Title: Song For A Winter's Night
Author: Drusilla
Email: Drus1lla@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters Buffy and Angel; they belong to Joss Whedon, 
Mutant Enemy, FOX, and whomever else I haven't mentioned.  The song, Song For A 
Winter's Night, belongs to Sarah McLachlan.
Author's Notes: The third in a series that began with, 'I Don't Know You Anymore'
Summary: Buffy and Angel's daughter continues to write to her parents.


The lamp is burning low upon my tabletop
The snow is softly falling
The air is still in the silence of my room
I hear your voice softly calling
If I could only have you near to breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this Winter's night with you


I've lit a few candles, placed them about the room.  It almost seems to be glowing. I've 
started doing something Mom did.  I've put a picture on this page, and am writing below 
it.  It's of the two of you; you're both so young.  Aunt Willow gave it to me. She says it's 
from Mom's high school prom.  I know that was one of the saddest times for you, but you 
both look so happy, just being there in each other's arms.

It never used to snow in Sunnydale; I've often wondered why it does now.  Every 
Christmas it snows.  Christmas.  This is the time when families are supposed to be 
together, not missing each other.  Not wishing to have one more day to say I love you.  
I'm going to start crying if I keep this up.  Maybe I need to cry though, maybe it'll help.  
Maybe I need to get out of this house.  It's like I can feel you both in every room.  I can 
hear your voices.

I can picture you Mom, standing in the kitchen, making dinner as you and Uncle Spike 
argue. It's like I can see Daddy coming up behind you, and just slipping his arms around 
your waist. You always loved it when he did that.  You would stop whatever you were 
doing, close your eyes, and just lean back against him.  That always seemed to make 
everything better, Daddy's arms around you.

Iain came by today.  He still has that lost look in his eyes.  That look that says his entire 
world has been torn out from under him.  I wish there was something I could say to him, 
something I could do.  But what can I say?  I don't know exactly how he feels, even 
though he's my brother.  I should.  I should know.  It's different for him.

He asked me how I was doing, trying to be the protective big brother.  I ended up being 
the protective one.  We sat in your bedroom, and I held him as he cried.  I can't make it 
better for him, and I want to.  I want this ache to go away.  I want you back.  You weren't 
supposed to go yet.  Daddy was supposed to walk me down the aisle at my wedding one 
day. Mom was supposed to calm me down beforehand.


The smoke is rising in the shadows overhead
My glass is almost empty
I read again between the lines upon each page
The words of love you send me
If I could know within my heart
You were lonely too
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this Winter's night with you


I'm not ready to try this scary life stuff without you guys.  I know Aunt Willow and all 
your other friends, and even Spike are here for us.  It's not the same.  They're not you. 
They're not my parents.

I've taped one of Daddy's letters on the page with this picture.  It's one you wrote to 
Mom right after you left Sunnydale.  Like all the rest, you never sent them.  You kept 
them, your memories.  Your own tears.  You tell her how much you love her, how much 
you miss her. You tell her how you wish you'd never left.  You tell her how much you 
need her, and that you're a better man for having known her.

I can't begin to wonder what the two of you went through.  I love you guys.  Iain and I 
are here because the two of you loved each other, because you never gave up.  I don't 
know if I could've done it.

I met someone today, he's nice.  Oddly enough we met at the cemetery.  I was visiting 
you. He told me it wasn't safe to wander around cemeteries at night.  Like I don't know 
that. But then, he didn't know my mom's the Slayer.  Was the Slayer.  I'm going to start 
crying again.

Tell you about him, that's what I should do.  His name sounds familiar to me for some 
reason. It's Riley Finn Jr.  I don't know where I've heard that name before.  We talked 
over coffee for a couple hours.  Apparently his family is from Iowa, but his dad came out 
here for college and decided to stay.  Who would want to stay in Sunnydale?


The fire is dying, my lamp is growing dim
The shades of night are lifting
The morning light steals across my window pane
Where webs of snow are drifting
If I could only have you near to breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this Winter's night with you
And you'd be once again with me


These are the kind of things I wish I could tell you in person.  Instead of having to write 
them in a book, hoping that you're looking down on us.  I wish you were here.  Not just 
for me, but for Iain too.  We may be grown up now, well as grown up as a twenty-year-
old can be, but we still need you.

I love you,
Brighid