Simon is a founder member of the Spice Girls, the mysterious sixth Crap Spice, and is the inventor of the Cornish Pasty.

Most well known for his three appearances on award winning drama 'Cracker' as a dismembered corpse, he gained further notoriety as a penis double in 'Boogie Nights'.

Simon is a black belt in the previously unknown Japanese martial art of noshagu wantti, and once designed beards for the band Wings.

Although well known for his charity work, Simon's main passion is the production of biological weapons for Third World dictatorships.

Simon, former lover of TV Gladiator Hunter, enjoys dressing as a caveman, though due to advancing age his club no longer squeaks.

Has been known to squeal like a pig, but remember, Simon can't fight.