Disclaimers: Paramount owns all we write about. We own the ideas we write about.
Without Paramount and the StarTrek world......fan fiction would not exist.
Premise: This takes place after "Hope and Fear".
Rating: PG-13
Special Thanks: To PJ for smoothing out the rough spots and for adding her magic with words.
Thanks for "Tweaking" this monster. Only Mom knows how to fix things!!
"Don't close your eyes Tom." B'Elanna Torres pleaded gently. "Keep those beautiful
eyes open so I know your are here with me."
Tom fuzzily smiled at her as his eyes slowly closed and opened again, "Beautiful eyes,
uh?" His words were slurred as he mumbled, "Thanks."
B'Elanna smiled at his small attempt at humor. She was not going to let go of
the man she loved. Not now, not ever.
The com panel behind B'Elanna exploded and instinctively, she threw herself over Tom,
trying to shield him from flying debris. Bits of shuttle landed all around them as B'Elanna
silently screamed and prayed for Voyager to arrive.
Shuttle missions were not only hazardous for the shuttles, but dangerous to the people who flew them.
"Voyager will be here soon." Tom whispered into her ear. "Just don't leave me."
Like a feather on the wind, he felt the warmth of her lips and her breath on his neck.
Then heard her tear roughened voice, "I will never leave you." She could feel his
smile against her skin.
"So what will we do while we wait?" Tom asked as she pulled away from him.
B'Elanna looked into those brilliant blue eyes. Those same blue eyes that twinkled
when he surprised her or when he would slowly admire her. Reaching out she brushed
some hair away from his forehead, gently rubbing some smudges off his face. She was
very careful not to reopen the gash above his right eye.
"You have a excellent bedside manner Ms. Torres." He smiled weakly.
"You have to stay awake and make sure I don't mess up."
"You could never mess up."
"Oh yes I can! I have!" She stated firmly. "Remember the Day of Honor ritual? How I pushed you away, how I lied to myself and you.
So yes I can mess up."
"I won't tell if you don't?" Blue eyes twinkled.
"Deal." B'Elanna laughed. "So How do I know you won't make some sort
of bet with Harry or Neelix?"
"I never bet against a sure thing." Tom replied with a smile as his dear
blue eyes dimmed. "I love you."
"Love you too." She whispered.
A moment of silence fell between them. The sound of their heart beats filling the
silent moment. The noise of the shuttle breaking up around them could not be heard
over the pounding beat of two hearts.
Tom's hand slowly reached up to wipe a tear that escaped from her eye to mingle
with the blood from the cut on her face. He gave her a weak smile, "I'm not going
to die. I'm too smart to leave a wonderful woman like you."
Just his touch reassured her, he was not a quitter. Tom never gave up when
the odds were stacked against him. Never. A small part of her mind reminded her
that his injuries were severe. There was not much she could do with a limited med
kit, but she did what she could. She could not mend his injured spinal cord, repair
his torn stomach or his damaged spleen. She could only treat his concussion, staunch
his external bleeding and be with him.
Tom knew it wasn't looking good for him. He knew he was seriously injured,
that time was not on his side. He didn't need to tell B'Elanna what the tricorder
had already told her. There was nothing either of them could do. He knew that he had
a serious spinal injury, because he could no longer feel his legs. There were
internal injuries, kidneys and maybe the spleen. His stomach burned with a dull
pain, he knew that was not a good sign. *"Not like this!!"* His mind screamed.
*"I don't want to die in a strange place. I don't want to die!"*
B'Elanna saw the shadow of fear darken his eyes. She quickly framed his
face with her hands. "Relax Tom. Getting scared isn't going to help either one of
us. I will be right here, I'm not leaving you." His blue eyes locked onto her brown
ones, they were connected. She could feel him relax some. "That is it. Just
relax....just listen to my voice. Cause you are going to be hearing it for a long time."
Suddenly his body lifted from the floor as he began coughing up blood.
B'Elanna took Tom in her arms and began wiping the blood away with a piece of
cloth that she had torn from her uniform. Each cough racked his battered body more.
"I'm sorry Tom!" B'Elanna cried out holding him to her as he continued
to expel blood. "It is my fault that you were hurt. I never should have asked
you to get me a sandwich, I shouldn't have been flying the shuttle."
