Disclaimers: We know what Paramount owns, therefore we bow down to them.
What I own is the story idea.
Credits: This story title comes from Celine Dion's song "My Heart Will
Go On", theme from the movie "Titanic". After listening to this song
about a million times, I got an idea. Trust me, no ships sink in this
story. There are not any ships that float on water to begin with.
Place of story: This is set into the future of Voyager returning to the
Alpha quadrant. If you have heard this song, you will understand this story.
It took a few weeks for the excitement to settle down when Voyager
returned from the Delta quadrant. Starfleet feared it was destroyed
6 years earlier in the Badlands, and listed it as missing in the record files.
Voyager found its way home through a subspace fracture and a ounce of
luck. The Federation was taken by suprise as Voyager appeared from no
where out side of the Utopian Planitia yards on Mars. Quickly it was
greeted by several Federation ships that escorted
Voyager to Earth.
After all of the details were worked out, the crew of Voyager
were interviewed by Starfleet Command upon their return. Which meant
weeks of sifting through data collected on the Delta quadrant. The crew
were temporarily placed at the Academy in San Francisco while Starfleet
decided how to handle this unique situation. A lost ship returns
with Maquis crew members who were feared "lost" as well. Two crews
fighting for different beliefs, working as one to get home.
Starfleet talked to the members of both crews to lengthy extents
alone and together. There was so much to be learned, and Starfleet
didn't waste time learning.
Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on
Tom Paris stared out at the ocean as the day gave way to the night.
Watching the night sky come to life with the light of the stars. Stars that
he had missed since being away.
The gentle breeze filled his senses with smells that he had forgotten
and ruffled his hair in the process. The gentle lapping of the water at
his feet seemed to be a dream, as he walked along the sand. He knew it
wasn't a dream, it was real.
Clad only in black shorts and a white tank top, he held his shoes in
his hand and continued to walk on. He had no idea where he was going, he
just wanted to go on.
On the outside, one could never tell what he was feeling. He had
mastered hiding feelings, especially those that ment more to him than life.
Some where deep inside, his heart was falling into the blackness of a stormy
night, with no stars to help guide him.
Looking up, he hoped to see a familiar face that filled his every
thought. But all he saw was the lights of a city, life of a city, the
feeling of a city. It was not what he wanted to see. He dreamed of
her every night, since she left. Each dream was real, down to
the feel of her hand in his. Her laughter echoing in the corners of his mind,
never went away. It was all he had left of B'Elanna Torres. Her name was
hard to say lately.
Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on
Stopping to look up at the night sky, a single tear fell down his
cheek, as a falling star streaked acrossed the sky. He watched it until
it disappeared beyond the horizon.
"I have not forgotten you B'Elanna Torres. I never will."
his voice was just above a whisper. He could recall the moment so clear,
he swore that it had just happened.
"Subspace fracture dead ahead!" Harry Kim shouted from Ops.
"It's getting wider."
"Voyager to shuttle Cochrane. Torres get back to the ship now!"
Janeway yelled to the com system.
"It is not big enough for Voyager to pass through!" B'Elanna growled.
"It is not worth you dying for. There will be other ways home!"
"There will never be another chance like this again!" B'Elanna
yelled back.
"Get your Klingon butt back on this ship now!!" Chakotay
jumped out of his chair.
Before anything else could be said, Cochrane and Voyager vanished
into the fracture. Voyager survived the journey, but Cochrane didn't.
B'Elanna disobeyed orders and took a shuttle. She paid the price for Voyager
to get home, with her life.
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're one
Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on
Tom became aware of his surroundings as he bumped into a light post.
He cursed silently as he changed direction back toward the Academy.
The night was not over yet. There was still the matter of Voyager
and her crew.
The auditorium was filled with more Starfleet personnel than Janeway
could ever remember seeing in one place. She was smoothing out her dress
uniform and looking around for a familiar face. It was strange to be
lonely in a room full of people when one was used to being on Voyager.
"Captain." Harry Kim walked towards her. He looked anxious and
nervous.
"I was beginning to think I was the only one here." She weakly
joked.
"I actually got lost. Can you believe it?"
"I can." She smiled at him. There was a moment of silence
between them.
"I miss her too Harry." Janeway said softly.
"I just never...you know...she would...." Harry trailed off
as his voice began to fail.
"B'Elanna wanted us to go on, we must not let her down."
"I wish she was here to go on with us." Harry sadly said as
Janeway held his hands.
"I knew there was something going on with you two." Chakotay stated.
"Not even close, Commander." Janeway said giving him a look.
"I feel like a monkey in this uniform." Chakotay said picking at
the cloth.
