Fine Art

A play in one act
by Laura Kennicutt

email: nkennicutt@aol.com




Setting :
 The entire play takes place in a spacious hall of an art gallery - 
 no furniture,
but there is a fireplace (perhaps simulated with lights 
 behind a screen or off stage,
constantly lit unless otherwise noted) 
 that looks like it was never meant to be used; perhaps
some sculptures,
 and plenty of paintings on the walls.  It is dark throughout the play, 
 and
there are no windows or doors in sight.  Present day.

Characters:

Harold O'Malley
Very wealthy
and quite well-known business man and computer mogul.  
Late 50's with salt and pepper hair
that's more salt than it used to be.  
Dressed well, and never without his cell phone.  You can
tell that he's 
the type whose life depends on the numbers on Wall Street. 

Travis Kremlin
Nineteen year old white male, quite intelligent though not choosing 
to put it to good use.  A
chain smoker who wears the style of the time 
for his age group - unusual or oversized clothes
are a must.  A philosophising 
anarchist who probably understands life more than any of the
other characters.

Jackie Leighton
A starlet who is popular for a recent role in an action
blockbuster playing 
the spunky heroine Kelli.  Early twenties, brunette, 
attractive with a good body.  Nothing
about her appearance that is out-of-the-
ordinary...plastic surgery has taken care of that.  She
is on her way up in 
Hollywood, and it's no big secret that she's spent time on a good number of 
casting couches to get this far.  She is more intelligent than she gets credit 
for, though, and
has a good heart.  Dresses in the utmost in trends - if she 
wears a plain white shirt, you can
be sure it came from Gucci or Versace.

Susanne Neiman
Tour guide and curator of the museum.  In
her early thirties, businesslike, 
dressed in a cheap, uniform-like suit with obviously too much
makeup and neat 
hair.  Knows everything there is to know about the art in the museum.
Washington Washington
A black man, about 25, strong and intelligent, a man who you can tell
works 
hard for his wife and daughter.  Has a good job as a carpenter, but he's 
not a wealthy
man.  He typifies the american worker.

Kathleen Kapowski
A teenage girl, about 15, who has skipped two grades and is a senior in 
high
school.  Pretty but in a girl-next-door sort of way.  Dressed in a 
modest skirt-and-blouse
school
uniform.  She comes from a rich family and never worked a day in her life 
for the pearl
necklace she wears and for the BMW she drives.  She tries 
hard, though, not to act like it. 
She thinks she would be happier if she 
was "just like everyone else".



Act 1, scene i
[The
cast, except for WASHINGTON, is spread out in the room silently as the 
lights go up.  The
fireplace, off stage or simulated, is burning faintly.  
O'MALLEY paces and we hear him speaking
on his cell phone.]

O'MALLEY [speaking loudly]: Hello?  I'm sorry, I can barely hear you.  The 
Graves Museum of Art.  There's...[HE PAUSES TO COUNT WITH 
GESTURES]....five 
of us. Sorry, six
including me.  We...hello?  Yes.  Are you sure?  Ten hours?  
Well...yes, I suppose so.  Well,
try to hurry.  Yes....thank you.  Thank you.  
Allright.  Goodbye.
[HE PUSHES A BUTTON AND
RETRACTS THE ANTENNA OF THE PHONE]

NEIMAN: What did they say?

O'MALLEY: It will be at least
ten hours before they can get plows out here 
and send rescue crews.  I told her that the power
is out but she said there 
was nothing she could do.

NEIMAN: Ten hours?  

O'MALLEY: She said
that we should try to get the power back on.

LEIGHTON [hesitantly]: Excuse me...

NEIMAN: Did
you tell her that we can't get to the power controls from 
the east wing?

LEIGHTON [louder this
time]: Excuse me, sir, do you mind if I use your phone?  
My director is going to freak when he
finds out I'm not at the studio.

KAPOWSKI: Wait...I'm sorry, you must get sick of this,
but...are you..

LEIGHTON [flashing a tired smile]: Yeah, Jackie Leighton.  That's okay, I 
like
meeting fans.  Did you see the movie?

KAPOWSKI: Oh, no actually, I meant to but my mom said I
didn't need to 
waste my money and my brain seeing violent trash like that.

LEIGHTON [her face
falling] : Oh.  My agent said that the target audience 
responded very well to the movie.

NEIM
AN: I thought you looked familiar.  You're that girl from that horror
movie, aren't you?  
LEIGHTON: Yes.  I played Kelli, the heroine.  You wanna know a secret, sheÍs 
gonna die in the
sequel.

KREMLIN [who has been listening with amusement]: I'm crushed.
[HE LIGHTS UP A CIGARETTE
- NOTE:THERE WILL BE NO FURTHER DIRECTIONS ON THE
SMOKING ACTIONS BUT IT WILL BE ASSUMED THAT HE
CONTINUES WHEN SUITABLE.]

NEIMAN: Oh, excuse me young man, but there is a no-smoking policy in
the 
museum at all times.

[KREMLIN TAKES A DRAG AND CASUALLY BLOWS THE SMOKE IN HER 
DIRECTION]
KREMLIN: Do you own the museum?

