasiness in his apartment, the aimless driving that somehow managed to put him in front of Scully's apartment, and the vivid, deep feelings of dread and fear when he gazed into Scully's soul in his day dream. Someone or something was trying to warn him! As Mulder's brain assimilated all these pieces of information, and the puzzle began to take shape, his brain at last registered the final piece as it fell into place: Scully's apartment was dark. Dark! his mind screamed! Something was definitely wrong, there should be light coming from the front window! "I think Seigler's here!" Mulder said. In his haste to simultaneously grab his keys from the ignition and open the car door, Fox threw the phone down on the car seat. He immediately drew his gun from the back of his waistband as he stood upright. He didn't even bother to run evasively to Scully's building's front door. He quickly found the key to her secure front door on his key ring, then took the steps two at a time, reaching her apartment just seconds after leaving his car. Mulder took time to calm down and take stock. The whole building was dark. He wondered if Seigler had cut the main power off in the basement. Scully's door was still shut. He put his ear to it, and heard not a sound from the other side. Mulder inserted his new key quietly. Scully had given it to him after having her locks changed. He turned the knob, and pushed gently. The dead bolt was on. Shit! We are going to have to get a different kind of lock for Scully's door in the future, his brain filled away for future reference. Mulder considered his options: Assume the blackout was a coincidence, ring the doorbell and have Scully let him in, kick the door down and raise Cain to alert Scully that something was wrong, and thereby possibly alert Seigler as well, or find another way in, as Seigler must have if he was indeed behind the blackout, catch him and take care of business. Seigler might escape again if I alert Scully, Mulder pondered, but on the other hand, he may be in there hurting her right now. What to do? Seconds were passing. Perhaps seconds that would determine life or death for Scully. Mulder decided to try and catch Seigler. OK, how would Seigler get in? Mulder considered the layout of Scully's apartment. He raced back down the stairs and out the front door of the building, made a quick left, another left and found himself on the back side of the apartment building, where Scully's bedroom and kitchen windows were. Mulder saw the chain lock dangling from the handle of the open door on the maintenance shed first and instinctively turned his head to inspect the area. Yep, leaning against the wall directly under Scully's kitchen window was a 14 foot ladder. Mulder, securely holding his weapon in his right hand, began to attack the rungs of the ladder. ---xxxxx--- "You know," Seigler began, "You are the only woman that put up a fight. I think the others thought if they just submitted, they could manipulate me so I wouldn't hurt them. You women are always trying to control men as if we are complete idiots!" Seigler's voice had an edge Scully was beginning to recognize. He was losing his grip on sanity. Somehow, that frightened Scully more. It was always more difficult to figure out or anticipate, and thereby counteract, the moves of an unbalanced person's thinking. Seigler continued his monologue, "They just couldn't get it through their heads that I wasn't going to allow them to continue to deceive men into believing they loved them. "You women seem to think that you can treat us anyway you want. You seem to think that we only think with body parts below the waist, that we have no feelings." Scully barely detected a softening in Seigler's eyes and tinge of sadness in his voice now, "Well, we do have feelings, we do have hearts." Just as suddenly, the hardness in his eyes was back. Seigler had been on his knees straddling Scully's body. Abruptly she felt him shift his weight off of her. Sitting to one side of her now, he began pulling her covers off. She suddenly was very glad she had put on pajamas to sleep in tonight instead of the usual tee shirt and panties. She felt his hands fumbling with the buttons on her silk top. It was now or never. Scully quickly bent her knees and brought her feet up, shoving them full force to where she guessed Matthew was sitting on the bed. Scully desperately hoped for two things: that Seigler would consider her too docile at this point to resist, and that the darkness of the room would conceal her movement toward him. She felt her feet connect with Seigler's shoulder and shifted her weight to drive him off the bed. The moment his hands left her body and she felt the mattress shift as he fell off the bed, she whipped off the blindfold and rolled in the opposite direction of Seigler to the other side of the bed and onto the floor. She tried screaming to attract attention again, but nothing more than a croak came out, her vocal cords were severely bruised from Seigler's previously almost lethal grip. Seigler hit the floor hard, his head bouncing off the wall. Scully sat crouched on the floor below eye level for a few seconds, listening for movement from Seigler. She heard a groan escape his lips, then she heard him hiss, "Bitch! You'll pay for that bit of insolence!" Scully desperately wished that she had been able to get her gun off the nightstand, and at the same time frantically hoped that Seigler hadn't spied it. Suddenly she was aware he was moving towards the end of the bed and she silently cursed herself for leaving her cell phone in the car recharging and for unplugging her regular phone. Dana decided to chance getting out the front door. It was her only hope now. ---xxxxx--- Mulder's athletic shoes made no sound on the ladder's rungs as he ascended. Just before the top of his head cleared the window sill, he thought he heard a thud from inside the apartment. He stopped to listen. From within the kitchen area, Mulder heard no sound. He carefully and slowly raised his head above the edge of the window and looked in. Seigler had used a glass cutter just above the window lock, removed the glass circle, reached