The Paths Not Taken, Epilogue.
SPOILERS if you haven't seen how season 5 ended!
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//Private thoughts or mental argument - when one person is trying to decide something.//
*//Thoughts broadcast to/from (another) telepath.//*
~Emphasis marks~
"Translated words from another language."
~~~~ Scene change - small (or POV change)
******** Scene change - large (or POV change)
(1 Corinthians 13, verses 4 through 8, NIV version) "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there is tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."
(verse 13) "And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."
The King James Version of the bible says 'charity', not love, but if you think about it, are they not different words for the same thing?
~~~~
Early February, 2263.
Babylon 5 Security Office.
To say Zack Allan was nervous would be an understatement. To say he was worried, would also be an understatement. Not about work, that was going along as calmly as it could, and he kept his face an impassive mask even when he was alone, as he was now. His hand was occupied writing a daily report, but his brain was stuck elsewhere. He didn't know where, since the object of his worry was someplace unknown. He'd tried to find out where, with zero results. The Psi Corps still had a fat bounty out, so they obviously didn't know. IPX had lost track before they could start tracking. None of the Rangers he'd been in contact with gave him any news. IA Intelligence didn't know (and not knowing was driving Tessa right up the flue, she hated not having vital information). Zack had even tried asking Draal for news. "You'll find out when the time comes. I don't have a crystal ball down here, you know."
G'Kar and Lyta were gone. But Zack knew that with the onward march of time, the personal danger to her grew. G'Kar would be little-to-no help, he knew that much, when the main reason she'd fled from Babylon 5 made an official entry into the universe, perhaps in a few days, perhaps in almost another month. Zack was torn between wanting to somehow help and trying to hate her, for the 'legacy' of Byron's she carried. Not that he really had a choice, if he couldn't get to her. But the agony of regret, over not moving faster when he had the chance, over saying what he wanted to say coming out all wrong, over his failure to protect her.
A puppy had wandered into a pack of wild dogs, and had been torn horribly apart and reformed as the strongest of the dogs. Then Zack had been bitten by the dog, because it had known it had been a mere puppy and had not been protected from the other dogs.
Zack's ability to berate himself had grown considerably in the past several months. He'd taken a lot of time to practice it. Then, he suddenly noticed that a ranger had entered his office and was standing silently before his desk, waiting to be noticed.
Zack watched the minbari expectantly, but the ranger didn't say anything. He just placed a piece of paper which he'd been holding in his hand on the desk. A small piece of paper, held into a roll by several braided strands of a thin copper wire. Zack picked it up, and realized the instant his hand touched the copper coil that it wasn't copper. It was far too pliable.
It was hair. Red hair, the exact shade of Lyta's hair. Zack quickly pulled the coil off of the note, unrolling it to scan the contents. Narn writing, it might be from G'Kar.
"Her time is ending. If you are ever to forgive, you must come now."
Zack looked back at the ranger.
"Our White Star jumps in just under an hour. Cargo port 11 in 40 minutes if you accept. The flight could take over a week total, quite possibly longer." He turned and left the office.
Zack closed his eyes, slowly letting the note crumple in his grip. Then he threw it towards the shredder, and left his office in an invisibly dark storm, the half-finished report lying on his desk.
********
"What do you mean, he's gone? I refuse to believe he just disappeared!" Lochley was getting seriously annoyed. "Have you got the search of the securecam footage finished yet?"
Christov was ~seriously~ beginning to regret his new promotion to sector chief. It meant that anytime Chief Allan couldn't be there to deal with the brass, he was one of the ones who did have to deal with them. And right now, he'd rather be working anywhere else, even a customs shift during a Pak'Ma'Ra vessel's arrival or departure. Anywhere but about to give his answer to the newest Captain.
