Acknowledgements: We would like to first thank all the little people (Napoleon, Danny DeVito, The cast of Willow...), who we stepped on our way to the top. Also thanks to Gabriel and Amber for their assistance with the lines for Gabrielle, and the Newf talk.

Warning: Several test readers, since reading, have been institutionalized, but there was no actual evidence that this was caused by the reading of the following. Also, take note that the writers have since began blinking, twitching, and drooling uncontrollably. But they were also doing that BEFORE the writing, so we feel certain that there are no dangers to your sanity by reading this. If there are, we aren't liable. See sub-clause 3, heading A for more references.

No trout were harmed in the writing of this story. Well, except that ONE, but it's not our fault. How were we to know that grapes were so flammable? And lastly... PLEASE don't sue us!

The following story is rated W, for WEIRD. Some scenes may contain weirdness far beyond the understanding of children. Parental discretion is advised.




THE WEIRD, THE LOONEY, AND THE TROUT (Tentative title)

or

A TALE OF TWO WEIRDOS

or

THE STORY THAT ROB AND I WROTE BUT HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO COME UP WITH A DECENT TITLE FOR YET

By John "Demaka" Gilbert, and Robert "Um... Robert..." Luca.




Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far... Well, actually, it wasn't really THAT far. It was actually right next door, but far far away sounds better for effect. Anyway, in this galaxy was a small, insignificant planet, called Earth by it's natives, though it was known as "Hank" by close friends. Hank was a peaceful world, and thrived much under the reign-er-rain of the mighty cloud gods. Gradually, life evolved on the world, and human's took over, popping up all over the place like a fungal growths or mini-malls. And over the centuries, they slowly turned away from the worship of the cloud gods, their reverence and awe turning to displeasure whenever the sun vanished, as being blocked by the great one's loving gesture, to protect humans from the harmful sun's radiation. But noooooo... The humans don't look at it like that anymore. They look at rain like it's a bad thing... What's up with that? But, anyway, now we're off track... Because of the human's impertinence, the clouds took immediate action. Weathermen were immediately appointed to high positions of power, so that they, being the messengers and prophets of the clouds, could spread the word. And two very special beings were chosen, appointed to the highest points of honor as Cloud Priests. The Holy Reverend, Demaka, and the whacked out fey, Portiadove. Over time, these two pious plotters managed to turn others to their cause, towards the worship of clouds. Though some resisted, most went over to the cloud-side willingly. Everything seemed to be going perfect for the clouds, as they slowly reclaimed control of the world through their followers.

Little did the clouds realize that others were aware of their plans... Other's with similar plans of their own. And the Bovine World Domination Conspiracy would not allow anything to get in the way of their path to world conquest, and the extermination of all farmers with cold hands.. Brrrrr!

As part of their plan, the BWDC needed the meanest, toughest, strongest, smartest, most ruthless warrior in the galaxy. Not being able to find a person with ANY of these qualities, they drew names from a hat and picked Robert, the gargoyle who's weirdness was capable of bending the very fabric of time and space (after using a little fabric-softener, of course). He became the cow's first line of defense against the mighty cloud priests, inspiring countless battles between the two. That brings us, to the present...

"Ha! I've got ya now, looney!" shouted Robert, standing over the large dragon and flailing his arms like a madman, swinging the trout in each hand around like nun-chucks. (Though why anyone would want to chuck nuns is beyond me…)

"I don't think so weirdo!" Demaka replied, materializing a banana cream pie in one hand and slamming it in Robert's face.

"Ack! Pied!" Robert stumbled around randomly, trout flying in either direction. "I'll get you for that one looney..." He lunged forward, Demaka backing away in defense. Demaka suddenly tripped on a groundhog that had stuck its head out of its burrow, falling backwards to the ground.

"Now you've done it Looney!! Not only have you allowed yourself to be seduced by the power of the clouds, but you've knocked out Woody the Woodchuck! Now we'll NEVER know when winter is going to end! You must DIEEEEE!!!" Robert leapt at his foe, another trout held high in both hands, preparing to bring it down between the pair of bunny ears on Demaka's head.

~~How on Earth did I end up in this situation?~~ Maka asked himself, watching the menacing weirdo hold the trout above him. Suddenly, everything began to get blurry and wave.

"What the heck...?" Robert demanded, lowering his trout.

"I'm having a flashback! Do you mind??" Demaka demanded belligerently. Robert shrugged.

"Um, no... I guess not. Go right ahead."

"Okay." The blurring continued, until the scene reformed.

Cold… so cold. That was the only thought racing through Demaka's head, as he stood shrouded in the dark cloak of fog hanging in the air around him. He raised his head and sniffed the air, sensing his prey nearby. "I've got you now," he whispered, turning in the direction of the scent and pouncing. He sailed through the air, landing directly on top of his intended victim. The Twinkie never stood a chance.

He made short work of his victim, finally glancing up to see a single path of light through the fog, beckoning him like the light at the end of a long tunnel. "Ooo... pretty," he blinked, slowly moving towards it. Finally, he reached the source of the light, staring in awe... Then he closed the refrigerator and it went off. He opened it again, and the light came back. "It must be a sign of some sort, from some greater power..."

Suddenly, the cloud of fog around him condensed, forming a large, thickly white cloud. "Greetings..." it boomed out, in a deeply resonate tone.

"I was right!" Demaka shouted with glee. "That magical light going on when the fridge opened, then off again when it closed was a sign of your coming mighty one! Right?"

The cloud stared blankly at the smaller dragon. "Wha...? I mean, er, yes! That's it exactly, it was a sign. Right."

"I knew it," Demaka said, bowing. "What can I do for you my most powerful lord and master?"

"You are the chosen one, picked to be the head of the cloud's invasion force. You shall lead the way for our arrival, by turning all mortals over to cloud worship. Then you must pick up my dry cleaning, get my car from the shop, and pick up a loaf of bread while you're out." Demaka nodded in agreement to all this. "You must always remember though, beware the cows..." With that, the cloud faded away, and was gone.

The scene suddenly started to blur again, and Demaka's voice could be heard in the distance. "Hey..?? What the heck?? I wasn't done yet!!"

"Too bad Looney.. You got your flashback, now it's my turn!" Robert responded, cackling insanely. His cackling stopped suddenly, changing to a strange, choking, hacking noise. A moment later his voice returned. "Sorry, fur ball..."

The blurring slowly faded, revealing a dark, moonlit night on a seemingly empty meadow. Only a few cows could be seen sleeping in the field. A person could almost look right over the tan gargoyle standing in the middle of the field, wearing a black leather jacket, dark sunglasses in neon green frames, a pink plaid shirt, a pair of cyan pants, and a set of flannel socks.

"The gummy bears are ripest in the fall." Robert whispered out of the side of his mouth towards the cow next to him, staring straight ahead, trying not to attract attention.

"Pride goes before the fall, but a can of spray cheese makes a meal a dinner." The cow replied, lips barely moving. "You are late Agent W."

"Um.. sorry.." Robert chuckles sheepishly. "Who knew Farmer Dan grew catnip as a cash crop?" The cow snorted. Although how a cow can snort is beyond me. Of course, how these cows can talk in the first place is beyond me, so I think I'll just shut up and get back to the story.

"Just shut up and get back to the story already." The cow complained.

All right, all right! Geez.. Next time I go to a restaurant I'm ordering steak.. *AHEM*

"Now, where was I.. Oh yes. Your orders, Agent W." Robert nodded eagerly. "You are to find the one called 'Demaka'. Our sources indicate that he is working for a rival organization. Your mission is to bring him over to our side, or destroy him."

"Yes sir. you can count on me!" Robert replied, saluting. He whapped himself in the head with his hand, and started to blink rapidly. The cow sighed to itself.

"We could have gotten Arnold Shwarzenegger, Alex Trebek, or that hair club guy.. But nooo.. We had to get 'Agent Weirdo..." the cow sighed again. "Do not fail us. Many milkmen have lost those little white hats they wear to get this information. Oh, and if you see any of those cow tippers on your way out, push them into the mud, would you?"

Robert saluted again, whapping himself harder. "Will.. Do... Boss.." He stumbled away, dizzy from repeated blows to the head. He suddenly stepped into something soft and warm. "Ewwwww..."

Everything suddenly began to blur. "Oops.. Meant to end the flashback before it got there.." Robert said sheepishly.

Demaka just shook his head. "Whatever weirdo. Now if you don't MIND, I have a flashback to finish." He cleared his throat, and the scene blurred once more, replaced by a far different scene, aboard a starship high above. "What the fu-" Demaka's voice faded into the background as three figures in the shadows began to speak.

"Is all in readiness, Clyde?"

"Yes, Bob. Those on the planet Earth won't have a clue what's happening, till it's too late. Right Gary?"

"Thaaaaaaaat's right, Bob! And not only will the Earthlings get to feel the joy of our rule, they'll also get THESE bonus prizes. Like a brand new ca-!" The sound of the ray blast echoed through the chamber as Gary evaporated.

"I never did like that guy," said Clyde, now stepping out of the shadows along with three others, all cloaked in robes "Now is the time. The time for us to take our rightful place as head of the galaxy. Then no one will be able to stop us!" The four cloaked figures laughed maniacally, in such a way that only mysterious, maliciously evil aliens can.

Just then, Mulder and Scully walked into the room, completely oblivious to their surroundings. "I still say this is all just a bunch of BS," said Scully, shaking her head. "Aliens are not real."

"The truth is out there, Scully," said Mulder in an ominous voice, staring intently at the road map in his hands. "Now if I could just find Roswell on this map…"

"But I still-" Scully cut her speech off, suddenly noticing their location, looking out a nearby window to find she was in a space ship, miles above Earth. A bipedal trout suddenly walked by her, paused, turned it's head to look at her for a second, then shrugged and walked on. Scully simply watched in amazement, blinking uncontrollably.

"I think I need a vacation…"

"Er..." Demaka and Robert blinked in unison as the scene instantly shifted back.

"Was that you, Looney?" Robert asked, blinking. Maka shook his head.

"Nope... How about you, Weirdo?"

"Hey, don't look at me! I didn't do it!"

The scene suddenly shifted to the alien mother ship once again.