in, unlocked the window, and simply let himself in. The window was still raised. Mulder quickly, but quietly, scrambled over the sash and put himself inside Scully's kitchen. Mulder moved carefully to prevent his shoes from squeaking on the tile floor. His eyes were trying to adjust to the almost complete darkness of the room. Just before stepping onto the carpet in the living room, he felt, rather than saw, a body fly by him, and at the same time he heard a man's voice coming from Scully's bedroom, screaming obscenities. Seconds later, he felt another body whiz by him. ---xxxxx--- Scully heard Seigler stumble against her dresser. She briefly thought of the number of times she had hit her own knee or hip on the dresser corner in the dark. Cursing loudly, Seigler continued to move toward her. Scully stood up and ran for the front door. She was mentally concentrating on turning the door knob lock with one hand and the dead bolt lock with her other hand in one swift, coordinated movement. Once she was out in the hall, she knew she would be safer; there would be places to run to, and neighbors to wake. She had just cleared the couch and was almost to the door when she felt a heavy weight hit her back as Seigler lunged at her in a flying tackle. With his full weight on top of her, Scully was violently shoved downward. As she hit the floor, she lost her breath in one explosive "oomph". Once again, Scully found herself struggling for a breath of precious air. This time it was being made even more difficult to acquire due to Seigler's weight on top of her. Dana felt Seigler's knee dig deep into her back as he shifted his position. The next thing she knew, he had grabbed both of her hands, one at a time, and pulled them behind her back and handcuffed her. Apparently, Seigler had come prepared. "Well, well, well, you little wildcat!" Seigler uttered a low, grim laugh. "Looks like you aren't going anywhere after all. As I said before, I like a woman with spirit. Too bad I won't get to temper that little spirit myself. But, you are becoming more trouble than you are worth." And with that, Scully felt the cold steel of a gun muzzle against her temple. She tried to cry out, she kicked her feet, she squirmed. If this was to be her last moment, she was going out fighting, she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her submit to him. Her mind continued her mantra: Mulder, Mulder, Mulder, help me... She heard the unmistakable sound of a Smith and Wesson being cocked; a metallic sliding sound followed by the distinct "ka-chink" as the "slide" snapped back. Scully knew a round was now loaded in the chamber. But instead of panic and fear, a sudden calm came over Scully. Her sixth sense *felt* another presence in the room. Then she heard it's voice, and another gun being cocked. "Move you bag of shit, and you're dead." It was Mulder! Scully couldn't begin to comprehend where he had come from. Right now, she didn't care. She began to relax for a moment until she realized Seigler wasn't backing down. The gun had not moved from her head. Mulder continued to talk. "Hell, you might be dead anyway." Seigler had frozen the moment he felt cold steel against his head, seconds before the voice had spoken. Mulder! Where had he come from? Seigler had searched the apartment carefully before entering Scully's bedroom. His eyes darted to the door. All the locks were still in place. Then he began to laugh out loud. Of course, Mulder had gotten in the same way Seigler had. What a fool he had been. In his haste to right the score with Scully, he had gotten careless. He could have covered his tracks. It would have been simple once he got in to go back out the front door, put the ladder away, and come back in the front door, and then relock it. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Mulder pressed his gun harder against Seigler to emphasize he meant business. "Let her go," he said between clenched teeth. Mulder repeated himself five seconds later as Seigler tried to decide what to do. "Just give me a reason, that's all I ask," Mulder continued to threaten. He needed Seigler to either put down his weapon, or let Scully go. Mulder was afraid that if he shot him now, Seigler's gun might still go off and kill Scully. It was too risky this close. "Scully saved your life once today, I don't think she's in a mood to do it again." Seigler still didn't move. Mulder decided to try another tact. "Scully, get up," he directed. Hopefully, Seigler would not stop her. Scully decided to take a chance and tried moving out from under Seigler and see if he threatened her. He didn't. He seemed to grasp the simple fact he was in a precarious position at this moment. He removed the pressure of his knee from her back and allowed her to get up. She wiggled out from underneath him, finally getting to her feet. Seigler remained on his knees with his back to Mulder, his gun now limp at his side. "Drop it," Mulder commanded. No movement from Seigler. "Drop it!" Mulder fairly screamed at him. He was desperately trying to control his trigger finger. Dana's voice from earlier today continued to echo in his brain. He kept hearing the words justice, innocent until proven guilty, and day in court, over and over. He tried to focus on them instead of the larger part of his brain that was screaming revenge! Seigler decided to play the only card he thought he had left. If he could anger Mulder, make him drop his guard, he might have a chance of shooting him first. He was fairly certain the FBI agent would not shoot him in cold blood. As long as he stayed still and made no threatening moves, Seigler figured Mulder would not shoot. Once he dropped his gun, Seigler knew, it was all over for him. And there was no way he was going to prison! "You know, I don't think I got a chance to tell you how good your partner tasted," he began. "Shut up, and lay your weapon down," Mulder replied. "Handcuffs, keys," Scully whispered. It was torture to try and talk, but she wanted to be free. Mulder glanced her way in the semi-darkness. He hadn't known she was handcuffed. "Keys," he barked at Seigler. Matthew just ignored his