The Paths Not Taken
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//Private Thoughts or mental argument - when one person is trying to decide something.//
*//Thoughts broadcast to/from (another) telepath//*
~Emphasis marks~
~~~~ scene change - small (or POV change)
******** scene change - large (or POV change)
Secrets of the Soul Part 2 (alternate scenes, end of episode)
If you're still a kid, you'll probably be grossed out by what follows. I think it's been beta'd out of the R category (she deleted all the fun parts!) but there's still a bit of skin references (m/f), and violence. PG 13 at least.
(Writer's note: Have you ever tried to explain to a 1-year-old that only a mommy can feed them 'that way'? Not easy, lemme assure you.)
********
Zack Allan glanced up briefly at the person //barely// who was standing in front of him, finished reading the report he held, then had to remind himself that if he didn't let Byron go soon, he'd get in trouble for not keeping protocol. "The guy who got attacked woke up about an hour ago. He didn't remember who did it to him, the only thing he does seem to remember is that you tried to help him. Story confirms what you told us."
"Then I can go now." Byron stated in a somewhat dead tone of voice.
//He's sure settled into 'resignation' mode.// "Yeah, you can go . . . the thing is," Zack added as the rogue turned to go, forcing him to face Zack again, "I've worked with Carl Townsen. Real pain in the ass in downbelow, first class thug. My guys found Carl's body about an hour ago. Not a pretty sight."
"No. I would imagine not." Byron simply commented.
"Word is, he and the other guy hassled your bunch the other day. Maybe even attacked one of your guys. Now one's in serious condition, and the other one's extremely dead. I don't suppose you'd know anything about that."
"How could I?" A frustrated Byron retorted. "I've been in ~here~ the whole time."
Suddenly they both glanced towards the open doorway, where Captain Ivanova had stepped into view. //She's got to be nuts to volunteer to do this, but I can't argue with rank.// Zack signed the release form, and returned his attention to the day's paperwork.
Byron again turned to go, paused, and again turned back to speak. "One thing."
Zack moved only his eyes to look up at Byron.
"I suspect if you had not kept me locked up all day, there might be one less dead body in your morgue. Please, try to remember that next time." Then Byron left the room.
//First, there better never even BE a next time, and second, either you didn't scan me, or you lied about assuming Carl was killed today. He wasn't. That's either tolerable or very bad. I'll decide when I figure out where Lyta has been since we picked you up. She'd know if it was the t-! . . . Damn, Damn, Dammit! She'd never tell me that, not anymore. I've got to stop thinking of her as an ally. As the woman I want to sleep with. As the best smile on the station. Get your mind on these reports, Zack, it's past one a.m. and there's hours worth here to do before you can even think about going to bed.//
~~~~
Ivanova stopped in the hallway and faced Byron without a trace of anything pleasant on her face. She removed his restraints without saying a word out loud for the guards to hear, who were going the opposite direction anyway. *//Hello, you must be Byron. I'm your new babysitter for the evening. So behave.//* She told him telepathically, without any emotion showing at all.
*//I didn't DO anything wrong! Why are you so upset?//* He pleaded carefully.
"Get going." She told him.
The made the journey is near silence, until they were past the guard at the main entrance to the sanctuary. She dismissed the guard, indicating she'd take his post for the rest of his shift. The captain waited until he'd left earshot before asking Byron, "Are you going to be ok? You're not taking this whole day very well. Not that I blame you for that, for any of this."
"I'm Fine." He answered tiredly, going in.
She followed, walking beside him. He looked at her again. "What, did you think your willow would not be with you tonight? I told the mundanes I'd personally look after you. I intend to keep my word. Come on, it's late." She took his hand in hers, making him come inside with her.
~~~~
She had just been dozing off, finally, in the children's area. Tyler was in his favorite place: her lap, sound asleep and dreaming. Lyta stirred slightly and blinked as she felt the pair passing by. Someone had forgotten to close the door, even the voices were audible, if not the exact words. Byron was back, thank goodness. Upset. Frustrated. Anxious. Susan was with him. Protective. Calming. Lustful but cautious.
//Long as they don't wake the others, what they do is their business, good luck to them. Maybe it'll help them both, to get close.// She thought slowly. //Maybe Susan will make him fall in love with her, help him keep his pants on during the day. Maybe it won't be so bad for me, then. Maybe lurkers will eat 5-course meals every day with real-silver silverware.// She sarcasted to herself, cuddling closer to Tyler, watching his eyes move under their lids in a dream. A bad one, by the way he was suddenly thrashing again. She jammed his broadcasting of a whimper exploding into a scream before it could wake everyone nearby, holding him as he clung silently to her, gasping and crying bucket-sized tears.