"We must abduct some indigenous life forms to see if they will be a threat to our plans..." Said Robed Figure Number One.

"Yeah! And then we can flash lights in their eyes and stick little bits of plastic up their noses!" Robed Figure Number Two said in excitement.

"We did that LAST week..." Chimed in Robed Figure Number Three in a whiny voice.

"Shut up, both of you!" Robed Figure Number One called out. "We'll kidnap two of the earthlings, interrogate them, and THEN we'll stick stuff up their noses, OKAY??"

The other two figures nodded in accent. "Okay then..." Robed Figure Number One looked down at the main view screen, which showed an image of a large field, with a tan gargoyle and a large, bunny eared dragon standing there, looking befuddled.

"Those look like two perfectly normal specimens.. " A sharp intake of breath could be heard. "And look! That tanned one hold one of our sanctified brethren in his hand! Perhaps these ignorant creatures have learned their rightful place, and have already begun to worship us..."

"Or maybe they just pull millions of our brethren from the ocean, pull out their bones, fry them, and eat them..." Robed Figure Number Two said aloud. Robed Figures numbers One through Eight turned to stare at him. "Just a thought..."

"All right, enough already!" Robed Figure Number One exclaimed. "We'll abduct these two, find out everything about the Earthlings... And by next flashback, we'll conquer the world!! And... Get some names.. 'Robed Figure Number One'? Who thinks up these stupid things???"

The scene faded out to a disoriented Robert and Demaka.

"Whoa.. " Robert put his hands to the sides of his head, holding it steady. "All these flashbacks are making me dizzy..."

The scene blurred once again, this time focusing on a small, dimly lit room, with a large wooden desk in the middle of the room. A middle aged woman, with dark hair, tied back, and a pair of wide-brimmed glasses. "Hello," she spoke in a high pitch squeal. "My name is Michelian, of the censor board. And I must say, the previous story scenes were totally crude, and without any taste whatsoever. First off that Demaka character, no manners at all. And I'm not even gonna BEGIN with Robert. Not to mention all these so called "flashbacks", that aren't really flashbacks, since they're occurring in the present. Why I haven't even begun yet! There's also the matter of-" An odd whistling sound cut her off, as she looked up to the source of the sound. Just in time to be smashed by a giant anvil. (Author's note: yeah, I know it's cliche. But I say, what works for Bugs Bunny works for us.) A small sign appeared in front of the image. "This scene brought to you by The Board of Really Really Weird Fics. Thank you for your time"

The scene slowly shifted back... "Great job, Looney!" Robert shouted. "I always hated those censor-types."

"I know," Demaka grinned. "Now, can we PLEASE get back to the story? Okay? Okay. Now where were we..." Suddenly, a bright white light appeared, shining down into their eyes, blinding them, as a huge form stepped forward, revealing...

A dumb, toothless, over-all wearing redneck hick with a flashlight. "Well, looky here! We got us some critters on the farm!" While Maka and Robert looked at one another, trying to understand the odd creature's unusual dialect, ANOTHER bright beam of light shone down, blinding them all...

(Authors Note: It is acceptable to make fun of ignorant, bucktoothed, barefoot southern rednecks in this context, since none of them would have computers to read this story, and thus will be unlikely to hunt down the authors and shoot them. Thank you for your time.)

"What the!" Demaka and Robert exclaimed in unison, as they suddenly found their surroundings changed, now standing aboard the alien ship, far above.

"Greetings, humans," said Robed Figure Number One, stepping forward.

Humans! Where?" Demaka roared, salivating uncontrollably.

"Er... there," said Robed Figure Number Two, pointing at Robert and Demaka.

"Us?!" Robert burst out laughing. "Um, hate to tell ya this... But we're about as far from humans as you can GET!"

"It doesn't matter," said Robed Figure Number Thirteen. "You're Earthlings, that's all that matters."

"Exactly why did you... er... Robed figures bring us here?" asked Demaka.

Before the robed figure could reply, from out of the corner of their eyes, Demaka and Robert noticed a figure entering the room through the shadows. The dark skinned elf stepped fully into the light and spoke. "Greetings, I am Daermon N-" His sentence was cut off by a laser blast, as he was instantly vaporized.

Robert blinked. "My god... what was THAT?"

Demaka shrugged in reply. "Don't worry. He was just an extra."

"Ahh..."

"It's simple," said one of the figures finally, ignoring the events of the past few moments as he spun his blaster on a finger Clint Eastwood-style. (Author's note: Do trout HAVE fingers?) "We're about to take over the world, and we needed to test your resistance, by finding a pair of ordinary Earthlings to experiment on."

"Don't forget the anal probing!" Robed Figure Number Seven chimed in.

"We don't DO that anymore!"

"Oh... Drat. Always liked that part. Was especially fun with that 'Pamela Anderson' chick... Too bad she had to go and melt. But then again, how were we supposed to know she was 75% artificial?"

Robed Figure Number One sighed "We have really GOT to get you help.... But for now, back to the business at hand!" The Robed Figure turned to face Robert. "You have been seen holding our sanctified brethren, unlike the scaly one with the bad taste in hats..."

"It's NOT a hat! Those are my EARS!" Maka called out.

"Whatever. Now where was I? Oh yes... " The Robed Figure cleared his throat for a moment before continuing in an ominous voice. "For that reason only, we have decided to give you the opportunity to join our ranks..."

"Huh? What are you talking about? 'Sacred Brethren'? All I've got are these trout..." Robert pulled out a trout, and all the Robed Figures bowed their heads slightly. Robert and Demaka looked at them oddly.

"What's wrong with you guys? It's just a smelly old fish." The Robed figures all stared at him, and slowly lowered their hoods, revealing... MARTHA STEWART LOOK-ALIKES!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Robert and Maka screamed in unison. the Robed figures looked at one another, and then they too screamed in unison. "AHHHHHHHH!!!!:

"What the hell happened?" Robed Martha Steward Look Alike Number One asked. Suddenly number two started to chuckle, and dropped a small holo projector, which cracked and shutdown, revealing the robed figures for their true forms.. Giant Trout!!! Of course, after being confronted with Martha Stewart look alikes, Robert and Demaka were far too shocked to be very surprised by a few robed, erect, talking trout come to take over the world.

"Um.. Excuse us for a moment..." Robed Trout number one said. Then he growled. "All right! I've had it up to HERE with this number one thing! From now on I'm HERB! You got that!"

"Er, right, Herb." Evil Alien Trout Number Three jotted that down in a small note pad, and saluted with a fin.

"Good," said Herb, once again turning his attention to the... er... "normal" Earthlings. "Now, what to do with these two?"

"Boil them in oil?"

"Too cliche."

"Tie them to some train tracks?"

"Too.... Snidely Whiplash."

"Have their brains sucked out by giant space leaches, while their bodies are constantly bombarded with sharp things made from melted gummy bears, while we hold old gym socks under their noses?"

Herb blinked, then responded. "Nah, that one's been done to death. We need something... original!"

"How about we just toss 'em in the dungeon?"

"Good enough. Let's go."

Robert looked at the trout oppressors, staring determinedly. "Now wait just ONE minute! There's No way you can take over our world. We have one thing that you don't..." Everyone watched as he pointed an arm towards the sky "We need Megazord power no-" he stopped suddenly, blinking a few times, and pulled a small notebook out of his pocket. "Whoops..." He chuckled. "Sorry, wrong script!"

The trout looked at each other and shook their heads, as the two unwilling prisoners were escorted too a long, dimly lit corridor. The once robed figures shoved them inside, and shut the door behind them.

"No!" Demaka shouted, turning around and banging on the door. "Nooo!" he repeated. He suddenly turned towards Robert, clutching his throat. "Air! They cut off the air.. *gasp* *wheeze*" He collapsed into a heap on the floor, at Robert's feet.

Robert simply stared down at the spectacle. "Er, Maka, what're you doing? They didn't cut off the air yet..."

Demaka blinked a few times, slowly taking in a deep breath. "Um, yes, of course, I knew that.. but they might soon. And I didn't want to be taken by surprise."

Robert just chuckled and shook his head. "Right, looney..." He tilted his head, looking down the empty corridor. "Well, only one way to go."

They both started down the tunnel, as another of the alien trout appeared before them, wearing a black tux. "Greetings, and welcome to," he made a broad gesture, indicating the entirety of the tunnel, "The Dungeon! We hope your stay will be most unpleasant. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. Cause we will hesitate to answer. Dinner is served at 7, if you can catch it. Enjoy your stay!" The well dressed fish shoved them into a dark corner, slamming the bars behind him, and the sound of his footfalls echoed down the corridor as he left, which highly puzzled the two prisoners, since fish don't have feet.

Robert looked oddly at Demaka. "Well, this is certainly a fine mess you've got us into THIS time, looney!"

"Me? I'm not the one who was wielding a seafood entree."

"Oh, sure, blame the weirdo. That's always the way."

"Look!" said Demaka, shouldn't we try focusing on finding a way out?"

"Eep!" The sudden call caught both their attentions, and they looked up in time to see a small, heavily armed figure drop from the ventilation ducts above.

"What the!" Demaka said, backing away.

"Erk..." the figure coughed. "I don't get paid enough for this..." She looked around, focusing her attention on the two would-be heroes. "There you guys are! I came to get you out!"

"Oh! It's you! It's been a long time," Demaka said, blinking a few times. 'Er, who are you again?"

"It's FLYX you dopey dragon!"

"It's.. who?" asked Robert.

Flyx's face turned from pale yellow, to dark red, and she whapped the two senseless with a wiffle bat, where she got the bat I have no idea.

"Oh, Flyx! Why didn't you say so?!"

She shook her head from side to side. "Aye aye aye... Why do I bother?"

"Um, shouldn't we stop this fooling around so we can find a way OUT?" asked Robert.

"It's no use, there's NO way out... We looked everywhere already," said Demaka solemnly.

Robert suddenly glanced upwards, and pointed behind Demaka. "Er, we could always try that..." Demaka turned around to look at a glowing neon sign, labeled "Exit".

"Oh, sure, take the easy way out!" Demaka said leading the way as the three made their way through the exit, and followed the signs outside towards the escape pods.