request. "I'll bet you haven't even seen her naked, have you?" Seigler smirked in the darkness. "Want me to tell you her best features?" "Shut up and give me the keys!" "On the other hand, maybe you have seen her. I mean, who could work with her very long without wanting to get her into bed..." "SHUT UP and lay your weapon down!" Mulder screamed again. He didn't want to hear this. He tried to focus on Seigler. He knew Seigler's motive was to try and make him upset and careless enough to make a mistake, a mistake that could cost either Scully her life or his own, and possibly both since Scully didn't have a gun. If Seigler took him out first, Scully would be helpless with her hands cuffed behind her back. Mulder's voice had dropped back down to his normal range as be began to regain control. "Scully, call 911 and ask to be connected to Det. Williams' substation." He knew she could do that much even handcuffed. "Where's your cell phone?" she asked. "My phones are still unplugged." Damn, Mulder thought as he remembered flinging down his cell phone in the car in his haste to reach Scully. "I left it in the car. See if you can plug yours back in." Dana headed for the phone and spotted the gray cord hanging from the unit. She backed up to the table the unit rested on and grasped the cord, then pulled the slack up until she had the plug in her hands. Squatting down, her back to the wall, she attempted to maneuver the plug into the wall socket. The bookcase was too close to the wall and prevented her from getting near enough to push the plug in. She twisted first one way, and then the other trying to accomplish her task as Mulder and Seigler continued their verbal sparring. "Let me tell you how she kisses, Agent Mulder," Seigler continued to egg him on. "Lay your weapon down." Mulder's voice took on a harder edge. "And how soft her breasts are." "Mulder, don't let him in," Scully tried to keep Mulder focused on the task. She, too, knew what Seigler was attempting to do. "And, oh, Agent Mulder, have you noticed how she smells? Do you know that special spot on her neck? And you know what, Mulder, I could tell she really liked it when I hit her." "Shut up, Seigler," now it was Scully's turn to take offense at Seigler's comments. "She moaned and begged me for more," he continued. Seigler was tensing as he spoke, getting ready for action. He could feel a shifting in the room. Mulder was getting itchy, and agitated. He wanted to shoot this man so bad. He was trying to keep control, but Seigler was making it worse on himself. If he didn't shut up, he was going to talk Mulder into shooting him, regardless of what Scully wanted. He could feel the revenge rising up in him until he was sure he could taste it. He detested this man for what he had done to the other nine women. But more than that, he hated him for what he had done to Scully. "I can't tell you how much pleasure I get out of beating women up, Mulder. I really get off on it, but beating up Scully was even more pleasurable than the others." "Have you got that phone fixed yet?" Mulder threw over his shoulder in desperation. If Det. Williams' back-up didn't get there quick, there wasn't going to be a need for back-up to come at all, because Seigler was going to be dead. "I'm trying!" Scully threw back at him savagely. It irritated her that she couldn't be of more help. In addition, memories of what Seigler spoke of were sickening her. She wanted to go over and kick his mouth shut. Putting the cord back in the wall wasn't going to happen. "Seigler, where are the keys?" she finally screamed in desperation. No sensible answer from Seigler was forthcoming. He was babbling on and on. "You know, Mulder, I bet you like to be dominated by Dana. I saw how she made you do something you didn't want to do earlier today. You backed down when she said to." Mulder tried to shut out his voice. "I'm going to try the bedroom plug," Scully said and headed off in that direction, crossing directly behind Mulder. At that very moment, the electricity came back on. Apparently an apartment dweller had notified the landlord, who must have reset the main, restoring the power. Everyone's head and eyes naturally turned toward the lamp by the sofa as it magically popped on. Seigler saw his moment had come, the one moment both of the agents were distracted. In one fluid movement, Seigler turned, fell away to right, brought his gun up and fired point blank at Mulder. In the same split second that Seigler had decided to do this, Mulder had come to the same conclusion: while they were reacting to the light, this would be a good time for Seigler to shoot them. The same instant Seigler had begun his turn, Mulder had stepped to his right also. This move not only got him out of harm's way, but placed Mulder to the side of Seigler. Matthew had not anticipated Mulder reacting so quickly, and actually ended up firing where Mulder had been standing. Fox felt the air move as the bullet whizzed past him and found another target. Scully let out a tiny cry of alarm, it was all that she could force through her bruised throat, as the bullet lodged in her left breast. Blood began flowing immediately, soaking her white pajamas with a crimson stain that would never come out. Scully crumpled backward from the impact. Because of the handcuffs she couldn't even press on the wound to help stop the bleeding. Shock and surprise registered on her face from the fact that she had actually been shot. It was a new sensation. One she had read about often, and heard about frequently from Mulder and other agents, but up until this moment, had never experienced first hand. She decided it hurt. In fact, it hurt like hell! The burning sensation was overriding her other aches and pains, as well as her thoughts, at this moment. Her chest felt like it was on fire! Suddenly she became angry! What else was this bastard going to do to her! While Scully was holding this intellectual seminar with herself about the gunshot wound, Mulder had been taking action. The second after Seigler had fired, Mulder had stepped toward Matthew, grabbed Seigler's gun hand and twisted it, rotating Seigler's shoulder in a