~~~~
They helped each other step over and past the sleeping bodies, heading for the alcove where he slept. Byron paused outside the curtain to look around at his sleeping followers. Then he sighed heavily and went in after Susan. He tossed his jacket down on a chair, sniffing back tears. //You really are upset at this, Byron,// she thought to herself. //So will doing this help you? It'll help me, I know.//
"Are you sure you're going to be all right?" She asked again.
"No," he answered bluntly. "I worked so hard to teach then, Susan. I wanted so much for them to understand . . . and yet they continue. They killed that man, Susan. Not all of them, I don't know which ones, but I . . . I could feel it, when it happened." His frustration and horror were plainly evident now. "Through 14 decks, layers of steel and wire and doors, I could feel it . . . and I was ashamed. It's not their fault, I should have taught them better somehow."
"He was a violent, dangerous man. I - I can't condone what they did, but I understand it. You did everything you could."
"Then I must learn to do more." He replied firmly.
"That's where you're wrong." She took his hands in her to get his attention back into her own words. "You have done more for these people than you will ever understand. And for me." She added.
"I wish I could believe that." He pulled away.
"A tree cannot lie. So it's true. I believe in you." He turned to look at her. "I have for 5 lifetimes. I believe in you." She sat down on his bed, urging him to sit facing her. "I want to hear about your dreams for a telepath homeworld. Your ideas. Hopes. Plans. What you've done so far, what you want to do. Tell me everything, I'll listen. Might even be able to give you some advice, see things you haven't seen yet. Let me help."
He gave her a half-smile, and they began to talk.
~~~~
"Shhhh, Tyler, it was just a dream. It can't hurt you. Calm down, you're safe with me. Shhhhhh . . . You're safe with me. Be still, please!" Lyta kept repeating in a whisper, trying to calm down the frantic infant. He was tugging at her vest, concept-thoughts pressing against her mind as he clawed at her in tearful desperation. *//Take off! Take off! PrettyLady Lyta/Tyler wants comfort/Take off! TAKE OFF!!!//* His small fists kept grasping at her shirt until the fragile fabric ripped open and she pulled his hands away to query him in confusion, what was he trying to do?!
*//Tyler wants comfort/Take off/Tyler want-//* he sent a picture into her mind and Lyta nearly dropped him from shock.
*//Tyler, sweet, innocent, Tyler, I can't! I can't nurse you I don't have any milk - do you want me to wake Marie, she's here-//*
*//NO!/Tyler not hungry/Tyler want comfort/Please give!!!/PrettyLady Lyta/Tyler want comfort/Mommy NO!/image: the way her skull blew out at the back before it had even finished imploding inwards at the forehead from the PPG burst/blood red flecks of wet grey cloud that hung in the air as she slumped down, following to splatter onto her back/Hold me!//*
Lyta, horrified that he should have remembered watching his mother's execution //I blocked that from him he shouldn't remember that I should have blocked it enough for even a P10 - oh no no, he's more active now - no no no this is bad!//, gave in. She quickly took off her vest, wrapping it around him like a blanket to hold him still, very unsure about this new (but not totally unexpected, Marie had mentioned he might try it, but only if he trusted her enough) turn of events. She nervously cuddled him close as his face sought out her breast, terror and trust radiating out from him as he latched on, slowing whimpering to her, testing how hard he could pull without hurting her.
//So this is how a soother feels . . .// she thought timidly after a few minutes, starting to relax. This wasn't so bad. She was going to be very sore in the morning, though. It took her and Tyler both over an hour to relax completely. Lyta kept her inner shields up against his unsteady probing, not letting the mildly painful physical sensation be compared to the things done to her by aroused males. This was different, she knew by gently scanning him, this wasn't about his own pleasure, it wasn't about power or lust, but about sharing something Tyler had known to bring comfort to him for every day of his life so far. It was about easing the nightmare he'd woken up from . . . it was while nursing him that his mother had tried to coach him with his abilities, to keep her own mind from being burned while he fed.
His sucking motions were gradually slowing as he tired. After a while, he fell asleep, his face parting from her aching breast. Lyta pulled her shirt back to cover herself up again, wondering how to hide the fact her top had been torn down the front, halfway to her stomach.