Robert looked into the escape pod hatch and shook his head sadly. "No go... they've got 'The Club'!"

Demaka blinked, then shrugged, wondering what the trout having toupees had to do with anything.

"Drat! Then we have to find another way... Any suggestions?" asked Demaka, quirking an eyeridge at Robert.

"Er, can't that wait a few minutes? I have a more immediate concern..."

"And what's that?"

"I have to use the little gargs rooooom," Robert replied in a whiny voice.

"Now?!" Flyx shook her head. "You should've thought of that before you were abducted!"

"But I didn't have too then!"

Flyx sighed. "Fiiine, let's go..." They back tracked their way down the corridor, and found the restroom. They also found more then they bargained for - In the form of a trio of heavily armed trout, each wielding nuclear powered attack Twinkie launchers.

"You really thought you could escape so easily?" asked Herb with an evil, trout-like chuckle. "I think not."

"Run!" Flyx screamed, pulling out her CPC 2000 (Cocoa Puff Cannon). She immediately laid down a hail of covering fire and Maka and Robert ducked down a side corridor. Flyx turned the corner and ran herself, Twinkies smashing into the walls all around her, splattering white creamy filling all over. She made it halfway down the hall, towards Maka and Robert, who were waving her on, when everything suddenly went into slow motion, with muted colors.

Robert and Maka slowly turned their heads to face one another, and blinked, as everything suddenly slowed down. They had just started to shrug at one another, when Flyx was lifted off her feet and thrown forward, still in super slow motion. She slid down the rest of the hallway, revealing her grievous injury. Her entire back was covered in red.. Or more precisely, pink... She'd taken a hit from a pink attack Twinkie, and flopped on the floor in pain as the horrible pinkness enveloped her being.

"Fffffffflllllyyyyyxxxxxxxxx..." Robert and Maka yelled in unison, still in slow motion. They blinked and shook their heads. "All right already, enough with this slow motion crap!" Robert called out, as time returned to normal. "Ah, much better..."

Maka and Robert stood next to the mortally wounded Flyx, who was valiantly panting for breath. "You.. You must sto.. stop them.." Flyx mumbled, barely hanging on. "There is.. a.. " She paused for a moment, sat up, and looked straight at Maka. "Just a second..." She pulled out a small can of breath spray, and spritzed it into Maka's mouth. "Man, you've got bad breath! Now, where was I?" Flyx laid back onto the floor and continued breathing hard, as Maka put a hand in front of his mouth and breathed, trying to check his breath. Robert leaned forward closer to hear.

"There is a.. Sacred text..." She gasped out, grabbing the lapels on Robert's miraculously still immaculate Italian suit. "It tells.. Of the trout invasion.. you must.. find it.. It's on..." She gurgled slightly, then giggled before falling back onto the floor.

"Does my breath REALLY smell?" Demaka asked, still trying to catch a whiff.

"Well, really? Yeah, it does smell kinda bad... You really SHOULD brush after those midnight Knight snacks, you know..."

"Yeah, I guess so.. but you have no idea how hard it is to find a dragon-sized toothbrush... I have to use a broom. And besides, it's just dragon's habit to eat knights." He shrugged. "Especially armored ones; chewy on the inside, crunchy on the outside."

Flyx suddenly sat up straight again. "Would you two please get going, and leave the dead in peace???" She demanded, rolling her eyes. "Geez, some people..." Having said this, she collapsed back to the floor, dead.

"Er.. Sorry..." Robert said, looking back at Maka.

"So, what do we do now?" Demaka asked, scratching his head as his bunny ears secretly plotted world domination (Authors note: Whole lot of world domination planning going on here, isn't there?)

"Well, I dunno about YOU.. But I've still gotta use the little gargs room!" Robert said, shifting his weight from one foot to another.

"Oh, all right weirdo!" Demaka said, rolling his eyes. "Come on..." the two wandered off down the hallway, ignoring the glaring plot hole into which the trout chasing them had evidently fallen.

"Ah, here we are!" Robert said in relief, looking at the restroom signs. Each had the silhouette of a fish over it. "Er.. which one is which?"

"How should I know??" Demaka demanded, looking at the signs.

"And what the heck is this! It's a coin slot! You have to pay!!" Robert said in shock. "Heck, for a whole quarter, this thing had better provide with a secret, undetectable way off of this alien ship!" Robert declared.

Maka's head suddenly snapped up. "That's.. That's brilliant!! In a stupid sort of way."

"Huh? what are you talking about?"

"We'll flush ourselves out of the ship! They'll never suspect a thing!"

"I dunno... That seems a bit too ironic for me..."

"Ironic?"

"Yeah.. This is exactly what happened to my pet goldfish." Maka rolled his eyes as he searched for a quarter.

Three Days Later:

The haggard Demaka and Robert hug on desperately to a piece of deadwood, as they drifted aimlessly with the waves. Exactly WHERE the piece of driftwood came from after the two would-be-heroes flushed themselves from the grasp of their scaly foes will forever remain a mystery, since the authors don't feel like writing that part of the story.

"How long have we been drifting here..." Demaka asked, clutching the wood.

"Um..." Robert looked at his watch. "About ten minutes now, I think..."

"Ten minutes?? Then how come we're so ragged looking??" Maka asked, looking down at himself.

"Um.. Because it looks better this way?"

"Oh, well, okay then..." Demaka's ears suddenly stood up straight and started rotating like a furry, pink radar system. "You hear that?"

"Hear wha..." Robert suddenly stopped speaking, as he caught the sound as well. "It sounds like... Music..."

"The Looovvveee bbooaatt...."

The two looked towards the source of the sound to see a huge cruise ship sailing towards them, the singing continued. "The loooove booooat, exciting and-" the singing was suddenly cut off, by a frantic call.

"Iceberg!"

The ship lurched and slammed into the large hunk of ice, and began to take on water. One of the crewmen ran out of the main cabin, looking over the passengers. "Now don't panic, but we seem to have hit something..."

"Really?" one of the passengers rolled their eyes. "And whatever gave you THAT idea?"

The entire crew peered over the side, Abram and Ninane, Brooklyn and Siryn, and Malibu and Jessie taking the forefront. "Oh suuuure... We could have taken the bus, but noooo..." said all the females in unison, as the ship slowly sunk around them.

"As I was saying," the captain continued. "We only have an hour and a half before-" His words were cut off as he looked up, to a giant Twinkie plummeting from the sky. "Er... Or perhaps not..."

Time seemed to move in slow motion as the Twinkie fell towards the ship, and the boat tilted upwards. The iceberg floated slowly away, people who never obeyed their mother's warning's about "not sticking their tongues to cold things" floating along for the ride.

The remaining passengers looked up, just before impact. "Well, at least it shouldn't be too bad.. How much damage could a Twinkie do?"

The Twinkie slammed into the deck, revealing that it wasn't really a Twinkie, but in fact a nuclear warhead, as it blew the ship to atoms in a huge mushroom cloud. Out of the wreckage, a lone survivor peaked his head out. Singe marks covered his entire body, and smoke billowed from all over. He slowly tilted his head to the side, looking all around him, and spoke. "Hey! Where's the cream filling?"

Robert and Demaka stared at the scene, floating just outside the blast area. "No... It can't be," said Demaka sadly, shaking his head from side to side. he sniffed back a tear, and looked over at Robert. "I told you you should have brought those marshmallows!"

"Who knew?" Robert shrugged, just glad his suit didn't gets singed (Those imitation Armanis go for quite a bit these days, doncha know)

The Gargoyle and Dragon continued to float through the ocean for what seemed like days. In actuality it was only a few minutes, but floating around in the ocean with nothing to do gets really boring really fast.

"My tail is getting all wrinkled..." Demaka was just starting to complain when Robert interrupted him.

"Land ho!!" He exclaimed, pointing at a small speck in the distance. Both Maka and Robert immediately began paddling in that direction.

"I just had a thought..." Maka said.

"A rare occurrence..." Robert began, but Maka ignored him.

"We both have wings, right?"

"Right."

"So... Why didn't we just fly.. Er.. GLIDE away from the trout ship, instead of swimming around in the ocean for day.. um.. Minutes?"

"Uh..." Robert thought really hard for a moment, causing small puffs of smoke to come out of his ears as things short-circuited. "Because it's more dramatic?"

Demaka nodded his head. "Sounds good to m..." Maka was interrupted as the two piece of driftwood he and Robert were hanging onto smacked into the island, which they had been to busy talking to notice.

"Ouch! Whiplash! Whiplash! I'm suing!!" Robert exclaimed, holding his neck.

The two would be heroes found themselves floating in a lagoon. As they approached the shore and got onto dry land, they spotted a small, scrawny human in a red shirt with a sailor's hat on. The little man looked back at him for a moment, blinked, and then ran of yelling.

"Skipper! Skipper! A dragon and a Gargoyle! We're saved! We're saved!"

Demaka and Robert looked at each other for a moment, and then screamed. "AHHHHHHHHH" They quickly ran back off into the water and swam away from the island a fast as they could.

A few hours later, the two continued their aimless drifting.

"No, no, no! If we'd stayed I'D have gotten Ginger, and YOU could have had Mary Anne!" Robert said

"Pah! You probably would have had to settle with Mrs. Howell, and considered yourself lucky!" Demaka Replied.

Robert was about to reply with another retort, when he suddenly stuck his arm out and pointed into the distance. "Look! Land Ho!!" Having spotted a small speck in the distance, the two quickly began paddling again, and through some quirk of time/space and plot managed to cover the interning miles in a matter of minutes.

The two drifted ashore on a small forested island, in the middle of which sat a tall, spiraling castle. "Where are we THIS time?" asked Demaka.

"Look!" said Robert, pointing out a sign straight ahead, that read 'Circe's Island: Over 5 thousand served', with the word "Circe" crossed out, and "Psyche" written below. "I don't like the looks of this..."

His words were cut off by rustling in the foliage ahead, and a trio of animals moved out towards them. "What the...?" Demaka said, noticing their unusual texture and coloring. "They're... gummy!"

"Gummy animals?" Robert blinked. "Who ever heard of something so ridiculous?"

"Yeah, well I'm sure THEY think a tan gargoyle wearing a cheap Armani imitation is pretty ridiculous too!" a female voice called out from behind them.

