================================================================ T H E T O P F I V E L I S T Episode 3042: Gilligan screws up again ================================================================ Psssst! Wanna see somethin' funny? Bill Gates Net Worth http://www.quuxuum.org/~evan/bgnw.html The Daily Quiz http://www.fortunecity.com/uproar/cosmo/35 Center for the Easily Amused http://www.amused.com The Daily Monologue http://www.wirecom.com/jim The Boy With Immovable Hair http://members.aol.com/tbwih Bob's Fridge Door http://bobsfridge.com Randy Cassingham's "This is True" http://www.ThisisTrue.com Joke A Day http://jokeaday.com Dr. Daniel's Movie Emergency http://www.stairwell.com/doc WWW Fights Ground Zero http://www.wwwfights.com ================================================================ March 9 1999 The Top 14 Special Powers of the Young Darth Vader 14> Using the Force, young Darth could unhook a bra on the other side of the planet. 13> Could hack into Death Star mainframe to vaporize his violin teacher's house. 12> The power to cause volcanic pimple eruptions on the faces of his mortal enemies. 11> Could make Obi-Wan Kenobi pee his pants by sneaking in his room and putting his hand in warm water. 10> Ability to sweet-talk girls into "rubbing his helmet." 9> For a white kid, he did a pretty damn good James Earl Jones impression. 8> Astounding dodge ball prowess combined with "take no prisoners" attitude resulted in many a beheaded opponent. 7> The old Jedi "your lunch money is mine" trick. 6> Ability to emit a powerful protective force-field after only one bean burrito. 5> Won the high school talent show every year by making the vice principal writhe in pain. 4> Ability to activate "Trouser Saber" at will. 3> The uncanny ability to make all the hottest babes believe that through the constant application of love and understanding *they* can change him. 2> "You don't need to see my I.D. You know I'm old enough to buy beer." and Topfive.com's Number 1 Special Power of the Young Darth Vader... 1> Pasty skin + jet-black wardrobe + intense aura of impending doom = Goth babe magnet! [ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ] [ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use in any manner ] [ without crediting "The Top 5 List at www.topfive.com" ] Selected from 141 submissions from 54 contributors. Today's Top 5 List authors are: ---------------------------------------------------------------- Zach Garland, Dallas, TX -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!) Peter Rogers, Boston, MA -- 1, 2 (5th #1) Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 1 (4th #1) Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 2, 8, 14 (Hat trick!) Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 2, 9 Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI -- 2, 14 Tim Blankenbaker, Washington, DC -- 2 Kevin Freels, Burbank, CA -- 2 Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY -- 2 Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 3 Tim McKemy, Chandler, AZ -- 4 Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 5 (Hall of Famer) Jay Allen, Long Beach, CA -- 6 Brian Auten, Tecumseh, MI -- 7, 12, Topic Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 7, 12 Jeff Rabinowitz, Denver, CO -- 7 Diana Heche, Santa Monica, CA -- 7 Beth Black, Misawa City, Japan -- 9 (Rookie!) Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 10, 14 (Hall of Famer) Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 11 Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH -- 12 Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 12 Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 13 Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 14 Greg Pettit, Houston, TX -- 14 Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- 14, Honorable Mention name Eric Foster, Altamonte Springs, FL -- Banner tag Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Runner Up list name Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Meco Monardo, Italy? -- Ambience ---------------------------------------------------------------- "The Dork Side" and "Dearth Vader" The Runners Up and Honorable Mention submissions for today's list can be found on the Joke A Day website: http://www.jokeaday.com/nftop5.shtml ================================================================