//I don't ~have~ to go back upabove for several days - business is so scarce lately. If the Corps hadn't been paying the rent on my quarters, I'd have had to leave them several months ago. Maybe in the morning I can get this repaired. Someone here has to know how to sew, where else would the kid's clothes come from?//
She closed her eyes, suddenly very, very tired again. //It must be nearly 4 in the morning. . . //
~~~~
"Byron . . . it will be all right. We can solve that! I don't know how yet, but it can be solved in time. There's just over 3 weeks left before Bester returns, something good will happen, and he won't be able to take anyone who's arrived since the start of the reprieve - anyone who didn't list themselves as a telepath, anyway - the Corps' arrest warrant doesn't cover them, they can run before the time's up, and the ones who are sick can remain indefinitely, and, and . . . I don't know." She stopped, having run out of steam for her mental train of thought, and leaned against him, as depressed as he was, if not even more tense.
Byron wrapped him arms around her, moving closer to her to let her head rest on his shoulder, stroking her hair with his fingertips for several minutes before dropping down to her neck to give her a much-needed and much-longed for massage, one hand on her lower back while the other worked out the knots in her neck. He was keeping some of his blocks up out of respect, to keep his inner thoughts from breaking through her rudimentary blocks. The others all seemed to be dozing or fully asleep, a good sign, since he figured Susan had never 'shared' sex before . . . she might be difficult to entice with an audience. From her former attitude, she'd likely never had any sex with another telepath . . . he was going to enjoy the rest of the night, if it went as he hoped, despite how terrible the day had been. He was no longer sleepy - not with this beautiful, energetic, ferocious woman snuggled up right next to him. Distractions . . . for a few hours, if he played her right. And he was a master musician.
After a few minutes, he let both his hands down to her lower back, massaging both sides of her spine - the tender muscles beside the bones were very sore for her - slowly moving upwards, tenderly along her entire back, letting his thumbs stroke away her frustrations.
Susan sighed happily, eyes long closed, purring at him mentally. Byron formed a picture of a tiger sprawled out in the sunshine, smiling through its whiskers, and let the image drift until it rested against her shields. She opened her eyes for a moment, cautiously let the image slip in as her curiousity overcame her inherent distrust.
She grinned into his shoulder, and the image bounced back to him as a black panther instead, then let her blocking ease enough for him to read her emotions if he wanted to.
Byron's mind learned (as he had suspected) of her desire a mere second before his fingers realized she wasn't wearing a bra. His own lust kicked itself into a higher gear as he wondered if her lack of attire was usual for her - or just for him, in anticipation of spending the night.
*//Lower gravity closer to the station's core means not having to wear uncomfortable supports.//*
*//I wondered if you could hear me. :) //* Byron's hands continued up to rub her shoulders, allowing her to feel his own romantic tension building, through her hands on his own back. Susan kissed him again, deeper, skin contact electrifing the sensations.
She didn't ask him to stop as he kept going . . . she was encouraging him at every step. Their clothing was already partly off when Byron broke the kissing long enough to look into her eyes. *//Susan, I must warn you now, if you have never hit climax with another telepath, it will be more intense than ANYTHING you have ever experienced!//*
*//That's supposed to be a bad thing?//* She teased in a kiss, unfastening his shirt. She saw his expression, and grew serious for a minute. *//I understand. Will you let me help you? Will you help me?//*
Byron smiled again. He could feel her frustration - she hadn't completed a date since she arrived on B5, and was more than willing to dispense with the foreplay Byron wanted. Teep sex was usually fast and ~intense~, he could only get his partners to go slowly if it was their first time, if they didn't actually know what was coming and were eager to get there. But if not . . . He tenderly pulled the rest of her clothing off.
Neither one noticed that during the next few minutes the other telepaths, first Lyta, then more, were noticing the events as they were jarred awake. The higher P's first since it was harder for them to block it - but the group hadn't been blocking, since they sometimes shared sex like they shared everything else - were waking up to the emotions the couple were broadcasting, and to the noise. Susan was groaning loudly with pleasure from what Byron was doing.
Every barrier had come down. He heard her moan his name on a half dozen different levels, feeling her feeling him, his pleasure mirrored by her and her pleasure mirrored by him and he could feel other mirrors nearby as the other telepaths shared the experience and multiplied it many times over, an intense, intense aphrodisiac no telepath could stop from affecting themselves, overwhelming Susan completely, new and incredible, as Byron focused the emotions and triggered her.