The two turned to see a short, slender female standing right behind, wearing a flowing cyan toga. She glowered at the two. "Now who are you, and why are you tress...pass...ing..." She trailed off as she eyed the two more closely, her gaze straying from the tan gargoyle to the larger dragon, and she walked towards him, smiling seductively. "Why hello there, tall dark and scaly," She smirked, poking him in the shoulder. "Whaddaya say we ditch the weirdo and go somewhere more private-like to see how well you can... light my fire?" She giggled, waggling an eyebrow.

"Er..." Demaka blinked, his... ears shooting straight up, as he followed her off.

Robert rolled his eyes and ran after the two. "Wait!" he yelled, yanking Demaka's tail. "Hold up looney! We don't have time for this! We have a story to finish, remember? And besides, we were TRYING to keep this thing G-rated."

Psyche pouted as the two frantically ran back towards the water, once more floating off on their piece of driftwood. "First that Odysseus fellow, now this..." She shook her head. "I knew I should have took my mother's advice and become a singer instead of an evil island sorceress."



"Land ho!" Robert called out a few minutes later.

"Not AGAIN!!" Demaka whined as they suddenly found themselves on a sandy beach, despite the fact that they hadn't even started paddling in that direction yet.

"You know, these little flashing forward things are starting to get
irritating..." Robert said. He reached down to remove his shoes and pour out all the water, when he suddenly remembered that gargoyles don't WEAR shoes. "Oops..."

"Argh... What have we got here?" A gruff voice called out from a few feet away. Both Maka and Robert looked up to see a tall human with a long scar on his face, running diagonally across his eye.

"Who are YOU?" Demaka asked as the two walked towards him, off the
beach. "And where are we?"

"I be Maverick. I was shipwrecked on this island just like ye two. As for where you are, ye'r on the island of Whitland. Best to make yourself at home, since yer not likely to be leaving."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Robert asked suspiciously. "How long have you been here anyway? And why do you sound like a pirate??"

"Oh, sorry." Mav apologized. "Still, you have to admit, the accent sounds cool..." Robert and Maka nodded their heads in agreement. "Anyway, I might as well tell you, there's no way off this island. I've been here for.. Um.. " He looked down at his watch. "Hours, and I've searched every square inch, under every rock, up every palm tree in search of a way to escape, but there is none. This island is a death trap."

"Er.. What about that bridge over there?" Robert asked, pointing to an eight-lane suspension bridge, spanning about twenty feet of water before ending on the mainland.

Maverick looked over at the bridge and grumbled. "Well, I suppose if you want to do it the SISSY way..." He nodded to Robert and Maka and started walking towards the bridge.

Demaka and Robert blinked, shrugged, and started walking off in the opposite direction for no other reason than it was convenient for the plot.

"Why are we going this way again, Weirdo?" Maka asked.

Robert started to say he didn't, but his reply was cut off by a thickly accented voice. "Hey byes! What are ya at?" Both of the story's main characters looked up at the source of the voice.

"What?" Robert asked, scratching his head. "Mind running that by us again? This time in English maybe?"

The man stared at the two. "English? No... Ye'se after hearing Newf in Whitland, byes! And make sure that ye visits the land's only GBG shrine..."

"GBG?"

"The Great Big Gods," the man made a holy sign with his hands.

"Er.... yeah, of course..." Demaka looked at Robert, totally confused(Not that Rob could tell, since that's how Maka ALWAYS looks..)

"Anyways..." The man shrugged, and pulled a bottle out of his pocket,
taking a long gulp.

"What's that?" Demaka asked, trying to take a whiff.

"Why, it's screech, my son! Nectar of the gods..."

"Screech?" Demaka asked, "wasn't he that weird guy on Saved By The Bell?"

"Oh yeah..." Robert answered, grinning a bit. "He was my idol."

Demaka rolled his eyes in reply. "Well, that certainly explains a lot."

The two turned their attention back to the Whitbournian. "Well, I needs to be off... enjoy yere stays! Cheers!" With that, the odd little man walked off.

"Any idea what that was?" asked Demaka.

"Nope. You?"

"Haven't a clue."

The two blinked their agreement, and walked off again.

After wandering the lush tropic island for a few minutes, Robert stumbled upon something.

"Ouch! I just stumbled on something!" He exclaimed. Demaka looked over.

"Oh, look. A rock. Wow." Maka replied derisively. "Isn't that noteworthy."

"Well then.. How about that?" Robert asked, pointing over Maka's head at the huge billboard behind him, which read "Welcome to WHITLAND!" Below that, in smaller letters, it read "Please enjoy our complimentary screech!"

"Well, I guess that MIGHT be noteworthy..." Demaka admitted. Just then the two heard an unusual sound coming from the other side of a bunch of bushes.

"Strm-EE, Strm-EE, Strm-EE..."

The two looked at each other, shrugged, and parted the foliage to get a
better look. Through this opening they viewed a group of locals engaged in some bizarre ritual. they were dressed in outlandish garb, with hockey masks over their faces, and bottles of screech in their hands. They danced around in circles around a bunch of really big boulders, still chanting.

"Strm-EE, Strm-EE, Strm-EE..."

"Wow..." Demaka exclaimed in awe. "This must be some rare and sacred event they only perform on rare occasions, which has never been witnessed by outsiders!"

"Um.. Actually, I think they do this a whole lot." Robert replied.

"Why do you think that?"

"Well, there's that little sign over there for example..." Robert said, pointing. A few feet away was a small sign with a clock with movable hands that read "The next ritual will be held in: 15 Minutes" Besides the sign stood several tourists dressed in clashing floral patterns, as well as several grinning Japanese flashing pictures.

"Oh." Maka replied simply, and the two stepped out of the bushes into the open to watch. Robert pulled out a tub of popcorn and passed it to Maka. They quickly began chowing down, making all sorts of noise.

"Needs more salt." Demaka said.

"Well then, go get some Mr. Picky!" Robert replied.

"Why should I get some? It's YOUR Popcorn!"

"Well then, don't eat it!"

Demaka's retort was interrupted by a loud coughing sound. The two looked up to see the locals had stopped their chanting and dancing, and their leader, the one wearing a "Newfs RULE!" T-shirt looked at them.

"Does ye mind! We's after trying to have a party!"

Robert and Maka just looked at each other, then back at the local.

"Did you get that Looney?"

"Not a word Weirdo."

"I'se said, Does ye mind! We's after trying to have a party!" the man repeated in his strange tongue. The two just stared at one another again, still unable to decipher the comment.

"Oh, for God's sake!!" The Newf proclaimed in perfectly understandable English. "I said, Do you two mind, we're trying to have a party here!!"

"Ohhhhhhh..." Both Maka and Robert nodded their heads in understanding. "Why didn't you just say so?"

"Ugh!" The Newf exclaimed. "I needs some screech!" As he walked away, Robert looked up at the boulders while Demaka walked over to a large Styrofoam cooler containing a large number of bottles.

"Hmmm.. These Stones look kinda familiar..." Robert said, rubbing his chin.

"Ye has a good eye there, my son.. Them's are.."

"What??" Robert asked, as the local lapsed back into Newf. He rolled his eyes and tried again.

"I said, you have a good eye there! Those are the Great Big Rocks, our alter to the Great Big Gods!" While he was saying this, Maka was opening a bottle of screech and sniffing the contents. "And that's our holy nectar, which allows our minds to float freely through the universe and be one with the sky.. And over there are the slop holes for when you wake up the next morning..."

"Ah HA! Now I remember what these look like!" Robert exclaimed suddenly, still examining the rocks. They kinda resemble Hanson!"

At the same time, Maka held up the bottle of screech. "You got any of this stuff in non-alcoholic?" He asked loudly. Silence suddenly reigned over the clearing as everyone simply stared at the two clueless wanderers.

"Um... If you don't have any, some Soda would be fine..."

"Soda? It's POP!!!!!!!" The assembled Whitbournians screamed in unison.

"Er.. Whatever..."

The crowd suddenly turned into an angry mob, and the two were bound and gagged in a matter of moments.

"There's only ONE penalty for what you just did here..."

Demaka blinked. "What'd I do?"

The Whitbournian bent down, lowering his voice. "Ye're after saying... The 'S' word..."

"Soda?"

"POP! P-O-P!"

"Um, sorry..." Demaka blinked again.

"It's too late" the Whitbournian shook his head. "Now you have 3 choices. Walk this way," The odd little man marched off, waddling oddly. Demaka and Robert looked at each other, shrugged, and waddled after.

"Now, choice one..." He gestured towards the ocean. "Banishment. We set you out to sea, and force you to fend for yourself. Choice number two," he led the two into a small dimly lit room, with an odd looking gargoyle sitting within, eyes locked on a wide screen television set. "This, the Barney torture. We'll force you to watch Barney 24/7, ALL the time, until you submit." He pointed to the gargoyle. "Here is Mirai, an example of the effects. Note how she's becoming a total blathering simpleton, who constantly continues to twitch and blink rapidly and uncontrollably. She's also lost nearly all coherent thought patterns..."

Demaka leaned over to whisper into Robert's ear. "Well, apparently these people never met Mirai BEFORE the procedure... She's actually improved quite a bit." Robert nodded in agreement.

The man ignored them. "Now, make your choice."

"Now?" But I thought there were three?"

"Oh, yes..." The man responded. "I believe the third one involved with something called a coconut, a sledgehammer, a wad of gum, and a can of stale Spam..."

"Er, how about door number one?" Demaka replied.

- Three days later -

"Do we have nay more Doritos left?" Robert asked.

"NO!!! For the 1,328 time, NO! We ran out TWO AND A HALF DAYS AGO!!!" Demaka yelled. "That bag could have lasted us for days, but nooo, you had to gulp them all down!" He rolled his eyes.

"But.. They were CHEESE!!" Robert exclaimed in his defense.

"Hey... Hey, look over there! A ship! We're saved!" Demaka waved his hands back and forth to attract attention as a large wooden sailing ship grew in their sight.

"Hey.. What kind of flag is that. looney?" Robert asked, squinting into the distance."

"Looks like... a bikini top? And what's with the big hot-dog next to it?"