NEIMAN: I'm the primary curator, but no, I'm not the manager.
KREMLIN: Then if you don't tell the manager about the smoking, I'll make 
sure he doesn't hear
about how you said that Da Vinci popularized post-modern 
art in the tour today.

NEIMAN: Did I?
I'm sorry, I get all those terms mixed up. Do you know how 
hard it is to memorize a two-minute
speech on every painting in the museum?

KREMLIN: I don't know about speeches, but I know the
difference between Mona 
Lisa and Marilyn Monroe.

[WASHINGTON ENTERS THE ROOM]

WASHINGTON: I
couldn't open the gates to the rest of the museum, and the 
doors are still snowed shut.  And
there's two or three benches left - you 
all got to help me get them out here if you want more
firewood.

O'MALLEY: I'll help you, Mr....I apologize, I don't recall your name.

WASHINGTON: 
I'm Washington.

O'MALLEY: Is that your first or your last name?

WASHINGTON: Both.  Washington
Washington.  My folks got a little carried 
away with being patriots and all.  You're Harold
O'Malley, right?

O'MALLEY: Oh, yes. I...I forgot for a moment that people know who I am 
before
I meet them.

WASHINGTON: I saw you on the TV.  You that rich guy, the one that makes 
those fancy computers.  
O'MALLEY: Chromium PC Processors, yes.

WASHINGTON: You the one lost all that money when the
stock market went down, 
right?

O'MALLEY:  Well, the market went back up the next week and the
net gain was 
actually quite a bit.  I guess they don't talk about that in the news.
WASHINGTON: I dunno, I mostly just get my news from watching the Tonight Show.

[KREMLIN CRACKS
UP AT THIS, AND O'MALLEY LOOKS SLIGHTLY AMUSED.  WASHINGTON 
REALIZES THAT HE'S THE BUTT OF THE
JOKE AND GROWS QUIET.]

LEIGHTON [to O'Malley]: I'm sorry, you never told me whether I could use 
your phone.

O'MALLEY: Oh.  I'm sorry, but I'm trying not to use up the batteries.  We 
don't kn
ow how long we could be here.

LEIGHTON: Well...if the director decides to use Neve Campbell in
the sequel 
instead of me, I'm blaming you.

O'MALLEY[after a pause]: I believe I'll help Mr.
Washington carry in those 
benches.
 
[THE TWO MEN LEAVE THE ROOM AND THERE IS A SILENCE]
KAPOWSKI [quietly]: What happens after we burn the benches?

KREMLIN: Um, you're going to have to speak up, hon.  What was that you were 
saying, something
about henchmen?

KAPOWSKI: I said, what happens when we've burned the benches?  It's freezing 
in here, and we'll never survive ten hours without heat.  

NEIMAN: She's right about that. 
During Winter break, the University closes 
the galleries, and we had to shut off all the
electricity and heat. When I 
came back in on the first day of January, it had gotten to 20
below zero.  
This place is like a giant freezer. 

LEIGHTON: Didn't that Washington guy go ch
eck about turning on some 
alternate power generator?

NEIMAN: The controls are in the basement,
and we can't get to the basement 
from this part of the gallery.  I told the guards to lock up
all the gates 
because we were going to try to close up and  get out of here before the 
storm
started.  How could I be so stupid?  God, this is all my fault.

KREMLIN: Well, I don't know
about you guys, but Travis Kremlin could use something
to eat. [RUMMAGING THROUGH HIS BACKPACK]
There's enough for all of us if we share.
You, the museum chick. Dry Ramen noodles, tuna
sandwich, cereal, or spam?

NEIMAN [TURNING RATHER PALE]: I'm not hungry.

KREMLIN: What about
you, Sunday school girl?

KAPOWSKI: Me?

KREMLIN: Sure. What's your pick?

KAPOWSKI: If you
didn't want it, I'll take the sandwich...

KREMLIN [TOSSING IT TO HER]: Knock yourself out.
LEIGHTON: I'll take the noodles if you don't mind.

KREMLIN: You sure? We don't have any hot water.

LEIGHTON [SMILING AS SHE TAKES THE PACKAGE]: I
had to live on three bucks an hour
waitressing when I started out in Hollywood; I learned a few
tricks about eating
fast and cheap.  Look, you smash up the noodles [SHE DOES SO AS SHE SPEAKS]
and then
sprinkle the seasoning on them.  Tastier than cooked. [SHE TAKES A HANDFUL AND 
EATS
IT,
SMILING AS IF TO PROVE HER POINT].

KAPOWSKI [OBLIVIOUS]:  My mom is going to be worried.  We're having the 
Chesterfields 
to
dinner tonight.  I guess they're snowed in with my parents now.  

KREMLIN: Hey, Missy.  Yeah,
you.  What are you mumbling about now?

KAPOWSKI: Why should I try to explain?  You obviously 
wouldn't care.

KREMLIN: No, I probably won't care, but now I'm just more curious.

KAPOWSKI:
The....the Chesterfields.  My boyfriend's family.  They're having 
dinner with my parents
tonight, and my father was trying to merge his business 
with Craig's father.  It was important,
and they're going to be upset that 
I'm not there.  That's....that's what I was saying.
KREMLIN: You've got a pretty big vocabulary.  How old are you, fourteen, fifteen 
tops I'd say.
KAPOWSKI: I just turned sixteen.  I .....I'm a senior, I skipped two grades.