The coughing spell ended finally and she lowered Tom back down to the shuttle
floor. "Not your fault." He rasped out. "No...not your fault. Mine. I didn't think
about the ion disruptions. I forgot about it. I'm the one who should be sorry."
"I didn't have it on manual.....I had it on auto pilot!" B'Elanna
cried out never breaking contact with his eyes. "I didn't think the ion disruptions
were that serious."
Tom took her hand and held it weakly in his. "It is okay B'Elanna. Looks like
we both will have to tell the captain that another shuttle has been banged up a little."
"A little banged up?" She laughed.
"Nothing that can't be fixed." Tom grinned back and closed his eyes.
"No!" B'Elanna shouted. "Keep you eyes opened!"
"It is getting hard." He said quietly. "I hurt so much...want to sleep...."
"No!" B'Elanna said gently shaking Tom, making him open his eyes. "I won't let you."
"B'Elanna......" Tom slurred. "My eyess.....have been open for too long. Time to rest now."
"You can rest later....stay awake!" She shouted at him and saw his pain
filled blue eyes looking back at her. His eyes were very blue and very beautiful.
She knew that he was slowly slipping away from her and there was nothing she could
do about it. B'Elanna prayed that the distress signal wasn't disrupted by the
ion interference. Voyager had to get the message!
He could feel her shaking but could not tell it was anger or fear causing it.
It was probably a combination of both he surmised. Funny how things sharpened
in perspective when you stood at deaths' door. Strange how many things become
clearer when you are about to leave them behind. Those precious things you found
while walking the path of life. *"No!"* Tom's mind was scrambling with
feelings and emotions and trying to speak. *"I don't want to leave B'Elanna!
I love B'Elanna!! I'm not ready to go!!! There is sill so much to do, so much to
learn. It can't end this way!! I need to get home and tell my friends how much
they mean to me."*
She watched him fight the darkness that had come for him. His eyes rapidly
opening and closing, fighting to stay open. His hands blindly reaching out for
hers. She grabbed his hand and held them close to her heart. Fighting back the
tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She was going to be strong for him.
"B'Elanna....Please listen to me." Tom whispered. "So much to tell you
and not time enough to do so. I have always loved you B'Elanna Torres. I never
thought...you would......ever...like me. So many things in my life have been...
wrong...never enough...right until...you. You made a........difference...in my
life...many have. Harry......for his unswerving friendship... his boundless
faith in me.......the ...way.....he accepted..me.....Neelix.... for seeing ...
who I was...for not...being afraid..to be my friend..... Tuvok.....for
making sure...I would have a chance...to be......to ..prove....
that I am a good person.......Chakotay....reminding me... that....what.....
I was...didn't have...to be....I only...wanted....him to...... treat me.....
that....I did care....always cared for all......Seven.... for... not .....all
is....irrelevant....it does matter..........Janeway....for the ......chance...to
change.....chance to try....one time to ......right....many wrongs......Please
tell....they need...to know......"
"Tom!!" B'Elanna yelled. "I love you!! Stay with me and lets explore this
new world together. There is still much to see and do..I can't do it alone."
Blue eyes opened to look at the woman who had beautiful eyes herself. Such
strong and feeling eyes...such passion...emotion. In her deep brown eyes he saw
emotions that he would remember for a long time to come. He saw the love she had
for him...the passion. He saw a future she didn't believe in.
Brown eyes locked onto the blue eyes that stared at her. Blue like the sky...
deep like a ocean. Very emotional..powerful. Calm like a quiet day on the water
or violent like a raging storm..cold...unfeeling. She saw a love that she never
felt before in his eyes. His eyes made her strong and weak all at the same time.
His eyes made her bold. He saw something that she couldn't see.
"Don't close your eyes B'Elanna." Tom smiled weakly and his eyes closed.
Immediately she laid her head on his chest. He was still breathing and his
heart was beating. Tom was still alive, but for how long?