direction it wasn't meant to go. Matthew automatically released the gun and Mulder snagged it up in one smooth movement, stepped back out of Seigler's range of grasp and continued to point his gun directly at Seigler's head. Damn! He couldn't believe he had left his cell phone in the car! Where was that squad car Williams had said he was sending out? It seemed like it had been hours ago. Mulder had a direct view of a clock on Scully's desk and noticed it had been not much more than five minutes since Williams' call. Five minutes! It seemed like a lifetime had passed. "Scully! Scully!" Mulder screamed, "Are you all right?" He couldn't take the chance of glancing back over his shoulder at her. Seigler was desperate enough to try anything at this point. He began backing up in her direction, his eyes still on Seigler. However, Scully wasn't answering. "Scully!" Mulder called again. Damn it to hell, Mulder had made up his mind, if Seigler had killed Scully, he was not leaving here alive, he didn't care what Scully wanted in the way of justice. As he continued to slowly back up, Seigler began talking again. His voice was distant, with an edgy quality, as if disconnected from his mind. Had he gone completely over the edge now? Mulder wondered. "Look at the blood, Agent Mulder, her blood. I remember when I made her bleed and her blood ran into her hair. It was the same color and I couldn't distinguish the blood from her hair." "Shut up, or I will kill you right now," Mulder warned for the last time. "SCULLY! Talk to me...are you OK?" Dana was afraid she was going to go into shock. Her body had been through too much. She just wanted to lie there, on the floor, and like her blood, sink into the carpet. Dana shut her eyes. Finally, she was beginning to see a darkness that she wasn't afraid of. Someone kept calling her name, though. She wished they would be quiet and let her get some rest. Maybe if she answered them just once, they would leave her alone to sleep. She heard her name being called once again. "What?" she tried to say. Her mouth was so dry, and her lips seemed to be sticking together, so only a small, unintelligible sound came out of her. But that little bit of effort seemed to rouse her. She felt herself coming out of the darkness. She could hear more voices in the background now. One was Mulder's, concerned, but awfully loud for some reason. Did he think she was deaf? The other she recognized as that bastard, Seigler. What was he saying now? Was he talking to her? She tried to make out the words. "You know Mulder, when I mounted her, she begged me to make love to her. She wanted me to pleasure her. She said she wanted to compare me to you." Mulder was kneeling by Dana's side now, pressing his left hand over her breast trying to staunch the flow of blood. The compression was helping. Damn Seigler! was all his brain repeated over and over. If they had come this far just for Seigler to win; well, he didn't want to follow that train of thought. Mulder saw Scully trying to answer him, and was relieved to know that, at least for the moment, she was still alive. However, he was becoming alarmed at the amount of blood that had already spread over her shirt. He had to resolve this situation with Seigler quickly, and call for an ambulance. Mulder knew how he wanted to resolve it. "Scully, can you hear me?" Mulder continued to alternately try to rouse her and keep his eye on Seigler at the same time. But the events going on really didn't matter to Seigler right now, he had indeed slipped over the edge. "Come on Mulder, I told you how I felt touching and hitting Dana, now you tell me how it feels to you. Can you make her beg you to stop hitting her? I can." That was the last straw for Scully. She was only human, after all. Even in her dazed state she could hear the insanity in Seigler's tone of voice. A tiny piece of her brain registered the fact he would never be put in prison for his crimes or punished with the electric chair. He would get off on an insanity plea. Scully tried to open her eyes. She desperately needed to tell Mulder something. Deep in her mind, Scully knew the only reason Mulder hadn't killed Seigler yet was because he was trying to respect her wishes from this afternoon. When Scully's eyes finally focused she saw Mulder glaring at Seigler, and she could see Mulder's trigger finger, tensed and white. There was sweat on his brow as he fought to control himself. She could see the want on his face. Silently, she willed Fox to look at her. Slowly, Mulder turned his face toward her, his brow furrowed. Scully's eyes locked onto his and for a moment, time stood still as they stared into each other's souls. Then Dana closed her eyes one last time, and her head lolled to one side. Mulder looked back at Seigler, and then stood up, Dana's blood dripped from his hand as he moved toward Seigler. Matthew was still babbling on, mocking him, "Have you caressed her buttocks, Mulder, have you felt the smooth flesh between her thighs?" Mulder stopped less than a foot from Seigler. His eyes already hard, narrowed. You sorry son-of-a-bitch, he thought to himself, and then he very carefully took aim between Seigler's eyes and shot him, turning away before he even hit the floor. TITLE: A Crying Shame AUTHOR: Janis (JEhrat@aol.com) PART: 16/16 ---xxxxx--- "What happened to you guys?" Frustration and agitation saturated Mulder's tone of voice. "If you'd have gotten here sooner, my partner wouldn't be in this condition now!" Mulder's voice was rising to an angered pitch. The police back up had finally arrived, but perhaps too late. They had pulled up moments after the ambulances arrived. Officer Robertson tried to explain, knowing full well his explanation was falling on deaf ears. "The original team sent out here was involved in a traffic accident as they went through a red light at Sumner and Bridge Streets. They both have serious head injuries. It took time for other officers to reach them. As soon as we were informed that they had been sent out by Det. Williams to back you up, we came in their place." Robertson was right. Mulder wasn't listening. He was watching the paramedics