Why B5 is Better than Sex

Collated by Andrew MacLennan and Alys


"If B5 is on then it is just not on" - Jack


  1. B5 is still good, even when the tape's worn out and crappy.
  2. You only need a tape and a VCR to have good B5.
  3. You can have good B5 with your dog and not break any laws.
  4. There's no such thing as bad B5.
  5. You *know* that any new B5 will be great (corollary of #4).
  6. You can watch the same episode over and over without getting bored.
  7. There are several sexy males/females involved in each episode.
  8. You can B5 in a group and everyone can be comfortable.
  9. You can B5 on your own and not worry about going blind.
  10. B5 never tires out or complains of sore muscles.
  11. You can eat cookies in bed and B5 wont complain.
  12. You can make waves in the waterbed and B5 wont grumble.
  13. You can ooo and aaah to B5 and no one thinks you're faking it.
  14. B5 takes constructive criticism well.
  15. You don't catch diseases from watching B5.
  16. No-one ever got pregnant watching B5.
  17. If you watch B5 you don't wake up in the morning wondering why you did it...
  18. B5 doesn't get jealous if you enjoy another episode.
  19. B5 NEVER has a headache.
  20. B5 ALWAYS goes down well.       [yikes!!....ducks....commando roll.....:)]
  21. After you have B5 you're committed to nothing but rewinding the tape.
  22. You can have B5 immediately after you finish the last one.
  23. You don't have to put a rubber thing on anyone's head to B5.
  24. You can have Burrito's and B5 at the same time, without reducing the enjoyment of either.
  25. B5 won't dump you for lousy watching.
  26. B5 doesn't get stroppy if you Star Trek as well - just not at the same time:)
  27. You can't catch diseases from B5'ing (except maybe an addiction and obsessive/compulsive behaviour disorder and maybe a serious case of pining for the next episode:)
  28. You can have marathon sessions of B5, and when it's over want to start it all again.
  29. Anyone who walks in on you while having B5 can join in.
  30. You can laugh while watching B5 without hurting anyone's ego.
  31. You can gasp in disgust while watching B5 without hurting anyone's ego.
  32. Once you've got it on tape you can have it whenever you feel like it.
  33. You don't have to cuddle B5 for 1/2 hour afterwards!!!
  34. You can ask your friends around for a B5 and not be embarrassed.
  35. Your parents don't freak if they catch you with a girl(boy) watching B5.
  36. You don't freak if your parent's catch you with a girl(boy) watching B5.
  37. You can B5 in the middle of an airport lounge and not get thrown out.
  38. B5 never expects you to wear a g-string.
  39. When you get a new B5 video you can be sure you're the first to watch it.
  40. People don't talk behind you're back if they see you with a new B5 each week.
  41. You can do B5 on a first date and no one thinks it's wrong.
  42. If your partner starts talking during B5 you can tell him/her to shut up and get away with it.
  43. (for the guys) You can B5 every day of the year, & not worry about getting a low sperm count...
  44. You can B5 in a public place & not worry about being caught.
  45. You can tell other people you tape B5 without having them think you're a sicko.
  46. You can B5 if you have a cold without making your partner sick.
  47. B5 is guaranteed to last at least 42 minutes.
  48. B5 doesn't require spine-knotting positions to be a novelty.
  49. You can fart during B5 without putting anyone off. (Well, *almost* anyone :))
  50. No bad smells during B5 sessions. (Subset of 49.)
  51. No need to clean up after B5 sessions. (I.e. no wet patch.)
  52. You won't throw up the morning after having watched B5.
  53. No-one can screw you as well as Channel 9 can.
  54. Premature ejaculation is not a problem with Channel 9. Actually, premature anything is not a problem with Channel 9.
  55. Your parents don't get upset if you say you've been out watching B5 all night.
  56. Watching B5 on the floor is unlikely to put your back out.
  57. B5 unlikely to fall foul of NSW censorship laws.
  58. Watching B5 doesn't cost $2.99 a minute.
  59. B5 doesn't bite.
  60. B5 can't use scissors YOUCH!!!!!
  61. When u b5, it doesn't need the pill...... "Activate defense Grid"......"Sir, i'm reading a energy spike"........."Oh HELL, INTERCEPTORS FIRE!!!!!!"
  62. You can fit 5 episodes onto one tape and it lasts for 4 hours!?
  63. You can fall asleep and it won't matter, because you're taping it.
  64. You don't have to be 18 to buy the toys.


Contributors:

1-3:           Kristi (k.ellinopoullos@microbio.su.oz.au)
4-7,41-42: Alys (alice@minmet.uq.oz.au)
8-14:         Jeremy Sadler (jsadler@ozemail.com.au)
15-17:       Tony Rodgers (rodgerst@s054.aone.net.au)
18-22:       Tim Gollschewsky (citectjg@citecuf.citec.qld.gov.au)
23-27:       Belegdel (Troy Nancarrow) (t.nancarrow@gu.edu.au)
28-29:       Andrew Peter MacLennan (930399@bud.swin.edu.au)
30:             MadCat (madcat@crc.net.au)
31:             Craig Macbride (craig@rmit.edu.au)
32:             Alison (alison@cobweb.compulink.co.uk)
33:             Toni Devlin (aedevlin@postoffice.newnham.utas.edu.au)
34-40:       Cameron Murtagh (sci-csm@jcu.edu.au)
43-51:       Timothy Hock Seng Tan (083285@bud.swin.edu.au)
52:             Marky (marco@deakin.edu.au)
53-54:       Prabha Pillay (prabhap@wormald.com.au)
55-57:       Robert Ewing (r.ewing@student.anu.edu.au)
58:             Paul E. Jamison (paulg19@dtc.net)
59-61:       Andy (s2192833@cse.unsw.edu.au)
62:             Sanna B. (sannabr@ozonline.com.au)
63-64:       Intensity (eng-amgs@jcu.edu.au)


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This page is maintained by Alys and was last updated on 14 February, 1997. 1