KREMLIN: Well,
kiss my grits.  What'd you invent?

KAPOWSKI: I passed a test when I was eight, and the
counselor decided I was 
too advanced for third grade so they moved me up to fifth.  It was
pretty bad 
at first but my parents didn't want me to get too bored.

KREMLIN: But honey, being 
bored is what school is all about, doncha know.  
What, are you planning to be an astrophysicist
or something?

KAPOWSKI: As a matter of fact, I'm going to take over my dad's business when 
he
retires.

KREMLIN: Hell, darling, you don't need a school experience at all then, much 
less a
thrilling one.  Why don't you drop out and let him teach you what you 
need to know?

KAPOWSKI:
I don't need to be having this conversation, okay?  I go to school 
and I take my tests and I
get my A's and if that makes my parents happy, then 
what's wrong with that?  Maybe I won't end
up in business, maybe I'll do law 
or..or medicine, or maybe I'll do what I want and make
movies....

KREMLIN: A HA!! You want to be a moviemaker!  That's all I wanted was an 
honest
answer, you can stop fuming now.

LEIGHTON:  Hey, you want to do movies?  I'm sorry, what is
your name?  In 
fact, why don't we all share our names?  This will be fun, getting to know 
new
people!  That's what life is all about, meeting interesting people.

KREMLIN: Well, aren't we
enlightened.

KAPOWSKI [to Leighton]: I'm Kathleen Kapowski.  And you're Jackie Leighton.
NEIMAN [offers her hand to Leighton]: I'm Susanne Neiman, the curator here 
at the gallery.  How
are you, Miss Leighton?  On behalf of the gallery I 
must say I'm delighted to have such a
famous actress here in our museum.  
What brings you here?

LEIGHTON: Actually, I just ran in
here out of the storm. I was getting 
my hair cut, I... I come to small towns to get things done
to avoid the 
paparazzi.  

NEIMAN: Oh, well...it's nice that you chose to come to Springerville.

KREMLIN: Funny, I
suddenly feel so insignificant.

LEIGHTON: You, the young man who likes to talk, what is your
name?

KREMLIN: Wow, a private conversation with you.  Wait till I tell my pals 
in the locker
room.  I'm Travis.

LEIGHTON: Do you have a last name, or is it Travis Travis?

KREMLIN: Ooh,
clever.  It's Kremlin, as in that Russian place you've been 
hearing so much about.  

LEIGHTON:
Well, Travis Kremlin, let me be the first to say that being 
cynical will not help any
situation, okay?  And where the HELL are those 
guys with the benches?

NEIMAN [looking in the
direction the men originally left]:  As a matter 
of fact, I think I see them now.  Yes, here
they come.  I think they're arguing.

KREMLIN: I can't be sure, but I think Washington just told
O'Malley that 
his computers suck.

[NEIMAN GIGGLES A  LITTLE.  WASHINGTON AND O'MALLEY ENTER
THE ROOM, 
CARRYING BENCHES AND ARGUING HEATEDLY]

WASHINGTON: I'm telling  you man, the only
way we are going to survive 
is if we start burning them.  We got maybe two hours worth of wood 
here, if we're lucky.

O'MALLEY [angry]: I'll sooner sacrifice our six lives than destroy
something as 
immortal as art, sir.  If only you would see what a noble act this is that 
we
must perform.

WASHINGTON: Well you can kiss my noble ass before I spend five minutes in 
this
frigid hellhole without a fire, man!

NEIMAN [Trying to intervene]: Please, gentlemen!  This
behavior is quite 
unbecoming and it seems rather unnecessary.  Mr. Washington, please sit 
down.  Mr. O'Malley, if you could explain the situation to us?

O'MALLEY [Moving towards the
fireplace]: It's quite simple.  There is only 
enough wood to last us for another hour or two. 
Washington here insists that 
after that we have to start burning paintings.  I realize that our
only 
chance of....of survival is to do so, but...[ANGRIER] well, honestly, nobody 
here agrees
with him, do they?  I mean, we can't just go around using 
priceless works of art as kindling.
WASHINGTON: Like hell we can't. You know, I hear human bodies burn pretty 
good too.

NEIMAN:
Mr. Washington, please! Burn the paintings?  There must be an 
alternative.

KAPOWSKI: I agree
with Miss Neiman.  I wouldn't be able to burn any of the 
paintings here.  We're in the hall of
masters, for god's sake...everything 
in this room is a classic.  Would any of you like to see
that Picasso go up 
in flames?

KREMLIN: I think Picasso would have burned it if it meant the
difference 
between life and death.  

LEIGHTON: Well, does anybody want to know what I think?
KREMLIN: Why not?  Might be entertaining.

LEIGHTON [oblivious to his sarcasm]: Well, like, art
is supposed to be 
artifacts of human life, right?  But our surviving would be the continuation 
of human life, which is what made the art exist anyway.  I mean, one of us 
may go on to create
the most brilliant relic in the history of mankind.  