If she could have formed conscious thought, all Susan would have done would be to wish she'd made love to another telepath long before this, to have waited so long -
She was screaming by the time she came, Byron injecting the sensations physically and telepathically directly into the pleasure centers of her mind.
Her cry echoed through the rooms and corridors of the colony, muffled only slightly by the metal walls which had kept the Psi-waves from waking the still-mostly latent children.
~~~~
Lyta, however, with her eyes full black, had already been long awakened by the spikes of energy Susan and her new lover had been broadcasting. First too sleepy to bother blocking, soon the amplification by all the others, eager to welcome Byron back, eager to share their pleasures had quickly overwhelmed her late attempts to raise walls. Horrified at the power of so many combined minds, Lyta realized she was too close . . . she had to try to get away before -
She could barely move the sleeping Tyler away from herself before the image/feeling of Byron entering Susan slammed into her brain, making her wrench into a fetal position from agony and desire, terror and confusion. She'd never taken an active role in a mind-share of intercourse before, she'd barely even listened to a single couple, never mind how it felt when multiplied two hundred times over . . . her own mental cries for mercy were completely drowned out and swept away, unheard by anyone else.
Lyta managed to get to her feet somehow, unable to see anything through the black in her eyes, unable to hear anything or think anything through the overwhelming power of the sharing. She staggered away from the little bodies still fast asleep, away from them all, and ran blind as the door closed silently behind her, tears streaming down her face.
~~~~
There are many things considered holy in the universe. Books, temples, monuments, places, people. And there are almost as many things considered unholy. Having to push papers until after 4:30 in the morning after an already long shift was one of the things Zack considered mildly unholy. But, his day was finally done. He had turned the watch over to a sector chief, and headed off down the totally deserted corridors to get some much-needed sleep. Heck, he might even try to sleep in tomorrow - he had a rare day off.
He'd just been passing a side corridor when the corner of his eye caught something that brought him fully awake and made him reach for his holster. A brief flash, someone passing by a hundred feet down the hall at a run, black and copper, a flicker of motion most people would have missed. Zack wasn't most people. He stopped dead in his tracks as it registered in his brain. Zack had spent enough time surreptitiously watching Lyta Alexander to recognise her in even the smallest glimpse. And he'd worked security long enough to instantly recognise when someone was in trouble. She'd been crying. She was also missing the vest he'd seen her wearing earlier that day, an oddity made very serious by the fact her shirt had been torn open. //The way she had come from could have been from the teep's part of downbelow - if they've hurt her I swear by all things holy I'll kill every one of them myself!// He spun on his heel and went after her.
~~~~
She collapsed on the floor of her quarters, unaware she'd even gotten there, trying everything she could think of to block away what should have been erased by distance and metal barriers. She could still see/taste/hear/feel them, all the others that had started their own pairings. Her teaching Susan to use her abilities had formed an indelible bond that Susan's passion traveled along with ease. It traveled through her devotional link to Byron and the others, she couldn't keep it out of her head as she lost finally control and surrendered to the physic rape, trying instead to pretend it was her with him, but it didn't work either, Lyta's body wasn't the same as Susan's and he was verbally begging Susan's name as he held back his own release while pushing her to her second. Lyta's brief dream re-formed into a nightmare of being stripped naked then literally shoved aside by Byron, she tried reaching for him but he ignored her and moved closer to Susan. He refused emotional love, choosing instead pure physical needs - and the captain's more attractive body.
Her nightmare suddenly shattered itself, reality crashing in with a light, tentative hand being placed on her shoulder, a ghost-image mirage that overlaid the pre-climactic motions being sent from downbelow, she was on the floor in her quarters, fetal position, eyelids clenched shut, softly emitting a highpitched wail of violation, barely aware of Zack as he knelt beside her, terror and concern from him making unnoticeable ripples against the rip tide her soul was caught in.
~~~~
//What happened to her? What did they DO to her - if it was rape I'll castrate them personally, let them bleed to death without anesthetic, I don't care how much trouble I'd get into!// He carefully lifted her up slightly so she wasn't lying on the floor, wrapping his arms around her protectively as she huddled against him, shaking and soaked from sweat and tears. He had no idea if she even knew he was there . . .
"no . . ." she begged softly, making his heart lurch.