"Well, whatever.. As long as they have more Doritos!" Demaka rolled his eyes as the ship changed course to approach them. Within minutes they were along side the tiny raft Demaka and Robert had been confined to for the past few days. But oddly enough, no one came to greet them.

"Hmmm.. I wonder where everyone is?" Demaka said aloud. Without a rope, he leapt up against the side of the ship, and climbed on board.

"I dunno.. but I gotta weird feeling about this..." Robert said, slowly levitating from the raft up to the edge of the ship.

"You're ALWAYS weird." Demaka replied, then looked at him floating here. "And since when did YOU do levitation anyway?" HE asked.

"Um..." Robert blinked once, then dropped straight down, landing back on the raft with a loud, painful thump. "Gee.. Thanks a LOT, Looney..." came a faint reply from below.

"No problem weirdo..." Demaka responded with a chuckle.

Within a few minutes they were both on deck, examining their surroundings.

"This place looks deserted..." Robert said quietly.

"Like a ghost ship..." Maka added.

"Yeah, but if it was a ghost ship, shouldn't here be fog all around, and eerie sounds and stuff?" Just then a pall of fog covered the ship, and low moaning could be heard from below decks.

Demaka rolled his eyes. "Good going!"

"Hey, it's not MY fault!" After a few moments the moaning quieted down, leaving the only sounds the rocking of the boat and the creaking of timbers.

"And what's that smell?" asked Looney.

"Whew! You been hitting the bean dip again?" said Weirdo, wrinkling his nose.

"Stupid knights eating their stupid chili..." muttered Maka. "I mean, NO, what are you talking about... anyway, it smells more like..." he blinked. "Like... Mom smells after she's er... well... I've never actually SEEN it, cause they always go into their bedroom, but she comes out and she smells just like this..."

"Looney, what in SAM HILL are you talking about!? And for that matter, who in the heck is Sam Hill?"

"Is he related to Pete Sake?"

"What?"

"Never mind. I'm sure the smell is just like that!"

"Um.. I think maybe I would be a good idea to LEAVE...." Robert wisely concluded. Demaka nodded his head in agreement. But before either could move, a dark shadow could be seen moving through the fog.

"MOMMY!" Demaka exclaimed, leaping behind Robert for protection. Before Robert could comment (Or, more likely, hide behind Maka instead), a low sultry voice spoke from the shadows as the figure approached.

"What's yer hurry to leave boys...?" Came a low, feminine drawl as a shape coalesced out of the shadows. A green female gargoyle emerged from the fog, wearing a bandanna around her hair and a small T-shirt that read "Gargoyles Do It In The Air".

"AHHHHHH!! IT'S THE DREAD PIRATE GABBY!!!!" Maka and Robert both exclaimed in unison, backing away.

"Ah see mah lil' ol' reputation has preceded me..." she said coyly, walking towards the terrified twosome.

"But.. If this is a pirate ship.. where's the crew?" Robert thought outloud. Gabby just grinned.

"They're a bit.. Exhausted. It's been a.. Hard day here, honey" She said, grinning fiercely. "That's why ah'm just sooo glad to see you two..." She said, still approaching, tail ticking back and forth like a metronome. Though what a metronome has to do with Gabby is beyond me.

"Um.. Look! It's Fabio!" Demaka called out, pointing over Gabby's head. "WHERE!?" The instant she turned around, Maka and Robert leapt into a conveniently placed lifeboat, cutting the cords with their talons and dropping down into the water below. Within moments they had the oars in the water, and were paddling away.

"Ha ha! Good one Looney!" Robert said, puling with all his might as they put distance between themselves and the ship.

"She'll never catch us without her crew!" Demaka replied in victory. Just then a strange sound came from behind them, and they stopped rowing long enough to look behind them.

"That's.. Not..." Robert began.

"Possible..." Demaka finished, as they both paled, watching the wooden sailing ship speed towards them at twenty knots, a huge electric motor propelling it.

"But if she's got the boat rigged like that, what does she need the crew for.. Er.. Never mind..." Robert said. From the bow of the ship, Gabby laughed and waved. "YOOHOOOOOOO!"

Robert and Maka looked at each other. "AAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" They quickly began paddling faster, watching in dismay as Gabby began to gain on them.

Just then something flew past them, a few feet off the water. It suddenly began decelerating madly, stopping parallel to Maka and Robert in their small boat, frantically paddling. They looked over to see Portiadove and Mirai, riding on a large vacuum cleaner, Portia in the lad, and Mirai in the back, looking nauseous from the fast stop.

"Hey, you two need some help?" Portia asked with a chuckle.

"Um.. Don't witches usually ride on BROOMS?" Robert asked out of the
blue.

"Oh, puh-lease!" Portia said, rolling here eyes. "This is the 90's! Brooms are so passe! Now, you want help or not?"

Demaka eyes Mirai, who was currently leaning over the side of the vacuum, thankfully the side farther away from their boat. "YES!" He quickly answered, giving Robert a look. Robert just shrugged innocently. Behind them, Gabby grew closer and closer, calling out to them.

"Kay then. Let's go!" Robert and Maka both paled as their little boat suddenly shot away at supersonic velocities.

"Mah MEN!!" Gabby yelled, as Robert and Maka sped off. "You come BACK with mah boy toys!!"

"So.. Where are we going?" Demaka asked.

"Um... I thought YOU knew where you were going." Portia replied. Mirai was still sitting on the back of the vacuum, her face an interesting shade of green.

"Well, why don't we ask that gargoyle over there?" Robert said, pointing at a small raft floating in their path, on which an obviously non-human figure stood, wearing a cowled robe. Portia shrugged and slowed down, drawing up next to the raft.

"Um, excuse me sir, but do you have any Grey Pupon.." Demaka said, then shook his head. "Um.. I mean, can you tell us where we're going?"

"Yes..." the figure said ominously, and pointed in the direction they were already traveling. Then he laughed maniacally. "BWWWHAHAHAHAHA!!" He stopped after a few seconds and cleared his throat. "Sorry about that. Just go that way." He said. Robert, Portiadove, and Maka all look at one another, and shrugged. Mirai would have done likewise, but she was leaning over the flying vacuum once again.

"Well, thanks for your.. Er... Help." Robert said. the figure just chuckled evilly once again, and waved as Portia poured on the speed once again. The figure watched them fade into the distance before pulling back his cowl, revealing Wraith, who once again began laughing maniacally. (apparently his hadn't yet noticed the present Mirai had left on his shoes)

"BWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" He called out into the air. After a moment, he turned back around, and spotted Gabby's ship coming straight at him, Gabby sitting on the bow, arms outstretched.


"SUGAH!" She called out.

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Meanwhile, several miles away, and hours later...

"I'm huuuungry... I have to go to the bathroooom... Are we theeere yet?" Robert whined.

Demaka looked over at him and blinked. "For the last time, YES!" He pointed to the beach beneath them. "And the bathroom's up the beach, in that local McDunald's."(Name changed to protect we, the writer's, from being sued, yet still kept enough the same so that any extra business
gained by said corporation, after consumer's reading our fic, will gain us a few endorsements, maybe even our own line of fry boxes and.. *dramatic pause inserted here*.. Happy Meal toys.)

"I know," Rob chuckled. "I just enjoy getting on your nerves."

Demaka rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to Portiadove and Mirai. "So, what are you two gonna do now? Will you pledge yourselves to our cause, so you can help us rid our world of the foul fish invaders?"

"Nah, no excitement in that," Port shrugged. "I think maybe I'll get a job here on..." She blinked. "Where are we, anyway?"

Her reply came in the form of the sound of giggles coming from behind her. The three turned to see three short, female elves standing there, giggling like mad. The tallest one, apparently the leader, came forth, and started giggling more.

"Ah, that explains it," Said Portiadove knowingly. "We're obviously on Giggilia, home of Amber, the giggle queen."

"Um, so does anyone happen to speak giggles?" Demaka asked, looking at his companions hopefully.

Mirai nodded vigorously, and stepped forward, approaching Amber, and matching her giggles with those of her own. The exchange went on for several moments, before Mirai turned back around to face them.

"Well?" asked Robert. "What'd she say?"

"I dunno," Mirai snerked. "Either, 'Welcome to the Island. Please enjoy your stay, and if there's anything you need to aid you in your quest to exterminate the trout invaders, feel free to ask."

"Or?"

"Or 'Oh great, more tourists. Fifty bucks American or else I'll be forced to do something to you involving an accordion, a bagpipe, a can of stale Spam, and a rabid wolverine...'"

"Ahh.. " Demaka nodded, thwapping Robert after noticing the interested look on his face at the mention of the wolverine.

Without another word, the Giggilians all marched off single file, giggling all the way. "Anyway," Portiadove said, as if she was never interrupted. "I figure I'll open up my own weapon store here on Giggilia... They seem to be in need of a supply of exploding grapes and nacho cannons. And after that, I..." She suddenly glazed over, staring in the distance as a small speck of fire formed. "Ooo, pretty..." She walked off towards it.

As Port walked off, Mirai turned looked at the two, and gave them one of those looks that said 'I must go too, to complete my destiny elsewhere... But first I shall give you a final warning, and some eternal words of advice.' You know the kind. "Beware the trout," She began. "And remember, the Highlander season finale is THIS week.." She glanced at her watch, snerking wildly. "Eek! It's now!" She suddenly vanished, leaving two very confused figures in her wake.

"Well, that was... different." Demaka blinked.

Robert scratched his head, standing there staring into the sky as the plotline threw itself to a standstill. "So, um, what now looney?"

"Well..." Demaka started, pulling out a travel guide to Giggilia. He pointed at various names on the map. "We can go to the Mall... The local K-mart... The Park... Or we could just go here." He stopped, pointing at a spot labeled 'The Ancient And Forbidden Temple, Children under 12 get in free.'

"That's it!" Robert said excitedly. "But, how do we find it?"

"It says we..." Demaka squinted to read the fine print. "Follow the trail of the cabbit." He blinked. "What's a cabbit?"

"Plural form of cab?" Demaka thwapped Robert again.

At that exact time, through some remarkable act of fate(Or perhaps cause the writers want the story to move faster), a small animal fell out of the sky right in front of the two, with the ears of a rabbit, and the body of a cat. Demaka stared blankly. "Bunny ears!"