work on Scully. The blood flow had been stopped, but her pulse was weak and thready. There was no way to tell how close the bullet was to her heart. IV's were running already and she had been placed on a litter and was being carried out the door, with Mulder close behind. There were two other paramedics checking on Seigler. There wasn't much checking to do, though, he was obviously dead. Mulder didn't even give them a glance as he followed Scully to one of the waiting ambulances. Robertson and his partner stayed behind to take notes and cordon off the premises until their superior arrived. Scully awoke briefly. The jostling she received from coming down the stairs and being thrust into the back of the ambulance roused her for just a moment. She felt tired, and she hurt all over. Her first complete thought, after deciding how shitty she felt, was of Mulder. She tried to say his name. Barely whispering, all she could manage was, "Mul...er." Yet, out of nowhere, he appeared. Mulder's face bobbed above hers as if disembodied. "Scully?" he asked in a worried voice. She'd heard that tone a few times before, Donnie Pfaster came to mind immediately, as did Gerry Schnauz. She felt her hand being taken by his, it was warm and comforting. She couldn't speak, so she tried to smile to let him know she was OK; it was the only way she could convey the words, "I'm fine." She wanted to laugh; those were the three words he hated most out of her. She lapsed back into the darkness. ---xxxxx--- Several hours later she awoke again, this time in a proper hospital bed, with tubes running in and out of her body, and machines quietly humming and pumping nearby. She noticed the clock on the wall, softly illuminated by a small light on her night table. It read 3:17. The light was also bright enough to illuminate the chair by her bed containing the hunched over, sleeping form of her partner. His head rested on her bed. She felt something clutching her hand. Her eyes traveled slowly from her partner's shoulder, down his arm to his wrist, and then she saw her hand was encased in his. She smiled and once again drifted off to sleep. ---xxxxx--- Scully didn't open her eyes this time when she swam back up into consciousness. It required too much of an effort. She heard voices. Who's? she wondered briefly. Couldn't concentrate. She didn't move, couldn't move actually. She felt restraints over various parts of her body. Her doctor mind tried to fathom the reason. Couldn't think, so quit and tried to listened to the voices once again. The more she heard, the more familiar they became. "...and I know you aren't going to believe this, sir, and it is not an excuse for what I did," Mulder took a deep breath before finishing, "but Scully asked me to kill Seigler." Skinner's brow furrowed, a frown appeared. "I'm supposed to believe that after she stopped you from killing him in the warehouse, Agent Scully after being shot, communicated with you, and she told you to kill Seigler." Mulder decided to be completely honest with Skinner. "Well, to be truthful, she didn't actually tell me in words," he paused. Skinner cocked his head at Mulder, wondering what bull shit he was going to hear next. Mulder continued, "But sir, I tell you, I was looking at Seigler, when all of the sudden, I hear her calling me, but in my head!" Skinner's eyes began to narrow now. "I turned to look at her, and I saw her just staring at me. And when I stared back, I swear I heard her tell me to kill him for her. She wasn't begging or anything, just sort of a confirmation, that if she could speak out loud, that is what she would say..." Mulder finished lamely. Skinner contemplated briefly if the wrong agent was confined to a hospital bed. He wondered if there were a psychiatric ward on this floor so the agents could visit each other... On the other hand, he had heard stranger things come out of Fox Mulder's mouth. This silent communication between himself and Agent Scully really wasn't all that hard to believe. But is still didn't exonerate the outright murder of Matthew Seigler in Agent Scully's apartment. A man without a weapon in his hand. Killed in cold blood. It wasn't that he didn't think Mulder wasn't justified for doing it, Skinner just didn't see how he was going to avoid the murder charges that were bound to be suggested in the next few days as details came out. Skinner let out a big breath. He couldn't defend the charges against Mulder based on this information. He would be laughed out of the FBI, no matter how much he believed in Fox and Dana, this wasn't going to do the job. "But what are you going to put in the report?" It was Skinner's voice again, very concerned. He not only had an agent that had almost died, but had another ready to commit perjury. Worse, he might actually endorse it! Scully could make out Mulder's husky, low voice, "I had justifiable cause after Seigler fired his weapon." "That won't explain the close range bullet hole in Seigler's head," Skinner said with exasperation. "They will know it was a deliberate act." "Hell, yes, it was a deliberate act!" Mulder's voice rose in pitch, but still had a hushed quality to it, as if he were concerned about waking Dana. "What more excuse do I need? He shot my partner!" Mulder paused a moment. "If you put your stamp of approval on this report," Mulder continued, "no one will give it a second look." Fox stared intently into Skinner's eyes, trying to reach him, to remind him that less than twenty four hours ago, in his own office, they had openly shared the same sentiment in this case; Seigler would pay for what he had done to Scully. "A lie from a truth seeker," was Skinner's only comment, and he turned on his heel and walked away. He knew he had no choice. He would approve the report and bury it as quickly as possible. He was not going to lose Agent Mulder on a murder charge for that little piece of chicken-shit Seigler. Semantics, like statistics, could be rearranged to suit anyone's purpose. Self-defense vs murder, it was a fine line that could be traversed if you knew how. How could he logically argue against Mulder exacting revenge for Scully when he himself had gone