I had been drafted by the Red Wings after beating Brendan Shanahan in a game of hockey. How I got to play this game- he was playing with a bunch of local kids and they needed an extra player so I volunteered. Also, he was playing goalie for some odd frinky dink reason. Afterwards, he suggested me to their drafting people.
It was the night that they were going to introduce me to everybody in front of the arena. Since my jersey hadn't been made yet, I had to wear Larionov's because he was out of the country on vacation. They called each player out
onto the ice and they all skated out there.
"And the newest addition to the Red Wings and the NHL, LeAnna!" (The announcer actually forgot my last name) People cheer and I skate out there all embarassed. And take my place in the line. Then we all skate in to meet in the locker room. I get stopped by these reporter people on the way there. They ask like, "What's it like to be the first female member of the NHL?" and "Are you at all intimidated by the men you're up against?" So after answering all that crap, I'm still in my ice skates walking down the hall when I realize I don't know where the heck the locker room is! I start wandering around and I stop at a merchandise place where they sell stuff to the fans and I ask, "Um do you know where the locker room is? I need to be there for pregame- I mean I don't know if they want me in there now because it's the guys room but I need to be there to see the coach"
Of course they look at me like I'm an idiot and just say they don't know. Here I am, this girl all decked out in hockey gear and a Larionov jersey claiming to be the new rookie :P
So I wander down an empty hall and run into Lisa Simpson (the cartoon character) and she has this little bald midget on a leash that thinks it's dog. it growls and shows some missing teeth and it has an EXTREMELY msishaped head! She says, "Get her Hannibal! Remember, your my favorite book character!" (Silence of the Lambs and I know you're beginning to think I smoked crack before I went to bed).
It leaps for me and now I'm running for my life from this little bald weirdo and a cartoon character- in hockey skates!- until I finally find the locker room and slam the door behind me. I'm gasping for breath and I sit down quietly. Scotty Bowman hasn't noticed I was even gone. Then he says, "And if she's as good as I've heard, we're going to win against the Avalanche tonight!"
Everyone looks at me. I shrink down. This sucks. I didn't know we were playing them tonight! The Avalanche guys are HUGE! They're beasts! They're like roaches on steroids!!! And I'm this little 5'3" 112 lb weakling who can just skate good and could happen to handle a puck well (only in my dream, people.). What am I going to do, bite their ankles?! I'm as good as dead if I set foot out there in the ice.
We all stand up and troop down the hall to the rink. Everyone wishes me luck. Luck? LUCK?! I'm going to need a frickin' miracle to survive this night! I sit down in the players box and watch the game, twiddling my stick between my hands. It's now the 3rd period and they've already beaten a couple of our guys to bloody pulps. My chances of getting out their on the ice are getting smaller and I'm loving every minute of it. About 5 minutes left. "Reed, you're up! Go in there for Yzerman"
Me? replace Yzerman? What's he smoking?!! "Yes sir." I hop over the ledge onto the ice and skate over to my position. I'm in the face off. Oh crap crap crap... The referees whistle goes off and I win the face-off. I don't even know who I passed it to except I'm moving towards the goal and I'm passing and skating as if I've done it all my life. It's weird but cool at the same time. I stop with the puck. This big guy comes lumbering towards me and I pass it off just as I get slammed into the side boards. I want to die. I manage to peel myself off of the ground and I hear sirens. We scored! Yay! Now it's 3-3.
I'm happy I made an assist my first game but I'm almost positive my rib cage hates me right now. My team comes over and congratulates me. I smile. Pain has already faded and as a matter of fact, I really want to hit the guy that got me. Too late though because i don't even know what number he is. oh, well.
The next two minutes go by fast. everyone's playing like their lives depend on it. Mine does. I know I can't afford to be another ice patty anytime in the near future.Everyone's passing and slamming into the ice, the walls, other players, we're all just trying to keep the puck safe. Clock's ticking away. I'm beginning to sweat and I feel like I'm going to puke from nervousness. For some reason I think of the old Christmas character Tiny Tim and he's telling me, "Do it for me, Anna! I know you can!" Easy for you to say. You're not out here playing with a bunch of gorillas! Somehow, I end up with the puck. I skate towards the goal. Trying to find a good angle to get past Patrick Roy. I swing back and hit it with all my might and everything goes in slow motion like the end of a cheesy sports movie. I see him reach out with his gloved hand to catch it. I pray...
And then I'm sprawled out on the ice, staring at the ceiling of the arena that's about 6 stories above me. My view is interuppted by a guy. It's the same moron as last time and he just pounded into me like a pile driver. He smirks and begins to skate away. I'm mad. Really mad. Humongously super de duper ready to maime him mad. I don't care if he's a hundred pounds bigger than me. I don't even care if I made the goal or not. I jump up, rip off my gloves, the crowd jumps up and roars as I throw them at the back of his head. Before he can turn around I've skated up behind him, I take my stick, shove it up as hard as I can between his legs and yank backwards. He falls forward in pain and the referees come up and tell me I get 2 minutes for hooking. The people in the stands roar with approval and I smile as I sit down in the penalty box.. There's only 30 seconds left anyway and I found out my goal did count. Then I woke up.
I thought it pretty weird, that canabalistic midget really freaked me out. It reminded me of my old cabbage patch dolls (shudder). That thing at the end, the reason I got penalized- I have that on my Red Wings CD-ROM and I think my brain just remembered it and made me act it out. It was fun nonetheless. Yes, I know that's as far fetched from the NHL drafting program as it could be and, belive it or not, i'm not a crack baby and I've never even seen any of that crap before in my life. I did however eat 4 pickles and later some spaghetti o's before bed...........
Got a funky redwings dream too? I doubt it you can get much ridicule for it from anyone after they've read this! Send it our way! bastet05@yahoo.com