Robert just shook his head and laughed, then looked back at the animal. "Cabbit?" he asked, looking at the nametag. "It's name is Tiehl..." He set Tiehl gently on the ground, and looked down at her. "So, can you lead us to the temple?"

Without a sound, the animal was off, and the two followed swiftly behind.

Meanwhile, some distance ahead, Mulder and Scully found themselves in the middle of the forest. "Why are we here?" asked Scully, not expecting to like the answer.

"We're investigating those gargoyle sightings," answered Mulder simply.

"Oh please." She rolled her eyes. "There's no... such... thing..." She froze as Robert and Demaka walked past, following a funny looking little animal. They stopped briefly to wave, and walked on. She blinked a few times, then looked back at Mulder, who was too busy examining some plants to notice anything unusual.

"Look at this Scully! These plants are exhibiting signs of direct exposure to sunlight! And they're green too!" Scully blinked at Mulder a few more times, and snerked.


(Due to technical difficulties, and a small court battle, we regretfully inform you that this scene was omitted by the censor board for it's excessive violence, language, sexual innuendo, and overuse of the word blink. We hope that this hasn't caused any problems, and now proceed with the regularly scheduled story...)

"Wow!" Demaka shouted. "That certainly was some adventure we had getting here!"

"Yeah, and I never would've guessed it would turn out like that..." Robert exclaimed. He blinked, ignoring his suddenly unusual speech patterns and noticing the temple gates ahead of them.

"Ah, here we are! The Temple of the Ancients! We must be the first people to lay eyes on it in thousands of years..." Robert said.

Demaka pointed up to the roof, glistening white. "Ooo... Look at all the pretty snow..."

"Hey buster, don't you go getting fresh with me! At least not without dinner and a movie first!" A female voice called out.

Demaka responded with the first articulate thing that popped into his head. "Huh?"

A small, pure-white gargoyle dropped down in front of the two. "Name's Snow... Now what was that?"

"Er..." Maka blinked. "I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about the snow up there, on the roof..."

"Oooh... So what, I'm not pretty? Can't comment on MY attractiveness?"

"I... er... well..." Maka blinked. She continued to glower. Rob shook his head at the display.

Robert interjected. "Um, hate to bug you two-" Not really, he thought. "-But we DO need to be off."

"Oh, fine..." Snow continued to glower. "Just don't let it happen again." She swooped off, leaving Demaka and Robert free to enter the temple.

"Finally," Robert said, reaching out and opening the door. They reverently stepped through the entrance... Into a well-lit cavern with a desk in the middle, completely with bored looking secretary. A nametag on her desk read 'Renn'.

The female sighed, leaning back in her hair with her. "Whips and chains are in the cave to the right, whipped cream and other assorted toppings to the left, video cameras are back the way you came, and the three challenges to read the Sacred Tome of the Lost Trout is straight ahead" She said in a bored voice, reading a Victoria's Secret catalog. "Oh, and please ignore any odd sounds coming from inside. We're having a TiT meeting."

"A what meeting?!" Demaka screamed, shaking his head. "Well, there goes the G-rating. Same with that PBS endorsement..."

"As in Tarts in Training.." she said, glancing up briefly, finally noticing the two. "Wait, sons?"

"MOM??" Robert and Maka asked in unison. Then they looked at one another in shock.

"She's YOUR mom too??" They both asked at the same time.

"BROTHER!!" They said, hugging one another. Renn cleaned her ears, getting tired of hearing everything in stereo.

"Why didn't you tell me I wasn't your only son?!" Demaka and Robert asked in unison once again.

"Er... Would you believe I didn't remember?"

The two brothers looked at on another, then shrugged. "I guess so..."

"So why didn't you ever tell us you worked here Mom? Robert asked Renn.

"Well, I was afraid that if I told you where I really worked, you'd lose respect for me when I told you I really wasn't a stripper..."

"Awww, that's okay mom.." Maka said. "And since you work here, let me ask you about those hand cuffs..."

"Not NOW Looney! Come on! We've got a quest to complete!" Robert said, grabbing Demaka by his collar (despite the fact that he doesn't wear a shirt) and dragging him away. "Bye mom!" He called out, waving over his shoulder, and heading into the dark, dank cavern before them.

"Bye sons!" she waved. "Have fun saving the world!"

They had been walking a few minutes in total almost complete darkness
(Demaka's neon pink bunny ears provided some feeble light) when they
suddenly spotted someone's silhouette in the shadows of Maka's ears.

Robert and Demaka looked up, towards the source of the sound. "Who is THAT?"

"Wouldn't you like to know..." a feminine voice giggled out.

"Look, Lady, we..."

"Hey!" the voice called. "How'd you know my name?"

"Lady?" Demaka blinked.

"Yup, your friendly neighborhood lurking Lady, at your service. I'm the to the temple of the ancients... And head of the 'Temple of
Ancient Artifacts of Unimaginable Power Gift Shop'. Wanna buy some
T-shirts?"

"Um, no thanks..." Demaka replied. "We're on a holy quest to find the
Grail.. " Demaka suddenly shook his head. "I mean, we're looking for the sacred Trout Texts."

"Oh. Well, I guess you'll be taking the three challenges." The figured giggled again for a moment. "Good luck! You're gonna need it!" Then the figure quickly disappeared, lurking out.

Maka and Robert looked at one another, shrugged, and continued on their
way. Before long they spotted a bright light at the end of the tunnel, and rushed towards it, praying it wasn't a train like in one of those RoadRunner cartoons. When they emerged from the passage, hey found themselves in...

A school room! Complete with little desks with the chairs welded to them, asbestos coated pipes running across the ceiling, and fire windows that faced brick walls and were sealed shut with paint anyway.

"Good lord.. We're in school!!" Robert said in shocked horror. At the
other end of the room a figure sat up from behind the teacher's desk.

"Ah, THERE you two are! You're both late, but I'll over look it this time." The figure said. "My name is Kellie, and I'll be administering your first test to read the Sacred Texts."

Kellie quickly walked over and pushed the two would be test takers into
their ergonomically designed seats. Unfortunately, they had been
ergonomically designed for people with one buttock, and without wings and tails. Then she quickly dropped a huge sheaf of papers in front of each of them.

"This is the first half of your test. Simple short answer. The second
half will be a bit longer, and all essays." Maka and Robert looked at each other and paled. Then Robert's face suddenly lit up.

"Unm.. We'll be right back. We.. Er.. Have to use the bathroom..." Robert said, grabbing Maka's arm and dragging him up.

"But didn't you just go when we were on the trout ship, four or five scenes ago?" Maka whispered.

"SHHHH!!"

"Well.. Okay then I guess.... But be sure to wash your hands before you come back!" Kellie lectured sternly. The two quickly nodded and ran out the door.

A few minutes they returned grinning, each holding a piece of paper in
their hand, which they quickly presented to Kellie.

"What's this?" The asked, reading the papers.

"Those are notes from out mommies, excusing us from the test." Robert said, grinning. Kellie looked over he papers for a few seconds, then
shrugged.

"Well, this is a bit unusual, but I guess it's okay. All right, onto the next test with you!" She said. "But don't forget to watch your step! And look both ways before crossing the street! And never take candy from strangers!

Robert and Demaka quickly shuffled on through a second dark, dank
passageway with a big, glowing neon number "2" over it. They quickly ran through the tunnel, emerging into a bright, blinding light. A loud,
booming voice suddenly swept over them, as the intensity of the lights
decreased, allowing them to see.

"Welcome to Wheel Of Jeopardy!" The voice called out, and Maka and Robert looked around in amazement to find themselves standing in a small booth, with a giant wheel in front of them.

The voice continued. "Today's contestants are... Robert and Demaka, who are searching for the Sacred Trout Texts!" The spotlight suddenly shinned on the two once again. "And facing them is... Former Vice President Dan Quale!"

Dan walked over to the booth to the right of Maka and Robert. "Well, this is better than that stupid PBS show, 'spell it wrong, get hit with a pie'..."

The announcer went on to the next guest. "And Weird Al Yankovich!" Robert looked over in amazement as Weird Al took the booth to the left of them.

"My idol..." He said in amazement, as Maka rolled his eyes.

"And now, here's out host and hostesses..." Robert suddenly got the image of Hostess Twinkies in his mind. "Abram and Ninane!"

Abram quickly walked up to a podium in front of the wheel, while Ninane
walked behind him to a big board with a bunch of glowing squares.

Suddenly, Pogo, a beige gargoyle in a business suit, walked into the center of the fic.

"I am here to official announce that this fic has no relation what so ever to anyone living or dead, or anything, especially certain television shows that might be inclined to sue the writers of this fic, except for the fact that they are pretty much broke." Pogo stopped for a moment, glanced around, and then continued in a rushed voice. "And remember, if you ever have legal needs to be taken care of, just call me, Pogo! Friendly service, good hours, and low rates!" A hook suddenly appeared to pull him off the stage, and he talked even fast. "Remember, just call 555-POGO, or yell 'Someone call 911!' and I'll be over in a flash! that number is..." The hook suddenly pulled him off the stage, returning the fic back to 'normal' ('normal'? As if!).

Abram cleared his throat before continuing. "Okay, Maka and Robert, you won the coin toss, so you go first."

"Um, question." Robert said. "How can you have a coin toss for three people? Do you have a three sided coin or something?" Abram just blinked and looked at him.

"Oh, just spin, okay?" Robert shrugged and did so, watching the wheel spin around, and around, and around, and around and around, and around...

There will be a brief intermission in the fic at this point, so the author can go to be sea sick in peace.

[Insert Intermission Music Here]

The wheel finally stopped spinning, with the pointer pointing at "Weird Stuff for $13.56". Ninane walked over to the board, and touched one of the squares that had lit up, causing the question to come into view.

"This is what the acronym ICBL stands for." Abram read. Robert and Maka conferred for a moment before answering.

"What is Inter Continental Ballistic Llama!"

"That is correct! You get to spin again."

Time passed quickly...

"What is a trout!" Robert said

"What are Pink Bunny Ears!" Demaka answered another question.

"What is a newbie!"