He braced himself for the storm, and placed the two items he carried on Lochley's desk. Then he called up a still picture taken from a securecam. "We found out that a little over 3 hours ago, there was a ranger who came on board. He didn't go through customs, rangers have autonomy, they don't have to. He was carrying these with him. He went directly to Allan's office. He left, alone, 3 minutes later. 40 minutes afterwards, Allan met the same ranger in Cargo port 11, and they left, jumping more than two hours ago. We've checked the beacons along the route logged in, they weren't on it. They've disappeared. This appears to have been forgotten, and this one was found just beside the paper shredder in his office. The Chief must have wanted to destroy it, but missed. We've got the translation." He tapped his link again, calling up the 2 sentences for the Captain to read. "And just before I came here, I was told a note has been found in his quarters. He's taken a personal leave of absence. 7 days or plus. No explanation, but . . ." Christov picked up the coppery coil. " . . . I think he went to watch someone's death. Or to try to prevent it. I don't know."
Lochley took the coil from him, recognizing it for what it was, and whose it was. She sighed, and hoped he made it back. There'd be hell for him to pay . . . how bad depended on what would happen in the interm.
********
3 Days Later . . .
Zack still could not sleep. Partly from the beds //How did Sheridan sleep? No wonder Delenn is pregnant . . . he needed some way to pass the time until morning!//, but mostly his restlessness was from worry. He knew something was wrong with Lyta. Seriously wrong. There was no way G'Kar would risk the safety of his excuse to stay free by sending for Zack unless something was very, very wrong. So he paced in the sleeping room, trying not to disturb a young minbari as she slept, oblivious to his distress. Every so often he would pause to pull a small picture frame out of his pocket to look at. A double picture, hinged so it could be closed for safe travel, both sides with an different image. Even if things went badly, he knew what he did was the right thing. For Lyta. For himself. The Minbari healer on board had explained as best she could to him what they hoped to do to protect her. Zack had already begun mourning.
Then they'd arrived at the ship G'Kar was on. The ship Lyta was on. Zack could not sit still, almost jumping up as the transfer shuttle docked and he moved through the hatch to step once again into an artificial gravity field. G'Kar was waiting. "I didn't know what else to do, I asked for you. She doesn't know you're . . . It began a few hours before wrote the note, sending it on the first ship I could find. Delenn knows. That's why that White Star was so close. She hadn't been able to sleep for days from discomfort. But this past day it has gotten terribly worse, I have no idea why the pain hasn't killed her yet. Her health was not good before, and now I haven't been able to get close to her for hours. She broadcast the pain to me when I did try, begged to only be left alone. Not that she is alone, if she was then there wouldn't be a problem. We had no medical facilities. I have no way to help h-"
The Narn's rapid whisper of explanation was severed abruptly as a loud cry of agony was heard from a few feet down the corridor, a sudden scream that lingered and echoed, ripping right into Zack's soul. //Lyta . . . no . . . //
He tore the few paces towards the sound, stopping suddenly in the doorway to a small, darkened room, what had to be Lyta's bunkroom. She was huddled in the farthest corner, her eyes almost closed, blood trickling down from both, and an unreal glow illuminated the thin slits between her eyelids. She was covered in sweat and her own blood, her cheeks smeared red from trying to wipe away the crimson tears, her stained hands braced against the walls as bright arcs of luminescent energy crackled and flung themselves through her torso, drenched in bright blood. She hadn't seen him yet through the waves of pain, the pain she was broadcasting to everyone nearby.
Lyta knew her uninvited 'guest' was transferring part of itself to the baby, an active, strong teep, altered during the last stage of pregnancy for carrying. *//Don't hurt her please don't hurt her stay out of her please you've stayed out of her until now please I know you've altered her too but please don't make her carry you she's too young please just leave us alone pleasedon'thurther!//*
Then she did see Zack, and her expression of terrified pain shared itself with one of horror and shame. She tried to focus on him to blast him, but was hit with another wave, doubled over, and couldn't do it. She didn't meet his eyes again after that.
He saw the way her eyes were glowing, saw her face soaked with sweat and blood - her tears were mixed with blood from her eyes bleeding, two growing patches of tearblood on her shirt-shoulders from the twin trickles streaming down her cheeks and neck - //Oh god, what's on her neck?!//
He rushed the few paces to her side, holding her as she recovered from the contraction. "I tried to hate you, Lyta, but I just couldn't." He whispered to her, trying to get her to look at him to see his sincerity, but she wouldn't meet his eyes. "I gave up. I surrendered myself to loving you regardless. So I'm going to help. I helped deliver Jesse, I told you that, and I've caught several more babies in the years since then, during work. I know how to help. I'm going to help, ok?"