"You don't look like one." Harry smiled.
"Thanks Harry, you know how to cheer me up."
"Has anyone seen Tom?" Janeway questioned. "I haven't seen him all
day."
"Last I saw him, he was walking along the ocean." Harry said.
"He has been staying away as much as possible." They knew why Tom had made
himself scarce the last couple of days. First it was the absence
of B'Elanna and then it was the appearance of Admiral Paris, his father.
All three exchanged looks and sighed.
Neelix, the only Talaxian in the Alpha quadrant, stumbled upon the
three who looked lost.
"Hello there!! My, this is a strange place." Neelix commented
as he looked around. "You could get lost." Harry tossed a "I told you so"
look at Janeway who only smiled.
"Have you seen Tom?" Chakotay asked. Janeway snapped her head
towards Chakotay. He rarely called the pilot by his first name.
"Can't say I have." Neelix answered. "Is he lost too?"
"By choice." Harry added.
"Mr. Vulcan is here. He was talking to someone called Spock."
Neelix said.
"I didn't know Vulcans came in different colors." Harry stifled
a laugh as did Janeway and Chakotay. Was the Alpha quadrant ready for
Neelix and leola root? Probably not.
Tom stood outside of the auditorium and straightened out his uniform.
He never thought he would be wearing this when he got back home. Home.
It didn't seem real, not even when he saw his father looking at him when
they beamed down from the spacedock. It was like a slap in the face, but
he held his head high as he stood by Captain Janeway and Commander
Chakotay. Never faltering, never giving any indication that his presence
would make him squirm.
He was too stunned to squirm. The loss of B'Elanna was still to
fresh, real. He would have rather stayed in the Delta quadrant and have
B'Elanna alive. Fate can have many twists and turns, and it was one turn he
could have done without.
Tom looked down at his hand, it was B'Elanna's last message,
the last thing she would ever say to him to anyone. He had watched
it before leaving tonight. He stared at the chip remembering how her image
shimmered into view. Followed by her soft voice. He could recall it
so clearly.
*If you are watching this, I have died. I only hope I died a
honorable death and not a senseless one. I never liked making these messages,
but since I met you, I feel that I should leave you with something.
You have opened many doors for me since we met. You have given me
something that I never dreamed of having.....love...your love. I felt
stronger, yet weaker for it. Sometimes in the night, I could feel you,
remember your touch, feel your lips against mine. My heart would
pound in my chest when I thought about you. Should anything
happen to me, please don't morn for me. I would you rather go on
and remember me as I was. Honor me that way. I will love you
forever Tom Paris.*
Taking a deep breath, he stepped into the building and felt even more alone than
he felt before. It was like a Starfleet party, all kinds of delegations were there. Not
to mention pilots that wanted to see a ex-Starfleet/Maquis screw-up who broke the warp
10 barrier. He felt as if he were on show or something. A detailed report wasn't enough
for those who wanted to know about the warp 10 flight, they had to see the legend
himself.
He found Chakotay, Janeway and Harry talking to Neelix and headed off towards
them. He needed to be around people he knew, people who were is friends.
"Does anyone else feel like a monkey in a zoo besides me?" Tom smiled.
"Chakotay is a monkey." Janeway laughed at him.
"What is a monkey?" Neelix asked totally confused. The laughter began.
"Captain." Annika began. "I don't understand why there is so much fuss
over us." Over the years, Seven began to accept being human and its limitations.
She also accepted her human name as well. The borg implants were all but gone,
but she still retained her bluntness.
"Didn't think you were going to find your way here." Janeway said. "Besides
Starfleet is good at fussing."
"I've told them they need to put more emphasis on structure." Annika replied.
Chakotay, Harry and Tom's mouth dropped to the floor. "They said they would give
it some thought. I think they were joking."
"It wouldn't suprise me." Janeway said cracking a smile.
"Go Annika!" Harry yelped. Tom, Neelix and Chakotay only shook their heads.
The high point of the ceremony was when the families of the Voyager crew finally
got to see their loved ones face to face. It was many a tearful moment when moms
and dads hugged their feared dead sons and daughters. Mates embracing in what
seemed like a lifetime of the past.
Not all was going to turn out happily ever after for those who were married when
Voyager disappeared. Many feared their mates were dead and re-married. It was going
to be a period of adjustment and learning to let go.
Then there were those who didn't have anyone to return home to. Chakotay, Annika
and Tom stood there as all of this was going on. Janeway was hugging and crying in her mother
and sister's arms, Harry was holding onto his parents while Libby watched.
Tom gave Annika and Chakotay a glance, "I really didn't want to be here."