KREMLIN: Okay, hon, I think we all kind
of knew that already.

KAPOWSKI: Jesus, Travis, why do you have to be such a jerk to everyone? 
Just 
because you're a failure...

KREMLIN: Okay, I am not even getting into this with you right
now.  I'm a 
failure.  What's this, huh? [HE GRABS THE NECKLACE SHE IS WEARING, 
PULLING 
HER
NECK FORWARD HARSHLY]  Did you work for this?  No, I'll bet it was a 
present, wasn't it?
KAPOWSKI: Stop it...

KREMLIN:  I'll bet you got this for good grades, right?  As long as your 
parents are happy....isn't that what you said?  You got this by NOT doing 
what you wanted to
and NOT achieving your own goals, the ones you don't tell 
your parents about.  I'm the failure. 
Oh, that's rich.

NEIMAN:  Kids, please.  All right?  This isn't the time.  We're trying to make 
a decision here.

KREMLIN: It's hardly a decision at all.  Burn the friggin paintings.
LEIGHTON: Now, wait, we haven't let Washington tell us his side.

WASHINGTON: Thank you, Miss
Leighton. I...I just know that people don't make 
sacrifices like this of their own free will. 
We need to survive cause that's 
all there is of life as we know it.  What if we do save the
pictures and die 
here overnight?  We'll never know how the world reacted to it.  We'll be dead 
and never know anything of mankind again.  Nobody'd probably ever notice it.  
They'd say, oh
that's sweet, and never think about the art again.  It ain't that 
big of a difference ONE WAY
or ANOTHER.

KREMLIN: Oh, what the hell does it matter anyway?  In a hundred years, 
every
single person on this planet right now is going to be dead, and a 
hundred years ago there were
just as many people that are all dead now.  
Nothing any of us does makes ANY difference at all
except to distract us 
from realizing how fucking meaningless it is.

O'MALLEY: Kid, just be
quiet for a minute, you're going to make us all depressed.

KREMLIN: Well, good, maybe then
we'll have something in common.

NEIMAN:  I for one am not going to let anyone NEAR these
paintings.  These cost 
us more than any of you could imagine, and not even Mr. O'Malley has the
money 
to replace them.

KREMLIN: Money.  How much would it cost to settle all the lawsuits
you're gonna 
get if six people die in this deathtrap of a museum you've got here?

O'MALLEY:
This has nothing to do with her.

WASHINGTON: Lady, if you don't want to burn the paintings, why
don't you tell 
us what to burn, allright?  Cause I'm open to suggestions here.

NEIMAN: 
Well...how about some of our clothes?  A lot of us have heavy coats 
that we could use for fuel.
KAPOWSKI [still quiet]:  Most of the clothes we're wearing are made of synthetics 
- they'd
flare up and then shrivel in a few seconds, and the fumes are toxic.

O'MALLEY:  Also, we'll
want the warmth once it gets colder.  That reminds me, 
put one of the benches on the fire,
Washington, it's almost gone out.

[WASHINGTON COMPLIES AS THE REST CONTINUE TALKING-EVERYONE
EXCEPT KAPOWSKI AND 
KREMLIN FADE THEIR VOICES AND TALK AMONGST THEMSELVES AS THE 
TWO KIDS
CONVERSE]

KREMLIN: So I take it that's your BMW out front.

KAPOWSKI [sharply]: How did you
know that?

KREMLIN: Well, I didn't think it belonged to Washington over there, and Ginger and
Thurston
Howell over there both came in limos.  Process of elimination.

KAPOWSKI: It...it was a sweet
sixteen gift.

KREMLIN: Gee, that's great.  I got a scarf, but hey.

KAPOWSKI [quietly]: I've
seen you around.

KREMLIN: Is that so?

KAPOWSKI: I heard you got arrested for an anarchy rally.
KREMLIN [laughing slightly]: Oh yeah. I'd forgotten about that.  Reminds me,
I was supposed to
join the guards for a poker game once I got out.  Prison was
fun, I'd recommend it to anyone who
needs a break from paying their bills.

KAPOWSKI: Doesn't it bother you that you don't fit in?  
KREMLIN:  How do you know I don't fit in?  Maybe I just need to find the right
place to be.  I
think I would find the company at the sanitarium quite compatible.
But, hold on, let me ask you
something.  Are you really willing to die for these
paintings?  Don't you find life even the
least bit rewarding?

KAPOWSKI: Well, I do want to survive.  I am just starting to understand life, 
and religion,
and I guess I don't want to leave it yet.

KREMLIN:  You understand religion.

KAPOWSKI:  I
thought about it a lot, and I read the bible, and I realized what 
it all means.  It's changed
my life, and it's made me think.  What can you find 
wrong with that?

KREMLIN: Did you read the
Dharma, and the Talmud, and the Koran, and the Tao 
Te Ching?  Or did you let your parents
brainwash you about their God? And on a  
related note, what in sam hill is this ugly-ass thing
around your wrist?

KAPOWSKI:  It's a What Would Jesus Do bracelet.