"Damned Narn . . ." She gasped.
"Yeah, he called for me. You're running a fever and are about to be a mother again. Get this off, here, like this, that's better. Kid needs to get out all right . . . Here, get up just a little. Squat. Easy! Holy she's in hurry to get out, that wasn't even a minute between contractions. I'm guessing you know that, eh? Your water's long since br- Oh Hell. You're bleeding."
Lyta screamed during a contraction, lost somewhere between ignoring him and trying to crush his fingers as he held one of her hands. Then she swore at him.
"I suppose I shouldn't be telling you stuff you already know, but right now, you're not about to argue with me. So co-operate."
"She's not facing down." Lyta muttered.
"What?"
"I think she's not turned the right way - it's too soon for her to have descended. I can feel her head. She - AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"
"Breech." He finished for her.
"Yes." Lyta gasped.
//Oh, goody . . .// Zack thought remorsefully. //And no painkillers.//
*//Shut up, you ugly betraying bastard.//*
He ignored the insult, taking Lyta's advice in part, speaking only once to tell her not to push, when the infant was halfway out (female, and backwards like Lyta feared) and kicked Zack's hands away for a moment. Then he caught her, felt a scream hit his brain as the newborn felt gravity for the first time. Abject terror in it's first, most powerful moment. Lyta collapsed against the wall, eyes going closed and dim.
The baby wasn't breathing. Her eyes were lit the exact same way Lyta's had been, but she wasn't breathing. Zack very very gently covered her mouth and nose with his own mouth, pulled the mucus free, and spit it out. The baby gasped and a verbal scream matched the mental one. He held her, checking for color and reflexes while wiping off the blood and waxy layer, until he heard Lyta moan again.
Another contraction //So quickly? Afterbirth, must be, but so soon?// rippled along Lyta's belly, and Zack's pseudo-question was answered affirmatively. He cradled the still-screaming infant, suddenly distracted by the twitching //!!?!!// placenta, watching in confusion as a translucent bluey-purple layer on it spasmed and dissolved, disappearing without a trace, leaving a few spots of oozing blood.
Zack had seen THAT just once before . . .
. . . It was . . . //Oh no.//
"A transfer symbiont." Zack wondered out loud, the implications thereof suddenly crashing down upon him heavily, while another weight took off from his psyche. His eyes moved back and forth from the placenta to Lyta's crying face several times. "A transfer symbiont," he repeated in shock. He'd checked medlab in the faint hope that Lyta had accepted a transfer, but there hadn't been any. //I'd gone off in a rage at her, thinking she was the mother. Why in seven holy suns hadn't I asked Rolenn? Gads, I did this to her in such a blind fury that I hadn't thought - damn straight, I didn't think! Lyta I'm so sorry . . .//
If she'd heard his line of thought, she gave no indication. Zack reached over to grab a second towel to finish drying off the baby off //her eyes look normal now - odd!// and wrapped her in his IA Jacket. Then he unwrapped her again, pulled a case out of his pocket, and took out a sterilized blade. He cut the umbilical cord and placed a clean bandage on the stump. //There you go, my little angel. Let's get you warmed up so you can stop howling.// He re-wrapped the complainer in his jacket, hoping the silk lining would be softer than the rough blankets on her fresh skin. He also hoping the fact it was damp with blood didn't chill the tiny girl as he placed her in Lyta's arms, hugging them both. He had to pull away quickly, however, when Lyta cried out softly in pain and gave him a mental shove for hurting her decidedly tender breasts.
"Sorry! I'm sorry Lyta - for everything I've done to you, I should have realized that - that - I didn't even think to check with your doctor about a transfer, I was so mad I only looked in medlab - I never stopped loving you, please, please say you'll try to forgive me for this someday." He again tried to get her to face him, but she turned away and only would look at the baby. Her tears had stopped, and over the course of a minute or two she figured out how to position the baby to nurse. The baby's crying suddenly faded as she latched on.
