TOP TEN SCENES LEFT ON CUTTING ROOM FLOOR THAT
SHOULD HAVE BEEN INCLUDED IN THE STAR WARS
TRILOGY 

10. Luke finally tells his abusive Uncle Owen to kiss his a**.

9. Luke "accidentally" walks in on Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru during
their private little "harvest."

8. Han Solo has too much to drink and wakes up with a Mos Eisley
crew cut.

7. Luke's dream sequence in which Han performs a lap dance in a
smoke-filled barroom, while the 1812 overture blares in the background.

6. Chewbacca finds out that Leia is HIS sister, too.

5. The emperor cuts a loud one, and Darth Vader exclaims, "Man, is the
force with you buddy!"

4. Luke is laid up for three weeks on Degobah with a groin pull.

3. Lots of fanny slapping after the Death Star blows up Alderaan.

2. Vader finds out that Luke and Leia's mother was actually his sister.

AND NUMBER ONE: 

1. Shaggy and Scoob find out that Boba Fett is really old man Crowley,
owner of the Mos Eisley funhouse. 

TOP TEN SIGNS THAT YOU HAVE BOUGHT A CHEAP
KNOCKOFF OF THE STAR WARS SPECIAL EDITION
TRILOGY

#10: Darth Vader sounds suspiciously like Ricardo Montalban.

#9: You keep hearing someone off-camera yell "FOCUS!".

#8: Instead of saying "May the Force be with you," Ben Kenobi
now says "Would you shut up?!".

#7: There are cows EVERYWHERE!

#6: Han Solo's oddly haunting Minnesotan accent

#5: Chewbacca looks more like your neighbor's pet
Pomeranian puppy, "Muffin", than a giant Wookiee.

#4: Yoda is permanently cross-eyed.

#3: The Emperor won't stop giggling and making faces at the
camera.

#2: The Death Star looks suspiciously like a volleyball.

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN THAT YOU HAVE JUST
BOUGHT A CHEAP KNOCKOFF OF THE STAR WARS
SPECIAL EDITION 
TRILOGY IS --

#1: Five words -- MERVIN CHAKNEY AS LUKE
SKYWALKER!!


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Top Ten Seven Star Wars Blond Jokes

original idea by EErinD@aol.com 
written by EErinD@aol.com (who is blond and proud of it!) and
CallistoJones@goplay.com (a brunette)

1. Why aren't there any Blond AT-AT drivers?
They have a hard enough time on their own two feet!

2. Why aren't there any Blond Jedi?
Because they get their lightsabers mixed up with their lipstick cases!

3. Why aren't there any Blonds in Blue Squadron?
Blue doesn't go with their flight suits!

4. What's a famous Rancor saying?
Friends don't let friends eat Blonds

5. Why didn't Jabba have any Blond dancing girls?
He didn't want anything around more intelligant than he was!

6. Why would Blonds make good Stormtroopers?
They can't hit anything either!

7. What's the REAL reason why Anakin Skywalker turned to the Dark
Side?
There aren't any Blonds in the Empire!