KREMLIN: Uh huh.  What
WOULD Jesus do?  I'll tell you one thing, Jesus wouldn't 
blow five bucks on a nylon bracelet
that says What Would Jesus Do. The 
commercialized, pre-packaged philosophy of our modern
society: it will save us all.

KAPOWSKI:  Why do you argue with everything that's presented to
you?

KREMLIN: Because what's presented to me doesn't entirely convince me of its own 
worth. 
Just like this art.  It's not life, okay, it's not real.  Go out at 
night and look at the stars
and look at the trees and smell the wind coming 
from Africa, allright, that's real.  Art is
just colorful toothpaste in a 
pattern that makes us smile.

KAPOWSKI [jokingly]: That's SOOOO
deep.

KREMLIN: It's the truth, I'm telling you.  I mean, I see the point that the only
things
that really matter are ideas once you're dead, and how you left them behind,
and I do see how
insignificant 6 people are.  I mean, I don't even believe in
curing diseases.  

KAPOWSKI:
You...don't believe in curing diseases?

KREMLIN: Hell, no.  Nature's way of thinning out the
herd.  I mean, we cured cholera
and small pox, and look what happened....nature had to come up
with AIDS as a
replacement.  People think they can overcome nature, but what would happen if we
cured cancer and AIDS and all the other shit we got out there, and nothing sprang
up to replace
them?  The earth would overpopulate, we'd all die of starvation,
it'd be Malthus' theory all
over again.  So I see the irony in making such a big
deal about six people dying here.  But I
don't think a few paintings are as worthy
an opponent as, say, lung cancer.  Come on, I feel
like I'm doing all the talking
here.  Don't you have an opinion?

KAPOWSKI: I used to have
opinions, but I found out that they only got me in 
trouble.

KREMLIN: You know, that might be
the smartest thing you've said all night.

[ATTENTION SHIFTS TO WASHINGTON AND NEIMAN. THEY TALK
LESS HEATEDLY, MORE 
TIRED AND CONVERSATIONAL.]
NEIMAN:  Do you know that Vincent Van Gogh died because he was so committed 
to his art that he
wouldn't spend even the money to buy eating utensils, and 
he had to use a paintbrush to eat
with. He died of poisoning because of it.  
There is a certain amount of respect that we must
show to the efforts of these 
men's careers.

WASHINGTON: What about my career?  What about my
wife Mariah, and my daughter 
Geena?  Today Geena came home from school crying because a girl
had called her 
ugly, and I told her that she was beautiful.  She didn't believe me, so finally 
I promised I'd take her to the beauty parlor and get her a new haircut.  God, 
she was so cute. 
What if I never get to take her?  What if I never see her 
again?  God, I might die here in this
place.  I can't do it, man.  

NEIMAN:  I don't have family.  I have a boyfriend, but we're
separated.  He 
said he needed time to think about things.  I knew that he had been screwing 
around with a girl in his office, but did I say anything?  No.  I couldn't 
lose him.  I don't
have family. My parents are dead, I don't have any real 
friends.  All I have is this museum,
it's all that keeps me sane.  

WASHINGTON:  Did you ever think of moving away, starting over in
the city or 
something?

NEIMAN:  Nah. It's not my style.  I wouldn't be able to do it. 
WASHINGTON:  Anything is possible, ma'am.  You could still do anything you 
wanted with your
life.

NEIMAN:  Well, to a point, I suppose.

WASHINGTON:  Ain't no point neither.  Fucking
anything....excuse me, anything 
is possible as long as you're willing to accept the
consequences.  Hell, you 
could fly if you wanted to, just jump off the Sears Tower, just have 
to accept 
the consequences of turning into a human puddle when you land.

NEIMAN [laughs a
little]: I suppose you're right. You certainly have a way with 
words, Mr. Washington.
WASHINGTON:  You can just call me Washington. 

NEIMAN: And you can call me Susie if you'd like.
..I've always been Susanne, but 
a nickname seems like a fun thing to have.

WASHINGTON:  Well,
Miss Susie, you've got one now.

NEIMAN: But seriously, I don't know why it is that I can't
settle into a good
life, one that I'm happy in.  As much as I say I want things, I guess I never
have the guts to
really go out and get them.  That's part of the allure that
art had for me.  I saw heroes and
tragic heroes, happiness and dancing and
loss....the paintings are living a better life than me
in here.  I tried to
balance out each room with equal parts of sorrow and joy and light and
dark,
so each room was like a little life....like a person.  Each one has a personality
all its
own when you look at the experiences and emotions in it.

WASHINGTON [softly, looking around at
the walls]: That's beautiful.  If only
they could speak, right?

NEIMAN: Oh, but they do...
[CONVERSATION SWITCHES TO O'MALLEY AND LEIGHTON]

LEIGHTON: Don't you just hate the way complete
strangers think they know you 
just because they read some interview in Entertainment Weekly?
O'MALLEY:  Well, for me it would be more like the Wall Street Journal, but, yes, 
I know just
what you mean.  Women write and propose to me a lot, insisting it's not 
just because of the
money but because "I seem like such a nice guy".  I usually 
send them a coupon to one of my
stores and they're just happy because I signed the 
letter.

LEIGHTON:  Autographs. Don't I know it.  It's so nice to meet someone who 
understands what a
pain it is to be famous.