Carefully, she moved closer to him, holding his lifeless hand in her strong
ones. Her lips touched the back of his hand and stayed there. Closing her eyes,
she silently prayed. She really wanted to get angry and beat something out
of existence, but she couldn't. She quickly opened her eyes, Tom had told her not
to close her eyes. Looking up through the hole in the top of the shuttle craft,
she could see the clouds part and the pale purple color of the sky was revealed.
"The clouds have disappeared." She whispered in Tom's ear. "I think maybe
the sun will come out." She settled in and began talking to him. "My first sunburn
was the worst. Imagine me trying to peel dead skin off my ridges. It was so funny.
I'm lucky it didn't itch too much or I never would have gone back out in the sun."
Her laughter echoed in the damaged shuttle.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Harry Kim slammed his fist against the panel causing Commander Chakotay
and Captain Janeway to turn in his direction.
"Something wrong Ensign?" Chakotay asked.
"I'm not sure. Every time I run a active can in sector 221A, it seems to
scramble my sensors." Harry replied. "Diagnostics say it is functioning properly."
"Banging isn't helping?" Janeway commented neutrally.
"Sorry Captain." He replied with a tired sigh.
Janeway stood up and walked over to the Ops station. Harry looked tired.
"Is everything all right?" She said for his ears only. She was met
with the famous Harry Kim worried look.
"I think something has happened to the away team. I haven't been
able to locate the shuttle for the last couple of hours." Harry said quietly.
"I think the ion interference is worse than I thought."
"No signs of warp core breeches or anything?" Janeway asked looking
down at the readings.
"Not a thing." Harry said quickly running his fingers over the panel.
"Recommendations?"
"Take Voyager to section 221A. Maybe the closer we are, the more I
can clear up the interference." He gave her a shrug of his shoulders.
Janeway turned away from Ops and said, "Commander take us to section 221A,
lets find out what is going on."
Chakotay nodded and turned back to the helm. Voyager faded into the fabric of space.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
The only sound in the wrecked shuttle was the heavy, rasping breathing of
Tom Paris. B'Elanna could only stroke his face and tell him to fight, tell him
that she loved him and not to leave her.
Each painful breath Tom took made her heart beat faster. She had to turn
his head so the excess blood could run out of mouth instead of choking him.
It was no the most brilliant thing to do with a back injury, but she wanted him
to hang on. She would deal with the damage later, providing Tom could hang on until later.
A faint noise caught her attention and she looked up through the hole.
Not seeing anything, she stood up and promptly fell over the pilots seat.
Something about the noise was familiar to her. Like hearing a voice you can
pick out in a crowd of people, a feeling that you were safe. Stumbling out
into the strange golden planet, she looked down at the bloody gash in her
leg and then up to the sky once more.
Voyager descended like a savior, a spirit falling from the heavens. B'Elanna
ran back into the shuttle and found Tom in respiratory distress. She quickly
turned his head to help him breathe and began to yell, "Tom!! Voyager is here.
Fight, damn it...fight. You don't quit...men like you survive!"
She heard Voyager land with a thud as the transporter beam surrounded her and Tom.
The Doctor was ready to receive his injured friends. Seven was also standing
by when Tom and B'Elanna materialized in sickbay. After lifting Tom to one of
the bio-beds, Seven turned to B'Elanna and replied, "You need medical attention.
Please sit down."
"No! Tom needs more help than me. I can take care of myself." B'Elanna
replied through gritted teeth.
"Very well." Seven said unemotionally and turned back to help the Doctor.
B'Elanna backed up until she made contact with the wall behind her. As
the sounds of the Doctors orders faded in her ears, she slowly slid down the
wall shaking with fear and fatigue. Her heart was pounding like small explosions
in her chest. Breathing began to hurt as things began to take on a shimmery
appearance. All she could see and hear was the man who loved her, fighting for each breath.
Commander Chakotay entered sickbay followed by the captain. Gently he picked
up B'Elanna placing her on a bio-bed. Captain Janeway picked up a medical tray
as she walked over to B'Elanna's side. Quickly she began to assess the damage
to her chief engineer.
B'Elanna was oblivious to what was going on around her. She did not care
about anything but the man she loved. The last words that Tom said to her
kept playing over and over in her confused mind. *Don't close your eyes B'Elanna."*
Chakotay watched as Janeway healed B'Elanna's injuries. They consisted of
a cut on her face, the gash on her leg and a couple of cracked ribs. During
the entire time, B'Elanna just sat there, staring into space. She didn't
even notice when the Doctor and Seven moved Tom into the surgical bay.