to bat on her behalf months ago to seek a cure for her cancer. Skinner himself had sunk so low as to break most of the laws he stood for. Could one go any lower than making a deal with the devil himself? And what had it gotten him at the time? At least Mulder had gotten the satisfaction of exorcising his demons concerning Scully. Once again Dana sank deep into the drug induced darkness that was her world now. She needed to escape not only the physical pain of her body, but the pain she heard in Skinner's and Mulder's voices on her behalf, and the pain she knew she would see if she were to stare into her partner's eyes. All because of her. It was too humbling to deal with right now. She willed herself to forget what she had just heard. Her brain began to comply as powerful drugs continued to course through her war-torn body. ---xxxxx--- Time passed unmeasured for Scully. There were brief moments when she would stir, and the pain it caused her would send her gratefully back into the darkness. She wanted to laugh at herself. She remembered how recently she had come to fear the inky blackness around her, and how she welcomed it into her life now. But if one wishes to live, and Scully did, one cannot sleep forever. Scully's wakening, however, was into more darkness. She could see no light outside her window, it was not yet even early morning. But there were people around. She could see the outline of a nurse standing nearby, quietly checking her IV and the bags of fluids. She could also see the unmistakable form of Fox Mulder sleeping on a cot that was much too short for his lanky length. The nurse put a finger to her lips. Scully wasn't sure if she were indicating they should be quiet so as not to wake him, or if it was a sign the she, Scully, should go back to sleep, that it was not yet time for her to rise and shine. She gave Scully a gentle smile and slipped out of the room on her whisper quiet shoes without so much as a squeak on the linoleum. Dana contemplated Mulder's sleeping form. She felt bad that he was not able to stretch out, but was glad that he was at least sleeping. Her mind wandered aimlessly over the brief memories she could dredge up, vainly trying to piece together the events that had gotten her in this predicament. She realized she wasn't even sure what had happened to Seigler. She recalled trying to communicate her longing to Mulder for him to end Seigler's life. She remembered how badly she wanted Mulder to kill the bastard, but she couldn't speak to him to release him from his promise earlier in the warehouse. The words would not come through her bruised and battered vocal cords. She thought back how she had willed Mulder to look at her, to see into her as he had often allowed her to see into his soul. She had been somewhat awed when it seemed as though he had actually heard her thoughts and turned toward her. She then took the only chance she thought she might have to get through to him. She had repeated over and over in her mind, "kill him, Mulder, kill him for me," desperately urging him on. God help her, Scully thought, I wanted Seigler to die, he deserved to die, she tried to reason. There would be no salvation for him. As Scully continued to stare at Mulder, going over the last thoughts she'd had in the apartment, he began to stir. A few moments later, Mulder sat up hesitantly. Sleepily, he asked in a hushed whisper in case she was still asleep, "Scully? Did you call me?" He rubbed his eyes awake and looked over at her again. He was rewarded with a view of dark blue eyes upon him. He quickly stood up and crossed over to her bedside, pulled a chair close and sat down. "Hey, you're awake! It's good to see you again." He continued speaking in a hushed voice, but there was genuine joy in his tone. "How do you feel? Do you want something? Water?" he was babbling, he knew, but he was so glad to see her awake. It had been two days and nights since she had been brought into the ICU. He and Margaret Scully had been taking turns staying by her side. She had undergone immediate surgery to remove the bullet Seigler had fired into her. It had been so close to her heart, that the surgeons couldn't even measure the distance that had meant the difference between life and death for Scully. But she had been spared. His Scully had been spared once again, by the gods, by fate, or whomever. Mulder didn't know whom to thank, but he was grateful. Scully nodded her head at the suggestion of water. Her throat felt constricted and extremely dry. He poured her a cup of water from the bedside jug, and once again, as he had ten days before, held her head while she drank. He sat the cup down and then leaned close to her to speak. He never tired of seeing her up close, or finding an excuse to be near her. A lock of Scully's auburn colored hair had fallen over one eye. He smoothed it back behind her ear with a long finger, brushing her check as he did so. Scully smiled foolishly. For some reason, this time she didn't mind his fussing over her. "Hey," Fox tried to lighten the moment, "you made me call your mother again..." Fox's voice trailed off with a smile. "I think she was really mad at me this time," he continued to cajole her. His warm, sweet breath on her face was distracting. It threatened to take her thoughts down other paths. Scully forced her mind back to the subject. She didn't have the energy to waste time or words. Her throat was in no condition to converse for very long. But she needed to know something. "Seigler," she started, and then a fit of coughing hit her. Mulder poured another glass of water and helped her get it down. It felt cool and wonderful going down her throat. Fox hesitated. He didn't know how to respond. What did she want to know? "Dead?" Scully forced out in a painful whisper. Mulder nodded his head solemnly. He decided to risk adding, "I got your message." Their eyes locked for a moment as his words sank in. Scully tried to concentrate on his words, but between the drugs in her system and his closeness to her, it was difficult. There were many words she wanted to say in return, but her throat would not allow them to pass. Her hand gingerly