O'MALLEY: At least we know we're assured of a place in history.  It's
the only 
immortality in this millenium.  People have lost all illusions about heroes 
needing
to actually be heroic.  A nice face and some cash is like a ticket to 
Olympus.

LEIGHTON: 
Mmmm.....it's my birthday today.

O'MALLEY:  Oh, many happy returns of the day!  Pity you had to
spend this one 
in here...

LEIGHTON:  It was actually a pretty lousy birthday.  The only
presents I got 
were gift certificates.

O'MALLEY:  Is that a bad thing?

LEIGHTON:  They just
seem like a polite way of saying, "Get your own damn 
present".

O'MALLEY:  I never thought of
it that way.

LEIGHTON:  That's funny, what you said about "many happy returns of the day".  
Because, if it's up to you, we're all going to die tonight.

O'MALLEY:  Yes, well....I hadn't
thought about that.  I suppose you won't have 
another birthday.  You won't really see another d
ay.  How old are you now?

LEIGHTON:  Twenty-three.

O'MALLEY [quietly]: You're just a child.
LEIGHTON: Child.  Well, if a child had done the things I've done I would think 
it was possessed
by Satan.

O'MALLEY:  Come now, you can't have lost  your innocence this early.

LEIGHTON: Inno-what? 
Honestly, you would go pale to hear the things I've had 
to go through to get this high up in
the Hollywood food chain.

O'MALLEY:  The casting couch, ey?

LEIGHTON:  Of course.  Starlet,
harlot...not much of a difference anymore.  
Name any young actress, or, for that matter, actor,
and I'll tell you at least 
5 directors they've slept with.

O'MALLEY:  I don't think I would
have the tenacity for the business.  

LEIGHTON:  Fame...I'm gonna live forever.

[CONVERSATION
OPENS UP TO THE FULL ROOM AGAIN]

O'MALLEY: I'll put the other bench on the fire...it's dying
down again.
[HE STANDS AND DOES SO]

KAPOWSKI: Doesn't it bother anyone else that in 24 hours w
e'll all be dead?  

KREMLIN:  24 hours, 100 years....

KAPOWSKI:  We'll never see the sun
again, never see other people or buildings 
or animals.  I'll never do so many things.  I won't
get to turn in the report 
I worked so hard on, and I'll never go to college...

NEIMAN [
kindly]: You're not the only one with dreams in jars, dear.  We all have 
things we never got
around to.  I suppose you never had a fair shot, though.

WASHINGTON:  My baby girl is going to
have a recital on Friday.  I promised 
I'd go.  God DAMN.

LEIGHTON:  I wonder how they'd finish
the movie without me.  Maybe they'd 
dedicate it to me.  Maybe I'd get my own Dateline Special.  
KREMLIN: As long as we're all wallowing in this pit of self-pity, I'll just 
throw myself in the
mix.  The truth is that I, yes, even I, will  be leaving 
behind grievers for my funeral.  I
have a girlfriend, Nicole, who lives in 
Canada.  She's supposed to be coming down here for the
weekend to see me.  
I was...[HE SORT OF LAUGHS]...I was supposed to pick her up at the airport
an 
hour ago.  

O'MALLEY:  The poor girl.  Do you love her?

KREMLIN:  Well, yes. She's a great
girl.  She's a Picasso, and I guess IÍm 
sort of a Warhol, and we just always seemed to hang on
the same wall.

KAPOWSKI [very quietly]:  I tried to kill myself once.

NEIMAN:  Gracious. 
Whatever for, darling?

KAPOWSKI:  Well, it wasn't that I was very sad.  I was really just
fascinated 
with the idea.  I thought I understood life, but I guess I was really just 
shocked
and amazed with the newness of the idea of death, and I took that as 
understanding it all.  I
had been sitting in my room at night in my underwear, 
and I wondered whether they would cover
me up when they took the crime photos.  
I thought all the things we've been talking about now, about how weird it 
would be if I would
be just a dead body by that time the next day.  I felt 
bad, though, when I thought about what
would happen in the morning...how my 
mom would come in my room to wake me up for school, and wh
en I wouldn't talk 
she would come up and tap me, and feel that I was cold, and how she would 
gradually realize that I wasn't just asleep....and I knew that she wouldn't 
be able to take it. 
And I thought about the things I wanted to try before I 
died, like smoke a cigarette and try
LSD, and have passionate sex with a boy 
that I loved, and swim in the ocean and walk in the
jungles.  And I realized 
that I didn't want to die, but to be immortal.  Somehow I thought that
trying 
out death first would earn me the right to be immortal because I had never had 
the
chance to sin yet.  But I don't even know if I believe that anymore....