Janeway and Chakotay studied the readings on the Doctor's tricorder. Each
one knew that Tom and B'Elanna were a couple and how much they loved each other.
"Do you think she is in shock?" Janeway tipped her head in B'Elanna's
direction.
"Maybe." Chakotay answered carefully still studying the engineer.
"She didn't even notice that Tom is gone from this room."
"Lets leave her here until the Doctor can take a look at her." Janeway
said putting the tricorder down. "She needs to rest."
Chakotay nodded and gently pushed B'Elanna down on the bio-bed. Janeway was
surprised that she laid down without getting angry. But B'Elanna didn't close her
eyes, she kept them wide open.
"B'Elanna you need to rest." Janeway said placing her hand on her
shoulder. "Try to get some sleep."
"Don't want to sleep." B'Elanna replied in a monotone voice.
"Not even for a little while?" Janeway asked gently.
"No." The final answer.
Janeway looked at Chakotay and he only shrugged his shoulders,
"Maybe we missed something?"
"Do you think she will be okay by herself?" Kathryn asked.
"Not now." Chakotay replied. "I will stay with her for awhile."
"Okay." Kathryn said patting him on the arm. "Keep me informed."
"I will." Chakotay watched the captain leave sickbay and grabbed a
nearby chair and sat down beside B'Elanna's bio-bed.
Chakotay watched B'Elanna closely trying to figure out what was going on
inside of her head. Not that he could, he never could really. B'Elanna was
famous for refusing help when something bothered her deeply. He should know,
he was on the receiving end one time.
It was looking into her lifeless eyes that disturbed him. It was as if
something had died in her deep brown eyes. Like a candle in the wind, the flame
had died. There was nothing in her eyes. No warmth, no anger, no life. Nothing.
Standing he looked down into her eyes. She was his best friend and he
wasn't going to lose any more of his friends if he could help it.
"B'Elanna..." Chakotay whispered. "Please talk to me. Tell me
where you are."
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
The sand was wet and the ocean was warm as she walked alone. The sun was
shining in the blue sky and glinting on the water, not a cloud in sight. Her
feet sank into the sand as she wandered along the shore, in no particular direction.
Her arms were wrapped tightly around her, although the thin white sweater she
wore was warm. Her white skirt floated on the gentle wind that caressed her face
and legs. Mind lost in the moment, her head was lowered to watch the path
that she walked. Alone.
She never wanted to walk alone, although she had never told anyone that.
It seemed like walking alone wasn't so bad, but it was. Walking alone without
Tom was painful. It was a searing pain that split her heart apart. A heart
that she never knew she had until Tom came along.
As the wind grew stronger she raised her head to face towards the
growing storm, she let the stinging spray mix with the cold tears that slid
down her face.
He wasn't there with her and his eyes were not open.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
The Doctor walked back into the main sickbay area and over to Chakotay, who
turned to look at the Doctor.
"How is Tom doing?"
"At the moment Mr. Paris is still unconscious." The hologram stated.
"I had to replace his spleen and part of the stomach. I repaired the spinal injury,
but I do not know how permanent the damage is."
"Will he live?" Chakotay asked holding his breath.
"I like to believe that Mr. Paris will once again amaze us." The
Doctor stated dryly. "But pray for him anyway. If he does live, he may never
walk again." He gave Chakotay a questioning look and nodded towards Torres.
"She has been like this since we brought them back to Voyager." Chakotay
said with concern. "She won't sleep and won't talk. The captain and I didn't want
to give her anything without her approval."
"I will examine her and let you know if I have any luck." The
Doctor said picking up a tricorder.
Chakotay slowly walked out of sickbay and stood in the corridor for
a moment. He wasn't sure if he should leave or not. Slowly he walked down the
corridor to report to the bridge.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^^
Then she found him. Found him huddled closely to a rock as the waves of the
stormy ocean pounded against him. His blond hair was plastered to his face,
his clothes were wet and his eyes were filled with pain.