Zack nervously continued, "I won't ask which rogue is the gene-mother. I'll never ask you that. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You're the mother now, and I'm begging you to forgive me for being such a total fool."
After another minute had passed, Zack couldn't stay quiet. "Uh - Lyta . . . what did the Vorlons do to you? Your eyes were . . . lit up. . . and . . ." He gently reached out to touch her neck, pulling away as she flinched painfully. Her gills, irritated by the blood and excitement, were exposed and puffing. She hadn't realized they were out, and pulled them closed with a tiny set of double spurts as the trapped blood was forced out. Zack remembered, many months before, that Lyta had touched that place on her neck when she said she couldn't be considered human anymore. She'd dodged answering his question then, but now he knew. Now he knew.
She looked at him for the first time since he entered the room.
"I'm . . . not sure of everything yet. Some things might, or might not, be because of her. I don't know. I keep slowly changing, but I don't know how far it will go. You've seen all the physical things I know about." She softly answered, truthfully. "I could feel it changing the baby right at the end. Altering her for carrying 'it'. Part of it. I don't know. I'm afraid to look. I know I can help her with what I've gone through, show her how to control it without as much pain as I had. Avoid mistakes I made. But I was a P5, barely strong enough to do anything useful, this one, she, she is so much stronger than what I was, how strong will she be when she's an adult? If she lives that long. I'm afraid of her, just as I'm afraid of myself."
Zack sat beside her, thinking for a long while, his arm around her, watching the baby, watching her watch the baby feed then doze off. After a while he noticed G'Kar hovering outside the doorway for a few seconds before deciding not to disturb them. "Has he been taking good care of you? He hasn't tried to . . . force you to do anything you don't want to?"
"No. He's been rather noble about it. Honorary uncle sort of thing. Hasn't written about this in his book . . . says he put a note in that would assure secrecy and sympathy. I didn't ask what. His damn writing . . . I guess I shouldn't complain. It's kept me, us, alive and away from the corps." She shivered, leaning against him for warmth and support. " . . . I'm so tired . . ."
"Lyta . . . I still love you. No matter what's inside you, I still love you."
Lyta looked at him again, her eyes damp once more, and gave an exhausted smile. Zack kissed her cheek, mindful of the taste of salt and blood. "I'll let both my girls rest for a while, then you're going to get washed up for a full medical. I want to know you're both ok." He checked her pulse, then looked around at the red puddles, the crimson handprints where Lyta had placed her hands to brace herself against the contractions. "I'll clean this up soon too . . . want a blanket?"
She nodded, still shivering, watching her surrogate daughter sleep. "She'll need a name soon," Lyta commented to Zack, a plea in her eyes.
"I haven't had a lot of practice at that. I'll try to think of a good one for her."
"Thank you."
Zack got Lyta to move to her bunk, laying her down with the baby sleeping lengthwise beside her head, next to the wall. There wasn't room to put the infant properly beside her. Lyta didn't want to sleep and was trying to keep her eyes on Zack's face, but she was too tired to focus her eyes on anything, too tired to move. She fell asleep still looking.
Zack stood and looked at her still form for a long time, grieving over harsh words, mistakes, and lost time that could never be made up. He moved one of his bloodstained hands, resting it on her forehead. He didn't feel very warm himself, but her skin was already growing paler, and colder after the birth. He gently slid his hand down to help close her eyes. He couldn't keep his voice from trembling as he choked out a hoarse whisper. "I know you probably can't hear this, Lyta, but you can rest now. You've been through enough. You can rest now . . ." He found another blanket on a shelf nearby, laid it down to cover the unmoving bodies before him. He left his bloodstained jacket where it was, burned the image of her - them - lying there into his mind, and turned away. He had to find a place to wash her blood off of his hands, and off of his heart.
~~~~
He saw G'Kar again as he entered the hall, waiting anxiously for any news. "It's all right. You can go look, but please don't wake her. Them."