"Guess we are each other families." Annika said with a smile. They stood looking
at one another and then embraced. If only for a brief moment, Tom remembered what
it was like to be part of a family. The simple gesture touched his wounded soul.
Harry dragged his parents over to the trio and said, "This is my other family." Janeway
did the same with her mother and sister and joined in a large family hug. It was as if
they were all accepted regardless of the past. Harry's mom hugged Tom as if he would
disappear if she didn't. A true smile broke out on his face as the small dark haired woman hugged
him like she did Harry. They all were a family.
Tom had to get out and get some air. He was starting to feel smothered. He excused himself
and made a hasty exit outside. Harry untangled himself and followed him out.
The night air was warm as Harry stepped out into the darkness. His eyes adjusted quickly
to the contrast of light. He walked down the stone pathway and found Tom sitting on a bench.
Harry stood there for a moment wondering what he could say to Tom. There wasn't much
he could say to make things better. He quietly walked over and sat down beside Tom.
Tom only glanced at him for a moment and turned back to the sky. Harry looked up into
the night sky. The Big Dipper was just above them. The stars looked so different from planet-
side, smaller.
"I'm not sure if I can handle much more attention." Harry said breaking the silence. "I'm
getting sore from being hugged to death." Tom continued to look up to the night sky. Harry
sighed in the still of the night.
"I dream about her Harry. I can still feel her, it is like she never left." Tom broke the
silence. "I didn't think I could miss her as much as I do."
"I know. I miss her like hell." Harry said sadly. "I didn't realize how much I missed her
until I saw my parents and Libby."
"So Libby waited for you." Tom stated looking in Harry's direction. Harry's gaze traveled
to the ground.
"No Libby didn't wait for me. She fell in love with another guy three years ago."
"I'm sorry Harry."
"Nothing to be sorry for. I knew it could happen, I just didn't want to believe it."
"Your parents actually let you out?" Tom quipped weakly.
"Yeah, I told them I had to find my friend who needed someone to talk to."
"It hurts to talk Harry." Tom said resting his head against the bench.
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
There is some love that will not go away
Tom stood up and began to pace, Harry only watched and listened. "I'm home and all
I can do is cry for B'Elanna and get angry at my father for not saying one word to me. I'd
rather have B'Elanna next to me, hearing her voice, losing myself in her touch. I'd give up
everything I have just to have her here now."
"Tom, the heart goes on. It learns to live again, it learns to fall in love again." Harry
whispered. "It hurts like hell now, but later, sometime down the road, it will be strong
enough to love again. But for now, it will ache and echo things that only you know.
It will wake you in the middle of the night and make you cry out. It will comfort you
when you need to be comforted." Tears fell down his face, soaking into the cloth
of his pants.
Tom stopped to look at Harry as he wiped the tears from his face. "I'm sorry. I'm
being a jerk."
"There is nothing you can do for me like there is nothing I can do for you." Harry
said truthfully. Tom nodded in silent agreement and sat back down next to Harry. They
looked up to the night sky searching for a answer for tomorrow.
Harry left Tom sitting on the bench as the sun began to rise. They spent the whole
night in silence, looking up at the night sky. He knew Tom wasn't ready to be fawned
over right now. Turning the corner, he saw Admiral Paris walking in his direction. Harry
could see a bit of Tom in the Admiral, blue eyes, that was all.
"Ensign Kim, have you seen Thomas?
"Yes. He is sitting on the bench by the pond. May I say something?"
"You may."
"Don't expect Tom to greet you with open arms. He is hurting more than
you realize and isn't ready to be the Admiral's son." Harry spoke his mind. "He's
lost and trying to find out where he belongs and doesn't need to be reminded of
the mistakes he has made in his life. He is trying to figure out how to let go of
the hurt and still be able to breathe. B'Elanna Torres loved him unconditionally,
and didn't hold his past against him. Treat him as a son and not as a object that
you can push away when your done playing with it." Harry walked off before he
went any further. It made his blood boil.
You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
Tom stood up and taking a deep breath, he began walking towards the buildings. He
had to go on and not wallow in such sadness. B'Elanna wouldn't like it and would tell
him so. Harry was right, the heart does go on and it was time to go on. But he wanted to
cry a little more for the one woman who meant the world to him. The only woman he would
never touch again except for in his dreams. He watched his feet step in front of one another,
each step taking him into the future without B'Elanna. A long and lonely future without her.
Slowly his head lifted up to see the path that he was going to travel down, alone.
Stopping suddenly, Tom just stared ahead of him, unable to move, unable breathe.