In the span of a heartbeat, she ran to him. Ran against the raging tide and
the chilling water that threatened to drag him from the shore. The icy water
bit at her feet sending a chill running up her body. Her mind numb, she raced
to save him. She had to save him, she couldn't live without him.
She stumbled on a protruding rock and fell into the cold blue water. "No!"
She screamed. "No!" Struggling to get up, she could feel the red hot pain
that shot up through her body.
"B'Elanna!!! Help me!!!" Tom screamed against the raging wind. "Save me!!"
She dug her hands into the chilly sand and pulled herself closer to him.
"I'm coming Tom!! Hold on!!! Hold on!!" Anger took over when she realized
that she could not move her legs. Through gritted teeth, she edged closer to
him. She was going to get to him.
"B'Elanna...please!" Tom shakily reached out to her. "I love you!"
"I love you too Tom!" She screamed against the unyielding wind.
Their hands reached out to one another, inches away from touching. Each
struggling to make contact and never let go.
Angry waves crashed between them and their hands never touched. Their
screams lost on the ravaging wind and merciless ocean.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
B'Elanna's eyes grew wider and she scrambled off the bio-bed and fell to
the floor. Her mind was racing, where was Tom? Tom was not there. Where
was he? She began to run through the sickbay, frantically looking for Tom.
Seven of Nine, part Borg/part Human, stepping out of a side room, was roughly
pushed aside by the upset engineer.
"Sickbay to the Doctor." Seven calmly stated. "Lt. Torres is awake
and is out of control."
"I will be there." The Doctor replied promptly.
Seven went to see where B'Elanna had gone. Stepping into the private room
where Tom was laying, she found B'Elanna. Standing beside him, gently caressing
his face and talking to him. She didn't understand why B'Elanna was acting like
that. Humans were often hard to understand.
The Doctor followed closely by Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay,
entered sickbay and headed to the private rooms. They arrived to see B'Elanna alert
and talking to Tom.
Chakotay quietly walked over to the bed opposite of B'Elanna and
asked, "What is it?"
"Tom is lost. He can't find his way back." B'Elanna said in a pained voice.
"How is Tom lost?" Chakotay asked intrigued. "Can we help?"
"He closed his eyes. He forgot how to open them." B'Elanna said
never taking her eyes off Tom.
Kathryn walked over to stand beside Chakotay and the Doctor beside B'Elanna.
Something was going on and no one knew what it was. Chakotay was the only one who
had a possible clue.
"Can we help him?" Chakotay said turning B'Elanna to face him. There he
saw the pain that was filling her eyes. But he also saw the fighting spirit
of B'Elanna Torres returning. Some how she was intuned to Tom. "B'Elanna! Talk to me!"
"It is my fault that we crashed." B'Elanna said quietly. "It is
my fault that he is hurt."
"How is it your fault?" Kathryn asked softly.
"Our.... fault." A raspy voice replied shocking all who stood around
the bed. B'Elanna quickly leaned down to Tom and touched his face, "I'm sorry Tom."
Tom smiled weakly and opened his eyes. First things were fuzzy and then slowly
came into focus.
"B'Elanna....I heard you....you..were..yelling for me." Tom said
drowning in her warm gaze. "I wasn't going to leave."
"I never closed my eyes." B'Elanna said as a tear fell onto his lips.
"You can close them now. I'm here." He said tasting the salt of her
tear on his lips.
"How are you feeling Tom?" Janeway asked.
"Like we crashed a shuttle." He weakly joked. "Wasn't one of our
smoother landings. I feel tingly....like my body is asleep."
"Well Mr. Paris." The Doctor replied dryly. "Once again I have
performed another miracle and you will recover. Slowly. I expect you to listen
to me while I explain a few things to you."
Janeway and Chakotay realized that Tom and B'Elanna were only half listening
to the Doctor. They laughed as the Doctor continued to talk.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
During the fourth day of Tom's stay in sickbay, he began to wonder if he would
walk again or not. The tingly sensation was constant but he still couldn't
move his legs. He didn't like that at all.
B'Elanna spent all of her time with him, filling him in on the shuttle repairs
and keeping him company. Harry would join in and they would play poker with
isoleaner chips. It helped pass the time, but it didn't take away the fear
that filled his soul.