[THE ROOM IS SILENT FOR
A MOMENT]

LEIGHTON: I've thought a lot about immortality.  I even got a tattoo...
[SHE PULLS
HER SHIRT UP A BIT, EXPOSING A  SMALL TATTOO ON HER BELLY.]  
It's a peacock, which means
eternity, and immortality.  You see the words there?  
Tempus Erat...Time is fleeting.  I guess
that was to put it in perspective, to 
contrast it.  To remind myself that nothing lasts
forever.  I actually got it 
when I came out of rehab, to keep myself off the coke because I
didn't have the 
life to waste on it.  And look what the rehabilitated lifestyle has brought
me...
[SHE LAUGHS COLDLY].  Now instead of sleeping with my dealer, I'm sleeping with 
every
big-time Hollywood fuck that has a degree from NYU; well what a huge 
difference.  I'm living
the American fucking dream.  
I mean, before at least I had my deep thoughts.  I knew what I
wanted 
from life.  I never needed a new nose to know who I was.  I never needed...
these. [SHE
GESTURES TOWARDS HER CHEST].  You were 
right, Kathleen, the movie was a piece of crap; I knew
that but I didn't let 
myself think about it.  Kathleen, please, don't let people tell you what
you 
want to do with your life.  You said you wanted to make movies?  We need more 
of you in
the industry, more kids who know what they're talking about and aren't 
afraid to be real. 
Never be afraid, and never give in because it will make 
other people happy.  There just isn't
time....nothing lasts forever.

[THERE IS ANOTHER PAUSE]

NEIMAN:  It's kind of like the end of
the world....like I used to think the 
year 2000 would be.  It's funny, New Years Eve is in,
what, two weeks?  And 
we might never see it.  Wouldn't it be funny if the world really did end,
right 
then as the little ball is falling in Times Square?  Maybe an asteroid will land 
right
on Dick Clark's head and shut him up for once.  

WASHINGTON: I don't know, man, I don't know.

O'MALLEY: Our company has been making so many plans to beat the Y2K bug.  We 
never
took into
account that there might not be a Y2K to speak of.

KREMLIN: You see why this seems so strange
to you, don't you?  It's the same way
that quality over quantity will never be the natural ch
oice.  The better something
is, the longer you want to have it.  You can never be satisfied with
something 
that's amazing but temporary, like a one-night stand with the love of your life
or
being able to spend just an hour with someone you loved who died.  It's never
enough, because we
just can't be convinced that nothing lasts forever.  And once
again this brings us to the art,
because art is a preservation of all those things
that shouldn't last too long.  They're
snapshots of the five minutes in heaven
that you forgot to bring your camera to.  

LEIGHTON: 
That's all well and good, Travis, but it doesn't change the fact that 
nobody on earth is ready for the world to end, and it would be a tremendous tragedy.
The end of
the world....well, there's six of us here, that's a fraction of mankind.  
We'll have our own
little end of the world right here, won't we?  Unless.....

O'MALLEY: Unless we burn the paint
ings.

WASHINGTON:  I don't know, man, all this talk about immortality is messing with 
my mind,
now I ain't so sure.

KAPOWSKI [quietly]: I'm sorry, the bathroom's there, right?  I'll be right
back. 
[SHE HURRIES OFFSTAGE]

NEIMAN:  You know, I don't really care.  Screw the paintings. 
Screw the museum.  
Maybe I'll move out to the city, get a little apartment over a Chinese
restaurant, 
and start painting pictures of my own.

KREMLIN: Well, good for you.  I think you
understand art more than you're
supposed to.  I had thought you just memorized the little cards
at first...I
guess when you started to really love art, it just became clear to you.  

NEIMAN:
I...thank you. That means a lot to me. Why is it that you guys, teenagers
I mean, always turn
out to be the smartest? I guess it's because you're so young,
and just discovering your place in
the world...once we get older, we lose sight of
that eagerness to understand it all. We get mad
at you for acting stupid sometimes,
because we forget that you haven't had the experience in
knowing what really works
in life, as opposed to the stuff that makes sense when you're
seventeen.  You'll
find out, and you have time.  You have the whole world.  You and Kathleen,
you're 
the millenium generation.  You own it....but we've lent you the keys to a lemon.  
WASHINGTON [quietly at first]: Well, I'll tell you something, I'm not going to 
sit back and let
these kids die.  None of us is going to die here, tonight.  
These paintings...[HE GESTURES TO
THE ROOM AROUND THEM], so they've been looked 
at by 3 billion eyes, so they're called brilliant
pieces of art, so WHAT?  

O'MALLEY: I'll tell you so what.  The artists who made these
paintings had 
something to say about life.  They communicated it, and the art they created 
means something.

WASHINGTON: Well, these kids have some pretty damn good things to say about
life 
too.  Who says Claude Monet was any better than Travis Kremlin, or, or Kathleen...
whatever.  This Travis is a real smart kid, and he doesn't need to have his ideas 
hanging in
the Louvre to know what they are.  

KREMLIN: Well, I don't know about that, but my head is
getting dangerously big.

NEIMAN:  What are you saying, Harold, that your opinions only matter
if you're
famous?  That your art is no good if nobody sees it?  That's bullshit and you 
know
it.

O'MALLEY: I'm not saying that the artists' opinions only matter because they're
famous, I'm
saying that they're famous because what they said meant something.

WASHINGTON: Yeah, man, we
see that, but you don't see what we're saying.  

LEIGHTON: Right, we're not saying that Manet
and VanGogh are famous for no reason,
we're saying that JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE FAMOUS doesn't mean
that their ideas are
any better than those of some bum on the street who watches the world, sees
it all,
and never says a word.

