Darwin Award Want-to-Be's

Grand Theft Auto:

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and

mentioned that there was a

car phone in it. The policeman taking the report

called the phone and

told the guy that answered that he had read the ad

in the newspaper and

wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and

the thief was

arrested.

A true story out of San Francisco:

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,

walked into the branch

and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in

this bag."

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to

the teller, he began

to worry that someone had seen him write the note

and might call the

police before he reached the teller window. So he

left the Bank of

America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few

minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells

Fargo teller. She read

it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he

was not the brightest

light in the harbour, told him that she could not

accept his stickup

note because it was written on a Bank of America

deposit slip and that

he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo

deposit slip or go back

to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the

man said "OK" and

left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police

who arrested the

man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line

back at Bank of

America.

Photography:

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated

speed trap that

measured his speed using radar and photographed his

car. He later

received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of

his car. Instead of

payment, he sent the police department a photograph

of $40. Several

days later, he received a letter from the police

that contained another

picture...of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent

the money for the

fine.

Duh!:

Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on

trial in March in

Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without

a warrant. The

prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant

because a "bulge" in

Christopher's jacket could have been a gun.

Nonsense, said Christopher,

who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day

in court. He handed

it over so the judge could see it. The judge

discovered a packet of

cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he

required a five minute

recess to compose himself.

Oklahoma City:

Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of

a convenience

store in a district court when he fired his lawyer.

Assistant district

attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a

fair job of defending

himself until the store manager testified that

Newton was the robber.

Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and

then said, "I should of

blown your head off." The defendant paused, then

quickly added, "if I'd

been the one that was there." The jury took 20

minutes to convict Newton

and recommended a 30-year sentence.

Detroit:

R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers

who were showing

their squad car computer equipment to children in a

Detroit

neighbourhood. When he asked how the system worked,

the officer asked

him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his

drivers license, they

entered it into the computer, and moments later they

arrested Gaitlan

because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was

wanted for a

two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

Colorado Springs:

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shot

gun and demanded

all the cash from the cash drawer. After the

cashier put the cash in a

bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he

wanted behind the counter

on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the

bag as well, but he

refused and said "Because I don't believe you are

over 21." The robber

said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it

to him because he

didn't believe him. At this point the robber took

his drivers license

out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The

clerk looked it over,

and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he

put the scotch in the

bag. The robber then ran from the store with his

loot. The cashier

promptly called the police and gave the name and

address of the robber

that he got off the license. They arrested the

robber two hours later.

Another from Detroit (something in the water?):

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop

nervously waving

revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"

When his partner

moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

Cigars and Insurance:

A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very

rare, very

expensive cigars, insured them against fire among

other things. Within

a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of

cigars and without having

made even his first premium payment on the policy,

the man filed a claim

against the insurance company. In his claim, the

man stated the cigars

were lost "in a series of small fires." The

insurance company refused

to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had

consumed the cigars

in the normal fashion. The man sued.... and won.

In delivering the

ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was

frivolous, stated

nevertheless that the man held a policy from the

company in which it had

warranted that the cigars were insurable and also

guaranteed that it

would insure against fire, without defining what it

considered to be

"unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the

claim.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal

process the insurance

company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000

for the rare cigars

he lost in "the fires." After the man cashed the

check, however, the

company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson.

With his own insurance

claim and testimony from the previous case being

used against him, the

man was convicted of intentionally burning his

insured property and

sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.