*"This is not how it is suppose to be!"* Tom's mind screamed out.
*"I will never be the man I was. I will be the poor washed up pilot who can
not walk. I will be the ex-pilot who wants to die. How can I let B'Elanna
tie herself to me?!"*
"Good afternoon Mr. Paris." The Doctor greeted. "How are you feeling today?"
"Helpless." Tom muttered. "How else am I supposed to feel? Happy
for being alive when I would rather be dead?"
"So we are going to be a grump today, I see." The Doctor replied
pulling out his tricorder and taking scans. "I liked you better under sedation."
"Why don't you sedate me then?" Tom challenged. "It would make your
day and mine better."
The Doctor closed the tricorder laying it down on the tray. He had already
figured out that sooner or later, Mr. Paris would lash out in anger and fear.
He was glad it was him and not Harry or B'Elanna.
"Computer initiate privacy lock in sickbay. Override for emergencies
only." The Doctor said pulling a chair up to the side of Tom's bed.
"If you are worried about me escaping...you don't need to worry." Tom
sneered. "I'm not going anywhere."
"I could have told you that." The Doctor replied in a serious voice.
"I think it is time that you let go of the anger and fear you are trying to hide."
"You don't know how I feel!!" Tom screamed at him. "You don't know
what it is like to think that I will never walk again! Or ever fly again! What
will happen to me? People will feel sorry for poor little Tommy, the pilot
who can't walk." Tom added sarcastically, "B'Elanna....."
"B'Elanna what?"
B'Elanna stood in sickbay starring at the Doctor and Tom. She knew that
she had to be here for this.
"I engaged a privacy lock on sickbay Lt. Torres." The Doctor said
looking very unhappy.
"I overrode it." She snapped back. "So Tom, please finish what you
were going to say."
Tom turned away from her, unwilling to talk. This only made B'Elanna angrier.
Stalking over to the bed, she turned his face around to meet hers.
"Don't you dare turn away from me! Finish what you were going to say before I came in."
His blue eyes were filled with anger and pain. She could see that, she
could feel that. It made her stomach cringe. She knew what was coming.
"It is your fault that I can't walk!" He said through tears of pain
and anger. "You destroyed my life!" Then be broke down completely.
The Doctor didn't say anything, he just watched quietly. Tom had to
release this in order to deal with it.
B'Elanna felt the cutting words he said and clenched her teeth together.
She knew he would blame her for what happened. His sobs shredded her heart and soul.
"Get the hell out of here!" He yelled and turned his tear filled blue
eyes to her. "Go away!"
Very quietly B'Elanna turned and walked towards the sickbay door. As the doors
swished open she turned back to gave at Tom for a moment. In a soft voice she
said, "I love you Tom Paris. You might hate me for the rest of your life, but I
will love you for the rest of mine." Then she walked out of sickbay and ran
to the turbo lift.
Once inside she rammed her fist into the wall and began yelling, "My love
isn't enough for him! Not enough!! Not enough!!" She pounded and pounded with
each word she said. "Where is the man I love?! Where is the man who fights against
the odds?!"
B'Elanna." Chakotay's soft voice sounded. Startled, she whirled around
and saw the commander standing there. She thought she had activated the
turbo lift to go to her quarters.
"Go away Chakotay." She said breathlessly. "Please..just leave."
Chakotay stepped into the turbo lift and inspected the damage. He didn't
say anything, nor did he appear to be upset by her actions. He had seen B'Elanna
upset before and knew what she needed. Although no one else other than Tom
would know what she needed.
Through tear filled eyes she watched Chakotay hold his arms out to her.
Slowly she stepped into the open arms and buried her face in his shoulder.
"I love him!" She sobbed. "Why can't he understand that? Understand
that I want him no matter what?"
"It is okay B'Elanna." He soothed. "He knows, he knows. He is just
like any other man in this situation, scared and afraid. Give it time." Chakotay
said pulling her away from him. For the first time in a long time he saw B'Elanna
unsure of herself, Tom and the future. "You know how anger is. It lashes out in all
directions. It is the only way he can begin to move forward."