"Lyta?" He tried, hoping to get a reaction of some sort. He wasn't expected what did happen after she froze completely for a few seconds.
For one thing, she opened her eyes, sending his courage fleeing into his shoes. They were jet-black, totally covered, not a trace of white or soft brown remained, an unbroken surface of glistening black. She also started to plead with him to help her. . . plead to "someone, anyone, please, stop them, stop me from sensing this I can't block them make them STOP!!" And then she covered her face with her fists and screamed, violent spasms racking her thin frame.
//Sensing what? What could DO this to her?!?// "Stop who!? Lyta, can you hear me?" Helpless, horrified at her eyes but wanting her to know he was there to help, he reached out to brush the tears from her face.
It didn't work.
As soon as his skin touched hers, he suddenly received the same sensations that she did. Unprepared. Untrained. Unable to process what suddenly was forced into his brain. Zack was beyond shocked, beyond surprised - Susan arcing up to Byron, both viewpoints at once, an uncountable number of echoes of other partners mimicing, indescribable and totally beyond anything he'd ever experienced. His brain shut down for several seconds, making him collapse away from her, trembling. He heard her give off a strangled sob, saw her clenching limbs and gasping, not only in pain but forced orgasm. He pulled farther away in a mix of terror, lust, and confusion.
A few minutes later, her low verbal wailing stopped after a final whole-body spasm took her, then she fainted into silent trembling. Zack could only stare at her in bewilderment, sorting out what he'd seen until the truth clicked. //That was Ivanova - with Byron . . . they were having sex! My God . . . no wonder she volunteered to 'watch' him tonight! But - //
"Lyta . . . are they - uh - finished?" He didn't move to touch her again, ashamed of his own arousal at the telepathic flash, and worried about how upset she still was.
It took a few seconds for her to reply. Her eyes had returned to normal, but her voice was very shaky and very quiet. "I think so. . . I can block them out now." She sniffed, trying to stop her tears, "unless they feel up to a th - third time." She frantically tried to wipe her face dry.
"Is - that - pleasedon'tanswerifyoudon'twantto - is that what it's like for telepaths? The - the . . . "
"Reflections." she gave the tiniest nod, moved to lean against the wall, then there was a long pause as her tears slowly stopped. Then she started to speak, a flood of words to break her long silence. "It's never been that bad. There was never so many telepaths so close to each other to ever do that before. I don't think so, anyway. Byron has us share everything. I couldn't block it, once it started and the others - they were glad he was back, I guess they wanted to give him a gift - and I know Susan will never stop being loyal to Byron, after this. That's why so many women are with him, he can do that. Like that. I couldn't block it. I ran. But the group was too strong - I had let them in at the start because - because ~I~ wish I could be with him - I want to feel that, myself, but I'm too scared because of what's happened to me before, what would happen now, but I still want Byron! He doesn't want me - he wants HER. I tried to block it, I did, but I couldn't! I knew from the start that this - they - were going to end badly, that's why I didn't go anywhere near them until I had to - Now, now I have to protect T- I want to protect him, all of them, I love them so much but I'm going to lose them and I don't want to be alone like I was, not ever again!"
"Had to . . .?"
"When - when Garibaldi said that - when - after that ranger died for the Emphili - I was ~inside~ his mind wh- I had to, to protect Sheridan's damned Alliance!" She stopped, unable to force out any more words.
"Oh . . . shhhhh, it's ok now. It's ok. I'm here." He moved back to her side, cradling her in his arms again, avoiding touching her skin this time, letting her huddle against him. He held her silently, just holding her, no words. Like a parent holds a child to make the monsters of the night go away, he held her for over an hour before speaking again.
"It's ok. I know. I don't understand, but I'm here for you. Well . . . I understand a little, but the 'reflections' . . . Lyta I'm sorry, I wish I could do more to help. I don't want you hurt." He carefully stroked her hair with his hand, arms around her as she was cradled against him, her head centered on his chest and her fingers over his wrist-pulse. Using the steady beat as a metronome to calm. "It's ok."
"How could you possibly understand what it's like from a half-heartbeat's sensing?" She complained bitterly. "The invasion is so much worse than that." She tried to pull away, but he stopped her.
"I know, Lyta. I DO know . . . because my dad and brother were dust-users."
She pulled away and looked at him. He was serious.
"And I was sometimes the one they scanned." He added unhappily.
She slumped back against him. "Then you do know."
~~~~