searched for Mulder's on the bed. He shifted his gaze down to follow her movements. Scully's fingers found Mulder's, and she grasped his hand tightly. She wanted his attention back, so cleared her throat. Fox lifted his golden- flecked hazel eyes to meet hers with puzzlement. She gazed firmly into his searching face. Her expression was serious, yet somehow curiously soft toward him. Her mind was thinking a number of thoughts that couldn't get out. If she could have spoken aloud to him she would have told him that at this moment, she believed something outside her scientific world had indeed happened between them. But she could not say these things, so she only smiled deeply, squeezing Mulder's hand in confirmation. "Scully," Mulder almost said incredulously, "you believe?" She so often wanted to blame coincidence, of which Fox never believed in, for things that happened that she couldn't explain away. Was Scully somehow confirming things she usually scoffed at? he wondered. Dana was torn. Part of her wanted to scream a resounding "No!" But in her heart, she knew there was another answer that she could no longer deny. Mulder's spirit rose a little. Was Dana Katherine Scully actually admitting connections might exist spiritually between people that allowed for a type of communication that didn't need words? Mulder smiled back deeply in understanding. It was true, there was a connection between them. He leaned even closer and placed his warm, soft lips upon her forehead, silently sealing their belief in one another. Dana'd had enough in this world now, she was very tired and she wanted to slip back into darkness once again, so she closed her eyes and did so, but she did not let go of Mulder's hand. FBI Headquarters Two Weeks Later Scully was back at her desk, still bruised and battered, but ready to put the recent events behind her. She had gotten to the office early to finish the remaining ever-present, ever-dreaded paperwork. Once it was done, Seigler's file could be officially closed. In reality, she wanted to burn the whole thing and try to forget it happened at all. Her throat had returned to normal and her left arm was in a sling to keep any weight from pulling on the healing tissue. As long as she sat perfectly still, Dana thought ruefully, she didn't hurt too much. She idly mused that she and Mulder should seriously think about buying stock in hospitals and pharmaceuticals. They certainly had a knack for keeping both in business! She heard a whistle in the corridor outside their office and looked up to see Mulder approaching, coffee in one hand and a paper sack in the other. "Hey, crip!" He greeted her. "Glad to see you back in action. You know, you really are going to have to be more careful. They say 80% of all accidents happen in the home." "Good morning to you, too," Scully greeted him, ignoring his remarks. "Thought I'd get this paper work behind me so I could close this case." Scully dazzled Mulder with one of her wonderful smiles before continuing, "After this, I'm kind of looking forward to something *not of this earth*". She tried to mimic the booming voices of announcers heard on countless monster movie trailers of the '50's. "See, the X-files does have it's advantages," he retorted. He sat down at his desk. He took the lid off his coffee, and opened the sack to pull out a chocolate covered donut. His idea of breakfast was always a simple one, if not a healthy one, Dana thought. She gave him a few moments to get settled and get his breakfast consumed before she turned toward him, report in hand. "You know, Mulder," Scully said tentatively. He met her gaze. "While filling out this paper work, some questions came up." She paused a moment, and then decided to plunge in. "They are not questions that are necessarily for the report, but for my own peace of mind." She had Mulder's full attention now, and he was pretty sure what she was going to ask. He kept silent, though and allowed her to follow through with her train of thought, just in case he was wrong. "How did you know to come to my apartment that night? How did you know I was in trouble?" Her ice blue eyes pierced Fox's green ones as she waited for his answer. She wasn't challenging him at all, but the intensity with which she gazed at him suggested she wanted real answers, something her scientific mind could wrap itself around and remain grounded with. Mulder didn't know what to say. Since their one talk late that evening when it seem Scully might actually believe in something she couldn't explain, they had made no mention of the case. It had become a silent agreement between them not to speak of it again somehow. Mulder wasn't sure if Scully felt the same way now as she had that night. Her logical, ordered brain had two weeks to work on the details of that night. To her mind, she might be logically able to explain it all away at this point. Hell, for all he knew, she didn't even remember any of their conversation at all! She wasn't exactly up to par at the time. He tried to discern which way she was leaning now before he spoke. He couldn't tell. Her face was totally unreadable, as usual. No emotion showed, she just wanted to assimilate information. "Well, Scully," he began, but then didn't quite know where to go from there. He couldn't exactly tell her he'd been watching her for days outside her apartment. She would be furious to know that he hadn't trusted her enough to take care of herself, even though it turned out to be fortuitous. He also couldn't tell her about the fantasy he was having about her in the car that, in his mind at least, ended up alerting him to her distress! What could he say? Scully inclined her head in his direction, indicating that she was listening, and for him to go on. Mulder made a very quick search of his heart before answering. There were still some things that weren't ready to come out. Finally, he spoke carefully, "Scully, can't you feel the connection between us?" He was not admonishing her, but gently leading her to another way of thinking, no doubt in her opinion, a very unscientific way of thinking. "I heard you calling me," he said simply. Scully, still afraid