He had to be seeing things. Just had to be, that or life was playing tricks with his mind. His mind
began to slowly move his body forward, one step at a time. Inhale, exhale. His eyes
widened in fear, happiness and shock. He began to shake as his mind began to
work. It just couldn't be. Not after all this time, it just couldn't be.
B'Elanna Torres began moving towards Tom. He looked handsome in a dress uniform,
not to mention unshaven. Each step was painful, but she didn't care. She needed to feel
his touch again, needed to know that he was there. Her dreams wouldn't let him go, they
kept her alive and gave her strength to survive.
Her face had cuts and bruises and her uniform was dirty and torn. She limped as she
ran towards him.
His face echoed her pain as they embraced in what seemed like a lifetime apart. Her
arms flew around him tightly, not letting go, falling into the real thing and not a dream.
His arms lifted her up and held her off the ground as he buried his face in her hair. His arms
held her close to him, not letting her go.
"Gods B'Elanna your real." He breathed in her scent. "I won't let you go. Never again."
"Hold me please. Tell me your here and not in my dreams." She cried.
"I'm not a dream, I'm real." He pulled her away to look into her tired eyes. "You've
been in my dreams every day and night."
"And you have been in mine. I was scared I wasn't going to see you again."
"What happened?"
"That subspace fracture took me for a ride, the rough way. Voyager must have had
the easy way." She weakly joked. "I was stuck and had to wait for a opening. While I waited
I had to rebuild a engine and eat horrible rations."
"You should be in the infirmary." He scolded her softly.
"Your all the care I need and want." She said seriously. "I want to hurl heavy objects
at you and bite you until your mine."
"If you remember the Pon farr incident, you marked me. We have been playing the game
for too long. There will be no backing out now B'Elanna Torres, I play forever."
"Better bring a well equipped med kit." She smiled before bringing his lips to hers in
a fiery kiss. At that moment, Tom knew that if everything else failed, he would have the one
person who captured his heart and refused to let it go.
A group of people watched the scene unfold before them. Janeway wiped a tear away,
"I love a happy ending. It seems lately that their hasn't been many."
"I do hope your going to have a talk with Torres about disobeying orders." Chakotay
said with a smile. "She still has allot to explain."
"I know she does Commander." Dr. Markham said. "But you know all about how
determined she is when it comes to sickbay treatment."
"Maybe we should transport back to Voyager so she can turn off your EMH program."
Harry laughed.
"Very funny Mr. Kim." The doctor replied.
"Do you think Torres will be mad at me when she sees what I did to her engine room?"
Annika questioned.
"I'm sure she won't mind." Janeway said. "She has other things to occupy her time."
"What about you Kathryn? Could I still occupy your time?" A strong voice questioned.
Janeway began looking around and turned to see who was behind her. Her mouth dropped a
few inches as her eyes began to get moist. "Mark." Her shaky voice rasped. "My god....."
She took a unsteady step toward the man who she thought had forgotten her. Her legs
were shaking and her heart was pounding as she got closer to him. He was still as beautiful
as she remembered him years ago, although his hair had a little more gray.
Mark drank in the sight before him. He loved her enough to wait for her, he was happy
he did. She had cut her hair, something she swore she would never do. She still looked as
beautiful as ever.
Then the years melted away when they finally embraced. Pulling away, Janeway looked
into his eyes, "You waited for me?" Her tears finally fell down her face.
"What did you expect? I loved you too much to let you go." He replied. "Besides,
Kathryn Janeway always returns home. She might get lost along the way, but she does
come home." Kathryn began crying harder.
By this time, Harry was crying along with Annika. Chakotay realized that deep down
inside a long time ago, Kathryn would never be his. It was not to be. He smiled a warm smile
as a familiar feeling touched his mind. His animal guide reminded him of the future, that was
yet to be seen.
Dr. Markham whipped out a tricorder and announced, "My readings indicate emotional
distress brought on by reunions. I would like to see Ms. Torres in the infirmary for a
complete physical. Mr. Paris, you had better come along also, because if you two were to
be separated, I'm sure one of you would have a breakdown of some sort."
" His humor is still as bad as ever." B'Elanna said tearing her lips away from Tom's.
She could see the true color of his eyes as the sun began to shine. It was the deepest
shade of blue that was embedded into there memory forever. His fingers gently brushed
some dirt off her cheek, "But he is right. If you walk away with out me, I will die."
"Your too stubborn to die Tom Paris." She smiled at him. "Besides, I will never
walk away from you. Not now, not ever."
*My Heart Will Go On-----> Written by James Horner and Will Jennings. From Celine
Dion's album "Let's Talk About Love".