G'Kar took one step inside and stopped in shock as he saw the room clearly for the first time, his face a study in amazement and a bit of nausea.
"Always a surprise, isn't it. How much blood a person can spill out onto the deck. How much they had in them." Zack moved back to look at Lyta in the faint light shining in from the corridor.
"Is she all right, Mr. Allan?" G'Kar whispered, staring at the two females.
"I think she'll be ok, but she's going to need a lot of rest for the next few days. Possibly weeks. And you'll have to be very, very careful to keep infection away until she heals. I know she's birthed before, but she was drugged and unconscious for those. This? Terrified, unable to block any of the pain, alone, not knowing what would happen . . . it was hard. There's nothing here that could have helped medically. You didn't know about her being pregnant when you left, so you didn't get a ship with a medlab. There's a healer on the White Star, she's got info on post-birth. How to help take care of them, keep depression at a minimum, that sort of thing. Before, in human history, until 4 or 5 hundred years ago, when medicine was all but nonexistent, more women died during childbirth than anything else, or from - complications - afterwards. Infections, blood loss, all sorts of horrible things. Right from the start, starting life often ended it."
Zack moved quietly back and picked up the placenta from it's resting place in a red puddle, wrapping it up in a section of cloth for disposal. He didn't have to check to see if it was complete, he knew the symbiont would have surrounded everything, the bleeding was just from the symbiont's death. The separation from Lyta had likely opened a few of her capillaries. She was basically unharmed, not much more than a usual birth.
"More from that than anything else?! What was the second?" G'Kar asked in a hushed voice.
Zack found some spare blankets, laying them down to soak up the pools of bloody amniotic fluid. "I think it was burning to death, from catching fire while cooking. It was around the 18 hundreds before ovens became common. Infections from the burns usually took them . . . but I'm not sure. The same killer as for many Narn children still, but the Alliance's rebuilding is doing much to prevent that."
"Yes, the number of dying children has dropped considerably in the past year. With good luck and determination, perhaps there will soon be a day when small graves are no longer dug."
"Perhaps." Zack shifted slightly to look at them better, and moved his jacket back a touch to look at the baby's face. She yawned, showing tiny pink gums and opened her eyes momentarily to blink green irises at him, looking all-the-universe like a normal kid, a half-inch of dark brown hair not quite covering the uneven skull that that been pressed slightly out of shape by the birth. She looked healthy, if rather small - not even seven pounds, he guessed, but her skin color was good. She seemed as flawless as her mother. Surrogate mother. Wait, there was a tiny birthmark just below her left earlobe, 3 small dots joined in a cloverleaf pattern. //How cute! But . . . //
Zack gently touched the side of the baby's neck, lifting the skin slightly to reveal a pair of gills that parted open just above her plump little shoulder. He pulled his hand away and the gills disappeared without a trace, just as Lyta's gills were currently invisible.
Zack knew better. //They aren't surgical implants, like a few Narns in security have, the skin is too smooth and unscarred. This was somehow grown . . . genetically?//
The baby made a sort of squeaking noise, waving a clumsy arm towards him after pulling it free from the binding jacket. "aaa!" Then she yawned and dozed off again.
"Quite alert for a newborn, even one as developed as this one. How did your species survive if they always began so harshly? The infant is huge! How'd it get out?"
Zack blinked at the Narn, then tucked the infant's arm back under the covering. "Lyta had a data crystal with information on pregnancy, birth, the first few months afterwards. It wasn't with her other belongings, I checked through everything. She must have had it on her. Did you not read it?"
"What crystal? She brought nothing with her, your own guards ensured that."
"They took it? No, it must have been lost in the struggle or something. There wasn't any seized crystal mentioned in the report. Just a knife in an ankle holster and a refusal to cooperate. Not that I blame her, with 2 attempts to have her killed during the month before you two left. Well . . . if she was just relying on memory, that also explains why she was so terrified. When she was still Corps, she'd been sedated when they thought she was 'close enough' and labor was induced. She had no idea, no memory, of how to give birth."