A couple of days later, B'Elanna walked into her quarters and plopped down
in the chair behind her desk. She had been throwing herself into her work to forget,
forgive and to love Tom. She was mentally exhausted and wished she were physically
as well.
Tom had not talked to her in days. He had not seen anyone in days for that
matter. He became a recluse in his quarters, refusing to see anyone but the Doctor.
Sighing, B'Elanna stood up and walked into the bedroom and began to undress
for a nice hot shower. Her mind couldn't forget the raging water, the sound
of Tom's voice as he cried for her. Stopping before she toed off her boots, she
turned and ran out of her quarters.
Tom was laying on the bed with a scowl on his unshaven face. There was
no reason to shave, to do anything. It wouldn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.
He was angry. Angry at himself and angry at B'Elanna. He never should have
blamed her, never. It was his fault too. He couldn't change what he said to
her, he would have to find some way to tell her, but how? He did not want
anyone to see him. He just couldn't handle it right now. B'Elanna stayed
away and that hurt. He missed her fire and her touch. He had just lost the
last thing in his life that mattered to him and he couldn't tell her that. He was alone.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
By the middle of the next week, Tom was crazy from doing nothing. The Doctor
had finished the battery of tests and came to the conclusion that Paris needed
B'Elanna. Only she could make him do something. He was losing himself in his
own self pity and forgetting that there were others who needed him as much as
he needed them.
Tom watched the stars as they streaked by. Remembering the nights he and
B'Elanna would just sit together and watch them. He would hold her in his arms
and tell her stories about the times when he was little. Tell her about the
trouble he could always get into. He could still hear her laugh, feel her body
against his and remember her kisses. How he ached for her touch now, but he had
blown his chance with her. Now he had to accept it and go on, she wouldn't take him back.
The doors to his quarters opened and he looked up. The Doctor had come
by earlier, so it couldn't be him.
B'Elanna stormed into the bedroom and yelled, "Computer lights full!!"
The room brightened and Tom squinted in response.
"I've had enough of this!" She grated out through clenched teeth.
"You will not live the rest of your life in this room Tom Paris. I will not let you!
I love you too much to let you throw your life away."
The next thing Tom knew, B'Elanna pulled the covers off of him and picked him
up off the bed. Lucky he was wearing shorts.
"B'Elanna!?!? What the hell are you doing?!!?" Tom said too shocked
to fight her.
"You are going to take a shower." She said carefully sitting him down
in the shower and turning on the water. The cold water hit him like a torpedo
and he yelled, "Damn Torres that is cold! Get me out of here!"
"No." She said firmly, crossing her arms. "Computer make the water
colder by 4 degrees."
"B'Elannnnnnnnaaaaaaa!!" Tom screamed. "Computer warm water by 3 degrees."
"Voice pattern not recognized." The computer stated.
"I've disabled your voice commands." She said with a smile. "You have
only me to deal with." Tom let the cold water assault his skin and numb his
mind as B'Elanna watched.
It pained her to do this to the man she loved. But she wanted him to
realize that she loved him, no matter what.
"Had enough?" She asked seriously. He was cold and shivering, turning
his blue eyes to her, he chattered, "Pl....pp.....le...se.." B'Elanna turned
the water off and grabbed a towel and knelt down beside him and began drying his
hair. Ever so slowly she pulled him into her embrace and whispered in his
ear, "Don't shut me out Tom. I love you and I'm lonely without you."
"I'm lonely without you also." Tom cried against her. "I'm so
sorry...I never meant to say what I did. I love you, I don't want to lose you."
"You could never lose me." She said pulling away from him and
laughing. "Nothing will change that. Remember that next time okay?"
Tom grinned and replied, "I will, I swear I will. Now...ummm....
could you help me get out of here?"
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Tom was angry. Beyond angry, he was ready to explode. This shouldn't be so
hard, but it was. It was the worst feeling to feel....helpless. But he had to.
It was time to go forward and take that first step. He had six feet to walk
and then he would be victorious.
B'Elanna stood at the opposite end of the metal railing and waited for Tom
just like she promised. This was hard for her to watch him struggle to
walk again. The Doctor said it would take time to do so. The nerves were
beginning to heal and he was beginning to get restless.
