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Recipe : Properly Prepared Thing Contributed by Jose Smythe The benefits of properly prepared Thing to an ambitious host or hostess are two fold. The first is presentation. Careful planning will allow you produce a dish in virtually any visual form you desire, from that of a woolly mammoth, to a shape combining aspects of palm-trees, penguins, and cawliflower. The second benefit is that no matter what presentation you wish to surprise your guests with, The Thing always tastes like chicken in any form. The downsides to The Thing are also two-fold. If not properly cooked The Thing will go on to assimilate your guests after ingestion, ruining dinner conversation and forcing an early end to the evening. Due to the precautions necessary to avoid such a gossip column nightmare, The Thing must ALWAYS be served well-done.
Necessary Implements:
Place the presentation models inside the mirrored room, scattering them about so they are reflected by in every mirror, magnifying their presence. Release your carefully contained Thing into the room and seal it. At this point The Thing will take in its surroundings and then fall back on its natural instincts to blend in. Since it will perceive that it is surrounded by many identical forms, it will mimic those to avoid detection. It is best to allow The Thing at least 15 minutes to assume the final form, and for especially complex and unnatural shapes at least 1 hour. You can use the waiting time to test your lightening gun and ensure that it is properly charged. Once you are confident that The Thing is in the form you desire, strap on your lightening gun and fling open the door to the mirrored room. Immediately lay down a wide spread of lightening bolts across the entire chamber, making certain that you strike all of the models in the room (one of which will be The Thing) numerous times before you stop firing. The Thing will now be rendered immobile and incapable of higher brain functions, but it will not yet be dead as absolutely every single cell must be completely cooked before a Thing could ever be considered safe to eat. Examine the various models and determine which is your Thing. To make this process somewhat easier, it is good idea not to use chickens as your models. This can make it quite difficult to determine which is The Thing, even after extensive sampling. Place the stunned Thing into an appropriately sized serving dish and season at will. Cover the serving dish and place into microwave. Microwave on HIGH for 10 minutes per pound for safe cooking. It can also be a good idea to pre-order a meat thermometer for Thing with the extra long probe and specific IT'S DEAD reading. Cover the cooked Thing with your sauce and serve. This recipe was added to the SFC on August 15,1999
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