"What is a Twinkie!"

"What are gummy bears!"

"What is weird!"

"What is Looyny!"

"Correct, yet again!" Abram exclaimed, turning towards Ninane. "Now, tell our guests what they've won..."

Demaka and Robert stared as Vanna - er - I mean Ninane, opened a certain, revealing a large iron door.

"Their own... Door! Not only that, but whatever it is they find inside," Abram said, guiding the two towards it.

"Well, this is it... The moment of truth," said Maka nervously, blinking at Rob. He looked down at Rob's trousers and made a face. "You know, you really should learn a bit of self control. Maybe you should've used the restroom back at the beach..."

Robert looked back at Maka, blinked, shrugged, and continued on, as the two opened the large door, wit a large neon '3' hovering above it. Upon opening it, they were greeted by a scream. They leapt aside as a man with a whip ran out, carrying a small metal talisman, and being chased by a large boulder.

The two blinked at each other, shrugged once more, and entered.

They entered a small, dimly lit room. Torches lined the wall, and a large bed sat in the middle of the room, covered with satin sheets. But what drew their attention was who was ON the sheets, a slender redhead scantily clad with a few strips of tight leather, conveniently placed. "Why hello there," she said in a sultry voice. "Welcome to your final test... The test of... endurance."

Demaka and Rob looked at each other, then back at Ramona, a cold sweat forming. "I think I can take her," grinned Demaka.

Somewhere far away, back on Psyche's island, a female seethed with rage.

Robert rolled his eyes, grabbing Maka by the tail before he could move in. "Hold your horses! Could you stop thinking with your... er... You know, for ONE minute?"

Demaka blinked, then thought for a moment. "Not really."

Robert shook his head. "There's only one way to pass this test..." he thought for a moment. "I just don't know what that way IS."

"Um..." a torch suddenly lit itself above Demaka's head. "I've got it!" He didn't notice as his ears ignited. "Call 9-1-1!" He yelled.

Ramona grinned maliciously at the two. "Oh come on, you two big strong moron- er -men, can't handle itty bity me?"

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Pogo rushed in, wearing only a bath-towel and his tie. "Someone called?" He stopped, taking note of Ramona. "Why hello there..."

Her eyes lit up, and she ran past our two heroes and wrapped her arms around Pogo. "Hello yourself, you stud you..." The two walked towards the bed as Demaka and Robert stared at each other.

"Great! There goes the G-rating again!" Robert whined. "Let's get outta here." Maka nodded in accent, as the two marched through the large iron doors that lead to the next room.

"Welcome..." came a deep resonating voice as they entered. "Congratulations for completing the three tests. You have proven yourselves worthy for the sacred texts..."

"Um, thanks... But who are you?" asked Demaka.

"I'm... er... The, uh, spirit of the temple." There was a long pause. "Yes, that's it. The temple spirit."

"Um, then why does your voice sound like it's coming from a speaker? And what's with all the feedback?" asked Robert.

"Er... it's my... ghostly aura." There was another long pause, followed by a long, mumbled string of curses. "Dagnabit, cord's tangled again..." Another pause. "Um, ignore that. It appears that my aura was somehow crossed with a radio station somewhere..." Yet another pause, and a short click. "Damn, hope they bought that..."

Another voice rose up. "Ma'am, you have to flip the switch..."

"Shi-" Click!

Robert and Demaka looked at one another, then turned their heads to look at a short curtain in the corner.

They pulled it aside, revealing two female figures, sitting in front of a control panel. "Now, where was I..." said the taller one, talking into a microphone. "Ah yes, welcome to the temple, and congratulations for completing... the..." She turned around and spotted the two. "Er... Pay no attention to the female behind the curtain..." She sighed, realizing the two weren't convinced.

"Who ARE you? And what are you doing here?" Asked Demaka accusingly.

The taller woman sighed. "The name's Maradydd. I'm-"

"What?" asked Demaka.

"I said, Maradydd."

"Come again?"

"For the LAST time... Marady-" She blinked. "Mara. That's it."

"Why didn't you say so?"

"I just-" She stopped, blinking a few more times, and shook her head. "Never mind. I'm just here for the money. You wouldn't believe how much a temple spirit gets paid. And it beats working at McDonald's." (Author's note: No comment!)

"Ahh..." Demaka and Robert nodded, then glanced down at the other female. "Who's that?" He didn't take the time to note her bright red shirt.

"Oh, just another extra."

"Ah," they said once again, as the smaller female dropped dead for no apparent reason, except perhaps the laser beam that shot down out of the clear blue sky and blasted her... It left only the red shirt behind, and caused no further plot complications since she wasn't a main character anyway.

"Well, let's go take a look at that book, shall we?" Robert said, walking toward a large stand with an ancient looking book on it. A brilliant, sourceless light shined down on it aged cover. Robert and Maka walked over to the book, Robert looking down at it, with Maka trying to read over his shoulder.

"Well, what does it say??" Maka asked anxiously.

"I don't know." Robert replied. "You're standing in my light." Maka looked up and noticed his head was right in the way of the beam of light shining down from the room, casting a huge, bunny eared shadow on the pedestal.

"Ohhh, neat!" Maka exclaimed, wiggling his ears and watching in amusement as his shadow did the same. Robert cleared his throat and Maka colored in embarrassment. "Oops.. Sorry." He pulled his head back, and Robert read the title of the impressive manual out loud.

"The Sacred Text of The Trout Invasion. A primer text." He blinked at the second part, then shrugged and slowly opened the tome. The book opened with a dry creak and a great cloud of dust, which obscured Maka and Robert's vision. When they looked back they both gaped.

"Wow...." Robert said in awe.

"Yeah, wow... Those ancients must have been geniuses..." Demaka said, staring.

There, in the center of the book, was a pop up cardboard cut out of a trout. Robert looked down, wide-eyed, at the little tab that said "pull". He cautiously did as it read, and the two both backed away in surprise when the flippers on the trout moved up and down.

"Amazing..." Maka exclaimed breathlessly.

"Yes.. Much knowledge must have been lost since the ancients left us..."

Robert placed his fingers at the start of the sacred text, and began to read.

"This book is the property of one Mister H. P. Fizzleworth. If lost, return to-" He scanned ahead. "WARNING: This book is intended for the savior of the world only. Kids, do not attempt world domination at home, without parental permission."

Robert flipped through another few pages of text to the index. "Copyrights, FBI warnings, prophesies for winning lotto numbers, how to make the world yours in three easy steps," he paused for a moment, then read on. "Neil Diamond's favorite pasta recipes." He blinked. "Who?" Demaka shrugged as well, and he continued once again. (Authors Note: Who IS Neil Diamond anyway?)

"Ah ha!" he exclaimed. "Chapter thirty-seven, "So your having problems with alien trout?" He and Demaka huddled closer, as he read. "In the event that the Earth, or Hank, shall be put in Jeopardy(Or Wheel of Fortune, or Family Feud for that matter) by the alien trout, there is but one way to eradicate the trout menace. They must be-" he squinted at the next word. "it's too smudged, I can't read..."

"Looks like..." Demaka blinked. "They must be... pruned to death?"

Robert thwapped him and shook his head. "Looyny..." He looked closer at the text again. "Hmmm. Looks like... punned?" They both blinked twice, in unison. "The trout must be punned to death." A slow grin spread across Robert's face, and he looked over at Demaka. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, looney?"

Demaka stared. "I think so Brain... er... Rob, but does Pizza Hutt deliver here?"

Thwap!

"No!" Robert shook his head again. "That WE are the perfect two to save the world." Demaka returned his grin as realization sunk in. "NO one can out pun us." Demaka nodded his agreement, just as the scene began to blur once more.

"Not noooow..." Robert whined, as the screen slowly shifted back to the trout ship, with the Trout Council gathered around a large desk...

"We must attack NOW!" Trout Extra Number Three exclaimed, slamming his hand.. Er.. Fin onto the desk.

"Um, no." Herb exclaimed, taking out a small remote control and pressing a button. The chair Trout Extra Number Three had been sitting on suddenly dropped through a hole in the floor. "Well, now that the required 'killing of dissenters' scene is done with, where were we?" Herb asked. One of the other trout hesitantly raised a fin. "Yes?"

"I believe we were asking why we don't just drop a lots of Nuclear Powered Attack Twinkies on Earth."

"Oh yes, that..." Herb said, thinking slightly and rubbing his.. Er..
Chin? With a hand.. Um. Fin? (Authors note: Aren't fish a pain to
write for? And FORGET about their union...)

"Well, we can't attack without the command of our most holy military leader!!" Herb exclaimed. The other trout quickly silenced and lowered their eyes in respect at the mention of their mighty leader. Suddenly a form began to coalesce out of the shadows and Herb gasped in surprise.

"Our leader. "Oh, bestow upon us your wisdom, great Destroyer of worlds, conqueror of the third Fain on Inthock, Ruler of the seven systems, master of the Trilith Blade.." Herb quickly lowered his eyes a bit more, reading the teleprompter imbedded in the floor. "Holder of the holy Can of Whop Ass, Crusher of newbies approaches!!" All the trout lowered their eyes a bit more, including Herb, who began to speak, and all around cool dude."(Author's Note: Isn't Robert suuuch a suckup?)

Deep in the shadows, a match was struck, and a cigar lit. It glowed cherry red for a second, before a voice spoke, as glowing eyes scanned the room slowly.

"Damn it, Wrong fic..." Kentar said before fading back into the shadows.

Herb raised his eyes after Kentar had left. "The mighty one has spoken! We are in the wrong fic!" Herb exclaimed, starting an uproar in the room.

"We must transfer to another fic immediately!" Shouted one voice.

"Yes, but which one?"

"Something by Christine Morgan I hope!" Another trout exclaimed. All of the trout quieted for a moment and drooled, rubbing their fins together.

"To another fic!!" Herb shouted out over the noise.

"To another fic!!" All the other trout repeated, raising their fins in salute.

With that, an expensive science fiction movie would spend millions to have the space around the trout ship warp, as a rainbow of lights explode into a massive supernova of discharged energy, followed by some really cool "Vooosh!", "Whooo...", and "Zoop-pwing!" sounds. Unfortunately, this isn't a science fiction movie, and we have no budget, so the ship just disappeared, without so much as a half-hearted "Swoosh."