to believe one hundred percent, followed up with, "How?" Mulder decided to answer truthfully. "I heard you telepathically." He waited for her to scoff at his statement. To his surprise, she did not pooh pooh his idea of the supernatural, as she usually did. She simply gave a small nod of her head, seeming to accept that explanation, for the moment. Scully continued to stare steadfastly at Mulder. She had more questions. "I read the official report you gave to Skinner," she began. Mulder cast his eyes downward at this. He didn't mind fabricating lies to others when necessary, but he never wanted to lie to Scully. Scully continued, "It's not exactly the truth, is it?" Mulder didn't know what to say. He wanted to confess the truth to her, but would she believe that he had killed Seigler on her behalf, and not out of revenge for himself, as he had originally started out to do? He was beginning to think she didn't remember anything of their earlier conversation in the hospital. Dana began speaking again, "Mulder, I know." This time her voice was full of softness, and a humbling that Mulder didn't often hear. He knew he was about to hear a confession. He hated those. He hated Scully putting herself in a position that laid her soul bare because he knew how much it cost her. Her pride and dignity'd had enough chunks taken out of it lately. He started to protest. She wouldn't allow it. Scully rose carefully from her chair and crossed over to his desk. She put her fingers on his lips to silence him. Mulder closed his eyes in frustration and exasperation. He should be the one confessing to her. Her voice was barely above a whisper, these words were for his ears only. "Mulder," she dropped her fingers from his lips, "I know in your report you said you killed Seigler in self-defense," she stumbled over the words. She saw Mulder's jaw working back and forth as he struggled to control his response to her. "But that's not the way it happened, is it?" It wasn't really a question. Mulder, eyes cast downward to his lap, still didn't look at her. He felt no remorse in what he had done, but he couldn't very well put in his report that he had very carefully aimed between the eyes of a suspect and shot him, unarmed, as he babbled on like an idiot because his unconscious partner telepathically directed him to do so. He didn't mind being made a laughing stock in the eyes of the FBI, but he wouldn't do that to Scully. Still he did not look up. "Mulder." "Mulder." She wanted to lock souls with him. What she had to say was important, and so totally out of character for her, he wouldn't believe her unless he could see the truth in her eyes. She said his name once more. He would not look up. Scully squatted down below eye level, and gazed up at him from below. Scully continued in a very soft voice, "I can't explain it," she began, "but in my heart, I know our lives are somehow inexplicably intertwined, that our minds at times are so finely tuned to each other that we seemingly live and breath as one." Mulder's brow furrowed, unsure he was actually hearing these words from Scully. "I still hold tightly to my world of science, evidence, and procedure. But, I know, I know," she repeated for emphasis, "that as I lay, possibly dying, on my carpet, willing you to look at me, you did." Scully took a breath as she let her words sink in. "And there is no denying it, I wanted to give you a directive, my permission in effect, a command to kill that bastard." Scully felt some sorrow at these words. She did not like to admit that she wanted Seigler dead, it somehow made her a barbarian in her mind, especially after her high and mighty speech she had given in the warehouse about Seigler's rights. She continued before Mulder could interrupt. "But most of all, I know you understood my message. I don't want you harboring any guilt; worrying about whether you killed him for revenge or for me. I know that you killed Seigler for my convictions, not yours." Mulder looked deeply into Scully's eyes, permitting the sureness of her words to sink into his soul. She was absolving him of everything, as she always did. Scully did not give him a chance to reply. She stood up and turned back to her desk to finish her report on Seigler and close the file forever. Scully's Apartment Later that Evening Journal Entry: It has been more than two weeks since Seigler stole into my home and tried to take my life. I still have nightmares, but they are less and less frequent. Talking to Karen helps. Working in the field, proving myself and my abilities over and over again, helps. I have even learned to sleep with the lights off again. But there are still things that are waiting to be addressed in my mind. The actions of Agent Mulder that night are still unexplained to my satisfaction. How did he know to come to my apartment that night? What brought him to search my apartment building and deduce that I was in danger? How could he have known? And finally, how did Seigler come to die? Am I fooling myself into believing that we actually communicated without words? Or is the truth that Seigler's death was an act of revenge on Mulder's part? It might be argued that Mulder was going to kill Seigler anyway, either as revenge for the rape, or for Seigler's shooting me that night. Scully paused in her writing a moment, then continued. But within my heart, I am sure if Mulder had killed Seigler without knowing he had my 'permission', the killing would have been for him. I couldn't allow him to carry that guilt, and have it added to the load he already has. I am also aware that if Mulder could know that it was for my service that he did the deed, he would be able to justify his actions in the long run. And I did want it. God help me, I wanted Seigler dead. How can I take satisfaction in the killing of another human being? Yet if I am to admit the truth, at least in this journal, to my shame, it is so." Dana closed her journal and rose from her desk. She headed for her bedroom. She would think no more about Matthew Seigler. She would leave him and his shame behind. THE END OF THE WHOLE STORY! Feedback is welcomed, in fact, craved! JEhrat@aol.com