"If she was sedated, how did they make her work? How ~could~ they, if she was as . . . large . . . as this time?"
"Wor - no, no labor is the term used to getting the baby out. It sure isn't easy, as you've been witnessing. And the stuff from the past week was false labor, only her body practicing."
"I see. I apologise for not being able to grasp the obvious. We should talk elsewhere, to avoid disturbing their sleep." G'Kar assisted in gathering up the soiled blankets. "I'll show you where the thermal unit is. We can finish a better cleaning later. Come."
"Lyta asked me to consider names. I'm not sure where to start," Zack confessed after a minute.
"Human names depend on gender, correct? When will you be able to tell male or female?"
Zack stopped and stared for a long second. "Have you two talked about this at ALL?"
"Not really, why?"
"I first learned of Lyta's condition 8 months ago. 'It' had already been identified as a 'she'."
"A daughter! You must be quite proud."
Zack decided to accept the fact that Lyta's assigned protector had near-zero knowledge of actual events. "She spoke of me as the father?"
"She willingly speaks of nothing. But since you are the one she loves, was seen with, and since you are here, now, unharmed, it can be no other."
Zack nodded slightly to himself, saying nothing.
"A female," G'Kar continued, "well. Among my people, her child-name might be from one of her recent ancestors. Not one living, to take the name of one living would injure the namesake's soul. I know her own family has been kept separate from her, and she has stated that nothing Corps will be passed to the child. I doubt even the second, family name will continue. Pity. It is an honorable one. If there are any among your family whose name you would like returned to this side of the veil, this could be the way." He walked away, leaving Zack to think.
//I don't want to name her from some dead relative. I don't know of any. Lyta knows about Mariah . . . but I can't ask Lyta to call her that. But I've never ~loved~ any other women. I don't want to have to call her anyone's name that I've only slept with. And I don't have any fam- wait. What was my mother's name?//
Images, old, blurry, his mother's boyfriends beating her, calling her things a young boy should never have to hear, and sometimes her name . . . //Em. Her name was Emily Allan.// It hurt him to remember that. //Maybe I can close two wounds with a single stitch . . . Emily Allan Alexander. Would Lyta like that? Sounds all right. It couldn't be used around Alliance officials, they'd match the girl's name and age - no wait a minute. Nobody else knows she was . . . just Hobbs. Rolenn must but the Corps wouldn't bother an old Minbari woman they didn't know was involved, they hate dealing with aliens. Well, they might do a DNA search if she came back eventually, but it would probably come up negat- oh, hell.//
//Telepaths have genetic markers. The Corps would be sure to get her.//
//As long as the Corps exists, neither Lyta nor the-baby-which-wasn't-really-hers would be safe. Oh God, now a safe homeworld for telepaths was needed more than ever. Lyta must have known that, that's why did the things that led to her running here. Trying to bring down the Corps without a full-scale war. Helping rogues and their families run. Trying to repair the first one's damage, make a safe haven for other teeps.//
//Heck of harsh road to walk. I hope the destination is worth it.// Zack looked around at the maintenance alcove he was standing in. //This is not the best place for a kid. Even B5 looks good in comparison. At least this ship is advanced enough for artificial gravity. The baby can learn how to walk normally.// Zack decided to check back with the White Star he'd come on. He could only stay a few more hours. Less than a day at most. He'd be sure to get into trouble anyway, disappearing like he had, note or no note. Heck, he might have left the ranger's summons there, he'd been too upset to ensure it had been destroyed. Zack was pretty sure the hair coil was left on his desk. He'd agonized over an explanation for the past 3 days. Well, maybe G'Kar could think of a valid excuse for him to use. Dr. Hobbs had so far kept quiet on Lyta's pregnancy, and Lyta hadn't grown her belly yet when she'd left. Probably a combination of exercise to stay slim, and being lucky enough to have small baby. He couldn't admit the girls existence to anyone. Just another excuse for Bester's goons to hunt Lyta down. So how would he explain leaving?
Zack shelved the train of thought, choosing instead to find G'Kar and start explaining human reproduction. The birds and the bees were a better topic than going AWOL.
********