O'MALLEY: That's absurd.  Your existence only means something if
other people know
about it.  What good is it to do anything if you're the only one who knows it?

NEIMAN: Listen, Harold, I like these paintings.  I love these paintings. These
works of art are
the only thing right now that give my life meaning.  But paintings
are not the only thing in
life.  Life encompasses all of it, and once you get out
of the car that's IT for all of it.  Are
you willing to give up the entire world
right now just to save a few ideas on canvas?

LEIGHTON: 
Susanne's right.  We can't die here. 

NEIMAN: I know I'm right.  And you would all be lying if
you said any different.  
I feel...I feel like I know you all enough now to know that we all
want the same
thing.  We all want immortality. But none of us has the balls to do it ourselves.
And so we see it in art, we see how the things that these artists saw and understood
while they
were still alive were saved from being lost forever in the dumpster of
history, because they
made themselves immortal by putting it down on canvas.  This
art is what succeeded where we all
failed.  And we all did fail even if we deny it.
Miss Leighton, no offense, but your career is
hinged on who you can get in the sack
on any given day, and it's not even what you want. 
Harold, you try to buy your way
into the ages, but you know that you're just a catch phrase of
the month until the
public finds some other rich sucker to worship.  Kathleen tried to kill
herself, but
did she have the guts to do it?  I guess I tried to get my salvation by osmosis
working here.  Travis...well, nothing ventured, nothing lost, I suppose.  He
wants his ideas to
matter, even if he says otherwise.  But he hasn't made his 
attempts yet, because the time
hasn't been right.  But it will be right someday, and
I think he'll put us all to shame, I real
ly do. 

KREMLIN: But....the bitch of it is that none of it is real. Immortality in any 
form is
an illusion.  The very fact that these paintings can be burned is proof of 
that.  We all want
immortality, but the thing is that nobody's ever going to find
it.  Ten hours, a hundred y
ears...it's always the same goal, always the same damn
question over and over.  All we've got
for sure is a planet to put our feet on and
a hell of a lot of entertainment material while
we're here.  It's short, it's sweet,
and you had to be there.

[THERE IS A PAUSE]

O'MALLEY 
[sullenly]: It's never quite a black-and-white issue, is it?

LEIGHTON: It's the millenium,
baby, it's all shades of gray.

[THERE IS A SILENCE OF ABOUT FIVE SECONDS]

NEIMAN: Well, I hate
to rush the topic, but we have to all agree now if we're going to, 
because that fire is down to
its last ashes there.  The room is already getting cold.  
I don't know about the rest of you,
but I don't feel like dying here tonight. 

O'MALLEY: So I suppose itÍs now or never.

[THEY
WATCH THE DWINDLING FIRE]

KREMLIN:  What do you think, Van Gogh or Monet first?

NEIMAN
[quietly, looking away]: Monet.  We have more of those.

[KREMLIN STANDS UP, SLOWLY, EVER SO SLOWLY MOVES TOWARDS THE 
WALL WHERE HE GINGERLY 
REMOVES A
PAINTING IN ITS FRAME.  IT IS ONE OF THE WATER LILY PAINTINGS, AN 
ACHINGLY 
BEAUTIFUL PIECE.  HE
LOOKS AT IT FOR A FEW MOMENTS, THEN AT THE PEOPLE IN THE ROOM, 
THEN AT THE FIRE. SUDDENLY IT
SEEMS AS IF HE'S REMEMBERED SOMETHING.  HE LOOKS 
AROUND THE ROOM QUICKLY.]

KREMLIN: Where's
Kathleen?

LEIGHTON [looking towards the side of the stage Kathleen had exited to]:  She said 
she was going to the bathroom.  She's been in there for a while.  I'll check on her.
[SHE
DISAPPEARS IN THE SAME DIRECTION.  WHILE SHE'S GONE, THE REST OF 
THE GROUP 
FIDGETS QUIETLY.]  
[HER VOICE COMES FROM OFFSTAGE]  
Oh, Jesus, somebody come help me!!!

[THE COMPANY FREEZES,
PANICKED EXPRESSIONS.  KREMLIN runs offstage.  HE AND 
LEIGHTON RETURN CARRYING THE LIMP,
UNCONSCIOUS KAPOWSKI]

O'MALLEY: My God, what happened?

LEIGHTON [panicky]: I think she
swallowed pills. There was an empty bottle, 
some prescription drug.  She was unconscious on the
floor there...oh, God, 
she's not breathing.

WASHINGTON: Oh Lord, oh Lord.  What are we gonna
do?

KREMLIN: Wait...there's a pulse.  I think she is breathing.  We need to warm 
her up...put
the damn painting in the fire, somebody.  This isn't a joke.

[O'MALLEY STANDS SLOWLY, PICKS UP
THE PAINTING WHICH KREMLIN HAD DROPPED ON THE
FLOOR EARLIER.  HE HESITATES, AND THE ROOM
HESITATES WITH HIM. HE HOLDS THE 
PAINTING IN HIS HANDS, LOOKS AT THE GIRL AND THEN AGAIN AT THE
PAINTING AS THE 
LIGHTS DIM TO BLACK.]