Several seconds later...

"Par-TE! Par-TE! Par-TE!" The Whitbournians called out as they danced
around a large field, throwing around free screech. A huge banner stretched across two trees read "VICTORY!!" Unfortunately they'd had some difficulties in putting the sign up, so at the moment it was only readable to upside down dyslexics.

The field was filled with a picnic table, where everyone with cameos was sitting and eating and chatting. (Sure, a whole bunch of them should have been dead, but heck, nothing ELSE in this fic makes sense, soooo…)

Pogo stood before a large barbecue, cooking up llama burgers and newbie rids, Ramona hanging over his shoulder, while Snow backed away from the heat of the fire. Kellie sat another picnic table, passing out cheesecake and milk, surrounded by passed out drunk dragons. (Too much milk, don't ya know.)

A huge roaring crowd of extras, who were just happy not to have gotten
blasted in the course of the fic, carried Maka and Robert to the party on their shoulders. The two would be heroes just blinked and looked at each other.

"Do you have any idea what happened Looyny?" Robert asked.

"Nope. Not a clue. You?" Demaka asked in return.

Robert shook his head. "Last I remember, we were about to begin our
punning scene..."

"Yeah, whatever happened to that?" Demaka wondered out loud.

"I dunno.. Hey, what the heck??" Robert called out as the scene
suddenly blurred once again, returning to the sacred cavern.

"NO one can out pun us." Robert stated. Suddenly he blinked and looked
around. "Gee, didn't we do this scene already Looyny?" He asked. Maka nodded his head.

"Yeah, I think we did.. Must be one of those weird flash back things..."

Suddenly a censor walked into the middle of the view and began to speak, as Robert and Maka looked at one another.

"The following portion of this fic has been censored by the Surgeon
General, who warns that excessive punning may result in blurred eyes,
headaches, excessive eyebrow hair growth, a propensity to drool,
accumulation of naval lint, and the collapse of the global economy. Thank you for your time." The censor walked away again, as Robert and Maka looked at one another and shrugged. The scene suddenly blurred once more.

"So THAT'S what happened.. " Demaka said, eyes glazed over slightly. When the two returned to reality, they suddenly noticed that they were standing there instead of being carried around by their adoring fans. Rather they were standing amongst a large field full of slightly scorched red shirts, with a few splattered Twinkies here and there.

Demaka shrugged. "Oh well. They were just extras." Robert nodded in agreement and the two headed towards joined the party.

"Gee, I wonder whatever DID happen to the trout..." Demaka said. Once
again the view began to blur, as everyone rolled their eyes at the
approaching flashback.

"This is all YOUR fault!" Herb declared, pointing at another trout.

"My fault?? How??" The trout demanded.

"I dunno, but it's all your fau.. AHHHHH!!!" All the trout suddenly
covered their ears with their fins at a horrible sound "There's that
horrible music again!! Of all the fics to wind up in..." Herb grumbled in pain, pulling out a huge, wicked looking gummy rod, cracking with energy.

"I love you, you love me.... Why are those trout staring at me?" ZAP!!!

The scene faded back to the present, the sounds of something sizzling slowly fading away.

Everyone in the field suddenly blinked in unison as the flashback ended, and looked at one another. Little did they realize that the power of that blink sent out a wave of displaced weirdness that, several million years in the future, wiped out the homeworld of a race of highly advanced newbies, who were able to determine the source of the wave and build a huge starship equipped with a time/space drive, which they used to transport themselves to the exact moment the terrible wave of doom has been created to seek their revenge. Unfortunately, a small miscalculation resulted in their severely underestimating the size of their targets, with tragic results.

"Dang mosquitoes..." Demaka said, smacking an irritating insect to the table with 'crunching' sound. "Crunch?" He asked aloud, then shrugged and went to get more screech.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a large purple dragon rushed in. "Hey, wait!" Kikasut screamed.

Robert blinked at her. "What?"

She glowered in reply. "You can't end this fic without giving me a cameo!" she whined.

"Er, it's not over yet," said Demaka. "This IS your cameo."

"Oh?" She blinked. "Ack! Is my hair okay? Do I need more lipstick?" She ran off, screaming "Make-up!"

"Well that was... odd."

"Yeah..." Robert agreed. "Speaking of which, I wish Flyx were here to see this..."

"Don't worry," comforted Demaka. "Flyx is in a better place..."

"Disneyland?"

Thwap! "No, weirdo! In heaven..."

As if to contradict him, the scene blurred once more, shifting to that of an animated forest. It was the picture of serneity. Birds chirped, deer and grizzlies frolicked together through the grass, putting aside their differences. Salmon filled the trees, while wolves burrowed into their nests.(Author's note: This is a Disney movie we're talking about right here, and we all know how accurate THOSE can be.)

Gummy trees stood tall, and long rivers filled with soda (Pop!) ran through them. All was quiet. All was calm. Until she came through.

"Diiiiiie!" a stray cocoa puff ricocheted off a nearby tree as Bambi and Thumper raced through. "Run! She's back!"

Flyx raced quickly behind, armed with cocoa puff cannon. "Die cute things!" She screamed, grinning like mad as cuddly forest creatures fled in sheer, utter, terror from her cocoa puff cannon.

The scene shifted back, to a slowly green Robert. "Erk..." he covered his mouth. "Those constant jumping back and fort are starting to make me feel sick again."

Demaka patted him on the back, grinning. "It's okay, you just need to
clear your mind. Not an issue for you." Thwap! "Then just think of...
yourself, in the ocean, on a boat, the waves crashing, up and down, and
up, and down, and up and down, up and down..." (Author's note: Any sexual references picked up by the reader at this point are brought about by your own sick minds, not intended by the author... Really!) (Other Authors Note: Anyone who wishes to whap Maka upside the head for that last section, feel free to do so. I've got a few extra baseball bats and trout laying around if you want them too.)

"Urk!" Robert bolted for the nearest men's room.

A few minutes later he emerged back into the party in his normal,
immaculate suit as if nothing had happened. Suddenly a TV camera crew ran over to Maka and Robert and a reporter stuck a microphone in their faces.

"Now that you've saved the world, what are you going to do??" The reported asked in a loud, irritating voice.

"Well, I was thinking of going out for a night or two..." Demaka said
absently.

"You're going out to party at night?" The reported clarified.

"No, no, no... KNIGHTS. I'm kind of hungry." Maka licked his lips as the reporter and camera crew paled, and quickly dashed off.

"Was it something I said?" Demaka asked curiously, watching them run off. Robert just shrugged.

Suddenly a dark, deep, evil voice filled the clearing, causing everyone to stop dead in their tracks at the evil cackling.

"BWWWHHHAAA.. You fools.. You think you have saved the world? You have merely handed it over to me!!" Wraith suddenly appeared in the center of the field, grinning evilly.

"Looky!" Robert said pointing. Isn't he that Grey Pupon guy?" Wraith blinked for a second before ignoring that outburst and continuing his evil speech.

"With the trout out of the way, now I shall rule supreme!" He pointed at Mirai. "And I'm gonna get you for ruining a perfectly good pair of shoes too!" Mirai just stuck her tongue out at him.

"Nothing can stop me now! I am INVINCIBLE!!" Wraith roared defiantly.

"SUGAH!!!" A voice called out, and Wraith blinked once again.

"Huh? Wha?" He asked unsurely. Suddenly a green blur shout out of the crowd, and wrapped itself around Wraith.

"THERE you are mah little boy toy…" She said with a big southern grin. "Ah almost thought I'd lost you…"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Wraith screamed, as both he and Gabby vanished in a flash of light. Everyone else just looked at each other, blinked, and went on as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

"Well, I guess this fic is just about over... " Robert said after a few minutes.

"Yep, looks that way." Demaka replied. They both just stood there for a few minutes, waiting for some kind of ending.

"Sooooo... when's it gonna end?" Robert asked.

"Um.. soon I guess..." Demaka thought for a moment, then picked up a
hiking backpack, which was conveniently laying at his feet. "Think maybe I'll start another little quest of my own..." He said with a wicked grin.

"Oh yeah? Where are you going?" Robert asked.

"You remember that little island we landed on, don't you?" Maka asked,
grin widening. "I think I'm going to go back and see if I can find it."

"Oh, I know exactly where it is." Robert said. "I can open a portal there if you want."

Demaka blinked. "But... If you can open portals, why didn't you do it
before when we were floating around the ocean or trapped in the trout
mother ship?"

Robert thought hard for a moment, then shrugged. "No one asked."

Maka sighed and rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay, please open a portal!"
Robert grinned and nodded, opening the portal, through which Maka quickly stepped through, calling out "Oh Psychepoo..."

Robert closed the portal behind Maka and blinked, wondering exactly what he wanted on the Gilligian's island anyway. He was just turning around to find a picnic table when there was a sudden ruckus at the other end of the field, and a group of females burst into the party.

"Uh oh..." Robert said, slowly backing away. Candy, Siryn, Jenn, and
Ariel all grinning wickedly as they approached, all wearing their "Robert Anti-Fan Club" T-shirts. Jenn carried a spatula, Ariel a can of spray paint, Siryn a big frying pan, and Candy a wedding ring.

"Er... gotta run..." Robert said suddenly, spinning around and doing just that. The females quickly chased him down and tackled him, and Ariel waved something under his nose.

"Ohhhh... Catnip..." Robert said, eyes glazing over slightly as they let him up. the four females finally let him up, grinning evilly, and lead him away by waving a little bag of catnip behind them.

And with that odd scene, the fic came to an innocuous end.

"Or did it?"

"I mean, you never know... We could just decide to keep writing, and
writing and writing..."

"Never stopping..."

"Never even slowing down..."

"Of course, then we would never finish the fic, and we'd never be able to send it to you, so you couldn't be reading it right now..."

"But then again, nothing ELSE about this story has made sense just yet..."

"So maybe we'll just..." Maka stepped in for a moment, and whapped the
author upside the head. "Enough already! Quit it!"

"Oh, all right, all right!" Robert said in a more normal voice. "The End. There, happy now?"

THE END

Hee hee... Gotcha!