Dr Gorecrow's Vampire Health guide

The Doctor is in!!

You are my Patient!!

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Hello, all you fellow creatures. Now all those of you who have only been at it for a short time will need to know a few things about being undead. Even though a Vampire is classified as being immortal there are many many things that can go wrong, This page I hope will help you on your way!!

Now some things to avoid!!

No.1 SUNLIGHT

Now sunlight can be one of the most nasty things a vampire can experience. It has the nasty effect of turning the unwitting Vampire into a pile of dust and bones, unless of course you are new in which case you will melt into a pile of gook very slowly and painfully.

SYMPTOMS

Smouldering leading to complete Degeneration of all parts.

TREATMENT

A dust buster, or if a little messy, the nearest pooper scooper.

No.2 GARLIC

this can be nasty and cause seveare burning, irritation and nausia. Has no effect on most vampires but if you are one of the unlucky then watch out!!

SYMPTOMS

Burning sensation, Irritation, Superstitious Peasants!

TREATMENT

If you are the lucky kind of vampire then the bearer of the garlic can be lightly Fried with his offering.......Yum!

No.3 Stake in the heart

One of the ways to elegedly kill a vampire, unfortunatley in most cases this also causes paralysis, very nasty indeed.

SYMPTOMS

Well, a large piece of wood generally sticking out of the heart,Von Helsing

TREATMENT

Remove stake and eat whoever put it there

No.4 CATCHING ON FIRE

Should be avoided as it is the one way that vampires of all kinds can be properly destroyed!

SYMPTOMS

Flames on body, pain in the general area of the flames.

TREATMENT

Yell, scream, Then eat the person who set you on fire, if you are not a pile of smoking remains!!.

5.DISMEMBERMENT

An unfortunate ailment that cannot be treated very easily. The only treatment is a needle and thread, a good regeneration tecneque or, if in a fix, some tacky glue!!.

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