The last three weeks had been a trial in their lives. Three weeks of hating
what had happened and three weeks of struggling to get through the emotions of
the accident. Time to fall back into each others arms and be happy for the
that they were alive.
They discovered that they were connected far beyond any explanation
in the universe. Only together could they overcome the obstacles that stood before them.
"So are you going to catch me if I fall?" Tom joked as he looked
down to the floor while holding onto the railing. "This is going to be scary."
"You have to get over here first." B'Elanna said with a smile. "I will
be standing right here waiting."
"I never thought that I would walk again." He said quietly. "I was
afraid that you wouldn't love me."
"I'd love you no matter what." She said. "Nothing will make me
love you less. Nothing."
"I treated you badly, how can you say that?" Tom said remembering the
anger and the words he said to hurt her only a week ago.
"Because I love you and I believe in you."
Tom looked down to the floor and then back to B'Elanna. He believed her,
he loved her. He needed to be held in her arms and told that things were
going to be okay.
She watched as he took a small step and held her breath. He was going to
make it, she knew it.
Step by step and breath by breath, Tom worked his way down the railing.
Never taking his eyes off the woman he loved.
The tears built up in her eyes the closer he got and she smiled at him.
Tom stopped at the end and took his hands off the railing. B'Elanna began to
move toward him and he said, "No. I need to do this by myself."
She backed up the step that she had moved forward and waited. Then
Tom took that one step alone and stood in front of B'Elanna with a huge smile
on his face.
"So.....what say we go dancing next week?" He laughed.
"Not too fast there flyboy." She said. "Lets see if you can survive this."
The next thing Tom knew, B'Elanna was pulling him to her and her lips
took his in a passion filled kiss. He melted into her touch, comforted by
her love. Moving away from him, she gazed into his blue eyes, "What say we
start out with a night by a fire place and check out your reflexes?
Besides the Doctor wants you to take it easy until you get back to your normal self."
"You are no fun Torres." He complained. "No fun at all."
"Really huh?" She replied and quickly tossed him over her shoulder
and briskly walked out of the room.
"B'Elanna!! This is crazy!! What are you doing?!" Tom said getting
a good view of her backside and a ride to his quarters.
"You said I'm no fun. So I'm going to show you how much I'm not
fun." She grinned wickedly.
Janeway and Chakotay were walking along the corridor to the mess hall. Things
have finally gotten back to normal on Voyager.
"The Doctor said that Tom would be back on duty in a couple of weeks."
Janeway said with a smile. "I'm happy things have worked out for him."
"I know how you feel." Chakotay said. "I'd hate to lose Tom to a
shuttle accident." Janeway slid him a sideways glance and was about to say
something when they heard a ruckus heading their way.
"B'Elllaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaa!" Tom half laughed and
cried as she carried him down the corridor.
"Excuse me Captain....Commander." B'Elanna said quickly. "Mr.
Paris is being a bit cranky and needs to rest. He is not being very cooperative."
"Carry on." Janeway said and stepped aside to let the pair pass. Chakotay
and Kathryn began laughing as Tom waved and yelled, "She is!!"
"Improper conduct?" Chakotay smiled.
"Not for those two." Kathryn laughed and they continued on.
Tom sighed heavily as strong fingers worked along his tired legs, massaging
the strained muscles.
"Heavens B'Elanna." Tom purred. "That feels so good."
"I'm sure it does." She said pouring more of the musk oil on her
hands and continuing the massage. "Got to keep you in shape."
"You are too thoughtful."
"I love you." She said.
"I loved you too." He replied. "So what happens next.?"
"I know that smile." She laughed. "You, oh wondrous pilot, are going
to be tucked into bed where you will rest. You have had a busy week."
"Will you stay with me?" He asked not sure if she wanted to or not.
"Yes. I will." She grinned. "I've always wanted to be your teddy bear."
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
The ocean was quiet as the gentle breeze that blew off the water. The sand
was warm beneath their feet and the sun was shinning down on them from the
deep blue sky.
Hand in hand, they walked along the shore, softly laughing and sharing kisses
that only two people in love shared.
Their eyes were opened to the future that waited for them. Together they would
explore what they could share with one another.
The End....
June98
